A Broken Man, But Better...
Replies
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glennasgarden wrote: »Thank you so much for posting your story. You have already impacted many people's lives.I'm glad you shared! I can only imagine how difficult it was, but you're story is inspiring. I'm willing to bet there are people lurking and reading who will find motivation from your journey.
I really do hope this thread has reached someone that it could help, that is what I used to find the courage to make that first post. I honestly feel fairly exposed and on edge about the whole thing still but enough people have commented about their own traumas and anxiety that I feel less alone, and I hope they do as well.
If there is anyone lurking and trying to find the strength to post, whether here or on their own thread, I would ask that you give it a shot. It's not easy, and I spend far too much time thinking about my posts and replies before I'm able to post them, but it is the most human interaction I've had for a long time and I've yet to have anyone tear me down or be negative. My life is not fixed, but I think I'm starting on the right path.7 -
Joyfulandactive wrote: »Thank you for posting, you have come such a long way in a short time. Have you considered getting a dog? Then you would need to leave and walk your dog and least once a day and you can have easy non-threatening interactions when people say hi to your dog. We have a Rough Collie (the Lassie dogs) and I would highly recommend this breed. Not only are they gorgeous and get positive attention but they are very lovable and sensitive by nature. She has literally clambered over a chair to give me a “hug” when I was sitting crying one day. They are great because as much as they enjoy being outside and long walks if you want, at home they are calm and happy to just hang out with you and lie around. They are not hyper or anxious. They are often used as therapy dogs so you could see if a breeder in your state trains therapy dogs. They can literally train a dog for you personally, so whatever your struggles are the dog will respond. For example if they sense you are anxious they will sit by you. They are an intelligent breed originally used for herding and if you want to get out and be more adventurous they are up for anything. They are very good with people, especially children, and other dogs so you won’t have any issues at dog parks with aggression or jumping up.
My therapist has been recommending an emotional support animal for a while now. She has recently started teasing me because she says I'm the first person she's had to try to convince to do it. She normally has people go to her trying to get a letter from her so they can get around the no pets policy of their lease.
I absolutely love animals and had pets for a good portion of my life, and while I would love to have a dog there are a few issues:
The first issue is that I am still unemployed and can hardly afford to feed myself, so it wouldn't be fair to have an animal that I couldn't take care of. I'm trying to get my financial situation turned around but I'm already delinquent on my rent so if I can't do that soon things are going to get a lot worse pretty soon.
The second issue is that my lease is adamant about no pets allowed. I haven't looked into what laws they are required to follow regarding service or support animals but I imagine it would be something of a process to make it happen.
The third issue is that, contrary to my current situation, I strongly believe in community. As I said in my first post, I don't really have anyone in my life. If I were to get into a car accident or something there would be nobody to miss me or notice my absence, by extension there would be nobody to step up and make sure any animals I had would be cared for. I understand that a large part of this issue comes down to having a negative mindset at the moment, but the rational part of my brain also recognizes it as a legitimate concern.
That's my long-winded way of saying thank you for the recommendation and I think it's a great idea. Unfortunately there are some things I need to address before I can make that happen.10 -
Chanda7799 wrote: »I’m glad you have given up! One day at a time!salleewins wrote: »Congratulations!! You have done well with all the obstacles you are dealing with!! We applaud your perserverance and many blessings we hope for you!! Never give up!! You are worth it always in the past and present!!
I have gone through a lot of trauma as well. It is hard. I am not done either, but growing as you. One minute, one day at a time. We have a purpose here. We definitely help others and can comfort others with the comfort we have gotten when we can.
Yes I believe one message here has a typo.
Yes the rent is most important, and the dog could be a goal down the road.
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@BendableButMendable thanks for your reply. I also have another thought, I am a Catholic and usually is every parish we have a group named the Society of St Vincent DePaul (SVDP). The group is made up of ordinary parishioners and their only purpose is to help people in the community in any practical way they can. There is no need to be Catholic or even have any faith and no requirement whatsoever to become Christian or attend church etc. Our group has done things such as pay people’s rent when they lost their job, paid the test fee for a guy to take is HGV license so he could get a job driving trucks, helped an elderly person downsize and move house when they had no family/friends to help. Helped a single mom find affordable childcare etc etc. Because they serve locally they are aware of all the local resources and also the group is made up of people willing to befriend others and do practical tasks or give support in any way they can. If you call them they usually send two people out to have a chat with you and assess where you are at and how they can help in the most useful way. One member brought me groceries when I had a child with cancer and couldn’t leave the house for example. If you want to make friends locally and would welcome some genuine practical help please give your local Catholic parish a call and ask for the SVDP.
https://ssvpusa.org/
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Thanks for posting. From one introvert to another I found this inspiring and I know not easy putting yourself out there. You look great. Job well done. I did love the beard too!4
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You are so brave. Thank you for sharing your journey. I can definitely identify with some of the things you posted and wish you every success as you continue to make progress in coming back to the world and to yourself.2
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I think this was a really great step on your journey. Thank you for trusting this community enough to share it
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No need to respond. I am thankful to have read your post. I felt many connections to what you wrote - hiding from life, toxic work environment, fighting to come back to yourself, struggling with keeping yourself safe without withdrawing from the world. Your words have given me the opportunity to reflect on this in my own life. Thank you.2
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BendableButMendable wrote: »My therapist has been recommending an emotional support animal for a while now.
I absolutely love animals and had pets for a good portion of my life, and while I would love to have a dog there are a few issues:
The first issue is that I am still unemployed and can hardly afford to feed myself...
The second issue is that my lease is adamant about no pets allowed...
The third issue is that, contrary to my current situation, I strongly believe in community...
That's my long-winded way of saying thank you for the recommendation and I think it's a great idea. Unfortunately there are some things I need to address before I can make that happen.
Hi!
Firstly, thanks for posting your story and keeping us updated.
Secondly, have you considered dog walking for an elderly or immobile person? I realize you will have personal hurdles to jump, and you'd need to discuss with your therapist. Dog walking for someone would give you a reason to go out, interaction with another person (the dog owner), interaction with the dog and the satisfaction of giving something back into society and free exercise for yourself! As you are the one doing the dog walking, it will be mostly on your terms too.
Good luck with whatever you decide
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Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I'm so glad you did. You're brave and doing all the right things for your physical as well as mental health. Bravo!2
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Your community might also have no-cost pet therapy programs that allow you to interact with trained therapy animals. I don't know if that would fit the bill, but you might consider asking your therapist about it and whether they know of a program near you.BendableButMendable wrote: »My therapist has been recommending an emotional support animal for a while now.
I absolutely love animals and had pets for a good portion of my life, and while I would love to have a dog there are a few issues:
The first issue is that I am still unemployed and can hardly afford to feed myself...
The second issue is that my lease is adamant about no pets allowed...
The third issue is that, contrary to my current situation, I strongly believe in community...
That's my long-winded way of saying thank you for the recommendation and I think it's a great idea. Unfortunately there are some things I need to address before I can make that happen.
Hi!
Firstly, thanks for posting your story and keeping us updated.
Secondly, have you considered dog walking for an elderly or immobile person? I realize you will have personal hurdles to jump, and you'd need to discuss with your therapist. Dog walking for someone would give you a reason to go out, interaction with another person (the dog owner), interaction with the dog and the satisfaction of giving something back into society and free exercise for yourself! As you are the one doing the dog walking, it will be mostly on your terms too.
Good luck with whatever you decide2 -
I owe everyone that has contributed to this thread an apology. I'm sorry that I disappeared and haven't responded in a couple weeks, that was rude and inconsiderate at best.
I have been really struggling the last couple weeks with the stress of my finances and trying to get the courage to actually look for work. Work has always been difficult for me. I don't mean that in a "I'm lazy and I don't wanna" kind of way, I mean that it has always been a hostile environment for me. There are three ways that I'm significantly different from the average person, all three of those differences has lead to teasing and bullying, one of them has lead to routine physical threats. For a long time I would laugh it all off and pretend it didn't affect me and think to myself that it will be different after I graduate college, get a promotion, they get to know me, etc. but it never got better.
My therapist has tried to assure me that things have changed in the workplace the last few years as I hid away from the world. She cites the Me Too Movement, gender equality, and progress against discrimination due to race, religion, or sexual preference. Please note that she isn't under the illusion that all those issues are fixed, only that progress has been made. Unfortunately, the three things that set me apart don't fall into any of those categories, so I doubt much of that progress will have made anything easier for my situation. I know you have no reason to believe me since I'm just some anonymous person on the internet, but none of my three differences make me hostile or dangerous to anyone. That makes it very difficult for me to understand the way people react to me. I know I'm being evasive about what the differences are, but I'm not comfortable posting them here. I will say that two of them I have absolutely no ability to change, the third I can change but won't and shouldn't have to (that's the one that garners the physical threats).
Anyway...
Over the last few weeks I was finally able to get to the store and get a new phone so that I can try the food delivery thing, even though I haven't been able to bring myself to actually sign up for that. But now I can use MFP on my phone like one of the cool kids.
I have been trying to fill out applications for some of the local big box stores that I know are hiring or signing up for some day labor, but every time I try I lock up in fear of having to actually start a new job.
I know I have to make progress on this but it is hard for me without having something to offset it in my personal life. Since I don't have that, and can't really get to that point without the finances to actually participate in society, I have to just jump in. That is a daunting thought that I'm struggling to get over.
Sorry once again for my absence from this thread, I will try to do better but as I said in my first post I can't make any promises on that front.4 -
Joyfulandactive wrote: »@BendableButMendable thanks for your reply. I also have another thought, I am a Catholic and usually is every parish we have a group named the Society of St Vincent DePaul (SVDP). The group is made up of ordinary parishioners and their only purpose is to help people in the community in any practical way they can. There is no need to be Catholic or even have any faith and no requirement whatsoever to become Christian or attend church etc. Our group has done things such as pay people’s rent when they lost their job, paid the test fee for a guy to take is HGV license so he could get a job driving trucks, helped an elderly person downsize and move house when they had no family/friends to help. Helped a single mom find affordable childcare etc etc. Because they serve locally they are aware of all the local resources and also the group is made up of people willing to befriend others and do practical tasks or give support in any way they can. If you call them they usually send two people out to have a chat with you and assess where you are at and how they can help in the most useful way. One member brought me groceries when I had a child with cancer and couldn’t leave the house for example. If you want to make friends locally and would welcome some genuine practical help please give your local Catholic parish a call and ask for the SVDP.
https://ssvpusa.org/
Thank you so much for this. I have a very hard time asking for that kind of help, but I'm at the point that I can't feasibly refuse help from anyone that is willing to offer it. I will do my best to get the courage to reach out to them.2 -
Autumnseer wrote: »Thanks for posting. From one introvert to another I found this inspiring and I know not easy putting yourself out there. You look great. Job well done. I did love the beard too!
I'm glad you got something out of it. Thanks for the compliment on the beard, I was actually pretty happy with it when it was well groomed. I ended up cutting it shorter and had it exactly where I wanted it before mask usage became a thing. I couldn't get it to look presentable after having a mask on so I trimmed it pretty short. Since the weight loss the shape of my face has changed so much I don't know if I can pull off a beard much bigger than what I have now. I'm not sure if I should be sad about that or happy...1 -
salleewins wrote: »Chanda7799 wrote: »I’m glad you have given up! One day at a time!salleewins wrote: »Congratulations!! You have done well with all the obstacles you are dealing with!! We applaud your perserverance and many blessings we hope for you!! Never give up!! You are worth it always in the past and present!!
I have gone through a lot of trauma as well. It is hard. I am not done either, but growing as you. One minute, one day at a time. We have a purpose here. We definitely help others and can comfort others with the comfort we have gotten when we can.
Yes I believe one message here has a typo.
Yes the rent is most important, and the dog could be a goal down the road.lapierrecyclist wrote: »You are so brave. Thank you for sharing your journey. I can definitely identify with some of the things you posted and wish you every success as you continue to make progress in coming back to the world and to yourself.I think this was a really great step on your journey. Thank you for trusting this community enough to share it.lamiller0365 wrote: »No need to respond. I am thankful to have read your post. I felt many connections to what you wrote - hiding from life, toxic work environment, fighting to come back to yourself, struggling with keeping yourself safe without withdrawing from the world. Your words have given me the opportunity to reflect on this in my own life. Thank you.juliekaiser1988 wrote: »Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I'm so glad you did. You're brave and doing all the right things for your physical as well as mental health. Bravo!
Thank you all for your comments, they mean a lot to me.2 -
Hi!
Firstly, thanks for posting your story and keeping us updated.
Secondly, have you considered dog walking for an elderly or immobile person? I realize you will have personal hurdles to jump, and you'd need to discuss with your therapist. Dog walking for someone would give you a reason to go out, interaction with another person (the dog owner), interaction with the dog and the satisfaction of giving something back into society and free exercise for yourself! As you are the one doing the dog walking, it will be mostly on your terms too.
Good luck with whatever you decide
Your community might also have no-cost pet therapy programs that allow you to interact with trained therapy animals. I don't know if that would fit the bill, but you might consider asking your therapist about it and whether they know of a program near you.
Thank you both, I think these are great ideas and I can look into them and discuss them with my therapist. I hadn't really considered either option before. She had recommended that I look into volunteering at an animal shelter but all of the shelters around me had stopped accepting volunteers due to COVID. I haven't looked in the last month or two though, so that may have changed by now.3 -
I suppose it's been long enough that this thread is due for a positive update, at least I think this is positive.
I was finally able to bring myself to apply for some jobs. I haven't had an offer yet but it's a numbers game so I'll try to keep submitting applications and hopefully find steady work soon. It's at least a step in the right direction.
I also finally got around to signing up for a food delivery app. I'm waiting for my background check to clear and then I should be able to start earning some money.
Pertaining to physical health and fitness... adjusting to maintenance is going well. I gained some weight (~4lbs) in the first few weeks but I think most of that was water weight with some muscle gains as my fat percentage stayed the same and I think I look leaner. I started losing again (back down to 170) and will shortly be upping my calorie intake to 2300-2400 to see how that goes.
I hope everyone is doing well on their own journey and thank you all again for your support.4 -
BendableButMendable wrote: »I was finally able to bring myself to apply for some jobs. I haven't had an offer yet but it's a numbers game so I'll try to keep submitting applications and hopefully find steady work soon. It's at least a step in the right direction.
I also finally got around to signing up for a food delivery app. I'm waiting for my background check to clear and then I should be able to start earning some money.
This is so exciting! I don't post much, because I don't have much to add to the lovely supporters you have on here. I'm inspired by your shares and how others have responded. I see the progress that you are making and you are the best kind of human! Rooting for you, every step of the way. 3 -
kellibee2000 wrote: »
This is so exciting! I don't post much, because I don't have much to add to the lovely supporters you have on here. I'm inspired by your shares and how others have responded. I see the progress that you are making and you are the best kind of human! Rooting for you, every step of the way.
Hah! That's a fun gif. Thank you so much for the kind words, even though I don't think I'm deserving of "best kind of human" level praise I will do my best to live up to it.
And you don't always need to have something deep and insightful to add to be a part of the conversation. Speaking as someone with severe anxiety, you'd be surprised how much even a simple "hello" or "good job" means to someone like me. I'm pretty sure that holds true for people without anxiety issues as well but it's especially true for those of us with them. The hardest part of the anxiety is feeling isolated and alone, so every little bit helps.
I would really like this thread to be a place that people feel safe to chime in even if they're generally reluctant. I've been forcing myself to post in other threads and while it hasn't been easy, it's getting less and less scary. I've even found the strength to reach out via direct message and start a conversation with a couple of the friends I've made since I started this thread. I'd like other people to be able experience that as well.5 -
Fantastic job. You will get to where you want to be.😊1
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BendableButMendable wrote: »I suppose it's been long enough that this thread is due for a positive update, at least I think this is positive.
I was finally able to bring myself to apply for some jobs. I haven't had an offer yet but it's a numbers game so I'll try to keep submitting applications and hopefully find steady work soon. It's at least a step in the right direction.
I also finally got around to signing up for a food delivery app. I'm waiting for my background check to clear and then I should be able to start earning some money.
Pertaining to physical health and fitness... adjusting to maintenance is going well. I gained some weight (~4lbs) in the first few weeks but I think most of that was water weight with some muscle gains as my fat percentage stayed the same and I think I look leaner. I started losing again (back down to 170) and will shortly be upping my calorie intake to 2300-2400 to see how that goes.
I hope everyone is doing well on their own journey and thank you all again for your support.
Happy to hear!!1 -
💟 Sending you all the good vibes and prayers. You are doing amazing. 💟3
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I hope you are feeling a little better these days!2
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Thank you for sharing your story. Your story is an inspiration and honestly, I think you have more in common with some of us than you realize. Hugs!!3
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Congrats on being a better you and try and join an interest group. Meetup sometimes has them and may be a place to start. Thank you for sharing your story and for having the courage to face your demons and change. We all have them.2
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You should be so proud. Hell, after reading your story....now I have NO EXCUSE. I will say Covid nearly killed me. Not in the literal sense. However, I was so depressed I would start drinking vodka at 930 in the morning and eating everything in sight. My business (professional pet sitter for 20 years) tanked. I had 22 cancellations just in the month of April 2020 alone. I finally got my ducks in a row. Not drinking, eating better (lost 18 lbs and work is finally beginning to come back. I understand alot of what you have endured relating to the last 18 months, but you straightened your back and moved forward. You have done the hard part. Keep focused, keep trudging through. Best to you on your journey.8
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Fantastic job. You will get to where you want to be.😊salleewins wrote: »Happy to hear!!💟 Sending you all the good vibes and prayers. You are doing amazing. 💟I hope you are feeling a little better these days!
Thank you all for the kind words, I truly appreciate them.2 -
Nikki542687 wrote: »Thank you for sharing your story. Your story is an inspiration and honestly, I think you have more in common with some of us than you realize. Hugs!!
Thank you for the support and I'm glad you got something out of it. I honestly don't think I'm all that different, but I have just enough different about me that I've struggled to build community. Hopefully I'll have better success with a therapist helping along the way this time around.Congrats on being a better you and try and join an interest group. Meetup sometimes has them and may be a place to start. Thank you for sharing your story and for having the courage to face your demons and change. We all have them.
Thank you for the kindness and the suggestion. I haven't had great luck with those kinds of things in the past but I know I need to try again. Unfortunately some of the ideas my therapist and I have discussed aren't currently options because of COVID or my financial situation, but hopefully those issues will turn around soon.2 -
Born2Run1958 wrote: »You should be so proud. Hell, after reading your story....now I have NO EXCUSE. I will say Covid nearly killed me. Not in the literal sense. However, I was so depressed I would start drinking vodka at 930 in the morning and eating everything in sight. My business (professional pet sitter for 20 years) tanked. I had 22 cancellations just in the month of April 2020 alone. I finally got my ducks in a row. Not drinking, eating better (lost 18 lbs and work is finally beginning to come back. I understand alot of what you have endured relating to the last 18 months, but you straightened your back and moved forward. You have done the hard part. Keep focused, keep trudging through. Best to you on your journey.
I'm sorry that COVID hit you so hard. I imagine that specific line of work was especially affected. I'm so happy to hear that you've taken control of your drinking and your weight loss, you should be very proud of yourself for that. Thank you for the words of encouragement, I feel like I've made a lot more progress this last week or so than I had up to this point so hopefully I can keep riding that momentum into a better situation.3 -
Okay... scary but good update:
Tomorrow (Friday) afternoon I have my first job interview since 2015. I'm not going to lie and say I'm not borderline freaking out with anxiety but I do recognize it as a good opportunity and a step in the right direction. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm more than qualified for the position so I shouldn't have anything to stress about but my anxiety has a different opinion...
At any rate, I will go and do the best that I can. Please wish me luck.9
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