I Don't Care About You -well I do but not like this

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I am trying to find my way around here. I try to figure out what to do, and what to expect. I wonder if I am too determined and too serious. Am I?

I am not interested in funny pictures or silly quotes. I am interested in serious a..-kicking if I don't stay on top of my game. I don't care about your puppies and what car liter you just bought or if Uncle Bob just came back from vacation. I care only about weight and health. I am fighting for my health, there is no plan B.

Friendship must grow. Does it still apply or am I old-fashioned? Is MyFitnessPal just like any other social media page and small talk rules? I am looking for friends. To be honest I would love to have an army of friends beside me as long as I will be here, which could take a while. I need to hear the truth when I slack off, I need to be 'yelled at' when I quit for no reason. I want to be with a group that takes this all seriously. I am afraid my expectations might be unrealistic?

I just realized that we are all starving for even the smallest show of kindness and attention after almost a year in logdown, even if it’s just a random stranger online. Am I unfriendly?

My suggestion would be to modify your profile to state what you do and don't want in friends. From my experience, half of them will ignore it regardless, but it's worth a try. If you have friends that aren't a "fit" just move on.

For a lot of people I think that getting to know a persons personality is part of being a support system, and helps them give better support. But you have to make it work for you, and if others want similar, you will find them in time.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

Ladybug8882021 wrote: »

tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »

I hide all the subforums I don't wish to see the posts to.

I view the remaining subforums via the recent discussions list. The recents discussions posts would be full of chit chat and fun & games posts if I didn't hide those subforums.

How do you do this? And how do you interact with friends on their feed? I am new (but not my firstrodeo lol), with a long ways to go and also have found many threads wonderful in their camaraderie, but consumed by topics not of interest to me (at this time at least).

But I do want to plug in somewhere.

I have never been in the subforums, but I imagine that many who have reached their goal weight are just staying here because of the small talks and the connections they have made.

As for interaction with friends on your feed. I have no idea, I am trying to figure out how to make this space 'my space' myself.

As for the people who are consumed by topics of no interest to you. This thread took care of a lot of them. I got deleted as a friend, which is so much easier than the other way around.

In my case, you imagine incorrectly. There are people here whose profiles I recognize, and whose comments I enjoy, but it's not a close connection, not even like casual RL friendship - for sure not enough to stay.

I stay for two main reasons.

As someone above suggested - maintaining a healthy weight is a lifelong endeavor. Participating in the Community helps me keep that in focus, keep my head in the game. (I still learn a lot, too.) There aren't many people around me in RL who've lost a lot of weight, let alone kept it off. There are a couple of acquaintances, but not people who are resonant for me as closer friend, in other ways, though nice people. Some of my closer RL friends are overweight, some yo-yo diet, some are slim and athletic with minimal weight struggles ever, no one spent decades overweight/obese then lost and stayed at a healthy weight. I value all of those people in my RL, but they aren't the total community I need to stay on track, personally.

I also stay because I got a lot of help early on, indispensable help really, from "old timers" who'd hung around, figured things out, and were generous enough to patiently explain the basics and the nuances over and over again to people who were just starting out, give ideas, problem solve. So, I stay around in the Community forums, trying to help newer people, similar to how other people helped me. I often stink at it, but I try, and I work for free. When new people suggest that we collectively are doing support wrong, with our free volunteer time, and that we should do better at giving them what they need . . . I do try to listen, and change my approach if they have a point.

But it's hard to be patient, sometimes, honestly, with people who seem to be saying that they want to be successful, but that what support they get here is bad and wrong and should be better, so that it will help them in exactly the way they want and need. Sometimes, the things they say they want and need are even things that, IME watching folks here for 6 years now, are more likely to be paths to burnout or other problems, rather than to long-term success. I'm not saying that that's the case for you, but it's a thing.

My advice is to learn the tools (like MFP, but anything really) a bit, before deciding they don't work for you. Yes, that's a time investment. Yes, if you find a specific tool truly doesn't work for you, that time is wasted. This specific tool, calorie counting with MFP, works for many people, though not everyone. Each successful individual uses different parts of MFP, in different ways, depending on what they figure out via experimentation is going to work best for them.

This next is very much just my opinion, take it or leave it, it's free: Trying something to the toe-dipped point, deciding it doesn't work, discarding it and moving on . . . if that becomes a pattern . . . that's a failure mindset.

What's a success mindset, again just my opinion: Trying things thoughtfully, making them work as best they can be made to work for you if possible, and - if necessary - still looking for something better to move on to.

Toe-dip trying things, giving them up, blaming the tools: Lots of good excuses in there, if that becomes a pattern, but not much success.

Just. My. Opinion.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.

My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?

I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.

I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.

I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.

I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me

I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.

Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.

robertw486 wrote: »

Lietchi wrote: »

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I am so glad I posted this. Besides some really bad and wrong assumptions about me as a person, I learned a lot. Thank you for all the inspirational and motivational answers.

My little space on MyFitnessPal will be as superficial or as helpful as I will allow it to be. Who knew, I can adjust settings?

I have opened my diary (didn't know it was not automatically open to friends.)
I adjusted my newsfeed. No more notifications about who befriends who.
Some friends have deleted me. Thank you so much I prefer being axed over axing. :-)
I found out I can ignore people's postings if I want -and so can they.
Also, side effect, it seems I can adjust my diary to my needs. I am stunned and thrilled.
It's ok not to be everybody's sweetheart. Just like in real life.

I will make some changes here. I will let people know what they can expect and what I expect.

I always introduce myself with every friend request I send, and I think I will from now on I will ask for the same.
I will change my profile and will let future friends (and foes) know about my high expectations, wishes, and dreams.

I am a straight shooter and honest. I don't want to change that ever. I like me

I have (and will) get healthier and lose ALL the weight because there just isn't a plan B. I am either doomed or I will save myself.

Just a little heads up with regards to the bolded: I don't think the message you send along with friends requests actually works on MFP, I've never actually seen a message with the friend requests I've received.

I've seen them in the past... I think. But I've also seen recently that you can message someone that isn't a friend, which wasn't the case for a period of time. But I've been known to be wrong as well.....

@robertw486, FWIW, Margaret Yakoda (I'd tag her if I remembered her exact ID) tried sending a PM to me recently to test this - we aren't MFP friends. On her end, it looked like the message was sent, but that I hadn't read it. On my end, it never appeared in my inbox. We can PM the MFP staff IMU even if we aren't friends with them, but regular users can't PM other regular users who are not friends, I believe.

callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

so you want skinny crazy possibly miserable friends who are obsessed with weight loss. sounds well balanced.

As opposed to real friends who are either trying to lose and sharing their struggles (and their real world problems may be a cause of of some of their weight loss struggles) or have successfully lost and know a thing or two about doing so and probably have a lot of really good knowledge floating around in their heads, and in either case are sharing their real lives, which, include FAR MORE than what they ate, how many steps they took, and what their workout was. And might be .... happy? OH NO!

What can I tell you about my friends? Some I've known for years, some a shorter amount of time?

- Ones husband (only married a few years) recently had knee replacement and shes struggling with being caretaker
- Ones a single dad struggling with his eldest just having left for college and REALLY missing his kid
- Ones on an extended vacation to greece visiting family and having a great time
- Several are in the northeast bracing for this hurricane and scared of extended power outages and chaos
- Ones brother is dealing with a crazy ex wife and harboring her teenage nephew
- One has hosted games on his page for years but is taking a break because of, well, reasons, and another mutual friend is at least temporarily hosting (and she did great this week!)

And those are just the ones off the very top of my head at 5:30 in the morning.

As far as the forums go, you can easily pick and choose what you read and participate in. Your friends list, too. You add someone, decide you dont like them, for whatever reason, simply delete the. you deleted me. No skin off my back.

I'm a happy person. Maybe thats why you deleted me (truly, i dont care why). I laugh at myself. I laugh at my animals. I laugh at everything pretty much. Its that or have a nervous breakdown some days. And I hope I make other people on my friends list laugh. I truly do. Because this world is sad and serious enough as it is. And I LOVE the people on my friends list that share the kaleidoscope of their lives with me, as I share mine. And that is why I happily accept the majority of friend requests. Because there are some great people out there, if you give them half a chance.

I hope you find what you are looking for.

LOVE this whole post.
To me, that contains neither drama or sensationalism, but friendship the way it should be, IMO. It goes much deeper than just patting each other on the back and saying wow, good job. Way to go, good work. Yes, it includes that as well. But to be honest, TO ME, *just* that would get boring.
As far as searching for support, that's really nobody else's job in this life, as far as weight loss goes. Yes, it might be nice to hear 'job well done' once in awhile but that's certainly not expected. I will support my friends in many other ways, share my life(boring as it is haha), encourage them in their lives, hug them when needed, but to simply focus on steps, half a pound lost yay me, oops gained a pound is it water weight or those Reese's S'mores I ate?; ate my 1200 calories yay me, type of thing, no thanks. That should be all on me. I'm the only one responsible for me.
Oh, FWIW it took me awhile to look beyond the main fitness forums because when I first came here, I was that person....all about yay me I lost 1 #, how long should I walk at this incline, etc., etc. I mellowed a bit, found chitchat, became more comfortable as time went on, got to know some of the characters(I say that with endearment ), found some friends, have laughed, worried, wrapped my arms around some, cried with some, and uh oh, have shared some stuff about my dh. Sorry JO!!!!

All this to say 'different strokes for different folks'. Find your own niche.

Thank you for sharing @callsitlikeiseeit

RA_Warrior wrote: »

ReenieHJ wrote: »

conniewilkins56 wrote: »

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

I tried to be your friend and you were not interested in my journey on MFP….I thought losing 110 lbs myself might help and inspire you…I am 70 years old….this was and is not a game to me….I had almost completely given up on living….my entire life has changed….I have an open diary and I am honest….this journey is for everyone and not just you….if I can help others along the way that is a good thing….I hope you find what you are looking for!

This puts a bit of a different spin on the OP's post.

I'm sorry that after such a tremendous successful lifestyle change, you were not supported by the OP who says how much she wants and needs supporters. Congratulations on your life turn-around!!

I'm sure the OP will find what she's looking for by weeding out the ones who don't fit her expectations.

No, it doesn't. You try to make me look bad, by posting only what she wrote. You decided to ignore my answer and explanation to her, and you decide to use only half of the facts to judge a stranger. Social media at its best and worst.

This is what I answered and you decided to overlook: I remember. Your 'openness and the number of lenghty posts you wrote about your husband and your private life shocked me on day one. All the best to you. I am sure you will succeed.

I remember what you wrote. So, instead of talking with her about it through a PM or something more private, you post it here for all the world to see?

I don’t mind being axed…..I have to admit I was just a little surprised as I thought the group I am in is very serious about their health and losing weight…thought RA Warrior might be a good fit ( guess not lol ) as for the lengthy post, I had not posted for a few days and several had asked about how my husband was doing…thought a post was easier than a bunch of private messages as it had been a crazy week…l really should not have commented in this thread but I was not surprised their were very few that members who met the criteria she is looking for….I don’t think anyone could be more serious about losing weight than I was and still am….and my husband having severe RA and spinal stenosis is something we deal with daily….I thought it would be common ground to help each other….

Ok I’m done!

conniewilkins56 wrote: »

I don’t mind being axed…..I have to admit I was just a little surprised as I thought the group I am in is very serious about their health and losing weight…thought RA Warrior might be a good fit ( guess not lol ) as for the lengthy post, I had not posted for a few days and several had asked about how my husband was doing…thought a post was easier than a bunch of private messages as it had been a crazy week…l really should not have commented in this thread but I was not surprised their were very few that members who met the criteria she is looking for….I don’t think anyone could be more serious about losing weight than I was and still am….and my husband having severe RA and spinal stenosis is something we deal with daily….I thought it would be common ground to help each other….

Ok I’m done!

Hugs!

I’m a share-er, when it comes to emotional and daily life stuff. Like you I consider it to be a part of being a friend.

I mean, people don’t have to read my stuff.

But I’ve been through some …. stuff …. and if I tried to bottle it all up all the time? That wouldn’t work.

And I’m glad you commented. Thank you.

RA_Warrior wrote: »

conniewilkins56 wrote: »

ReenieHJ wrote: »

conniewilkins56 wrote: »

RA_Warrior wrote: »

I can now see that my expectation of 'an army of friends' here at MyFitnessPal might be a bit far stretched. I thought being 'friends' at a fitness board might work like the biggest loser team. Something like in the morning sharing MyFitnessPlan and in the evening admitting that it didn't all go as planned.

I want to learn and exchange 'fitness and weight loss tips and ideas. I want to snoop in my friends' diaries to get ideas. I want to listen (read) and see if what they are doing, would work for me. I expected to talk about fitness, health, wellbeing, setbacks and triggers, motivation, and inspiration.

Sometimes a pat on my back, sometimes a kick in my butt. I found my motivation, I look at it every morning.

AnnPT77 wrote: »

No, you're not unfriendly, IMO. You're entitled to want what you want, need what you need.

Inter-humaning is hard. I'm grateful to be introverted, not need a whole bunch of it. 🤷‍♀️ I've been especially grateful for that during the pandemic.

Not sure if I am introverted, but I don't need people to be happy. Kind of a loner with a handful of great friends who all happen to be slim. I am not much into sensationalism either and drama either.

I tried to be your friend and you were not interested in my journey on MFP….I thought losing 110 lbs myself might help and inspire you…I am 70 years old….this was and is not a game to me….I had almost completely given up on living….my entire life has changed….I have an open diary and I am honest….this journey is for everyone and not just you….if I can help others along the way that is a good thing….I hope you find what you are looking for!

This puts a bit of a different spin on the OP's post.

I'm sorry that after such a tremendous successful lifestyle change, you were not supported by the OP who says how much she wants and needs supporters. Congratulations on your life turn-around!!

I'm sure the OP will find what she's looking for by weeding out the ones who don't fit her expectations.

I still have 30 to 40 pounds to lose….

I do not think OP will ever find exactly what she is looking for!……there are too many different aspects to living a healthy lifestyle and losing weight…..I want to soak up any helpful hints others can share about their journeys….everyone has a story….it’s a shame OP is not open enough to listen and help others….I have casual friend on MFP as I do in life and others that I share more with….

I assume you didn't like that I axed you as a friend after you posted endlessly about your husband, who happens to have the same disease that I am dealing with. I am pretty busy with my own pain and suffering and while I know there are many others like me, I prefer to look forward and keep an upbeat and positive outlook about an autoimmune disorder that could take to 15 years of my life expectancy. We don't fake being sick, we fake being well.

While I have no problem sharing (with real friends and doctors) I prefer not to whine about it. Reading about your husband's struggle made me more aware of my own. Also, you did overpost quite a bit. You were my second friend and my newsfeed was full.

So please be so kind and enlighten me. What exactly about my honest post and my honest response is shameful? Is it the fact that I am honest? Is it the fact that I know what I am looking for and have decided not to 'like' everything and everybody. Is it the fact that I am willing to give up gluten-sugar-dairy-alcohol and caffeine to deal with an incurable disease?

FYI I always find what I am looking for because don't stop searching.

I am not the poster you de friended - since I dont do 'friends' - but I dont like how you are publicly posting what she said (and putting your negative spin on it)

Posters call whether things she said to her friends are made public, not yours.

MargaretYakoda wrote: »

https://youtu.be/Vet6AHmq3_s

now im wondering if theres a stage version of blues brothers that bestie and i could get the theater to do LOL

the board hates us LMAO