Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @KickassAmazon76 Ummm, I don't think either one of you would have any problems finding someone out here in the wild, wild west. Location, location, location. You'd have to like rural living but the Big Sky is not the limit for you. They'd be standing in line for youins. All you need is a paycheck and a truck, you'd have to knock 'em off with a stick.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    @Revolu and @Kickass have either of you ever given any thought to dating sites? Gasp I know there are traumatic stories everywhere about that but there are also success stories. Both my dds met some good people through sites; 1 dd lived with her partner for several years, bought a house, then broke up. :( It just wasn't in the cards for them to stay together but he was a nice guy, not some whacked out freak. My other dd has been with her bf for several years and they are such a great match; he's a super nice guy and they just bought a house together.
    Anyways, just something to think about. You're both smart individuals so would go into that sort of thing with the deserved caution. But not all people are scary. Open yourselves up to the idea; even if it just means meeting new friends. :) You're both so nice and if you want a relationship, you definitely deserve to be happy. There are no guarantees for anyone/anything in this world but part of life is going out there and taking a risk. <3

    As I slink back into my hermit-like cocoon safe comfort zone. :)
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Three months ago I agreed with my sister 100% about not overdoing the morphine with her dh. But now, Ohmygod now, I wish she'd see it's highly needed. :( And every time someone mentions it she gets angry and says he's not in pain. I go help every 3-4 days and in that short span of time not seeing him, I can see a big difference in his features. :( I know she's equating it to killing him; how on earth do I help her see differently without alienating her?
    There's no way of knowing how much this man, who used to weigh 220, weighs now. But I can't think he's much over 75 lbs. It's killing me watching him and watching her watching him die.
    Dear God.....
    I’m sorry Reenie. This is horrible. I’ve seen it myself.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Three months ago I agreed with my sister 100% about not overdoing the morphine with her dh. But now, Ohmygod now, I wish she'd see it's highly needed. :( And every time someone mentions it she gets angry and says he's not in pain. I go help every 3-4 days and in that short span of time not seeing him, I can see a big difference in his features. :( I know she's equating it to killing him; how on earth do I help her see differently without alienating her?
    There's no way of knowing how much this man, who used to weigh 220, weighs now. But I can't think he's much over 75 lbs. It's killing me watching him and watching her watching him die.
    Dear God.....

    Im so sorry Reenie.. big hugs and I hope its all over soon for all your sakes 😔
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    Three months ago I agreed with my sister 100% about not overdoing the morphine with her dh. But now, Ohmygod now, I wish she'd see it's highly needed. :( And every time someone mentions it she gets angry and says he's not in pain. I go help every 3-4 days and in that short span of time not seeing him, I can see a big difference in his features. :( I know she's equating it to killing him; how on earth do I help her see differently without alienating her?
    There's no way of knowing how much this man, who used to weigh 220, weighs now. But I can't think he's much over 75 lbs. It's killing me watching him and watching her watching him die.
    Dear God.....

    My heart breaks for everyone involved here.

    I can't really say too much since I'm not familiar with all of the circumstances surrounding his health. What I can say is this - morphine scares a lot of people. They fear that they are somehow "speeding up the natural process" which isn't necessarily the case at all. In fact, research suggests that using opioids to treat pain or shortness of breath near the end of life may help a person live a bit longer. Pain and shortness of breath are exhausting, and people nearing the end of life have limited strength and energy. So, it makes sense that treating these symptoms might slow down the rate of decline, if only for a few hours.

    She may be afraid, she may be in denial. Just support her the best you can. ❤️

    @ReenieHJ

    Thank you and to all who replied. <3 I do appreciate it so much.
    She's been told for the past 3 months to 'let him go'. Three months ago I agreed with her trying to hold onto him, even though I've never tried to influence her one way or the other. But then he wasn't like he is now and, even though I'd never say 'let him go', it's definitely time and I'm pretty sure he's telling her in his own way now but he also seems to be hanging on with a strong will. I understand where Hospice is coming from but those 3 little words are so much easier said than done. :(
    Ugh, this has definitely been a trip like I've never experienced. I watched both of our parents disintegrate but it was days- weeks, not months.
  • Deadman_Diggingup
    Deadman_Diggingup Posts: 3,082 Member
    tams_89 wrote: »
    Decided with my counsellor today that maybe therapy for my anxiety would be better for me. I'm not good with medication and I feel the counselling makes me feel worse. Anxiety is taking over at the minute so I'm going to try the therapy and see how it goes.

    I can completely relate to this, and I’m sorry you’re feeling overwhelmed by anxiety. All my best, T.
  • slessofme
    slessofme Posts: 7,740 Member
    For those struggling with anxiety, see if your therapist does hypnosis. I did that with mine - it took a little while, but I felt like it was much more effective than only talk therapy. There may also be an app or 2, but I haven't used them to know if I would recommend.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Anxiety is so difficult; what works for one person might not help the next. It's challenging to live your life, find contentment and happiness. But everybody's telling you to find the right therapist and it'll make a huge difference; I couldn't agree more!
    My wish for everyone that is dealing with this, find the help you need, don't give up, and know it can get better!!

    Please don't ever lock yourself away but reach out until it helps!! <3
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    slessofme wrote: »
    For those struggling with anxiety, see if your therapist does hypnosis. I did that with mine - it took a little while, but I felt like it was much more effective than only talk therapy. There may also be an app or 2, but I haven't used them to know if I would recommend.

    I will mention that to my dd, thanks for sharing!!
  • PlentyofProtein00
    PlentyofProtein00 Posts: 3,669 Member
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    Is is okay for me to do a little venting here? If so, and you feel like commenting, I would like to also listen to your input. I will just jump in... a little background, I remarried 5 years ago (we have been together 15 years now). My husband's 26 y/o daughter lives with us most of the time, other times with her mom and step-father. Our households are a complete opposite of each other, ours is a quiet one, we enjoy just winding down of long work days. Her Mom's is volatile, where yelling to communicate is the norm.
    Daughter has been through a lot in her 26 years, she is now going to therapy for anxiety. I have a hard time dealing with her, as her moods are so incredibly up & down, and can change on a dime, I have to be very careful what I say and how I talk with her, but yesterday was just too much for me to take. She was on her soapbox, spouting off how "everyone" treats her badly, (I have no idea what triggered this, we were having a good morning, no issues, talking about coffee & donuts).
    Then she got on the subject of our new president, and covid... she thinks covid is a hoax, and everyone is making too big a deal about it, and it should just be treated as a common flu. Now I realize that many people feel as she does, maybe some of you, and that is fine, everyone can have their own thoughts and opinions, I just don't want them jammed down my throat as she was trying to do yesterday to her father and I.
    I recently lost one of my favorite cousins to covid (no underlying conditions, just covid). I spoke up, to let her know that not everyone feels the way she does, and they maybe should show a little sympathy towards those that have lost loved ones to covid. Her response was that she felt that I was attacking her... I did not raise my voice, I just wanted her to see another side of this... well all H broke loose (we were able to calm her down after a bit). Then she went on to say that he at least had lived a good long life (he was only 65)... I guess in her youth she feels this is long enough?
    This was not the first and I expect not the last confrontation like this. I guess what I am looking for are suggestions on how to diffuse this type of situation, and how can I teach her that not every deep conversation or disagreement has to turn into a huge loud argument? I just want to live in a peaceful environment, where I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells all of the time. Sorry this was so long, thank you for listening. <3

    She's 26. She no longer needs coddling from either household. It's destructive to her as well as for both of you.

    Furthermore, her anxiety challenges should be managed professionally and boundaries established when she comes to visit your home...from her own home, as we say in French "ailleurs" Twenty and six. Not with that behavior. It's not ok.

    Yet, you married into this so chat with DH about it again to see where he's willing to shift on his enabling.

    Well said. I was going to respond but wasn't sure how to approach it. Shes definitely old enough to move out and have those boundaries in place that allows you that peace in your own home. Shes not a kid.
  • sean_ct
    sean_ct Posts: 519 Member
    Is is okay for me to do a little venting here? If so, and you feel like commenting, I would like to also listen to your input. I will just jump in... a little background, I remarried 5 years ago (we have been together 15 years now). My husband's 26 y/o daughter lives with us most of the time, other times with her mom and step-father. Our households are a complete opposite of each other, ours is a quiet one, we enjoy just winding down of long work days. Her Mom's is volatile, where yelling to communicate is the norm.
    Daughter has been through a lot in her 26 years, she is now going to therapy for anxiety. I have a hard time dealing with her, as her moods are so incredibly up & down, and can change on a dime, I have to be very careful what I say and how I talk with her, but yesterday was just too much for me to take. She was on her soapbox, spouting off how "everyone" treats her badly, (I have no idea what triggered this, we were having a good morning, no issues, talking about coffee & donuts).
    Then she got on the subject of our new president, and covid... she thinks covid is a hoax, and everyone is making too big a deal about it, and it should just be treated as a common flu. Now I realize that many people feel as she does, maybe some of you, and that is fine, everyone can have their own thoughts and opinions, I just don't want them jammed down my throat as she was trying to do yesterday to her father and I.
    I recently lost one of my favorite cousins to covid (no underlying conditions, just covid). I spoke up, to let her know that not everyone feels the way she does, and they maybe should show a little sympathy towards those that have lost loved ones to covid. Her response was that she felt that I was attacking her... I did not raise my voice, I just wanted her to see another side of this... well all H broke loose (we were able to calm her down after a bit). Then she went on to say that he at least had lived a good long life (he was only 65)... I guess in her youth she feels this is long enough?
    This was not the first and I expect not the last confrontation like this. I guess what I am looking for are suggestions on how to diffuse this type of situation, and how can I teach her that not every deep conversation or disagreement has to turn into a huge loud argument? I just want to live in a peaceful environment, where I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells all of the time. Sorry this was so long, thank you for listening. <3

    She's 26, an adult and should be living on her own. She can have her own opinions in her own house. My best advice, she needs to move out.

    Agree. 100%.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    sean_ct wrote: »
    Is is okay for me to do a little venting here? If so, and you feel like commenting, I would like to also listen to your input. I will just jump in... a little background, I remarried 5 years ago (we have been together 15 years now). My husband's 26 y/o daughter lives with us most of the time, other times with her mom and step-father. Our households are a complete opposite of each other, ours is a quiet one, we enjoy just winding down of long work days. Her Mom's is volatile, where yelling to communicate is the norm.
    Daughter has been through a lot in her 26 years, she is now going to therapy for anxiety. I have a hard time dealing with her, as her moods are so incredibly up & down, and can change on a dime, I have to be very careful what I say and how I talk with her, but yesterday was just too much for me to take. She was on her soapbox, spouting off how "everyone" treats her badly, (I have no idea what triggered this, we were having a good morning, no issues, talking about coffee & donuts).
    Then she got on the subject of our new president, and covid... she thinks covid is a hoax, and everyone is making too big a deal about it, and it should just be treated as a common flu. Now I realize that many people feel as she does, maybe some of you, and that is fine, everyone can have their own thoughts and opinions, I just don't want them jammed down my throat as she was trying to do yesterday to her father and I.
    I recently lost one of my favorite cousins to covid (no underlying conditions, just covid). I spoke up, to let her know that not everyone feels the way she does, and they maybe should show a little sympathy towards those that have lost loved ones to covid. Her response was that she felt that I was attacking her... I did not raise my voice, I just wanted her to see another side of this... well all H broke loose (we were able to calm her down after a bit). Then she went on to say that he at least had lived a good long life (he was only 65)... I guess in her youth she feels this is long enough?
    This was not the first and I expect not the last confrontation like this. I guess what I am looking for are suggestions on how to diffuse this type of situation, and how can I teach her that not every deep conversation or disagreement has to turn into a huge loud argument? I just want to live in a peaceful environment, where I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells all of the time. Sorry this was so long, thank you for listening. <3

    She's 26, an adult and should be living on her own. She can have her own opinions in her own house. My best advice, she needs to move out.

    Agree. 100%.

    I thought that as well but how on earth does one make that happen and not alienate their child, not to mention everyone else within the family that thinks it's cruel to kick them out of the house? I think that's one of those 'easier said than done' things.
  • sean_ct
    sean_ct Posts: 519 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    sean_ct wrote: »
    Is is okay for me to do a little venting here? If so, and you feel like commenting, I would like to also listen to your input. I will just jump in... a little background, I remarried 5 years ago (we have been together 15 years now). My husband's 26 y/o daughter lives with us most of the time, other times with her mom and step-father. Our households are a complete opposite of each other, ours is a quiet one, we enjoy just winding down of long work days. Her Mom's is volatile, where yelling to communicate is the norm.
    Daughter has been through a lot in her 26 years, she is now going to therapy for anxiety. I have a hard time dealing with her, as her moods are so incredibly up & down, and can change on a dime, I have to be very careful what I say and how I talk with her, but yesterday was just too much for me to take. She was on her soapbox, spouting off how "everyone" treats her badly, (I have no idea what triggered this, we were having a good morning, no issues, talking about coffee & donuts).
    Then she got on the subject of our new president, and covid... she thinks covid is a hoax, and everyone is making too big a deal about it, and it should just be treated as a common flu. Now I realize that many people feel as she does, maybe some of you, and that is fine, everyone can have their own thoughts and opinions, I just don't want them jammed down my throat as she was trying to do yesterday to her father and I.
    I recently lost one of my favorite cousins to covid (no underlying conditions, just covid). I spoke up, to let her know that not everyone feels the way she does, and they maybe should show a little sympathy towards those that have lost loved ones to covid. Her response was that she felt that I was attacking her... I did not raise my voice, I just wanted her to see another side of this... well all H broke loose (we were able to calm her down after a bit). Then she went on to say that he at least had lived a good long life (he was only 65)... I guess in her youth she feels this is long enough?
    This was not the first and I expect not the last confrontation like this. I guess what I am looking for are suggestions on how to diffuse this type of situation, and how can I teach her that not every deep conversation or disagreement has to turn into a huge loud argument? I just want to live in a peaceful environment, where I don't feel like I am walking on eggshells all of the time. Sorry this was so long, thank you for listening. <3

    She's 26, an adult and should be living on her own. She can have her own opinions in her own house. My best advice, she needs to move out.

    Agree. 100%.

    I thought that as well but how on earth does one make that happen and not alienate their child, not to mention everyone else within the family that thinks it's cruel to kick them out of the house? I think that's one of those 'easier said than done' things.

    Yes, very true.