Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I've known for a long time that I look to others for validation, and that my self esteem comes from how I compare to others. I know that's rooted in the fact that I don't find much inherent/intrinsic worth in myself. Lately, I've been thinking about why that is... what causes a child to not like themselves? How/Why does that feeling persist through decades, and even as an adult, that irrational emotion drowns out my rational understanding.

    And yes, even this post has a degree of "look at me" to it. I know that. But I post it anyway...

    That's me too! In order for me to feel good about my decisions, etc., I need someone to agree with me. I have no clue why our self-worth is lacking like that; whether it's in our DNA or learned from our childhood or what. But yes, I can totally relate to what you said. And I've spent most of my life comparing myself to others, hoping I measure up okay and seeking validation. :/ So much pressure we put on ourselves when we should all realize we are who we are, should be happy and grateful for all that we are and have been given. I detested going to workshops as a childcare provider because I'd sit there in my little corner, evaluating myself compared to everybody else present. :(
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Nobody in my immediate family has self-confidence, except my soon-to-be 30 yo dd. I asked her once how she got all the confidence in the family and she said she pretends. Kind of a fake it til ya make it thing. She'll walk into an interview with her head held high as @Diatonic12 suggested, and ace it every time. It's the way she walks into restaurants, work, any place really.
    That's never been me. :( I walk in somewhere, already assuming the worst. :/ Just want to melt into the walls.
    @jjpptt2 I think you touched on something deep and more common than you think, with your post.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
    ...... these are actually pretty good times to be delusional.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
    edited November 2020
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »

    Intuitively I know my dad plays a role in this. He was a perfectionist who believed anything was possible if you tried hard enough... So any failure of any sort meant you should have tried harder.

    Oof....that was hard to read because this is my base philosophy on life. Although, I'd say I feel like failure isn't just because you should have tried harder, I feel like it just wasn't important enough to you. Or something else was more important and we should be honest with ourselves about that. Does that make sense?

    Like for example, something that we tend to think we have no control over - a failed friendship or relationship. Can we control the other person? No. Could we have tried harder, changed ourselves to the other person's expectations, crossed moral lines to make the other person like you, etc? Sure, we could have and maybe that would have saved the relationship. But maybe your self respect was more important or your moral values, or your independence, whatever.

    My kids are screwed up enough as it is. I hate to think I've projected a sense of inadequacy on them with this deep seated belief.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    edited November 2020
    [see below]
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,365 Member
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    I've been really stressed out lately about my health insurance and how it doesn't cover some of my meds. The world is so unfair, why do sick people have to stress about stuff like that? I know I should count myself lucky that I have some coverage while alot of people don't have any at all but it's so stressful . I don't want to ask anyone in my family for help so I'm just trying to deal with it by myself.

    If a cancer society/association or your pharmacist hasn't already informed you, there are many pharmaceutical companies that offer "compassionate care" (just their term for financial assistance) for some of their branded products.

    If this is new to you then rack up all your non-OTC meds and Google...

    [drug name] + "patient support program"

    You want to ensure you have the Canadian version of programs so you may want to add something like [...activate Nerd Powers (I'm doing this a lot today)...]

    [drug name] + "patient support program" site:.ca
    [drug name] + "patient support program" canada

    This is not a guaranteed thing AND there are eligibility requirements AND your oncologist team/office gets involved but the idea is to offer payment assistance. This can extend to people with private coverage but who may be overwhelmed with their co-pay, deductible, or even the cost of traveling to infusion sites, if that is the case.

    You're always so helpful and kind, I adore you ❤ unfortunately, so far I haven't been eligible for anything I've applied for. I'm ok for now because I do have some coverage but it's stressful thinking that I need to pay over 450$/month and I don't know when or if I'll be able to work again. I've lost so much in the last year to be able to afford all the travels I've had to make for treatments and surgeries. Yes, alot of it was material stuff but it's not easy because I've never really been stressed about money before. I don't need much to survive but I also have 2 kids to take care of . The government doesn't care about that.

    Hopefully you have all your receipts for non-insured medical expenses and can claim them at tax time, and maybe get a big refund.

    Not sure if you can access a provincial plan for high medication costs? In Ontario we have the Trillium Drug program, but I am honestly not sure how that works with partial insurance coverage. My father has it to pay for his drugs, they assess him an annual deductible amount based on income (he's a senior on pension) and once that is paid his meds are no-cost.
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    ythannah wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    I've been really stressed out lately about my health insurance and how it doesn't cover some of my meds. The world is so unfair, why do sick people have to stress about stuff like that? I know I should count myself lucky that I have some coverage while alot of people don't have any at all but it's so stressful . I don't want to ask anyone in my family for help so I'm just trying to deal with it by myself.

    If a cancer society/association or your pharmacist hasn't already informed you, there are many pharmaceutical companies that offer "compassionate care" (just their term for financial assistance) for some of their branded products.

    If this is new to you then rack up all your non-OTC meds and Google...

    [drug name] + "patient support program"

    You want to ensure you have the Canadian version of programs so you may want to add something like [...activate Nerd Powers (I'm doing this a lot today)...]

    [drug name] + "patient support program" site:.ca
    [drug name] + "patient support program" canada

    This is not a guaranteed thing AND there are eligibility requirements AND your oncologist team/office gets involved but the idea is to offer payment assistance. This can extend to people with private coverage but who may be overwhelmed with their co-pay, deductible, or even the cost of traveling to infusion sites, if that is the case.

    You're always so helpful and kind, I adore you ❤ unfortunately, so far I haven't been eligible for anything I've applied for. I'm ok for now because I do have some coverage but it's stressful thinking that I need to pay over 450$/month and I don't know when or if I'll be able to work again. I've lost so much in the last year to be able to afford all the travels I've had to make for treatments and surgeries. Yes, alot of it was material stuff but it's not easy because I've never really been stressed about money before. I don't need much to survive but I also have 2 kids to take care of . The government doesn't care about that.

    Hopefully you have all your receipts for non-insured medical expenses and can claim them at tax time, and maybe get a big refund.

    Not sure if you can access a provincial plan for high medication costs? In Ontario we have the Trillium Drug program, but I am honestly not sure how that works with partial insurance coverage. My father has it to pay for his drugs, they assess him an annual deductible amount based on income (he's a senior on pension) and once that is paid his meds are no-cost.

    Yes, I have kept all of my receipts 😊 I will keep trying to find a program. I'm not struggling at the moment, just thinking too far ahead and worrying things don't get better. I just want to be able to get back to working.
  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,070 Member
    Miss_Chiev0us wrote: »
    I've been really stressed out lately about my health insurance and how it doesn't cover some of my meds. The world is so unfair, why do sick people have to stress about stuff like that? I know I should count myself lucky that I have some coverage while alot of people don't have any at all but it's so stressful . I don't want to ask anyone in my family for help so I'm just trying to deal with it by myself.

    I’m sure you’ve already looked into it. But does GoodRX help at all?
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,537 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    KickassAmazon76 wrote: »

    Intuitively I know my dad plays a role in this. He was a perfectionist who believed anything was possible if you tried hard enough... So any failure of any sort meant you should have tried harder.

    Oof....that was hard to read because this is my base philosophy on life. Although, I'd say I feel like failure isn't just because you should have tried harder, I feel like it just wasn't important enough to you. Or something else was more important and we should be honest with ourselves about that. Does that make sense?

    Like for example, something that we tend to think we have no control over - a failed friendship or relationship. Can we control the other person? No. Could we have tried harder, changed ourselves to the other person's expectations, crossed moral lines to make the other person like you, etc? Sure, we could have and maybe that would have saved the relationship. But maybe your self respect was more important or your moral values, or your independence, whatever.

    My kids are screwed up enough as it is. I hate to think I've projected a sense of inadequacy on them with this deep seated belief.

    Maybe in the case of the relationship, the wording is what is flawed. If you have to change your moral values, or loosen your self respect then maybe it wasn't as much of a relationship as you thought it was. At that point, I wouldn't say it's a failed relationship as much as one that is over. Failure implies that something more should have been done, or that something was lacking that should have been implied... But rather it had reached a healthy conclusion.

    I struggle with that perfectionistic spirit so badly, and I set such high expectations on myself that I cannot achieve them without deep personal sacrifice... And sometimes I need to realize that it's ok for me to cut myself some slack. That is very hard for me.

  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I'm eyeballs deep in a situation where there is plenty of blame to go around. But rather than focusing on my own mistakes and learning from them, I'm REALLY struggling to not blame/be angry with others involved. I know I can't change their attitudes/behaviors, and I know I can learn from my mistakes... but dammit if I can't seem to get past this anger and resentment.

    I think it's good that you can recognize that there is blame all around and that also you might not be able to change the behaviors of other people.

    The anger/resentment aspect is pretty normal (from my standpoint). The only thing that has helped me at all with similar situations is to continue to think about the situation (not dwell on it, but critically analyze it). If I can get into the other person's mindset, sometimes that helps, but honestly? It's the passage of time that blunts resentment for me. I usually have to analyze it for awhile and decide actively that I don't want to be angry or resentful anymore because it's not serving me a purpose. It's an active choice and decision making process. :heart:

    I agree that it's at least semi-normal, and I agree that time will/should help. I'm just not at that point yet where I can't be consumed by it. Maybe some fresh air/exercise will help mute the feelings a bit, at least for the short term.

    And in the big picture, no one is going to lose their job or end up homeless because of this situation... it's definitely a first-world type of problem. That's more context/perspective that I need to try to keep in mind.
  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    [...]
    And in the big picture, no one is going to lose their job or end up homeless because of this situation... it's definitely a first-world type of problem. That's more context/perspective that I need to try to keep in mind.

    I think the same about my problems. But life is not black&white, being alive is not just not being dead. Would we improve if we didnt pay attention to *our* problems, to *our* little universe? So take this as an opportunity to grow to a better self and stop beating yourself up!

  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    edited November 2020
    Cat0703a wrote: »
    Who knew that exactly one year to the day that I saved this picture to my phone was the day I’d understand it the most.

    Oh dear! 🤗 Can we help, @Cat0703 ?

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