WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR AUGUST 2021

I can sometimes feel closed in. I dislike being in rooms without windows, a bit more than the average person. It makes me antsy. I always take the aisle in planes and trains- I can get up when I want to pee also. I prefer it to the window view and having the wall to rest against in planes. And I get fed up quick if closed in for a long time otherwise (trains...), and don't do great with wearing masks for long.
But I don't have any issue with MRIs. I have had a few. The 1st ones I found just interesting. I was glad and fascinated to get this image of inside with the radiation from x-rays. The last one I had was just a few months after I had taken a friend for MRI due to prostate cancer. he was very very stressed out about MRI and then cancer diagnosis too of course. It was in the hospital his grandma and maybe ma had recently gone. His mom had just died 2 months previously, he was an only child of totally single mother. So he was pretty upset all around.
So the next time I had to get an MRI about a month or 2 later, I felt much more uneasy. It was also in COVID times. I had to remove my shoes and everything and wear plastic baggie type things around my feet, in this cellar place and I was COLD, so that was all part of the experience! I felt stressed by all of that and cancelled the following appointment due to the stress.
I got very quick results which were good results. (She said an anomaly in ovary that had looked suspicious for a few years and had been watched for a few years, was just a scar.)

That time they gave me music. They might have given a choice of music, I'm not sure; (pop, classic or xxx), but I found the music a bit annoying.

I never fell asleep in an MRI for sure! It's about 10-20 min max and very noisy! The music, if they have it doesn't drown out the massive vibrations!

I have fallen half a sleep at densists for moment when I have a very long session and local anesthesia.

I fell asleep many times at the osteopath, which he says is not unusual; to the point where my insomniac friend said, can you give me the number of the osteopath who makes you sleep!

I used to fall asleep very easily! Especially at night. I could fall right to sleep the whole night in the night trains with 6 strangers in a compartment and so on.
I used to occasionally fall alseep on the subway and miss my stop. I think I was overworking or not having balanced diet or both. Overwork and running around non-stop from morning to night can definitely make it easier to crash when one does touch the bed.
I was an excellent sleeper throughout my life till the age of 45 or so. since then I have had early wake ups or all sorts of sleep issues often! Sometimes I sleep only 5hours and it does not feel like enough and then I'm tired in the afternoon.

during my good sleep years I was very much a morning or early morning person.
now I'm still working on finding my groove.
the night before last I went to sleep at about 10 or 11 which is already good and then woke at about 3:30. This is not uncommon. Then last night, I did the same and then fell back asleep after maybe an hour, till 9am!! that is not common at all, but since I've had many very short nights I figured its not bad.
I awoke groggy, which is quite a problem.
that's why I go to a café.

Walking the 12 min round trip to the café and having an espresso and preferably a conversation, seems to get me into gear a bit for the day.not amazingly but better than if I don't go. I used to jog when I could and that worked great. I used to walk but since COVID or something I find it too boring or lonely or something, to go for that same walk that seemed lovely for 20 years! Though if I listen to a podcast it seems fine. but I don't like spending my whole life with earphones on! I almost never listen to music, and I question having earphones on all the time when out and about. between that and screens it seems a way to cut us off from others.

Café
coffee
quiet today (no construction workers outside at present!)
positive medical results
health care
things picking up again socially as august winds down
fresh fruit
soy yogurt
peaceful countries at peace, relatively speaking
women can go out and walk around, work, own property, vote, etc.

stayed around 1100 calories gross
got 15m exercise high HR on recumbent
got stuff from pharmacy
signed up for blinkist
listened to audio philosophy book synopses (15 min max per synopsis) online rather than doing things that seem more futile
exchanged sms with old friend who was feeling down giving a bit of support
felt pretty calm yesterday
avoided anything a long the lines of flirting. the friend is very old bf from college days. we were sort of serious in a way, and in any case stayed friends over the years, sometimes not being in touch for a few years, but pretty much mostly staying connected from time to time, visiting one another here and there as we moved around. I'm thinking when he feels depressed he might be inclined to look for attention from an old ex-GF to get his spirits up. Though he is mostly pretty clear about being happily married, committed etc. He might have the odd moment of looking for attention to compensate for his existential uneasiness. I stayed in friend placid, supportive friend-zone.

producing pages!

Track, average 1100 calories
15 min on recumbent at 115 hr at least
>>>>>*****produce at least 10 pages*******<<<<<
write to guy and cancel Monday appointment.
forward results to GP
meditate 5-15 min

Waste time on online leisure things during daytime. (watching videos clips, etc)
eat too much starch, sugar, sweets
indulge in fear of negative results to something
spend much time thinking of futile things
ruminate at length as way to avoid work

Feel chills again. it feels stress-related!
but also it's a bit chilly out at present, relative to what it has been. low 60s.