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Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
My ex is the same. It wasn't until the doc sat there in front of both of us and told him that he felt that meds could save our child's life. That the anxiety and depression was putting their life at risk. When faced with the doc prescribing it, all of a sudden he'd look like a bad guy saying no to his child's medical need.
We had to go to court to get them therapy, and now we're heading back to court to give me full custody because the kids have both decided they can't handle living there anymore.
It's so hard. It's exhausting and expensive and so damn unfair that you have to fight for their health with the one other person who's supposed to care as much as you do.
You're not alone in this. If you ever need an ear... Reach out. I am always willing to listen!13 -
Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
Nadine, Im so sorry you and your son are going through this. Your son is going to need your strength.. no doubt your ex will be in his ear telling him what he wants him to do.
One day at a time lovely.. you and your son stand strong against your ex's abuse.
I know it can be tiring but hang on, eventually there'll be light at the end of the tunnel. You're a great mother and thankfully a comforting, stable spot in your kids lives.
The biggest of warm hugs to you 😙
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@KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
My ex is the same. It wasn't until the doc sat there in front of both of us and told him that he felt that meds could save our child's life. That the anxiety and depression was putting their life at risk. When faced with the doc prescribing it, all of a sudden he'd look like a bad guy saying no to his child's medical need.
We had to go to court to get them therapy, and now we're heading back to court to give me full custody because the kids have both decided they can't handle living there anymore.
It's so hard. It's exhausting and expensive and so damn unfair that you have to fight for their health with the one other person who's supposed to care as much as you do.
You're not alone in this. If you ever need an ear... Reach out. I am always willing to listen!@slimgirljo15 wrote: »Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
Nadine, Im so sorry you and your son are going through this. Your son is going to need your strength.. no doubt your ex will be in his ear telling him what he wants him to do.
One day at a time lovely.. you and your son stand strong against your ex's abuse.
I know it can be tiring but hang on, eventually there'll be light at the end of the tunnel. You're a great mother and thankfully a comforting, stable spot in your kids lives.
The biggest of warm hugs to you 😙
Thank you both. I appreciate your support. It is comforting to have someone other than my parents telling me I am not the evil one here. It starts to get to a person eventually7 -
Here, have a brawndo.
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Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
Check your divorce papers as well...one person has legal say over medical decisions. And seek psychiatric advice/help immediately. These things need immediate action. I know from experience. PM me if you need to talk.6 -
Hi, I'm looking to gain a better sense of discipline and ownership of my flaws. I understand that no one is perfect but we've been programmed to think that way because everything around us tells us so. I myself need to be comfortable in my own skin and do what works for me. Feel free to add me if you like. Its refreshing to hear honest perspectives.
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Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fightingKickassAmazon76 wrote: »My ex is the same. It wasn't until the doc sat there in front of both of us and told him that he felt that meds could save our child's life. That the anxiety and depression was putting their life at risk. When faced with the doc prescribing it, all of a sudden he'd look like a bad guy saying no to his child's medical need.
We had to go to court to get them therapy, and now we're heading back to court to give me full custody because the kids have both decided they can't handle living there anymore.
It's so hard. It's exhausting and expensive and so damn unfair that you have to fight for their health with the one other person who's supposed to care as much as you do.
You're not alone in this. If you ever need an ear... Reach out. I am always willing to listen!
Kudos to both of you for standing up for your kids when they need you the most! Parents have a hard enough job raising kids without having to fight over every little thing with the other parent. I see a lot of parents who can't put away the hard feelings for their ex long enough to do what's right for their kids. It's heartbreaking.3 -
Versicolour wrote: »My 13yo son told me he was depressed a week ago. This didn't surprise me, since he has been showing signs of depression and mid 2020 my ex insisted he instantly stop medication he was on for generalized anxiety disorder (which he was put on as a matter of urgency before it turned into depression). I told him I would take him to the doctor and get whatever treatment he needed. I informed my ex and was blasted and abused and threatened and blamed. He refused to consent to resuming medication and said I was pushing drugs onto my child. Eventually I was forced to look to the law, which states that a child of over 12 years can give their own consent for medication. I told my ex that his consent was not required and if my son felt he needs the medication to function, he can take it. I was then threatened with having both my children taken from me. He has no leg to stand on, but it has made this one hellish week with no sign of improvement. I am just so tired of fighting
The age at which kids can make independent medical decisions varies. I thought 14 was low but 12! It absolutely works in this situation considering the other parent's judgement seems to be selfishly clouded with disdain for you.
With my kids and their two completely different scenarios, I felt it was important for them to understand both their rights as well as responsibilities when it comes to their health, the decisions they make and potential implications. It's a lot for adults so the multiple, gentle, objective, fact-based conversations you and your teen's healthcare team can have with them are important and set them up for better self-care behaviours as they mature.
You're doing good to keep your boundaries up while communicating with your ex @Versicolour. And add/remove some boundaries as the situation warrants. You're protecting yourself and your family.
No distractions needed.
Hopefully, the father will come around to helpful co-parenting and child rearing but you can't wait around for that nor can you be the one to support him to do so if he insists on being unreasonably contrarian.3 -
Having been married to someone who was skilled in the art of passive aggressive behaviour, and who fits many of the NPD attributes... sometimes I feel like "generic" messages are aimed at me as a form of judgement.
I find myself thinking... Am I feeling this way because they feel true? Do I feel defensive because they sting? Or am I just so used to being indirectly attacked that I'm always on the defensive?
I spent a number of years where gas lighting was the norm and it can really get you to a place where you question EVERYTHING and have a hard time trusting in anything.
Sometimes I feel called into a conversation just so I can be slapped out of it... And I really wonder... Is this really what's happening, or am I still so damaged that I am seeing stuff that isn't there.
I dunno. Mental abuse is a really disgusting form of abuse. It's one where noone else sees the scars that you see every day.9 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Having been married to someone who was skilled in the art of passive aggressive behaviour, and who fits many of the NPD attributes... sometimes I feel like "generic" messages are aimed at me as a form of judgement.
I find myself thinking... Am I feeling this way because they feel true? Do I feel defensive because they sting? Or am I just so used to being indirectly attacked that I'm always on the defensive?
I spent a number of years where gas lighting was the norm and it can really get you to a place where you question EVERYTHING and have a hard time trusting in anything.
Sometimes I feel called into a conversation just so I can be slapped out of it... And I really wonder... Is this really what's happening, or am I still so damaged that I am seeing stuff that isn't there.
I dunno. Mental abuse is a really disgusting form of abuse. It's one where noone else sees the scars that you see every day.
I know exactly what you mean. It is easy for people who have never been through it to question why you stayed and why you believed all the nonsense. But being right there in the middle of it is completely different. It seems they move on so easily and so quickly while we are left trying to stick the dust and ashes together with silly putty. I do believe we come out out of it as diamonds though, and they will never be more than lumps of coal
Big hugs 🤗8 -
@KickassAmazon76 and @Versicolour
Sorry to hear your relationships have made you think so negatively of yourselves. When I say 'it's them, not you', it's the truth. I firmly believe people degrade and/or pick on others to make themselves feel mightier, more important. And I don't believe they ever become happy because they'll never be happy with themselves. PLEASE don't let them destroy the essence and beauty of who you are.
There are so many ways another person can make someone feel lower than low, whether it's their intention or not. Truly sad when it happens to lovely and vulnerable people because they end up believing it about themselves. It's a difficult mindset to turn back around and regain your esteem.8 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »Having been married to someone who was skilled in the art of passive aggressive behaviour, and who fits many of the NPD attributes... sometimes I feel like "generic" messages are aimed at me as a form of judgement.
I find myself thinking... Am I feeling this way because they feel true? Do I feel defensive because they sting? Or am I just so used to being indirectly attacked that I'm always on the defensive?
I spent a number of years where gas lighting was the norm and it can really get you to a place where you question EVERYTHING and have a hard time trusting in anything.
Sometimes I feel called into a conversation just so I can be slapped out of it... And I really wonder... Is this really what's happening, or am I still so damaged that I am seeing stuff that isn't there.
I dunno. Mental abuse is a really disgusting form of abuse. It's one where noone else sees the scars that you see every day.
I can relate to this on so many levels.7 -
My younger sister (43) had a stroke over the weekend. While they were treating her for the stroke they found heart disease as well. The number one reason why I started getting fit and healthy was because of the family history of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and cancer. I went to visit yesterday and I cringed as she lit a cigarette. The insanity continues.19
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Oh no @GymGoddess!!
I hope she recovers 100%, has no more issues AND changes her lifestyle.2 -
GymGoddessGoals wrote: »My younger sister (43) had a stroke over the weekend. While they were treating her for the stroke they found heart disease as well. The number one reason why I started getting fit and healthy was because of the family history of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and cancer. I went to visit yesterday and I cringed as she lit a cigarette. The insanity continues.
It is so frustrating to watch behavior like that. Don't fall into the trap of taking it upon yourself though, you can't make people want to change unfortunately5 -
Oh no @GymGoddess!!
I hope she recovers 100%, has no more issues AND changes her lifestyle.GymGoddessGoals wrote: »My younger sister (43) had a stroke over the weekend. While they were treating her for the stroke they found heart disease as well. The number one reason why I started getting fit and healthy was because of the family history of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and cancer. I went to visit yesterday and I cringed as she lit a cigarette. The insanity continues.
It is so hard seeing the people you care about hurting themselves. I'm glad she survived and hopefully they can reverse some of the damage or stop it from progressing.
Here's hoping she sees the need to change now, too. ❤️2 -
@ReenieHJ @Versicolour @_sw33tp3a_11
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your responses and perspectives. It's been a busy couple days (work stupid) and I have been thinking about your sweet hearts and awesome responses. So often you offer love and acceptance to virtual strangers, and I appreciate you all for that.
Some days it's disheartening to know just how many hurting people there are out there, but then kind and empathetic people like you show up, and it just balances everything out again.
❤️
Thank you.7 -
KickassAmazon76 wrote: »@ReenieHJ @Versicolour @_sw33tp3a_11
I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for your responses and perspectives. It's been a busy couple days (work stupid) and I have been thinking about your sweet hearts and awesome responses. So often you offer love and acceptance to virtual strangers, and I appreciate you all for that.
Some days it's disheartening to know just how many hurting people there are out there, but then kind and empathetic people like you show up, and it just balances everything out again.
❤️
Thank you.
I've found, throughout life, it feels very validating to know you're not alone in your feelings, thoughts and experiences. Nothing worse than thinking it's your fault or only happens because of you and only to you. That can make you feel so alone in the world which is never a good feeling.
Even as introverted as I am, I still need a social circle of some kind to know *I'm okay* and this kind of stuff happens to others. So it helps to let others know they're not alone.
I'm not much of a talker but a heckuva listener.8 -
4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »GymGoddessGoals wrote: »My younger sister (43) had a stroke over the weekend. While they were treating her for the stroke they found heart disease as well. The number one reason why I started getting fit and healthy was because of the family history of diabetes, heart disease, stroke and cancer. I went to visit yesterday and I cringed as she lit a cigarette. The insanity continues.
It is so frustrating to watch behavior like that. Don't fall into the trap of taking it upon yourself though, you can't make people want to change unfortunately
My ex husband smoked for about fifteen years, and had a massive heart attack at 48. He had a 5-way bypass. They also discovered he was type 2 diabetic at that point. The surgery had problems and he was in a coma for three months, during which he went from 350 pounds to 200. If he had lost another 50 pounds, and had some surgery to take off the sagging skin, he would have been at the weight he was when we married at 28. When he walked out of the rehab place, I was willing to do whatever it took to help him lose that remaining weight. If he wanted to eat vegetarian, ok, keto, IF, whatever, I was right there with him and I would make it tasty and interesting.
Instead he ate a full meal every four hours and put it all back on with interest in a year.
I finally had to leave him due to his hoarding. It broke my heart to watch him killing himself slowly, but there's nothing I can do to help anyone change unless they want to.
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I get it, I feel that way a lot too. I've made it through my eating disorder, but still struggle with my depression. I have ptsd as well from a suicide attempt, which isn't too bad now that I have medication. With covid I feel extra lonely and sad these days. I don't have a partner, and don't necessarily want one, but I guess I just want to feel loved sometimes, you know? Everyone around me seems to have their life together but I feel like I'm always covering up the fact that deep down I'm not doing so great.8
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