Mention it or don’t? How should I phrase it?



  • westrich20940
    westrich20940 Posts: 861 Member
    edited May 2021
    I think it's totally fine to tell someone they're looking great or praise their hard work. I think you just have to think about how you phrase something like that.

    I've lost ~35lbs and I'm 5'3" and petite ( so weight loss or gain shows on me)....and now I'm definitely at the lower end of the general weight range for my height....but I do not think I look sick or anything --- but now I want to gain some muscle. People at first were like, "Oh wow! You lost a lot of weight!" and then immediately went into comments like "You're disappearing!" or "You don't need to lose anymore weight!"...etc. Those kinds of comments I've found have started to make me feel a little self-conscious. I know that I'm healthier now (before I was definitely overweight). When I hear comments like that (like I actually had 2 ppl say something like that to me yesterday) it makes me start thinking about what my own body image is. I think I look good right now...a little 'scrawny' maybe but I haven't been able to go to the gym until I got vaccinated so now I"m going. But it makes me second guess myself and think, "Do I look sick to other ppl or too skinny even though I think I look OK?" it can just be hard.

    But it's always totally fine to tell someone they're doing good...just don't make it such a huge deal I guess. IDK....I don't think there's a right answer really other than what someone's preference is, which you don't know stuff like that unless you're close and talk about it.
  • Mondowefte
    Mondowefte Posts: 150 Member
    Also, I saw on another thread about how some women felt nobody noticed some large weight losses. Maybe folks did, but like me decided it’s best to just mention it.

    This was possibly me. It is the people close to use that we want to hear reassurance from, though personally I wouldn't say no to an acquaintance.

    In a gym setting, I would generally go with a complement about their progress in exercise, such as their lifting increase, running speed or duration etc. Show that you are noticing the work involved.

  • Avidkeo
    Avidkeo Posts: 3,190 Member
    John772016 wrote: »
    When I lost 110lbs I got lots of comments; they started around 55lbs. I took all of them as positive. All.
    We're they? No idea. They were to me.

    We're so wired sometimes to be offended that we can forget that most people are trying to be nice. Awkward, sure, we're human.

    I agree with @jjpptt2 , your intention is important and you cannot control their choices. You decided not to say anything and that's fine.

    I know when I eventually get back into the gym, I hope some regulars acknowledge my hard work while being locked out.

    Try being a woman who is just working out and getting unsolicited comments. All. The. Time.
    And no, it's not nice, the words may be nice but the intent and tone is not. So I agree with others, a man commenting on my progress would probably be unwelcome, and probably downright creepy. We don't want or need to hear the opinion of a random person at the gym. Ask why you feel the need to compliment.

    That said, the OP seems to have a previous relationship with her, so then I'd say it would be fine.