Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

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  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    Lack of opportunity to explore "that thing".
    Aversion to risk.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    edited February 2021
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    When I retired, I felt a little lost. I'd been working 50+ hours a week for 39 yrs.; my life was filled to the brim with working, living, breathing being a childcare provider along with being a mom of 3 who have now been on their own for 20 yrs. My friends told me now it was time for me, for whatever it was I've always wanted to do but never had time for. TBH, I was stumped. Still am a lot of the time. :/ I feel like I simply fill in little pockets of time with things to keep me busy. So I try to focus on things that make me feel needed, worthwhile, calm, happy. As far as having a passion, a calling or my thing, I'm not sure I'll ever find that. There are things I'd like to get into such as hiking but lack a hiking partner. I'd like to volunteer but between Covid and my introverted personality/lack of self-esteem, that hasn't happened.

    I think drive has a lot to do with putting yourself out there and finding things you care about. Confidence, time constraints, enthusiasm; I don't think chance has as much to do with it because I believe, for the most part, we can create our own chances, our own opportunities in life.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    For me, just chance. I was doing a perfectly adequate job when I got a temporary contract to work in a different role for 18 months (same employer, no risk) and suddenly I'd found my niche. I went in and out of both positions for several more years but I've been doing "my thing" permanently since 2007. I'm good at it, and I love what I do.

    I'm not very ambitious or driven so I'm sure I would have continued plodding along had this opportunity not landed in my lap.
  • jjpptt2
    jjpptt2 Posts: 5,650 Member
    edited February 2021
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.
  • 4legsRbetterthan2
    4legsRbetterthan2 Posts: 19,590 MFP Moderator
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.

    In my experience, introverted people usually are really good at finding their thing, they are just less apt to want to share it with others.
  • twitchandshout
    twitchandshout Posts: 1,591 Member
    edited February 2021
    4legsRbetterthan2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.

    In my experience, introverted people usually are really good at finding their thing, they are just less apt to want to share it with others.

    Yeah, I’ve seen this in action many times.

    I think it’s a mistake to conflate introversion with passivity and insecurity. Sometimes they go together. Often they don’t.
  • _sw33tp3a_11
    _sw33tp3a_11 Posts: 4,692 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.

    I think for me being that introverted, shy, insecure person has definitely halted my ability to take "my thing" and turn it into a successful thing. Whether it be for personal or financial gain. I have also been shamed for it. Its one of the main reasons why I stopped pursuing my passion.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.

    Insecurity and being introverted has definitely been a drawback for me. It's kept me from getting involved to the point I want to be involved, especially for things such as volunteerism. My personality plays too much of a part in convincing myself I'm not capable. I always feel judged in everything I do so tend to stay in my comfort zone. Not too many opportunities come knocking on my door for seeking my passion. :)
  • Versicolour
    Versicolour Posts: 7,164 Member
    twitchandshout wrote: »
    jamloche wrote: »
    I wake up earlier than anyone else does at my house. This morning I was going about my business, singing out loud the only verse I could remember of Please Come to Boston, and then my wife woke up. It was all exceedingly normal. She called me babydoll and kissed me. We talked about our jobs, and the chickens, and all the little things. Just a regular morning.

    A long time ago I told my wife that I always loved to hear her singing somewhere in the house, because then I know that she's feeling happy. This morning while I watched her out the screen door as she made her way to her car, it occurred to me that I can't remember the last time I heard her sing.

    I don't know what to do about that.

    you noticed ❤️
    That’s a start.

    Ditto this.
    I hope you can work together to bring back her joy
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    jamloche wrote: »
    I wake up earlier than anyone else does at my house. This morning I was going about my business, singing out loud the only verse I could remember of Please Come to Boston, and then my wife woke up. It was all exceedingly normal. She called me babydoll and kissed me. We talked about our jobs, and the chickens, and all the little things. Just a regular morning.

    A long time ago I told my wife that I always loved to hear her singing somewhere in the house, because then I know that she's feeling happy. This morning while I watched her out the screen door as she made her way to her car, it occurred to me that I can't remember the last time I heard her sing.

    I don't know what to do about that.

    And Valentine's Day is only 10 days away. Now's your chance to think of romance. :)
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    jjpptt2 wrote: »
    A serious question for hopefully some serious responses...

    Why do you think some people find "their thing" - the thing they love or the thing they were "meant to do", while others simply go through the motions of day-to-day life?

    Is it just chance?
    Is it drive and desire for more/better?
    Is it... ?

    I wonder if there is any correlation with personality type. Are people who tend to be more passive/introverted/insecure less apt to find their "thing"? My initial thought is yes as they are, based on my own experience as a passive/introverted/insecure person, less apt to be involved in a wide variety of experiences. Insecure would also suggest less apt to take risks...

    I also wonder if they'd be more apt to quit if/when things got difficult. So maybe they are both less apt to find their thing, but also less apt to keep it.

    I'm very introverted but not especially passive, I can be incredibly stubborn at times. However, I'm generally quite easygoing and just let most stuff roll off me, Not ambitious or driven when it comes to my career but I certainly was when it came to academic pursuits.

    I definitely would not quit when things got difficult. My personal (slightly masochistic) work ethic says you stick it out.
  • ythannah
    ythannah Posts: 4,371 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    I feel like it kinda sucks that I have to drag this thread up right before a holiday devoted to love and friendship, but... here goes:

    As some of you know, my stepmother has a form of uterine cancer. A particularly aggressive version. She had chemotherapy through half of last year and then had surgery in Nov. to remove the offending tumor and affected nearby areas. Doctor and surgeon thought they had gotten all they could find, but continued with the remaining chemotherapy treatments to help blast any potentially offensive cells. This last week was supposed to be her last chemotherapy treatment, but... the tests show the cancer cells have come back and have showed up in small areas near her liver and some other organs, so they are having to move on to other therapy options.

    Now, the doctor has *not* said "get your affairs in order" or implied palliative care yet, but the news still isn't good. And I can hear my father's fear, sadness and stress every time we talk about it. I worry about them both... and if I'm honest, I am not positive. The cancer she has has a recurrent rate of 95%. Usually, people who go into remission are lucky if they gain an extra five years. I know my dad and I are on the same wavelength in this regard.

    My stepmother remains the same, not seeming to let anything bother her. She knows the news isn't great, but outside of the normal side effects from having surgery and chemotherapy, she seems to be feeling fine. No noticeable cancer symptoms so far and I imagine that's because the chemotherapy *was* keeping the growths at bay.

    I'm just really worried. I don't think my dad can survive without her. I really, really don't. But given the information received and the survival rates, I fear that's where this is going... and quicker than anyone would have liked.

    I'm so sorry :'( Hoping for the best for your family.
  • Miss_Chiev0us_
    Miss_Chiev0us_ Posts: 2,208 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    I feel like it kinda sucks that I have to drag this thread up right before a holiday devoted to love and friendship, but... here goes:

    As some of you know, my stepmother has a form of uterine cancer. A particularly aggressive version. She had chemotherapy through half of last year and then had surgery in Nov. to remove the offending tumor and affected nearby areas. Doctor and surgeon thought they had gotten all they could find, but continued with the remaining chemotherapy treatments to help blast any potentially offensive cells. This last week was supposed to be her last chemotherapy treatment, but... the tests show the cancer cells have come back and have showed up in small areas near her liver and some other organs, so they are having to move on to other therapy options.

    Now, the doctor has *not* said "get your affairs in order" or implied palliative care yet, but the news still isn't good. And I can hear my father's fear, sadness and stress every time we talk about it. I worry about them both... and if I'm honest, I am not positive. The cancer she has has a recurrent rate of 95%. Usually, people who go into remission are lucky if they gain an extra five years. I know my dad and I are on the same wavelength in this regard.

    My stepmother remains the same, not seeming to let anything bother her. She knows the news isn't great, but outside of the normal side effects from having surgery and chemotherapy, she seems to be feeling fine. No noticeable cancer symptoms so far and I imagine that's because the chemotherapy *was* keeping the growths at bay.

    I'm just really worried. I don't think my dad can survive without her. I really, really don't. But given the information received and the survival rates, I fear that's where this is going... and quicker than anyone would have liked.

    I'm so sorry 💔 this pulls at my heart strings.  I really hate that doctors give survival rates. When I was going through chemotherapy I met a lady who was given 6 months to live, she was told that 2 years ago. Yes, she has terminal cancer but the treatments she is doing right now works for her. For how long? Who knows but nobody knows when their day will come even if they aren't sick. There's alot of treatments out there.. maybe it's just me being in denial about my own reecurence rate but I refuse to think of myself or anyone else as a statistic. I hope that they can find something that works for her so she can stick around longer. My heart goes out to you and your family ❤  As hard as it is... your stepmother doesn't want to see you all sad and worried.
  • MaltedTea
    MaltedTea Posts: 6,286 Member
    @glassyo You're being super practical and that's a good trait to have in any career or role. You're on to bigger and better even if you can't see it yet.

    @KosmosKitten It's not a drag to bring up personal concerns. They sound like a wonderful, complementary couple and I'm praying for the best outcomes for them both.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @glassyo You're being super practical and that's a good trait to have in any career or role. You're on to bigger and better even if you can't see it yet.

    @KosmosKitten It's not a drag to bring up personal concerns. They sound like a wonderful, complementary couple and I'm praying for the best outcomes for them both.

    Heh, apparently to the point of getting commentary by the treating facility staff every time they go in for tests or to do chemo.

    They usually spend hours playing Yahtzee on my stepmom's tablet. Apparently, they get quite a bit of positive gossip from the staff due to how they are. My dad hates leaving her and will spend the entire day doing things for her, playing games or taking naps in chairs together while she gets her chemo.

    They are pretty cute together.



  • RAinWA
    RAinWA Posts: 1,980 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @glassyo You're being super practical and that's a good trait to have in any career or role. You're on to bigger and better even if you can't see it yet.

    @KosmosKitten It's not a drag to bring up personal concerns. They sound like a wonderful, complementary couple and I'm praying for the best outcomes for them both.

    Heh, apparently to the point of getting commentary by the treating facility staff every time they go in for tests or to do chemo.

    They usually spend hours playing Yahtzee on my stepmom's tablet. Apparently, they get quite a bit of positive gossip from the staff due to how they are. My dad hates leaving her and will spend the entire day doing things for her, playing games or taking naps in chairs together while she gets her chemo.

    They are pretty cute together.



    It's so hard not to worry, especially when you aren't right there with them to see what's going on.

    It is awesome that he goes with her - I'm sure she appreciates having him there.

    I'd go in with my husband for chemo and spend most of the time working, but the point was being there for him. Then they banned visitors from the hospital and that made it so much harder on him. He's not doing chemo any more, but I'm hoping they start letting people in by the time of his next appointment. Being there virtually is not the same.
  • ReenieHJ
    ReenieHJ Posts: 9,724 Member
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @glassyo You're being super practical and that's a good trait to have in any career or role. You're on to bigger and better even if you can't see it yet.

    @KosmosKitten It's not a drag to bring up personal concerns. They sound like a wonderful, complementary couple and I'm praying for the best outcomes for them both.

    Heh, apparently to the point of getting commentary by the treating facility staff every time they go in for tests or to do chemo.

    They usually spend hours playing Yahtzee on my stepmom's tablet. Apparently, they get quite a bit of positive gossip from the staff due to how they are. My dad hates leaving her and will spend the entire day doing things for her, playing games or taking naps in chairs together while she gets her chemo.

    They are pretty cute together.



    It sounds like they've been lucky in finding and loving each other; they sound like such a sweet couple. <3 While it might not be an encouraging prognosis, never give up hoping because one never really knows. Wishing you all the best.
  • KosmosKitten
    KosmosKitten Posts: 10,476 Member
    RAinWA wrote: »
    KosmosKitten wrote: »
    MaltedTea wrote: »
    @glassyo You're being super practical and that's a good trait to have in any career or role. You're on to bigger and better even if you can't see it yet.

    @KosmosKitten It's not a drag to bring up personal concerns. They sound like a wonderful, complementary couple and I'm praying for the best outcomes for them both.

    Heh, apparently to the point of getting commentary by the treating facility staff every time they go in for tests or to do chemo.

    They usually spend hours playing Yahtzee on my stepmom's tablet. Apparently, they get quite a bit of positive gossip from the staff due to how they are. My dad hates leaving her and will spend the entire day doing things for her, playing games or taking naps in chairs together while she gets her chemo.

    They are pretty cute together.



    It's so hard not to worry, especially when you aren't right there with them to see what's going on.

    It is awesome that he goes with her - I'm sure she appreciates having him there.

    I'd go in with my husband for chemo and spend most of the time working, but the point was being there for him. Then they banned visitors from the hospital and that made it so much harder on him. He's not doing chemo any more, but I'm hoping they start letting people in by the time of his next appointment. Being there virtually is not the same.

    Yeah, I'm several states away and looking to move first to a new city in a month or two.. and then another country by the end of the year. I'm having a lot of conflicting emotions about this and a lot of guilt about things that were decided and planned well before we heard my stepmom's diagnosis.. or how it has progressed.

    It's one of the very few times I hate that I moved states to follow my husband's career. I want to be nearby and hang out at home, to help my dad and have a pleasant time helping my stepmom do craft related things (we both crochet and sew) and help put together puzzles.

    Oh man, it tore my dad up when she got hospitalized for something around Christmas. At first, no visitors were allowed because of Covid.. then it eased up and he was allowed to visit, but no one else. Then they went home together a day after Christmas. So they had Christmas together, albeit a day late. It just ended up being delayed tests for Covid that kept her in the hospital at that time, not her treatment or anything related to cancer.

    I do still Skype/video call them weekly to catch up and see them, but yeah, not the same. Not hardly.
  • SarahVeste
    SarahVeste Posts: 16 Member
    I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder and sometimes life just seems way too overwhelming... I don't think I will ever be free of it, but I can function as a normal human being most of the time so I'm counting that as a sucess...even if I am reliant on my meds to keep me going.
  • glassyo
    glassyo Posts: 7,734 Member
    *peeks in*

    *glares @MaltedTea *

    I just talked to my boss and I'm not being fired and my jury summons was transferred to closer to home while also being transferred to after our busy season (well, one of them).

    So now I can fund my IRA and decide to either buy a new phone or get the one I have fixed and make those purchases from Target and Walmart I've been putting off and...well...I'm probably still not going to reconnect my tv and landline since I kinda was thinking to disconnect them anyway. When sending the dvr back, the guy at the ups store was like, "OMG!" Yeah, it was old. I've been with my cable company forever. :)

    And hopefully stop stress eating...sheesh!

    I won't be able to help being hit by that car, tho. :) (I shouldn't smile. The more I think about it, the more I REALLY don't want to die in pain. And I'd probably just be maimed anyway.

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