I Don't Care About You -well I do but not like this
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RA_Warrior wrote: »I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.
so you want skinny crazy possibly miserable friends who are obsessed with weight loss. sounds well balanced.
As opposed to real friends who are either trying to lose and sharing their struggles (and their real world problems may be a cause of of some of their weight loss struggles) or have successfully lost and know a thing or two about doing so and probably have a lot of really good knowledge floating around in their heads, and in either case are sharing their real lives, which, include FAR MORE than what they ate, how many steps they took, and what their workout was. And might be .... happy? OH NO!
What can I tell you about my friends? Some I've known for years, some a shorter amount of time?
- Ones husband (only married a few years) recently had knee replacement and shes struggling with being caretaker
- Ones a single dad struggling with his eldest just having left for college and REALLY missing his kid
- Ones on an extended vacation to greece visiting family and having a great time
- Several are in the northeast bracing for this hurricane and scared of extended power outages and chaos
- Ones brother is dealing with a crazy ex wife and harboring her teenage nephew
- One has hosted games on his page for years but is taking a break because of, well, reasons, and another mutual friend is at least temporarily hosting (and she did great this week!)
And those are just the ones off the very top of my head at 5:30 in the morning.
As far as the forums go, you can easily pick and choose what you read and participate in. Your friends list, too. You add someone, decide you dont like them, for whatever reason, simply delete the. you deleted me. No skin off my back.
I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
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Ladybug8882021 wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.
I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.
how do you interact with friends on their feed?
when they post something, you can reply to it. similar to facebook. unlike FB though, you wont receive a notification they have replied. you have to go back and look, which is a tad annoying.
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RA_Warrior wrote: »I am looking for friends. To be honest I would love to have an army of friends beside me as long as I will be here, which could take a while. I need to hear the truth when I slack off, I need to be 'yelled at' when I quit for no reason. I want to be with a group that takes this all seriously. I am afraid my expectations might be unrealistic?
I just realized that we are all starving for even the smallest show of kindness and attention after almost a year in logdown, even if it’s just a random stranger online. Am I unfriendly?
one more quick thing before i go finish my morning rounds.
Maybe our definitions of 'friends', and 'kindness' are different. Well, I think its obvious they are. I expect my friends, real life or internet, to support and encourage when I am struggling with something. Not berate and yell. Now, we all have different needs, and respond to stimulus in different ways. Some respond better to being yelled at than I would, I suppose.
Again, I truly do hope that you find the group of people and support that you are looking for.
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »RA_Warrior wrote: »
I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
NO, I deleted you as a friend because I wasn't interested in your daily dog posts or your WordPress blog. You had warned me and you were right. That was all.
Sometimes honesty is the kindest thing.0 -
Ladybug8882021 wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.
I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.
How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).
But I do want to plug in somewhere.
I have never been in the subforums, but I imagine that many who have reached their goal weight are just staying here because of the small talks and the connections they have made.
As for interaction with friends on your feed. I have no idea, I am trying to figure out how to make this space 'my space' myself.
As for the people who are consumed by topics of no interest to you. This thread took care of a lot of them. I got deleted as a friend, which is so much easier than the other way around.
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RA_Warrior wrote: »[quote="paperpudding;c-46199205"
Your OP comes across as everyone else is doing it wrong - maybe you didnt mean that and I am misinterpreting it
I dont think you are too determined or too serious - but you do sound too critical of the way others interact and you do seem to have the unrealistic expectation that everyone will do MFP in a way that suits you.
Correct! You misinterpreted. I am glad you did. I was wrong to write about it. I should have just left MyFitnessPal and do my thing. [/quote]
Subsequent posts have led me to believe I did not misinterpret at all.
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I hope you find 'your tribe'. and i do mean that with all honest sincerity. Take care of you.5
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RA_Warrior wrote: »Ladybug8882021 wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.
I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.
How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).
But I do want to plug in somewhere.
I have never been in the subforums, but I imagine that many who have reached their goal weight are just staying here because of the small talks and the connections they have made.
As for interaction with friends on your feed. I have no idea, I am trying to figure out how to make this space 'my space' myself.
As for the people who are consumed by topics of no interest to you. This thread took care of a lot of them. I got deleted as a friend, which is so much easier than the other way around.
I wanted to address the bolded bit above.
Did you think that once you reach your goal weight, you stop watching what you eat or exercising? You don't. It's an ongoing process. To keep the body that you achieve through changing your diet and incorporating exercise, you have to--get this--continue to pay attention to your diet and continue to exercise. This is not a process that has a defined end point. Weight management is a forever thing. Maybe someday you can and will learn how to eat intuitively and not have to think so God damned much about all this, but I'm thinking smart money says that if you could do that, you wouldn't have gotten fat to start with. And this holds true for me as well, please don't read this as an attack on your character, I'm right here with you in this same boat - clearly my intuition around food and exercise doesn't match what's necessary for the body I want, so I can't rely on that to change the body I have. I've made peace with the idea of, at least, counting calories for the rest of my life, via MFP or some other means if I outlast this app.
No one's keeping you here, so if you're not enjoying the MFP tools or community you're not obligated to stay and use them. But if you're here anyway, you would probably be well served by trying to adjust your mindset around what you're trying to do. There's hundreds of posts and threads from lots of people all trying to do the same thing you are; just because none of them are calling you out by name doesn't mean you have nothing to gain from reading what they have to say.13 -
RA_Warrior wrote: »I haven't been in the forum much, other than the success stories. I was talking about my 'MFP friends; and my newsfeed. I should have made it clear, my bad.
I have on my profile that I am a "terrible feed friend." I find it too cluttered to be of any use to me and hardy ever look there. This may not be true anymore, but there used to be useless and annoying (to me) notifications such as "X is now friends with Y." I am also completely uninterested in if someone has completed their diary and what they are eating.
I do love the forums though.8 -
callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »RA_Warrior wrote: »I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.
so you want skinny crazy possibly miserable friends who are obsessed with weight loss. sounds well balanced.
As opposed to real friends who are either trying to lose and sharing their struggles (and their real world problems may be a cause of of some of their weight loss struggles) or have successfully lost and know a thing or two about doing so and probably have a lot of really good knowledge floating around in their heads, and in either case are sharing their real lives, which, include FAR MORE than what they ate, how many steps they took, and what their workout was. And might be .... happy? OH NO!
What can I tell you about my friends? Some I've known for years, some a shorter amount of time?
- Ones husband (only married a few years) recently had knee replacement and shes struggling with being caretaker
- Ones a single dad struggling with his eldest just having left for college and REALLY missing his kid
- Ones on an extended vacation to greece visiting family and having a great time
- Several are in the northeast bracing for this hurricane and scared of extended power outages and chaos
- Ones brother is dealing with a crazy ex wife and harboring her teenage nephew
- One has hosted games on his page for years but is taking a break because of, well, reasons, and another mutual friend is at least temporarily hosting (and she did great this week!)
And those are just the ones off the very top of my head at 5:30 in the morning.
As far as the forums go, you can easily pick and choose what you read and participate in. Your friends list, too. You add someone, decide you dont like them, for whatever reason, simply delete the. you deleted me. No skin off my back.
I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
On the rare occasion that I do get to my feed I enjoy your posts
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RA_Warrior wrote: »I am trying to find my way around here. I try to figure out what to do, and what to expect. I wonder if I am too determined and too serious. Am I?
I am not interested in funny pictures or silly quotes. I am interested in serious a..-kicking if I don't stay on top of my game. I don't care about your puppies and what car liter you just bought or if Uncle Bob just came back from vacation. I care only about weight and health. I am fighting for my health, there is no plan B.
Friendship must grow. Does it still apply or am I old-fashioned? Is MyFitnessPal just like any other social media page and small talk rules? I am looking for friends. To be honest I would love to have an army of friends beside me as long as I will be here, which could take a while. I need to hear the truth when I slack off, I need to be 'yelled at' when I quit for no reason. I want to be with a group that takes this all seriously. I am afraid my expectations might be unrealistic?
I just realized that we are all starving for even the smallest show of kindness and attention after almost a year in logdown, even if it’s just a random stranger online. Am I unfriendly?
My suggestion would be to modify your profile to state what you do and don't want in friends. From my experience, half of them will ignore it regardless, but it's worth a try. If you have friends that aren't a "fit" just move on.
For a lot of people I think that getting to know a persons personality is part of being a support system, and helps them give better support. But you have to make it work for you, and if others want similar, you will find them in time.6 -
kshama2001 wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »RA_Warrior wrote: »I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.
so you want skinny crazy possibly miserable friends who are obsessed with weight loss. sounds well balanced.
As opposed to real friends who are either trying to lose and sharing their struggles (and their real world problems may be a cause of of some of their weight loss struggles) or have successfully lost and know a thing or two about doing so and probably have a lot of really good knowledge floating around in their heads, and in either case are sharing their real lives, which, include FAR MORE than what they ate, how many steps they took, and what their workout was. And might be .... happy? OH NO!
What can I tell you about my friends? Some I've known for years, some a shorter amount of time?
- Ones husband (only married a few years) recently had knee replacement and shes struggling with being caretaker
- Ones a single dad struggling with his eldest just having left for college and REALLY missing his kid
- Ones on an extended vacation to greece visiting family and having a great time
- Several are in the northeast bracing for this hurricane and scared of extended power outages and chaos
- Ones brother is dealing with a crazy ex wife and harboring her teenage nephew
- One has hosted games on his page for years but is taking a break because of, well, reasons, and another mutual friend is at least temporarily hosting (and she did great this week!)
And those are just the ones off the very top of my head at 5:30 in the morning.
As far as the forums go, you can easily pick and choose what you read and participate in. Your friends list, too. You add someone, decide you dont like them, for whatever reason, simply delete the. you deleted me. No skin off my back.
I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.
I hope you find what you are looking for.
On the rare occasion that I do get to my feed I enjoy your posts
Thank you, you're sweet! You are not alone, my peanut gallery of a friends list encourages my behavior on the daily LOL6 -
RA_Warrior wrote: »Ladybug8882021 wrote: »tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.
I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.
How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).
But I do want to plug in somewhere.
I have never been in the subforums, but I imagine that many who have reached their goal weight are just staying here because of the small talks and the connections they have made.
As for interaction with friends on your feed. I have no idea, I am trying to figure out how to make this space 'my space' myself.
As for the people who are consumed by topics of no interest to you. This thread took care of a lot of them. I got deleted as a friend, which is so much easier than the other way around.
In my case, you imagine incorrectly. There are people here whose profiles I recognize, and whose comments I enjoy, but it's not a close connection, not even like casual RL friendship - for sure not enough to stay.
I stay for two main reasons.
As someone above suggested - maintaining a healthy weight is a lifelong endeavor. Participating in the Community helps me keep that in focus, keep my head in the game. (I still learn a lot, too.) There aren't many people around me in RL who've lost a lot of weight, let alone kept it off. There are a couple of acquaintances, but not people who are resonant for me as closer friend, in other ways, though nice people. Some of my closer RL friends are overweight, some yo-yo diet, some are slim and athletic with minimal weight struggles ever, no one spent decades overweight/obese then lost and stayed at a healthy weight. I value all of those people in my RL, but they aren't the total community I need to stay on track, personally.
I also stay because I got a lot of help early on, indispensable help really, from "old timers" who'd hung around, figured things out, and were generous enough to patiently explain the basics and the nuances over and over again to people who were just starting out, give ideas, problem solve. So, I stay around in the Community forums, trying to help newer people, similar to how other people helped me. I often stink at it, but I try, and I work for free. When new people suggest that we collectively are doing support wrong, with our free volunteer time, and that we should do better at giving them what they need . . . I do try to listen, and change my approach if they have a point.
But it's hard to be patient, sometimes, honestly, with people who seem to be saying that they want to be successful, but that what support they get here is bad and wrong and should be better, so that it will help them in exactly the way they want and need. Sometimes, the things they say they want and need are even things that, IME watching folks here for 6 years now, are more likely to be paths to burnout or other problems, rather than to long-term success. I'm not saying that that's the case for you, but it's a thing.
My advice is to learn the tools (like MFP, but anything really) a bit, before deciding they don't work for you. Yes, that's a time investment. Yes, if you find a specific tool truly doesn't work for you, that time is wasted. This specific tool, calorie counting with MFP, works for many people, though not everyone. Each successful individual uses different parts of MFP, in different ways, depending on what they figure out via experimentation is going to work best for them.
This next is very much just my opinion, take it or leave it, it's free: Trying something to the toe-dipped point, deciding it doesn't work, discarding it and moving on . . . if that becomes a pattern . . . that's a failure mindset.
What's a success mindset, again just my opinion: Trying things thoughtfully, making them work as best they can be made to work for you if possible, and - if necessary - still looking for something better to move on to.
Toe-dip trying things, giving them up, blaming the tools: Lots of good excuses in there, if that becomes a pattern, but not much success.
Just. My. Opinion.12 -
I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.
My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?
I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.
I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.
I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.
I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me
I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.8 -
RA_Warrior wrote: »I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.
My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?
I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.
I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.
I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.
I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me
I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.
Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.6 -
RA_Warrior wrote: »I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.
My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?
I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.
I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.
I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.
I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me
I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.
In the end, it is what you make it. It sounds to me like you can make some adjustments that work for you and move forward. Just remember, we all differ in where this fitness thing falls into our lives. And at some point, the more people understand you, the more they might be able to help when or if you struggle.
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RA_Warrior wrote: »I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.
My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?
I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.
I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.
I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.
I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me
I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.
Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.
I've seen them in the past... I think. But I've also seen recently that you can message someone that isn't a friend, which wasn't the case for a period of time. But I've been known to be wrong as well.....1 -
robertw486 wrote: »RA_Warrior wrote: »I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.
My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?
I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.
I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.
I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.
I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me
I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.
Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.
I've seen them in the past... I think. But I've also seen recently that you can message someone that isn't a friend, which wasn't the case for a period of time. But I've been known to be wrong as well.....
the last i heard you can not message someone who is not a friend but who knows anymore...
to the sender it looks like it sent but the recipient never gets it3 -
RA_Warrior wrote: »Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.
Thanks, me neither but a few sent a private message with the request and I was wondering why. You just explained it.0 -
conniewilkins56 wrote: »RA_Warrior wrote: »I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.
I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.
Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.
Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.
Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.
I tried to be your friend and you were not interested in my journey on MFP….I thought losing 110 lbs myself might help and inspire you…I am 70 years old….this was and is not a game to me….I had almost completely given up on living….my entire life has changed….I have an open diary and I am honest….this journey is for everyone and not just you….if I can help others along the way that is a good thing….I hope you find what you are looking for!
This puts a bit of a different spin on the OP's post.
I'm sorry that after such a tremendous successful lifestyle change, you were not supported by the OP who says how much she wants and needs supporters.
Congratulations on your life turn-around!! 
I'm sure the OP will find what she's looking for by weeding out the ones who don't fit her expectations.
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