Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

1…910121415…30

Replies

  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    So sorry for your loss and all of this.. other stuff. I hope you can get disentangled from the sons and the will without too much trouble
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    @Revolu7 My condolences. She sounds like she was good to you and for you.

    In reality, blood relatives have been known to do the very thing some of your (foster) siblings are doing. It seems you're not taking that part personally which is good. Stay strong and stress-free to remain healthy.

    Hopefully, from the comfort of your own space, you can find out who the executor is and talk to them directly. Errm, and hopefully, that person is not one of the more negative siblings.

  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,508 Member
    I snapped a shoelace this morning.

    It almost broke me.
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    @Revolu7 I can see why and I'm a million miles away. You're a thoughtful and distinctive man of integrity.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    I'm sorry for your loss Revolu7. :( You must've had a wonderful loving relationship with her and that's something you get to hold onto for all your life. Her sons missed out on it.

    And nothing like a death to bring out the greed, pettiness, and bitterness between others. It's a very sad thing I've witnessed time and again. :(
  • Diatonic12
    Diatonic12 Posts: 32,344 Member
    edited November 2020
    Ooo, yes. Every family tends to have one vulture with no boundaries. Come into the house and start taking clothes, jewelry...whatever they want. Not much that separates them from the animal kingdom at that point, not even a will or property rights. Ruthless.

    I was just thinking, it seems like we're all sitting around the kitchen table talking about these things. No time or distance between us. We've swilled all of the coffee and someone needs to make another pot.
  • _sw33tp3a_11
    _sw33tp3a_11 Posts: 4,692 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    I'm truly sorry for your loss and the unfortunate circumstances its bringing into your life.
  • MelG7777
    MelG7777 Posts: 14,230 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    ❤️I’m sorry
  • AlexandraFindsHerself1971
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 Posts: 3,106 Member
    FourWindsWalker wrote: »
    Today is my mom's 81st birthday.

    I can see how rapidly shes declining from Alzheimer's. April 2019, she was able to use the phone and dial my number to tell me of the diagnosis. Asked me if I would leave Indianapolis and come back home to live with her.

    Today, she repeatedly asked me if she was 90. Stared at the phone trying to figure out how to put it up to her face and try to talk.

    Just sucks. Nothing I do is helping and it wont, per se.

    My father died of frontaltemporal dementia. They are all hideous diseases, because you lose the person you love one minute at a time, and their face is still there, looking at you. I wish you all strength in dealing with this.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    Im sorry for your loss T. 😔

    I really hope it doesn't get too ugly..
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »
    FourWindsWalker wrote: »
    Today is my mom's 81st birthday.

    I can see how rapidly shes declining from Alzheimer's. April 2019, she was able to use the phone and dial my number to tell me of the diagnosis. Asked me if I would leave Indianapolis and come back home to live with her.

    Today, she repeatedly asked me if she was 90. Stared at the phone trying to figure out how to put it up to her face and try to talk.

    Just sucks. Nothing I do is helping and it wont, per se.

    My father died of frontaltemporal dementia. They are all hideous diseases, because you lose the person you love one minute at a time, and their face is still there, looking at you. I wish you all strength in dealing with this.

    I'm sorry. :( It's a long, sad journey to be sure.

    I was sitting with my sister tonight, one of us on each side of her dh, holding his hands. She told him she loved him and he said "I love you too" right back at her. This is a man who mostly shares delusional words now, if anything at all. I'm sure she'll remember that moment as long as she lives. Watching a loved one disappear little by little; there's no other experience like it. :(
  • Miss_Chiev0us
    Miss_Chiev0us Posts: 1,592 Member
    Revolu7 wrote: »
    Being dragged back in time to toxic people has got me on edge. I grew up in a series of foster homes. The last being the best as far as a good stable mom figure. I always thought highly of her, eventhough her real sons were nightmares. Just bad people. This special lady just died this weekend and I was contacted by the family and told send well wishes, flowers, a card, whatever id like, but dont show up to the service. I thought no problem must be a covid precaution. Turns out, i am in her will and 2 of her 4 boys were milking this woman dry until her death and dont want me anywhere near the family.....and even though she really had nothing anyway, they dont understand why im even mentioned in her will, and they dont want me to get a thing. Truth is, i dont want anything, just pay my respects and move on. But i have a feeling whether i like it or not its about to get ugly.

    Big Hugs to you my friend 🤗❤
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited November 2020
    @Kosmoskitten, I'm so very sorry for all you've gone through and continue to go through. {{HUGS}} to you and your entire family. Wishing you peace in your heart. Take a deep deep breath.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    @KosmosKitten I'm so sorry to hear this for you and your family. My condolences.

    When a loved one dies by suicide, there may little to no answers for everyone's questions. Especially, "Why?" Despite that, may you all find strength, love and peace in one another while cherishing his memory and life.
  • Miz_Owl
    Miz_Owl Posts: 3,026 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    I received some erm.. disturbing and depressing news a few hours ago. I can't say I'm processing it well.

    My folks informed me that a.) my stepmother's tumor is not responding to chemo, but that the growth from it has shrunk. They may move up surgery sooner rather than later.

    The other news.. uhm.. my cousin's partner shot himself (suicide) yesterday while her youngest was at home (he didn't want to go to school). So.. I'm struggling to understand what happened. He was a good, likeable person. They got along really well and he was nothing but kind/friendly to all of the family.

    This year.. holy *kitten* this year just never ends. I struggle because I know about mental health and dealing with mental illness, I know it's bad and getting worse.. and now I'm really, really worried about my cousin (we are the same age and used to be quite close). I worry about her kids (they loved their dad and had a great relationship) and I worried about my extended family who all knew him. The loss is going to hit them hard and they are all going to struggle to understand it.

    I'm just.. I dunno, man. Lost? I don't know if that's the word I would use.

    Reading you're post gave me chills of sadness .
    I'm very sorry for you're loss .
  • CacoEther
    CacoEther Posts: 2,465 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    I received some erm.. disturbing and depressing news a few hours ago. I can't say I'm processing it well.

    My folks informed me that a.) my stepmother's tumor is not responding to chemo, but that the growth from it has shrunk. They may move up surgery sooner rather than later.

    The other news.. uhm.. my cousin's partner shot himself (suicide) yesterday while her youngest was at home (he didn't want to go to school). So.. I'm struggling to understand what happened. He was a good, likeable person. They got along really well and he was nothing but kind/friendly to all of the family.

    This year.. holy *kitten* this year just never ends. I struggle because I know about mental health and dealing with mental illness, I know it's bad and getting worse.. and now I'm really, really worried about my cousin (we are the same age and used to be quite close). I worry about her kids (they loved their dad and had a great relationship) and I worried about my extended family who all knew him. The loss is going to hit them hard and they are all going to struggle to understand it.

    I'm just.. I dunno, man. Lost? I don't know if that's the word I would use.

    Thinking about you all. What a nightmare 😟😢
  • FourWindsWalker
    FourWindsWalker Posts: 143 Member
    @KosmosKitten

    I am sincerely sorry to hear this...

    Sending love, light, and healing to everyone directly and indirectly touched by that which you are experiencing.



  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    Motorsheen wrote: »
    I snapped a shoelace this morning.

    It almost broke me.

    We need these enlightening moments; keep it up. Life gets truly difficult then you're there cracking a joke. Thank you. Seriously. You make me laugh. :)
    Laughter will help us through. <3
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @KosmosKitten I'm so sorry to hear this for you and your family. My condolences.

    When a loved one dies by suicide, there may little to no answers for everyone's questions. Especially, "Why?" Despite that, may you all find strength, love and peace in one another while cherishing his memory and life.

    I'm sure there probably aren't any answers for her or her children. Mental health issues strike everyone differently and some of us are better at hiding them than others. I can already tell she (my cousin and her children) will get lots of love and quality care from my extended family since they already live in the same area. It's just... really rough. Especially this year with all the other bad news that's not directly related to COVID, ya' know?

    Have you heard how they're doing? You've been on my mind since your news. Suicide is the ultimate life-changer for all involved and leaves so many unanswered questions. :(
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @KosmosKitten I'm so sorry to hear this for you and your family. My condolences.

    When a loved one dies by suicide, there may little to no answers for everyone's questions. Especially, "Why?" Despite that, may you all find strength, love and peace in one another while cherishing his memory and life.

    I'm sure there probably aren't any answers for her or her children. Mental health issues strike everyone differently and some of us are better at hiding them than others. I can already tell she (my cousin and her children) will get lots of love and quality care from my extended family since they already live in the same area. It's just... really rough. Especially this year with all the other bad news that's not directly related to COVID, ya' know?

    Have you heard how they're doing? You've been on my mind since your news. Suicide is the ultimate life-changer for all involved and leaves so many unanswered questions. :(

    No. My source of family news/gossip is currently visiting and going through their own trials/tribulations with endometrial cancer, so no news.

    I know that the funeral was a couple of days ago and that of course, my cousin is super distraught. The did a drive-by/walk-by service due to COVID. The news of his passing (and the method by which he went) has come as a shock to both the extended family, his family and all their friends. :(
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    I rarely ever come into the chit chat forum. I've been very open about my personal life with my friends on my profile page, but I don't ever go into much personal stuff on the forums. But I really applaud this thread because it's true that everyone is going through something and we need to do a better job of being kind. It's what made HONY so popular.

    2019 and 2020 have just been awful. The worst two years of my life so far. My youngest son is 16.5 and was adopted at 18mo. He was abandoned twice and neglected in the first year of his life. My husband and myself were ignorant of early childhood trauma and naively believed that a stable loving home would be all that he needed in order to break the cycle of mental health, drug use and behavioral issues his biological family suffered from. Looking back, signs of attachment issues were there from the start but we didn't recognize it. Instead we took him to neuropsychiatrists and therapists who diagnosed him with an alphabet soup of issues (ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Tourettes, ODD, etc) We spent thousands of dollars on therapies and counselors (individual and family). By the time he reached middle school he was addicted to nicotine, smoking weed regularly and failing school. Things went downhill fast in 9th grade after his two best friends were killed in a murder/suicide. He stopped going to school, started hanging out with gangs, dealing drugs, not coming home. We thought the structure of a military school may help. He'd at least be safe and they'd make him take his meds.

    Well after just a few months, last July they kicked him out. That same week, we found my oldest son (23) in a coma from a suicide attempt. We were floored because he had seemed to be doing better and this came out of nowhere. While we were still in the emergency dept with him, I get a call from my dad that he's in the waiting room because he didn't have circulation in is leg. Come to find out, he had a rare blood cancer that caused clotting. They gave him Heparin to thin the blood and he had a rare allergic reaction which caused even MORE clots as well as clots in his lungs. They had to amputate his leg above the knee and he was in the hospital for 5 months.

    The military school gave the youngest a second chance and that bought us another 4mo until he got kicked out for good (found out right before my grandmother's funeral). At that point we felt we had no choice but to send him to a therapeutic boarding school. He seemed to be doing great there and happy, but things started smelling fishy when there was a CPS investigation and mass exodus of staff members and kids going missing. So all the parents decided to go get their kids. It's been 5mo since he's been home and it's been up and down. I hired him a sober coach and he convinced him to start going to NA meetings. He had had a few relapses, but has come clean every time and elected to go to a recovery high school and participate in an Alternative Peer Group. We have family therapy. He still hasn't opened up to his individual therapist enough to allow him to take him through grief therapy, but home life and our relationship has greatly improved. Then out the blue, he ran away last week. Came back and said he really wants to be here, but I found out last night he's making plans to skip out and move to Utah. I'm just lost. My husband and I have been going to Alanon meetings and it's helped us with Acceptance. I just feel at this point we done EVERYTHING we could and if he still wants to leave I think we will let him.

    And on top of that, my mother has been going through a psychotic depression of some sort with auditory hallucinations and delusions. And we lost my MIL to Covid over the summer.

    Whew, that was a lot off of my chest. Sorry to dump.

    wow, just wow .. you poor thing , what a trial you've had. You certainly have done everything and more. Maybe with his moving away you and your husband will finally get a break. Im so sorry that life has thrown this all at you.. it would break many. Biggest of hugs to you.

    May I ask, how is your eldest?
  • fstrickl
    fstrickl Posts: 883 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    I rarely ever come into the chit chat forum. I've been very open about my personal life with my friends on my profile page, but I don't ever go into much personal stuff on the forums. But I really applaud this thread because it's true that everyone is going through something and we need to do a better job of being kind. It's what made HONY so popular.

    2019 and 2020 have just been awful. The worst two years of my life so far. My youngest son is 16.5 and was adopted at 18mo. He was abandoned twice and neglected in the first year of his life. My husband and myself were ignorant of early childhood trauma and naively believed that a stable loving home would be all that he needed in order to break the cycle of mental health, drug use and behavioral issues his biological family suffered from. Looking back, signs of attachment issues were there from the start but we didn't recognize it. Instead we took him to neuropsychiatrists and therapists who diagnosed him with an alphabet soup of issues (ADHD, OCD, Anxiety, Tourettes, ODD, etc) We spent thousands of dollars on therapies and counselors (individual and family). By the time he reached middle school he was addicted to nicotine, smoking weed regularly and failing school. Things went downhill fast in 9th grade after his two best friends were killed in a murder/suicide. He stopped going to school, started hanging out with gangs, dealing drugs, not coming home. We thought the structure of a military school may help. He'd at least be safe and they'd make him take his meds.

    Well after just a few months, last July they kicked him out. That same week, we found my oldest son (23) in a coma from a suicide attempt. We were floored because he had seemed to be doing better and this came out of nowhere. While we were still in the emergency dept with him, I get a call from my dad that he's in the waiting room because he didn't have circulation in is leg. Come to find out, he had a rare blood cancer that caused clotting. They gave him Heparin to thin the blood and he had a rare allergic reaction which caused even MORE clots as well as clots in his lungs. They had to amputate his leg above the knee and he was in the hospital for 5 months.

    The military school gave the youngest a second chance and that bought us another 4mo until he got kicked out for good (found out right before my grandmother's funeral). At that point we felt we had no choice but to send him to a therapeutic boarding school. He seemed to be doing great there and happy, but things started smelling fishy when there was a CPS investigation and mass exodus of staff members and kids going missing. So all the parents decided to go get their kids. It's been 5mo since he's been home and it's been up and down. I hired him a sober coach and he convinced him to start going to NA meetings. He had had a few relapses, but has come clean every time and elected to go to a recovery high school and participate in an Alternative Peer Group. We have family therapy. He still hasn't opened up to his individual therapist enough to allow him to take him through grief therapy, but home life and our relationship has greatly improved. Then out the blue, he ran away last week. Came back and said he really wants to be here, but I found out last night he's making plans to skip out and move to Utah. I'm just lost. My husband and I have been going to Alanon meetings and it's helped us with Acceptance. I just feel at this point we done EVERYTHING we could and if he still wants to leave I think we will let him.

    And on top of that, my mother has been going through a psychotic depression of some sort with auditory hallucinations and delusions. And we lost my MIL to Covid over the summer.

    Whew, that was a lot off of my chest. Sorry to dump.

    I don’t have children so I can’t even begin to imagine the situation you are in. I’m glad you dumped here though because that is what it’s for. It’s important to share and “get it out”. I’m so sorry for the stress and pain you must be feeling. 💛 I hope as time progresses your family finds exactly what it needs to bring healing. You are all stronger than you think!
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    @slimgirljo15 - he's doing well, thank you for asking. He has narcolepsy and severe depression. He still remembers absolutely nothing about it and doesn't think he meant to attempt suicide (he had an active plan a year before). But he got drunk (first time) and that evidently lowered his inhibitions enough to think it was a good idea to combine alcohol with his narcolepsy medication which is a HUGE no no. He had been housesitting for my father and if we hadn't randomly stopped by and found him I'm 100% convinced he would have died. When he came out of the coma and was still under the influence he confessed it was on purpose. He went to inpatient for a week and then an IOP for 12 weeks and started doing deep TMS and Ketamine treatments. The Ketamine seems to have helped him the most, and he's the happiest he's been in years (meaning not actively suicidal). But he still can't really function in society enough to support himself. Baby steps.

    I don't even know what to say. Wish I had more to offer than a virtual hug or words of encouragement.

    You're being majorly tested and I hope there is some light among the shadows very soon for you. I'm so sorry; life has been hugely challenging for you for awhile now.

    {{HUGS}}
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    @slimgirljo15 - he's doing well, thank you for asking. He has narcolepsy and severe depression. He still remembers absolutely nothing about it and doesn't think he meant to attempt suicide (he had an active plan a year before). But he got drunk (first time) and that evidently lowered his inhibitions enough to think it was a good idea to combine alcohol with his narcolepsy medication which is a HUGE no no. He had been housesitting for my father and if we hadn't randomly stopped by and found him I'm 100% convinced he would have died. When he came out of the coma and was still under the influence he confessed it was on purpose. He went to inpatient for a week and then an IOP for 12 weeks and started doing deep TMS and Ketamine treatments. The Ketamine seems to have helped him the most, and he's the happiest he's been in years (meaning not actively suicidal). But he still can't really function in society enough to support himself. Baby steps.

    Baby steps indeed. He's lucky to have such an involved and caring family. I hope he continues to improve and hopefully someday stand on his own two feet.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    mom23mangos wrote: »
    Whew, that was a lot off of my chest. Sorry to dump.

    You needn't apologize. I hope you don't mind if I pray for you and your family.

Categories