Serious/heavy/deep/real stuff

forestfreek wrote: »

Well, this seems a good a place as any to say this. I would never admit this in my “real life” as too many people depend on me but....
I’ve been a caregiver all of my life. Growing up it was to my alcoholic, pill-popping, abusive mother (my dad conveniently checked out when I was 10) and ever since I’ve been into adulthood I’ve worked in a career where I take care of it people with severe developmental and mental health issues. I have an 8 year old that obviously I parent, as well.
My friends all come to me for support and I pride myself on always being there for them as I do love them. I’m sick of dating as I feel as I’m always just taking on another person to “mother”.
Since COVID I’ve been working massive overtime and am burnt out. I’m so sick of taking care of other people and not myself.

There. I said it.
And I feel better.
I don’t need any advice or pats on the back for what I do. I just needed to vent and be heard.
❤️

Totally get this. There are times I think if one more person needs something from me I am going to scream. I don't and just get on with it, but a break would be good just every once in awhile.

It's really funny how life works. For many years, I've had a career that I loved but overworked myself, I've even tried other jobs to see if it was better for me mentally because I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life and I was exhausted mentally.

Now I think of myself before cancer and I miss her but in a way I really don't. I wish I could tell her to take better care of herself. I wish I could have given that girl more love, grace and appreciation instead of working myself crazy, not eating right and not doing things that really made me happy because I always put others first.

It's easy to get caught up in working crazy hours, jobs that don't make us happy because we always want more, a bigger house,  more stuff... but at the end of the day, none of it matters if you don't have your health.

It may be a little too late for me but I refuse to be a statistic and I will not be scared to live anymore, I refuse to do things that don't make me feel good or that doesn't make me a better person anymore.

Health is the real wealth and only the ill truely understands this. For anyone who is reading this, please be kind to yourself 💙 you deserve a long healthy life.

Deadman_Diggingup wrote: »

Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »

It's really funny how life works. For many years, I've had a career that I loved but overworked myself, I've even tried other jobs to see if it was better for me mentally because I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life and I was exhausted mentally.

Now I think of myself before cancer and I miss her but in a way I really don't. I wish I could tell her to take better care of herself. I wish I could have given that girl more love, grace and appreciation instead of working myself crazy, not eating right and not doing things that really made me happy because I always put others first.

It's easy to get caught up in working crazy hours, jobs that don't make us happy because we always want more, a bigger house,  more stuff... but at the end of the day, none of it matters if you don't have your health.

It may be a little too late for me but I refuse to be a statistic and I will not be scared to live anymore, I refuse to do things that don't make me feel good or that doesn't make me a better person anymore.

Health is the real wealth and only the ill truely understands this. For anyone who is reading this, please be kind to yourself 💙 you deserve a long healthy life.

I’m so very proud of you ☺️

And I am proud of you too ❤

twitchandshout wrote: »

Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »

It's really funny how life works. For many years, I've had a career that I loved but overworked myself, I've even tried other jobs to see if it was better for me mentally because I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life and I was exhausted mentally.

Now I think of myself before cancer and I miss her but in a way I really don't. I wish I could tell her to take better care of herself. I wish I could have given that girl more love, grace and appreciation instead of working myself crazy, not eating right and not doing things that really made me happy because I always put others first.

It's easy to get caught up in working crazy hours, jobs that don't make us happy because we always want more, a bigger house,  more stuff... but at the end of the day, none of it matters if you don't have your health.

It may be a little too late for me but I refuse to be a statistic and I will not be scared to live anymore, I refuse to do things that don't make me feel good or that doesn't make me a better person anymore.

Health is the real wealth and only the ill truely understands this. For anyone who is reading this, please be kind to yourself 💙 you deserve a long healthy life.

You are a gift. Thank you. ♥️

I appreciate your friendship ❤

Kashmir_314_ wrote: »

Miss_Chiev0us_ wrote: »

It's really funny how life works. For many years, I've had a career that I loved but overworked myself, I've even tried other jobs to see if it was better for me mentally because I've suffered from depression and anxiety most of my life and I was exhausted mentally.

Now I think of myself before cancer and I miss her but in a way I really don't. I wish I could tell her to take better care of herself. I wish I could have given that girl more love, grace and appreciation instead of working myself crazy, not eating right and not doing things that really made me happy because I always put others first.

It's easy to get caught up in working crazy hours, jobs that don't make us happy because we always want more, a bigger house,  more stuff... but at the end of the day, none of it matters if you don't have your health.

It may be a little too late for me but I refuse to be a statistic and I will not be scared to live anymore, I refuse to do things that don't make me feel good or that doesn't make me a better person anymore.

Health is the real wealth and only the ill truely understands this. For anyone who is reading this, please be kind to yourself 💙 you deserve a long healthy life.

You are such a breath of fresh air. ❤️

You're inspiring words are never taken lightly, T. Keep reaching for the stars 🙂

I hope it can reach someone who needs it. I will continue to try to make a difference and help for as long as I have left on this earth ❤ love ya girl! Xo

ReenieHJ wrote: »

@Miss_Chiev0us_

Simply {{HUGS}}

Hugs back at you ❤

AlexandraFindsHerself1971 wrote: »

My sister's husband is apparently actively dying. My sister and I are not close at all, but I do love her and wish she didn't have to deal with her husband dying.

It's been a bit of a whipsaw. First he had a bad bladder infection that wasn't going away, then he had cancer, and it had already metastasized to bone and spleen, but it was a curable cancer. And now today, apparently my mother is keeping my sister's 6 year old daughter because my brother-in-law is actively dying and making scary noises so it's best the little girl is out of the way, and "cousin who has done hospice work for 25 years and is a nurse" is up here to be with Sister during this time. So she has good on-the-ground help.

I am the most local to her of all of us so I said I will bring food over or run errands or whatever. I am autistic, and I really never got to know him very well (since my sister and I really don't get along well) and so I'm not floored by the emotion of "someone I love is dying". And I view this as useful because that way I can support the people I love who are going through all the emotions. I think I will make my mother some soup and bread so that she has something tasty and easy to eat through all this. And it gives me something to do.

Handling the food and errands is a lovely way to help. Having someone willing to take care of those things is an incredibly big help when dealing with such a difficult situation.

You are awesome for doing that.

ythannah wrote: »

ReenieHJ wrote: »

Argh
I hate when medical professionals give a time frame. Why can't they leave loved ones without those feelings?
My sister was told by Hospice nurses on Monday to call the funeral home because dh has only got 4-5 days. Nurses came yesterday and reiterated what they told her Monday. Back in Oct. Hospice felt he only had 2 weeks.
Obviously her dh has his own agenda. Don't tell people things like that. It doesn't help and will happen when it happens. Don't make people feel even worse during the last days.

I'm so sorry your sister is going through this.

I really don't think the funeral home wants to be notified until he's actually gone, particularly since these hospice nurses seem a bit off in their predictions.

Exactly!! My sister called them as the nurses suggested and that's what they told her. SMH Some of the nurses that've come through Hospice have been less than compassionate and very wrong about what they've suggested or said or told her to do in caring for him. There have even been lies from some of the management sources within the agency.

Thankfully most of them are the direct opposite and she's been so grateful for those. Even the chaplain and 1 of the social workers told my sister, 'well you've been doing this for so long you must be used to it by now'. I'm sorry? Used to watching your dh of 57 yrs. die little by little each day?

She did meet with a compassionate social worker who told her to not think ahead, to take each day as it comes. That helped her a lot. She knows what's coming, trust me, she's read enough on Alzheimer's to fill a library, but why steal what time she has left with dh by making her do *kitten* she doesn't even have to do yet??

I truly believe Hospice can be a godsend but some of the people working in our local agency need to be replaced.

Sorry, ranting about them seems to be my thing lately.

If there is any point from all of this, always question what people tell you, even if they're professionals and make it all sound good. A lot of the time it comes down to money and funding and incompetence. Don't ever be afraid of speaking up when something doesn't feel or sound right.

Hi Everyone... thank you to all of you that gave some good advise on how to deal with my 26 y/o step daughter. Some of you suggested that she needs to move out, she also wants to move out so she doesn't have to deal with us, which sounds good to me, but just not possible at this time. She does work, but only part time, and minimum wage. Things have calmed down for the most part, we are back on friendly terms, however she does lash-out at odd times, just not as bad as it was last week.
She was going to a therapist, but then decided on her own that she didn't need her, and that she would get more out of praying and possibly reading the bible (which, BTW, she never reads)... I feel that she needs at the very least to go back into therapy, but also feel that she would get a better diagnosis from a psychologist. She has been diagnosed with anxiety and OCD. I think there is something more going on, such as Bi-Polar disorder. Her Father would be willing and supportive to get her checked out, but her Mom is against it. She has a cousin that went to a psychologist, was put on meds, and then ended up in the hospital a couple of times... they are (SD Mom & Cousins Mom) are blaming the meds.
Bottom line, she is an "adult" and the decisions are hers to make. We will continue to give her a stable environment, something she does not get at her Mom's home. We hope that she will start school soon, so that she can get into a better paying job, so that she can feel better about herself and be able to mostly support herself.

Thank you again for your thoughts, it was very helpful to me.