Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • Ironwoman1111
    Ironwoman1111 Posts: 3,913 Member
    Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_
    I cannot wrap my head around the motives behind *anyone* making you feel like *kitten* for posting about what you've gone through. You are definitely an inspiration to many and a wonderful model of how to handle bad things. If everyone could be as strong as you have shown to be......

    Thank you hun 🤗 sometimes I've acted strong when I really wasn't but I'm stronger than ever now ❤

    The internet can be a cruel place and I've learned a few lessons over the years. Imagine fighting for your life and also posting pictures being bald and having people disagreeing with it and laughing at you. Sure made me see how inhuman some people can be but also made me happy I'm not like that. I still stuck around and I'm happy I did because I've meet some amazing people along the way. Sometimes this place was all I had to express myself. Keeping my stories for my profile now and sharing things there instead ❤
    RAinWA wrote: »
    ythannah wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    @Miss_Chiev0us_
    I cannot wrap my head around the motives behind *anyone* making you feel like *kitten* for posting about what you've gone through. You are definitely an inspiration to many and a wonderful model of how to handle bad things. If everyone could be as strong as you have shown to be......


    The internet can be a cruel place and I've learned a few lessons over the years. Imagine fighting for your life and also posting pictures being bald and having people disagreeing with it and laughing at you. Sure made me see how inhuman some people can be but also made me happy I'm not like that. I still stuck around and I'm happy I did because I've meet some amazing people along the way. Sometimes this place was all I had to express myself. Keeping my stories for my profile now and sharing things there instead ❤

    I can't fathom the lack of compassion and empathy it takes for someone to do this. I was going to quote @RAinWA about the people hiding behind their screens but I would have had to edit out the praying for them part because she's a much better woman than I am.

    Whatever happened to the old adage "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all"? Or am I showing my age there?

    I'm glad you had the strength to stick around. So many people would have shut down and bailed.

    Nah, not better. I mostly do it for my own peace of mind - it's a way to let it go and not carry it around. And maybe it will help them. Can't hurt, might help.

    I am amazed constantly at people's lack on sensitivity and empathy. I told one of my sisters that my husband was starting radiation again because a lot of new brain tumors have shown up and she actually said "at least you'll be a young widow." And then laughed. Who says crap like that? I don't think I'll be talking to her again for a very long time.

    This made me cry! I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to deal with any of that.❤️
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.
    My youngest is still suffering from anxiety / depression / self harm ideation. I am constantly looking for sharps, and signs that he's cut himself again. We have therapists and support groups and medicaiton... but each day is a crap shoot as to whether it's going to be a good day or a bad one... and as soon as I start thinking that maybe things are better, they go south fast. I have been on the edge of requesting they treat him as an inpatient for a while in the hopes that they can help him cope with all the feelings he has, but I know that if I do that, there could be a host of other complications that come from it. Being transmasculine is horribly hard for him, the dysphoria is brutal and a constant source of pain for him. He's tired of feeling horrible, of being harassed at school, and just wishes it would all end. I am always waiting for the next bad episode, and feeling like every day is a pop quiz that could be fatal if I get it wrong. (Is today the day he tries to kill himself? Is today the day I need to admit him?)

    Physically, I have an abscess on my tooth that is causing a decent amount of pain... I"m on antibiotics which are messing up my system (which in turn aggravates my adenomyosis and causes utering cramping and back pain), I am on T3s to manage the tooth pain, but those are also aggravating my stomach issues. If I don't take the meds, the pain in my face is very unpleasant (barely manageable) and my ears wont stop ringing. I don't see my dentist unitl May 6, and it'll likely be for a root canal.

    I have an issue in my neck and in my hip that is impeding my ability to lift heavy, and that is one of the few ways I feel any release from all the stress. Not to mention, they also hurt like hell. I can't afford to lose more time to PT or massage to treat those because of all the time lost due to my kids and pets.

    My senior kitty is sick, possibly very sick, so I had to take her to the vets for hundreds of dollars worth of tests today, and I'm scared the prognosis is terminal.

    I am going through legal expenses trying to get official custody of my kids, which is both spendy and stressful.

    Covid has us on another lockdown, so we can't see anyone. I am dating someone, but because I have my kids full time, I rarely get to see him, and now with new restrictions, it's against the health orders, so in order to see him I have to break the law. Plus my youngest doesn't want me dating, and doesn't want him at the house, so when I DO see him, it's for very short bits of time.

    My job is stressful. My house is a disaster and in general, it feels like I get dealt blow after blow after blow.

    I'm just so tired. I'm tired of constantly having something new to deal with and I just want to cry all the damn time. I am having a hell of a time focusing, not eating my feelings, and staying motivated to slay in the gym.

    Now that the kids are here full time, and they do NOT want to spend time with their dad, so I never get a break. Even my parents are a no go because of a) covid and b) they constantly misgender/deadname my youngest, so he doesn't want to spend any time with them.

    sigh

    I don't have any answers for you, but wish I could give you great big hugs. I know the feeling of it all being just too much sometimes. I keep telling myself I'm a strong, capable woman, why can't I handle absolutely everything? Then I remember I'm human.

    Your kids are lucky to have a mom who loves them so dearly and fights for them. Be nice to yourself, it's ok to only do as much as you can and let some things go. My house is a wreck, my yard is turning into a jungle, I hired out most of the dog walking and right now it's fine to do that. I concentrate on the really important things and will handle the rest at some point.

    Wish I had answers for you.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,677 Member
    edited April 2021
    RAinWA wrote: »
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.
    My youngest is still suffering from anxiety / depression / self harm ideation. I am constantly looking for sharps, and signs that he's cut himself again. We have therapists and support groups and medicaiton... but each day is a crap shoot as to whether it's going to be a good day or a bad one... and as soon as I start thinking that maybe things are better, they go south fast. I have been on the edge of requesting they treat him as an inpatient for a while in the hopes that they can help him cope with all the feelings he has, but I know that if I do that, there could be a host of other complications that come from it. Being transmasculine is horribly hard for him, the dysphoria is brutal and a constant source of pain for him. He's tired of feeling horrible, of being harassed at school, and just wishes it would all end. I am always waiting for the next bad episode, and feeling like every day is a pop quiz that could be fatal if I get it wrong. (Is today the day he tries to kill himself? Is today the day I need to admit him?)

    Physically, I have an abscess on my tooth that is causing a decent amount of pain... I"m on antibiotics which are messing up my system (which in turn aggravates my adenomyosis and causes utering cramping and back pain), I am on T3s to manage the tooth pain, but those are also aggravating my stomach issues. If I don't take the meds, the pain in my face is very unpleasant (barely manageable) and my ears wont stop ringing. I don't see my dentist unitl May 6, and it'll likely be for a root canal.

    I have an issue in my neck and in my hip that is impeding my ability to lift heavy, and that is one of the few ways I feel any release from all the stress. Not to mention, they also hurt like hell. I can't afford to lose more time to PT or massage to treat those because of all the time lost due to my kids and pets.

    My senior kitty is sick, possibly very sick, so I had to take her to the vets for hundreds of dollars worth of tests today, and I'm scared the prognosis is terminal.

    I am going through legal expenses trying to get official custody of my kids, which is both spendy and stressful.

    Covid has us on another lockdown, so we can't see anyone. I am dating someone, but because I have my kids full time, I rarely get to see him, and now with new restrictions, it's against the health orders, so in order to see him I have to break the law. Plus my youngest doesn't want me dating, and doesn't want him at the house, so when I DO see him, it's for very short bits of time.

    My job is stressful. My house is a disaster and in general, it feels like I get dealt blow after blow after blow.

    I'm just so tired. I'm tired of constantly having something new to deal with and I just want to cry all the damn time. I am having a hell of a time focusing, not eating my feelings, and staying motivated to slay in the gym.

    Now that the kids are here full time, and they do NOT want to spend time with their dad, so I never get a break. Even my parents are a no go because of a) covid and b) they constantly misgender/deadname my youngest, so he doesn't want to spend any time with them.

    sigh

    I don't have any answers for you, but wish I could give you great big hugs. I know the feeling of it all being just too much sometimes. I keep telling myself I'm a strong, capable woman, why can't I handle absolutely everything? Then I remember I'm human.

    Your kids are lucky to have a mom who loves them so dearly and fights for them. Be nice to yourself, it's ok to only do as much as you can and let some things go. My house is a wreck, my yard is turning into a jungle, I hired out most of the dog walking and right now it's fine to do that. I concentrate on the really important things and will handle the rest at some point.

    Wish I had answers for you.

    thank you. I wish I could make it easier for us both. I know there aren't really answers. We just do the best we can and hope it's enough. Some days I tell myself, it's just one more plate on my barbell. I can lift this. And other days I feel like i'm going to break.

    One day at a time. That's all we can do.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.

    sigh

    That's not complaining, my fellow Canuck. If I could drive down and give you some relief duty, I would. Alas, we're all in varied states of lockdown up here. I hope you get some helpful respite soon.

  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    RAinWA wrote: »
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.
    My youngest is still suffering from anxiety / depression / self harm ideation. I am constantly looking for sharps, and signs that he's cut himself again. We have therapists and support groups and medicaiton... but each day is a crap shoot as to whether it's going to be a good day or a bad one... and as soon as I start thinking that maybe things are better, they go south fast. I have been on the edge of requesting they treat him as an inpatient for a while in the hopes that they can help him cope with all the feelings he has, but I know that if I do that, there could be a host of other complications that come from it. Being transmasculine is horribly hard for him, the dysphoria is brutal and a constant source of pain for him. He's tired of feeling horrible, of being harassed at school, and just wishes it would all end. I am always waiting for the next bad episode, and feeling like every day is a pop quiz that could be fatal if I get it wrong. (Is today the day he tries to kill himself? Is today the day I need to admit him?)

    Physically, I have an abscess on my tooth that is causing a decent amount of pain... I"m on antibiotics which are messing up my system (which in turn aggravates my adenomyosis and causes utering cramping and back pain), I am on T3s to manage the tooth pain, but those are also aggravating my stomach issues. If I don't take the meds, the pain in my face is very unpleasant (barely manageable) and my ears wont stop ringing. I don't see my dentist unitl May 6, and it'll likely be for a root canal.

    I have an issue in my neck and in my hip that is impeding my ability to lift heavy, and that is one of the few ways I feel any release from all the stress. Not to mention, they also hurt like hell. I can't afford to lose more time to PT or massage to treat those because of all the time lost due to my kids and pets.

    My senior kitty is sick, possibly very sick, so I had to take her to the vets for hundreds of dollars worth of tests today, and I'm scared the prognosis is terminal.

    I am going through legal expenses trying to get official custody of my kids, which is both spendy and stressful.

    Covid has us on another lockdown, so we can't see anyone. I am dating someone, but because I have my kids full time, I rarely get to see him, and now with new restrictions, it's against the health orders, so in order to see him I have to break the law. Plus my youngest doesn't want me dating, and doesn't want him at the house, so when I DO see him, it's for very short bits of time.

    My job is stressful. My house is a disaster and in general, it feels like I get dealt blow after blow after blow.

    I'm just so tired. I'm tired of constantly having something new to deal with and I just want to cry all the damn time. I am having a hell of a time focusing, not eating my feelings, and staying motivated to slay in the gym.

    Now that the kids are here full time, and they do NOT want to spend time with their dad, so I never get a break. Even my parents are a no go because of a) covid and b) they constantly misgender/deadname my youngest, so he doesn't want to spend any time with them.

    sigh

    I don't have any answers for you, but wish I could give you great big hugs. I know the feeling of it all being just too much sometimes. I keep telling myself I'm a strong, capable woman, why can't I handle absolutely everything? Then I remember I'm human.

    Your kids are lucky to have a mom who loves them so dearly and fights for them. Be nice to yourself, it's ok to only do as much as you can and let some things go. My house is a wreck, my yard is turning into a jungle, I hired out most of the dog walking and right now it's fine to do that. I concentrate on the really important things and will handle the rest at some point.

    Wish I had answers for you.

    thank you. I wish I could make it easier for us both. I know there aren't really answers. We just do the best we can and hope it's enough. Some days I tell myself, it's just one more plate on my barbell. I can lift this. And other days I feel like i'm going to break.

    One day at a time. That's all we can do.

    Wish I could give you a break, just take over for a day or two so you can get away and breathe. :(
    ATM your load is heavy and you have no one to lean on. :( Somehow, somewhere you need to claim some time for you. Just to breathe.

    {{{HUGS}}} to you, and sending prayers life gets easier soon.
  • OpheliaCooter
    OpheliaCooter Posts: 1,635 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.
    My youngest is still suffering from anxiety / depression / self harm ideation. I am constantly looking for sharps, and signs that he's cut himself again. We have therapists and support groups and medicaiton... but each day is a crap shoot as to whether it's going to be a good day or a bad one... and as soon as I start thinking that maybe things are better, they go south fast. I have been on the edge of requesting they treat him as an inpatient for a while in the hopes that they can help him cope with all the feelings he has, but I know that if I do that, there could be a host of other complications that come from it. Being transmasculine is horribly hard for him, the dysphoria is brutal and a constant source of pain for him. He's tired of feeling horrible, of being harassed at school, and just wishes it would all end. I am always waiting for the next bad episode, and feeling like every day is a pop quiz that could be fatal if I get it wrong. (Is today the day he tries to kill himself? Is today the day I need to admit him?)

    Physically, I have an abscess on my tooth that is causing a decent amount of pain... I"m on antibiotics which are messing up my system (which in turn aggravates my adenomyosis and causes utering cramping and back pain), I am on T3s to manage the tooth pain, but those are also aggravating my stomach issues. If I don't take the meds, the pain in my face is very unpleasant (barely manageable) and my ears wont stop ringing. I don't see my dentist unitl May 6, and it'll likely be for a root canal.

    I have an issue in my neck and in my hip that is impeding my ability to lift heavy, and that is one of the few ways I feel any release from all the stress. Not to mention, they also hurt like hell. I can't afford to lose more time to PT or massage to treat those because of all the time lost due to my kids and pets.

    My senior kitty is sick, possibly very sick, so I had to take her to the vets for hundreds of dollars worth of tests today, and I'm scared the prognosis is terminal.

    I am going through legal expenses trying to get official custody of my kids, which is both spendy and stressful.

    Covid has us on another lockdown, so we can't see anyone. I am dating someone, but because I have my kids full time, I rarely get to see him, and now with new restrictions, it's against the health orders, so in order to see him I have to break the law. Plus my youngest doesn't want me dating, and doesn't want him at the house, so when I DO see him, it's for very short bits of time.

    My job is stressful. My house is a disaster and in general, it feels like I get dealt blow after blow after blow.

    I'm just so tired. I'm tired of constantly having something new to deal with and I just want to cry all the damn time. I am having a hell of a time focusing, not eating my feelings, and staying motivated to slay in the gym.

    Now that the kids are here full time, and they do NOT want to spend time with their dad, so I never get a break. Even my parents are a no go because of a) covid and b) they constantly misgender/deadname my youngest, so he doesn't want to spend any time with them.

    sigh

    *virtual hugs* I’m sorry you’re having such a time right now. That’s a lot of pressure. You’ll be in my thoughts and I wish I could help instead of just *sending good vibes* but I’m sending good vibes! 🙌🏻
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    I just need space to just dump... I don't want to complain, but kind of need to. I am just so freaking exhausted and need a break so badly.
    My youngest is still suffering from anxiety / depression / self harm ideation. I am constantly looking for sharps, and signs that he's cut himself again. We have therapists and support groups and medicaiton... but each day is a crap shoot as to whether it's going to be a good day or a bad one... and as soon as I start thinking that maybe things are better, they go south fast. I have been on the edge of requesting they treat him as an inpatient for a while in the hopes that they can help him cope with all the feelings he has, but I know that if I do that, there could be a host of other complications that come from it. Being transmasculine is horribly hard for him, the dysphoria is brutal and a constant source of pain for him. He's tired of feeling horrible, of being harassed at school, and just wishes it would all end. I am always waiting for the next bad episode, and feeling like every day is a pop quiz that could be fatal if I get it wrong. (Is today the day he tries to kill himself? Is today the day I need to admit him?)

    Physically, I have an abscess on my tooth that is causing a decent amount of pain... I"m on antibiotics which are messing up my system (which in turn aggravates my adenomyosis and causes utering cramping and back pain), I am on T3s to manage the tooth pain, but those are also aggravating my stomach issues. If I don't take the meds, the pain in my face is very unpleasant (barely manageable) and my ears wont stop ringing. I don't see my dentist unitl May 6, and it'll likely be for a root canal.

    I have an issue in my neck and in my hip that is impeding my ability to lift heavy, and that is one of the few ways I feel any release from all the stress. Not to mention, they also hurt like hell. I can't afford to lose more time to PT or massage to treat those because of all the time lost due to my kids and pets.

    My senior kitty is sick, possibly very sick, so I had to take her to the vets for hundreds of dollars worth of tests today, and I'm scared the prognosis is terminal.

    I am going through legal expenses trying to get official custody of my kids, which is both spendy and stressful.

    Covid has us on another lockdown, so we can't see anyone. I am dating someone, but because I have my kids full time, I rarely get to see him, and now with new restrictions, it's against the health orders, so in order to see him I have to break the law. Plus my youngest doesn't want me dating, and doesn't want him at the house, so when I DO see him, it's for very short bits of time.

    My job is stressful. My house is a disaster and in general, it feels like I get dealt blow after blow after blow.

    I'm just so tired. I'm tired of constantly having something new to deal with and I just want to cry all the damn time. I am having a hell of a time focusing, not eating my feelings, and staying motivated to slay in the gym.

    Now that the kids are here full time, and they do NOT want to spend time with their dad, so I never get a break. Even my parents are a no go because of a) covid and b) they constantly misgender/deadname my youngest, so he doesn't want to spend any time with them.

    sigh

    Im so sorry life has really kicked you when you're down lately. I wish I could help in some way 😔 I really hope that minute by minute, hour by hour and eventually day by day you'll see a light at the end of the tunnel. Till then all you can do is hang on tight.
    q1ue05783oc5.gif
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @KickassAmazon76 Well, that is better news than it could've been. Giving injections is nothing in the whole spectrum of issues. Good luck with Betty!! And keep giving her lots of cat smooches. :)

    I used to take care of a neighbor's Corgis when they went away. One was diagnosed with Diabetes and they automatically put him down. :(:(
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    ExpressoLove11 wrote: »
    We've been slowly clearing out my Grandma's bungalow these past two weeks after her passing and I have been hit with how all we are is the energy we project into the world. All the things she collected and cherished seem dull now without her exuberance and joyfulness. It makes me want to be more like her. She made people smile everywhere she went and expressed gratitude at every opportunity. What a lady she was ❤

    100% understand this coming from a similar place; my stepmother passed March 31st. It was only after she passed that I realized just how many people's lives she touched and how much she really gave to people. I knew she was a kind, crafty person who loved doing things for family, but I really didn't realize the impression she left on people or how extensive her outreach was in the community over the years.

    It definitely left me desiring to be more like her and working toward that end. She put good in the universe, despite being a fiery person, sometimes. I want to be like that, too. :heart:

    I am sorry for your loss, she sounds like an amazing woman to have known. For what it's worth, in my years on mfp I've seen a lot of your posts and think you're pretty amazing too!

    Condolences on yours, as well. Sounds like she was a pretty awesome person, herself! :heart:
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    _sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »
    I got some bad news on Monday that impacts my livelihood. I've been a mess since then. I cried all day today. I cried before I went inside the store. I cried after I left the gym. I feel like unplugging from everything and everyone. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be strong.

    Im so sorry 😞 Idk whats happened but I really hope that you're past the rough spot quickly.. Big hugs
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    _sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »
    I got some bad news on Monday that impacts my livelihood. I've been a mess since then. I cried all day today. I cried before I went inside the store. I cried after I left the gym. I feel like unplugging from everything and everyone. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be strong.

    Not sure what's going on but please know that you won't always feel like this. It's ok not to be ok and you don't have to pretend 🤗 You have alot of people here that care about you. I hope everything gets better quickly ❤
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @_sw33tp3a_11 I'm so sorry. I hope things turn around quickly for you. I'm one of those people who believe in dorky sayings like 'when one door closes, another one opens'.
    We're here if you need us. <3
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,677 Member
    _sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »
    I got some bad news on Monday that impacts my livelihood. I've been a mess since then. I cried all day today. I cried before I went inside the store. I cried after I left the gym. I feel like unplugging from everything and everyone. I don't know how much longer I can pretend to be strong.

    So sad to read this, I'm sure it must be scary, and I understand a lot of your feelings. It's ok to unplug for a while and cry, knowing that we'll all be here when you return. Sending you much love and hope for a more positive turn in the near future. You are an amazing lady and deserve awesomeness in your life.
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,677 Member
    ExerciseExtraFries wrote: »
    Trigger warning: SA, CSA, Child abuse.

    I am a CSA survivor, I was abused for 9 years that I can recall but I have significant memory loss and blank spaces from early childhood so it actually could be longer. I went to the police once when I was a kid but then I spent MONTHS being convinced that I had to be mistaken because it was too hard for the adults to wrap their heads around. I was coerced into saying that I lied so that It would all get swept under the rug and now I have lived with that stigma of being a liar for 18 years. My husband knows about my abuse but not the identity of my abuser. My best friend knows my entire story which I only recently told her last year. Other than this I have nobody else to talk to. Therapy is expensive. I realize that I should speak with a professional and work through this properly but that's not an option for me as I lost my job to Covid and have been living on unemployment while my area is still under strict lockdown. Ive spent my entire life keeping this secret so I could probably keep waiting it out until my abuser is dead. I figure once they're gone ill write a tell all book about it and send it to every adult that ever told me I was wrong. If they're lucky I might even sign it for them first. :D

    My heart breaks for you. I cannot imagine what you suffered and still endure. Are you in Canada? I believe that if you get a medical referral for therapy, some (or all) of the costs are covered by the government (but you have a waiting list). ..

    While I know that my struggles are nowhere near yours, I have found a few support groups online where it has been helpful just being able to talk with others dealing with the same crap as me. Maybe that can help you on those dark days?

    Sending you love as you work through this.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »
    ExerciseExtraFries wrote: »
    Trigger warning: SA, CSA, Child abuse.

    I am a CSA survivor, I was abused for 9 years that I can recall but I have significant memory loss and blank spaces from early childhood so it actually could be longer. I went to the police once when I was a kid but then I spent MONTHS being convinced that I had to be mistaken because it was too hard for the adults to wrap their heads around. I was coerced into saying that I lied so that It would all get swept under the rug and now I have lived with that stigma of being a liar for 18 years. My husband knows about my abuse but not the identity of my abuser. My best friend knows my entire story which I only recently told her last year. Other than this I have nobody else to talk to. Therapy is expensive. I realize that I should speak with a professional and work through this properly but that's not an option for me as I lost my job to Covid and have been living on unemployment while my area is still under strict lockdown. Ive spent my entire life keeping this secret so I could probably keep waiting it out until my abuser is dead. I figure once they're gone ill write a tell all book about it and send it to every adult that ever told me I was wrong. If they're lucky I might even sign it for them first. :D

    My heart breaks for you. I cannot imagine what you suffered and still endure. Are you in Canada? I believe that if you get a medical referral for therapy, some (or all) of the costs are covered by the government (but you have a waiting list). ..

    While I know that my struggles are nowhere near yours, I have found a few support groups online where it has been helpful just being able to talk with others dealing with the same crap as me. Maybe that can help you on those dark days?

    Sending you love as you work through this.

    Online support groups (in addition to this one) is a great suggestion. Also I bet there are non-profits out there that give free counseling for victims of SA. I’m so sorry you not only had to endure the physical abuse, but the mental abuse of labeling yourself a liar that went along with it.

    When you can afford it, I hope you can get some trauma therapy including somatic, EMDR, etc. I’ve also recently read about Stellate Ganglion Block.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    desertfoxcoffee wrote: »
    I'm now in this weird limbo (almost like a midlife crisis) where I don't know what the hell I want to do with my life. Do I try to go back to what I was doing before? Do I want to? Do I consider another career path?

    See if you can find a career coach or a life coach to help you sort this out.

    A friend of mine used to do this type of counselling with people who had lost jobs due to redundancy or downsizing, help them identify where they wanted to go and how to get there. Unfortunately she's been retired for several years now.

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