Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff
Replies
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My coworker dropped dead in the parking lot a few months ago, and I think about him every time I walk past his empty desk.
He was one of those guys who was always smiling and never had a negative thing to say about anyone. We worked together for 12 years.
The guy was in amazing shape. Worked out every day and ate healthy. Made me think about my own mortality and what life is about.17 -
My coworker dropped dead in the parking lot a few months ago, and I think about him every time I walk past his empty desk.
He was one of those guys who was always smiling and never had a negative thing to say about anyone. We worked together for 12 years.
The guy was in amazing shape. Worked out every day and ate healthy. Made me think about my own mortality and what life is about.
Well, reading that, I'm kinda thinking it's about cake!
That really sucks. What was the cause of death?0 -
My coworker dropped dead in the parking lot a few months ago, and I think about him every time I walk past his empty desk.
He was one of those guys who was always smiling and never had a negative thing to say about anyone. We worked together for 12 years.
The guy was in amazing shape. Worked out every day and ate healthy. Made me think about my own mortality and what life is about.
Well, reading that, I'm kinda thinking it's about cake!
That really sucks. What was the cause of death?
Rare undetected heart issue3 -
@Miss_Chiev0us and @Danw586 My thoughts are with you both. The end of a life is such a sudden shock and leaves a hole in our lives, no matter what our relationship had been or how expected/unexpected it was. They've been a part of your life and now they're not. Not only is it a difficult concept to understand and accept to begin with, but terribly emotional for so many reasons.
My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.15 -
@Miss_Chiev0us and @Danw586 My thoughts are with you both. The end of a life is such a sudden shock and leaves a hole in our lives, no matter what our relationship had been or how expected/unexpected it was. They've been a part of your life and now they're not. Not only is it a difficult concept to understand and accept to begin with, but terribly emotional for so many reasons.
My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.
So sorry about your BIL, I hope your sister can find peace in all the happy moments they've had together ❤ He's in a better place now and your sister may not see it right now because she has lost the love of her life but it must be some kind of relief to not see him suffer anymore. Big hugs to you and your family xoxox3 -
@Miss_Chiev0us and @Danw586 My thoughts are with you both. The end of a life is such a sudden shock and leaves a hole in our lives, no matter what our relationship had been or how expected/unexpected it was. They've been a part of your life and now they're not. Not only is it a difficult concept to understand and accept to begin with, but terribly emotional for so many reasons.
My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.
My heart goes out to you and your family, losing someone is so hard - whether it is expected or not.
And you are right, it truly $u@ks. Big hugs.
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My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.
I know this has been an ongoing strain for you and your family and I'm so sorry for your loss
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@Miss_Chiev0us and @Danw586 My thoughts are with you both. The end of a life is such a sudden shock and leaves a hole in our lives, no matter what our relationship had been or how expected/unexpected it was. They've been a part of your life and now they're not. Not only is it a difficult concept to understand and accept to begin with, but terribly emotional for so many reasons.
My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.
I’m sorry, Reenie0 -
@Miss_Chiev0us and @Danw586 My thoughts are with you both. The end of a life is such a sudden shock and leaves a hole in our lives, no matter what our relationship had been or how expected/unexpected it was. They've been a part of your life and now they're not. Not only is it a difficult concept to understand and accept to begin with, but terribly emotional for so many reasons.
My sister called me last night and I knew my BIL had passed away. I've always loved my sister to pieces and liked my BIL but ever since I retired 1 1/2 years ago I've been lucky enough to spend a lot more time with them and get to really know my BIL on a much more personal level. She's been the most devoted wife and mom that I know; her life revolved around him. Fortunately their dd had come to visit this weekend so she's not alone and when my niece goes back home, I'll be there. But as much as we all try to help, she's the one who has to live with the heart pain forever.
I will say this here but never to my sister but it was a Blessing for him; for the past few months+ it's been pure he!! for both of them.
This truly $u@ks.
Im so sorry Reenie (hugs) Sorry for the loss you, your sister and family have suffered. 😔1 -
Thank you all. I'll be spending time with my sister today because her dd is returning home. So tonight will be her 1st night by herself. She doesn't do well being by herself.
Why is it, even though you know something is true and real, it still feels like he'll be laying in his bed in the living room when I walk in? It's like your brain still won't allow it because it's not the way it's been or supposed to be.
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I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.12 -
I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.5 -
I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
That's the way it works. Hits you out of the blue and doesn't have to be related to anything situational. Feels very heavy doesn't it? Easier to come than to chase away. And everyone is so different that what works for one doesn't always work for another. My dear friend is a runner and she said that's her drug for depression. My drug is an actual medication.
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_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.
You bring up an interesting topic for me. I used to be one who cries over sad dog movies, life's travesties, things like that. I cannot cry anymore. It simply doesn't happen and I have no clue why. I wonder if many people are like that? Is it that my heart has become hardened? Am I trying to protect myself from emotionally breaking down?3 -
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_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.
You bring up an interesting topic for me. I used to be one who cries over sad dog movies, life's travesties, things like that. I cannot cry anymore. It simply doesn't happen and I have no clue why. I wonder if many people are like that? Is it that my heart has become hardened? Am I trying to protect myself from emotionally breaking down?
My youngest has been struggling with depression and is on antidepressants (low dose). When we were at the docs we talked about how they feel like crying, but just can't seem to. We wondered about whether it was a side effect of the meds. The doc said that it's more likely that an increase in the meds would help bring back the tears... And that the inability to cry is often one of the signs of depression, or that the meds aren't working.
Not sure if that helps. ❤️4 -
_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.
You bring up an interesting topic for me. I used to be one who cries over sad dog movies, life's travesties, things like that. I cannot cry anymore. It simply doesn't happen and I have no clue why. I wonder if many people are like that? Is it that my heart has become hardened? Am I trying to protect myself from emotionally breaking down?
I took an antidepressant after my 2nd son was born for postpartum depression. Probably needed it after everyone one of my births. But I remember not being able to cry for the 8-9 months I was on it. I would will myself to cry. I wanted to know I wasn’t completely numb. Think of my grandma or anything that would normally make me and I couldn’t. It was an odd feeling. I’m an easy cryer. It was needed for a time to get through without being the worlds biggest *kitten* but I didn’t like all the effects. You mentioned meds...could it be that?2 -
@ReenieHJ So glad you're there for your sister. At the same time, condolences to you, her, and everyone else who loved him.
I know this thread is about deep stuff but sometimes it's so heartbreaking to hear how some of us are going through fires, valleys, and valleys on fire. I'm sorry but I'm hopeful that it's temporary for you all.1 -
_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.
You bring up an interesting topic for me. I used to be one who cries over sad dog movies, life's travesties, things like that. I cannot cry anymore. It simply doesn't happen and I have no clue why. I wonder if many people are like that? Is it that my heart has become hardened? Am I trying to protect myself from emotionally breaking down?
I took an antidepressant after my 2nd son was born for postpartum depression. Probably needed it after everyone one of my births. But I remember not being able to cry for the 8-9 months I was on it. I would will myself to cry. I wanted to know I wasn’t completely numb. Think of my grandma or anything that would normally make me and I couldn’t. It was an odd feeling. I’m an easy cryer. It was needed for a time to get through without being the worlds biggest *kitten* but I didn’t like all the effects. You mentioned meds...could it be that?
I have no idea TBH; I never even thought it could be related to medication. And it never actually bothered me much until recently when crying wasn't happening and I also wondered if I was completely numb and cold. Hmm, something to think about. Thanks for sharing that.@ReenieHJ So glad you're there for your sister. At the same time, condolences to you, her, and everyone else who loved him.
Thank you @MaltedTea (love your new picture BTW)
Today was the first day I'd since her since he passed and I feel a little better having broken that barrier. I dreaded walking in and seeing him not there, worrying about how my sister was doing and all that, you know? But she and her dd had moved the living room all around; we went for a walk and did a lot of talking/reminiscing, and my sister seemed to be doing *ok* for the most part. Yes, she'll definitely have her moments but if I can keep her occupied as much as she'll let me, then she'll make it through. Her nights will be tough. But I cannot imagine it'll be any tougher than what she's been going through the past year or so.
It's a good thing life can be wonderful and beautiful some times. This side of it sure bites.3 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »I can feel my depression this morning. I know it's always there, and I know I struggle with it most when I don't have anything (enough) to distract me from it all... but I still find it, I don't know... odd? surprising? *kitten* up? that it can seemingly come out of no where at any given time, on any given day.
*sigh*
If I can keep my head above water for a couple of hours while the weather warms up just a bit, I'm hoping to get out for a run. Maybe some fresh air will help.
You just described word for word how I feel most days. Maybe I'm stepping over my boundaries here and you absolutely dont have to answer this as there's this stigma that men shouldn't cry but do you ever cry? I find it when I cry I feel slightly better and the depression doesn't feel as heavy.
You bring up an interesting topic for me. I used to be one who cries over sad dog movies, life's travesties, things like that. I cannot cry anymore. It simply doesn't happen and I have no clue why. I wonder if many people are like that? Is it that my heart has become hardened? Am I trying to protect myself from emotionally breaking down?
My youngest has been struggling with depression and is on antidepressants (low dose). When we were at the docs we talked about how they feel like crying, but just can't seem to. We wondered about whether it was a side effect of the meds. The doc said that it's more likely that an increase in the meds would help bring back the tears... And that the inability to cry is often one of the signs of depression, or that the meds aren't working.
Not sure if that helps. ❤️
Thank you for sharing this experience of your youngest as well. (Hope the antidepressants help them, so hard to see your child go through it)
I feel my meds are working well enough because I feel my life is on an even keel now but maybe it's due to dulling the emotions a bit.1 -
I don't know how to help my father who is the sole caretaker for my stepmother and is currently in Stage IV cancer (taking a pause while they figure out the next treatment option). He called me up today to let me know they wouldn't be coming my way tomorrow, but were gonna try for Tuesday. My stepmom just continues to feel pretty awful (either the cancer itself or the effects of her last round of chemo, I'm not sure). I told him that if it happens, it happens, but to not rush it and that I would find a way to see them before I move countries later this year if they can't make it down before I move out of the state here in a month.
But I can hear how much this is breaking him.. his voice cracked while I was on the phone... he needs support and I HATE that I'm stuck in another state, can't travel and can't do a damn thing. So he feels helpless, I feel helpless and meanwhile, we're both very, very afraid that my stepmother will die from this. She's not getting better.. and the void in between possible answers is unnerving and soul-crushing.
I don't know what to do.7 -
Although I am feeling good lately. I'm kind of struggling. I try to always be positive and most of the time I am but I hate living this way some days. Being scared everytime it hurts somewhere, being scared the cancer is back. I did have surgery 2 weeks ago and the new pain I've been feeling tonight is probably normal but it's keeping me from sleeping.14
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KosmosKitten wrote: »I don't know how to help my father who is the sole caretaker for my stepmother and is currently in Stage IV cancer (taking a pause while they figure out the next treatment option). He called me up today to let me know they wouldn't be coming my way tomorrow, but were gonna try for Tuesday. My stepmom just continues to feel pretty awful (either the cancer itself or the effects of her last round of chemo, I'm not sure). I told him that if it happens, it happens, but to not rush it and that I would find a way to see them before I move countries later this year if they can't make it down before I move out of the state here in a month.
But I can hear how much this is breaking him.. his voice cracked while I was on the phone... he needs support and I HATE that I'm stuck in another state, can't travel and can't do a damn thing. So he feels helpless, I feel helpless and meanwhile, we're both very, very afraid that my stepmother will die from this. She's not getting better.. and the void in between possible answers is unnerving and soul-crushing.
I don't know what to do.
What an extremely difficult position for all of you to be in. Hugs and thoughts go out to you and your family. I hope he has local agencies supporting them? Help is everywhere if you know where to look for it. But unfortunately the bulk still usually rests on one person's shoulders. I know video chats are not the same but it's something, so hoping you guys are able to do that?
You're in my thoughts Kosmos.1 -
KosmosKitten wrote: »I don't know how to help my father who is the sole caretaker for my stepmother and is currently in Stage IV cancer (taking a pause while they figure out the next treatment option). He called me up today to let me know they wouldn't be coming my way tomorrow, but were gonna try for Tuesday. My stepmom just continues to feel pretty awful (either the cancer itself or the effects of her last round of chemo, I'm not sure). I told him that if it happens, it happens, but to not rush it and that I would find a way to see them before I move countries later this year if they can't make it down before I move out of the state here in a month.
But I can hear how much this is breaking him.. his voice cracked while I was on the phone... he needs support and I HATE that I'm stuck in another state, can't travel and can't do a damn thing. So he feels helpless, I feel helpless and meanwhile, we're both very, very afraid that my stepmother will die from this. She's not getting better.. and the void in between possible answers is unnerving and soul-crushing.
I don't know what to do.
What an extremely difficult position for all of you to be in. Hugs and thoughts go out to you and your family. I hope he has local agencies supporting them? Help is everywhere if you know where to look for it. But unfortunately the bulk still usually rests on one person's shoulders. I know video chats are not the same but it's something, so hoping you guys are able to do that?
You're in my thoughts Kosmos.
We still video chat on Wednesdays (unless he's traveling or at the hospital with her getting tests or treatment done). We just reschedule it for a later or earlier time in the week if that happens.
I think the waiting is killing both of us (metaphorically). We want answers, not a month of sitting around in the dark. And dad is, of course, scared by how sick she is, but I think it's because all the chemo treatments have finally "caught up" to her and she's finally feeling their effects, even if it's not helpful to her. But with cancer, I guess, it's sometimes hard to tell. And we've both watched cancer slowly kill people we were close to, so yeah.. it's dragging up old trauma for both of us.
I'm trying to remain positive and hope that it's just the chemo treatments trying to clear out of her system giving her flu-like symptoms and that her doctors will come up with something that's effective.3 -
Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.
They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.23 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.
They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.
I’m so sorry, S. there’s nothing one can really say to help with how you’re feeling. Just... I’m sorry, and I’m thinking of you.6 -
Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.
They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.
I’m so sorry, S. there’s nothing one can really say to help with how you’re feeling. Just... I’m sorry, and I’m thinking of you.
Thank you ❤️1 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.
They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.
Im so sorry 😔.. biggest of hugs1 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Yesterday my youngest talked a fair bit about how they wish their life would end. They feel like life is just not worth living. There is too much struggle, too much unhappiness. They feel that it's not fair that in order for them to end their misery, they would bring pain to the ones who would be left behind, and they can't handle that idea, so they'll just keep living... but they really don't want to.
They are on meds and going through therapy, but there are days when I feel like the risk is very real that I'll be saying goodbye to my baby long before I am ready. And it terrifies the hell out of me. We have the crisis lines, we talk openly about it, I'm doing everything I can to get them help. I just hope it's enough.
I feel your pain and fear. My 25yo STILL feels this way. He’s probably at the best spot he’s been in in over 5 years, but still said if we gave him our blessing he would off himself immediately.
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