Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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Replies

  • mom23mangos
    mom23mangos Posts: 3,069 Member
    I've been really stressed out lately about my health insurance and how it doesn't cover some of my meds. The world is so unfair, why do sick people have to stress about stuff like that? I know I should count myself lucky that I have some coverage while alot of people don't have any at all but it's so stressful . I don't want to ask anyone in my family for help so I'm just trying to deal with it by myself.

    I’m sure you’ve already looked into it. But does GoodRX help at all?
  • KickassAmazon76
    KickassAmazon76 Posts: 4,678 Member

    Intuitively I know my dad plays a role in this. He was a perfectionist who believed anything was possible if you tried hard enough... So any failure of any sort meant you should have tried harder.

    Oof....that was hard to read because this is my base philosophy on life. Although, I'd say I feel like failure isn't just because you should have tried harder, I feel like it just wasn't important enough to you. Or something else was more important and we should be honest with ourselves about that. Does that make sense?

    Like for example, something that we tend to think we have no control over - a failed friendship or relationship. Can we control the other person? No. Could we have tried harder, changed ourselves to the other person's expectations, crossed moral lines to make the other person like you, etc? Sure, we could have and maybe that would have saved the relationship. But maybe your self respect was more important or your moral values, or your independence, whatever.

    My kids are screwed up enough as it is. I hate to think I've projected a sense of inadequacy on them with this deep seated belief.

    Maybe in the case of the relationship, the wording is what is flawed. If you have to change your moral values, or loosen your self respect then maybe it wasn't as much of a relationship as you thought it was. At that point, I wouldn't say it's a failed relationship as much as one that is over. Failure implies that something more should have been done, or that something was lacking that should have been implied... But rather it had reached a healthy conclusion.

    I struggle with that perfectionistic spirit so badly, and I set such high expectations on myself that I cannot achieve them without deep personal sacrifice... And sometimes I need to realize that it's ok for me to cut myself some slack. That is very hard for me.

  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    I'm eyeballs deep in a situation where there is plenty of blame to go around. But rather than focusing on my own mistakes and learning from them, I'm REALLY struggling to not blame/be angry with others involved. I know I can't change their attitudes/behaviors, and I know I can learn from my mistakes... but dammit if I can't seem to get past this anger and resentment.

    I think it's good that you can recognize that there is blame all around and that also you might not be able to change the behaviors of other people.

    The anger/resentment aspect is pretty normal (from my standpoint). The only thing that has helped me at all with similar situations is to continue to think about the situation (not dwell on it, but critically analyze it). If I can get into the other person's mindset, sometimes that helps, but honestly? It's the passage of time that blunts resentment for me. I usually have to analyze it for awhile and decide actively that I don't want to be angry or resentful anymore because it's not serving me a purpose. It's an active choice and decision making process. :heart:

    I agree that it's at least semi-normal, and I agree that time will/should help. I'm just not at that point yet where I can't be consumed by it. Maybe some fresh air/exercise will help mute the feelings a bit, at least for the short term.

    And in the big picture, no one is going to lose their job or end up homeless because of this situation... it's definitely a first-world type of problem. That's more context/perspective that I need to try to keep in mind.
  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    [...]
    And in the big picture, no one is going to lose their job or end up homeless because of this situation... it's definitely a first-world type of problem. That's more context/perspective that I need to try to keep in mind.

    I think the same about my problems. But life is not black&white, being alive is not just not being dead. Would we improve if we didnt pay attention to *our* problems, to *our* little universe? So take this as an opportunity to grow to a better self and stop beating yourself up!

  • dewit
    dewit Posts: 1,468 Member
    edited November 2020
    Cat0703a wrote: »
    Who knew that exactly one year to the day that I saved this picture to my phone was the day I’d understand it the most.

    Oh dear! 🤗 Can we help, @Cat0703 ?

  • Hobo_Flow
    Hobo_Flow Posts: 18 Member
    Here, have a brawndo.

    ycor12v1tu2a.jpg
  • Devil_Dawg
    Devil_Dawg Posts: 167 Member
    edited January 2021
    Hi, I'm looking to gain a better sense of discipline and ownership of my flaws. I understand that no one is perfect but we've been programmed to think that way because everything around us tells us so. I myself need to be comfortable in my own skin and do what works for me. Feel free to add me if you like. Its refreshing to hear honest perspectives.
  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
    My ex is the same. It wasn't until the doc sat there in front of both of us and told him that he felt that meds could save our child's life. That the anxiety and depression was putting their life at risk. When faced with the doc prescribing it, all of a sudden he'd look like a bad guy saying no to his child's medical need.

    We had to go to court to get them therapy, and now we're heading back to court to give me full custody because the kids have both decided they can't handle living there anymore.

    It's so hard. It's exhausting and expensive and so damn unfair that you have to fight for their health with the one other person who's supposed to care as much as you do.

    You're not alone in this. If you ever need an ear... Reach out. I am always willing to listen!

    Kudos to both of you for standing up for your kids when they need you the most! Parents have a hard enough job raising kids without having to fight over every little thing with the other parent. I see a lot of parents who can't put away the hard feelings for their ex long enough to do what's right for their kids. It's heartbreaking.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting

    The age at which kids can make independent medical decisions varies. I thought 14 was low but 12! It absolutely works in this situation considering the other parent's judgement seems to be selfishly clouded with disdain for you.

    With my kids and their two completely different scenarios, I felt it was important for them to understand both their rights as well as responsibilities when it comes to their health, the decisions they make and potential implications. It's a lot for adults so the multiple, gentle, objective, fact-based conversations you and your teen's healthcare team can have with them are important and set them up for better self-care behaviours as they mature.

    You're doing good to keep your boundaries up while communicating with your ex @Versicolour. And add/remove some boundaries as the situation warrants. You're protecting yourself and your family.

    No distractions needed.

    Hopefully, the father will come around to helpful co-parenting and child rearing but you can't wait around for that nor can you be the one to support him to do so if he insists on being unreasonably contrarian.