Things people say when you lose weight
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One comment I am finding a bit irritating is "oh you must feel better" I don't know why it irritates me and I really don't know what to say so I just say "yes" but huh ???…another one is " your wasting away" I have literally 100 pounds still to lose ..I am definitely not wasting away! I usually answer that with a "thank you but a long way to go yet."11
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Wow, I just found this site today, you are all positively inspiring. For so many of us weight loss is now important to us for our overall health & not only to be accepted into society. Maybe not all but from what I read most of us. So now our motivation is different than a lot of people who simply want to lose weight for a certain event, some don't understand that, some people truly don't like it when we do lose weight, especially if they should be losing weight, others are jealous, others are truly happy for us. If our true motivation is for our own health & benefit, who cares what someone else says? As for the different ways we approach this, there are many different reasons. One person was using Keto but he also his also a diabetic so for him that might be the perfect & easiest way to good health, my brother also eats like that, because he has had parts of his colon cut out & though he loves fruits & veggies cannot they put him in the hospital if consumed like the average person which could kill him. Some people are vegetarians because they do not want to consume animals. That is each individual right to choose & no judgement should be found in a place like MFP. The reactions of others might be good to share because it can prepare a person for many different reactions & they might not be caught off guard. For myself I honestly do not care 1 bit of anyone's reaction except possibly my Dr. Being as healthy & fit as I gain is my goal, reaching a good BMI is what my goal is, what I look like to others does not change my goal. It has taken me many years to come to this way of thinking, we are all unique yet in many ways the same. I am so glad I found this site, it really is beneficial to be able to share how the words of others can impact our feelings but never let them change our goals.4
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One of my very supportive friends who hasn't seen me for a month or so said "You've got boobs!!" I'm finally starting to wear form fitting tops instead of really loose clothing. She was so thrilled for me and it made me laugh out loud. As I read through some of the comments on this thread, I try to remember what I've said to people in the past before I started losing weight. For me, it's all about the sincerity of the comment. People don't always know the right thing to say, but are so happy for me. Losing weight requires hard work, focus and dedication. I think they admire that in all of us and want to acknowledge it.19
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How I wish I could remember the name of a book about weight loss and why we are so fat. The chapter I'm remembering was the fact that people don't want to see success in your weight loss. It's the "Crab in the Bucket" syndrome. If you observe this behavior in crabs you will see a crab trying to get out of the bucket but the others who are pulling the crab back down. This is what I think of when someone comments about my weight loss. Recently I had to get my BMI down below 35 for knee replacement surgery. I've been in pain for 11 years with my knee and my BMI was holding me back. I secretly lost my weight during the first part of the Pandemic when everything was nearly closed. So no one could observe my weight loss. A friend commented while we were on the phone, "What will you do when you finally get your knee replaced? What will be your motivation? Will you gain it back?" WOW! Well, I see their point. Where's my motivation after the surgery? To be honest, I was within a pound of getting BMI back 35 again. I went through a dark time after knee replacement. I wasn't a success story in getting Full Range Of Motion back. That comment was running through my head when I started gaining my weight back. Yep, I almost gained it all back. But I'm back on track. I'm waiting for that first comment to come through. It's usually, "How much more do you want to lose?" Don't let those comments discourage you. They are probably jealous of you. They see something in you that reminds them of the fact they need to do something about their weight.
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In reading this thread I realize that I have been guilty of some of the comments that annoy people in the past. I don't believe I ever said anything with the intention of being hurtful but I can understand how some comments can be misconstrued. One I used frequently in the past was 'oh you've lost weight...not to worry, I found it' (or something similar). In retrospect I probably said this to ease my own discomfort knowing I had previously lost a significant amount of weight (more than once or twice) and then regained most of it, if not more.11
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I’ve gained all the weight back, so now it’s mostly just disappointed comments lol but before that when I lost weight, I’d either get comments about how fat I was and how good I look now, or people saying I needed to bulk up. Of course then there’s also the annoying hyper focus when you’ve lost weight and you eat with people and they make a big deal out of “what you ate to lose weight, wow!” Or if you indulge, then it’s “be careful, don’t want to get pudgy” (usually accompanied by unsolicited belly pat or poke or squeeze)10
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"Yes but you're naturally skinny" from people who are starting their weight loss journey and are looking for advice. Like, no, I'm not. I'm slender now (and back on MFP to lose that Pandemic 20 pounds...), but I hate the suggestion that I'm just 'naturally skinny' because a ton of work went into getting to this point.12
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People are supportive when speaking to me, but a few coworkers asked my boss if I was sick! She would just let them know that no, I was not sick, and with my permission told them I had been focused on my improving my overall health. hahaha!9
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I got "are you done yet?" and "don't lose too much" yesterday from a friend. She's quite thin and a nurse and yoga instructor. While it's nice that she seemingly doesn't see me as fat anymore, I still have at least 35 pounds to go. I wondered if those comments came from wanting me to stay the less attractive friend. It doesn't bother me, just not the response I was expecting from someone who is usually very supportive.
I didn't bring up my weight loss, she asked, but I'm learning that people who haven't lost weight themselves aren't very interested in my success. Unfortunately, all my family and friends are either quite overweight or never have had weight issues, so I really only talk about it here!13 -
You need to be careful... you could be anorexic!
That was when I was still 6-7kg from being an 'average' weight.7 -
i get the typical nice comments. I get a lot of 'you inspire me' and when I see people doing it; the comment means a lot. I got a 'you are bony; guys don't like that' when my ex dropped by to see his cat and hugged me when he left. I have also gotten some second hand comments about me starving myself (it's taken me almost a YEAR to lose 60+ pounds) and that I look sick and awful.
A couple people mentioned comments on what they ate, I get that too sometimes. I don't eat junk but yesterday I had French toast (made with egg whites) and I used real syrup. I don't share my food diary because I am embarrassed that I eat pretty much 'normal' food every day.10 -
@const155 I don't think you should be embarrassed that you eat normal food, most people who are serious about making healthy long lasting health changes eat regular food. We still live in the world. I think the main difference is that we don't soothe ourselves with food, maybe cut out so many desserts & move more. At least that is what I do, eat more veggies than mashed potatoes with butter & drink much more water than I did before.
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The comment that sticks in my mind the most came from my mother-in-law. She pointed out that I lost weight and that I looked good but then said "That's enough. What does my son think? ". I was shocked and a little ticked off as if my opinion didn't matter. I don't know why her comments continue to surprise me because after we were married for about three years, she said " Okay that's enough. Time to born the babies". No joke. There is language barrier that makes her comment more abrupt. There is a also big cultural divide that I am am still learning to appreciate...25 years later.
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My Mother-in-law is having noticeable dementia now, and every time I visit she is really surprised that I have lost so much weight (in all 100 lbs with 30ish more to go). I have been married for coming up on 27 years all of them obese. But she looks at me a long time, and usually asks the hubby if I have been losing weight on purpose. Actually, I get this almost every time someone comments on my weight loss if they know me at all, because I do have some chronic illnesses.
I had a friend visit from another state who I haven't seen in two years and she seemed to want to say that while she noticed I had lost weight, there was something else. Again the long stares.
I am thinking that the gallon of water a day, and the fact that I walk 5 miles a day have changed more than just my weight and I think that is the "extra" they are noticing. I am eating so much better, and I feel a little better too - enough that even though I am still ill, I would like to keep it up!
All in all, I am very grateful to be healthy enough to lose weight and walk. I don't take it for granted. But as for the comments I made when I was obese, to others losing weight? I usually didn't say anything, because when someone is 100+ lbs overweight it is hard for me to judge if they have lost 20ish lbs. I think I got eye problems. I don't notice if people gain 30ish lbs either. I utilize the poor judgement of size right now to not freak out about weight loss lols..13 -
@justanotherloser007
Sorry to hear your mil is getting worse. It's such a hard thing to deal with for friends and families.4 -
manderson27 wrote: »Friend "Look at you, you have lost a ton of weight"
Me "Yeah its slow but getting there, still have a way to go though"
Friend "You don't want to lose anymore it's ageing you"
Me "Not worried about how old I look just need to get the weight of my joints because of the Arthritis"
Friend "Really? Oh ok then"
Me as I walk away "Eye roll"
This from a work colleague who knows I had to give up working due to the pain. Who also is very overweight even though she had a gastric band fitted several years ago. Who is always trying to lose weight and complaining that she can't.
I have never told her that her tattoood lip liner and eybrows are ageing her. But I might....one day
I heard something similar. When I told them I finally had the willpower and have started losing weight, they said, just a heads up that you will look older once you lose the weight.
Right now I look younger than my age. So should I stay fat and unhealthy so I can look younger? Sigh...
--- Losing weight makes almost everyone look younger. When I see former classmates.. it is being overweight that makes them look old. When someone loses a lot of weight.. it is shocking to people who see them all the time. You can't listen to those people..they want you to stay the same. They always think you look sick or old..but that's not the case. You just don't look like the "you" they are used to and the can't keep their mouth shut.
I had a guy friend who lost a lot of weight. I thought he looked sick and worse for a long time. Now when I see him. he looks really good and perfectly normal.. I just couldn't get used to the new him. He's kept his weight off for years.10 -
I had weight loss surgery about 5 years ago lost 200lbs and have maintained my weight and continue living a healthy lifestyle and when I see people whom I haven't seen in a long time they compliment me on how I look and ask me how I loss the weight, when I tell them I had surgery they almost always say "Ah you cheated!" not knowing the hard work and sacrifices that are required to maintain the weight loss post surgery.21
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@Fozzie1986 how rude! And GOOD FOR YOU.5
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Are you ok
Are you ill
Eh no I’ve only lost some weight
Do you actually eat anything is another
I’ve lost another half a stone and I’m getting better watch the anorexia which just damn well annoys me big time. I’m not anorexic but I have been in the past and this person knows that. I’m at a healthy weight now
One comment that I appreciated was
“Your looking well”8 -
I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"9
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elisa123gal wrote: »I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"
I came here to say this exact thing, LOL.5 -
I think it's about reading the room, being supportive and happy for someone else's success without being an *kitten* hat! Kinda goes for life in general, but don't make assumptions and consider your your relationship with the person before you get all up in their business! 😅
People have said things to me that came out of their own sense of self. I may be surprised, but don't get offended. That's their baggage and I have plenty of my own. Its not going to stop me because I'm not doing it for them anyway!12 -
elisa123gal wrote: »I think the takeaway from this thread.. is "don't mention someones weight loss". You just never know what will irritate a person. Then another thread will pop up on; "Why is no one is mentioning my weight loss?"
I don't get that.
There's plenty of positive posts about how ecstatic some people are if others are paying attention and give them some happy feedback about taking control of an aspect of their life that they decided to change.
I think the takeaway is two-fold. First, be kind in how you talk to others. Don't be ambiguous. Communicate in a way that they understand where you're coming from. Don't say rude things for sure; there's plenty examples of that. Second, don't take it so personally. When someone says something, the way we hear it is flavored by our past experiences and how we see ourselves. Put yourself in their place and give them some credit that maybe it's coming from a place of love and accept that they care.
Of course some things that people say are just mean. Some people are asswipes. No getting around that. Try to avoid those people. Even when you experience them, consider what awful things had to happen in their life to make them behave that way. You can even find a way to have sympathy for them.
In all our lives, it's really a healthy thing to realize it's probably not about "you." A wise person once told me, "If you actually knew how little other people thought about you, you wouldn't be worried about it at all." In that case "little" means "infrequently." Give that some thought. Accept compliments humbly. Let the other stuff roll off like water off a duck's back. Set difficult and achievable goals. Chase them down and try to succeed. If you have a failure, you're human so get back at it today. Not tomorrow. Not after new year. TODAY.17 -
The only time I have gotten UPSET as opposed to just kind of over the drawn out 'reveal' (covid, I had a lot of people I was seeing the first time over a 6 month period) is the person who told me I lost too much weight and was prettier 20 pounds heavier.
I am very sorry I am failing to be decorative enough for your purposes, and also screw off.19 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.16 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.
Two more things.
First, it's an honor to have you echo my suggestions. Seriously. I find your approach to so many issues and challenges are balanced and well reasoned. You are a good example for all of us.
Second, and very importantly, if you have any inkling that I am even 80% able to do what I wrote, you overestimate my ability. This is something I'm working on. It's not easy. I have been working on compassion for several years. It's starting to take, but I have a long way to travel along that road. It's very hard in the moment to step back and take a healthy approach.
I had a stalker years ago. A co-worker. It was a bad situation. They are gone now, but I see them in town from time to time. During and after the incident, I had mental challenges with dealing with the thoughts that surrounded my experience. I took advantage of our employee assistance program. The person I worked with offered some good advice that I also am still working on. "Don't let this person take up space in your head rent-free." I was mostly able, eventually, to evict them from my noggin. Still get weird vibes when I see them around. A teammate in our Ultimate league was a neighbor and thought I must be nuts because the things I mentioned had happened were kind of unrealistic. Well, my ex even thought maybe I was nuts. I began to think it myself. What was happening could NOT have been happening. Yet it was. Eventually my teammate was able to observe first hand this person's bullschidt. They told me about it. All of it was real. I still struggle to have compassion for that individual, but I also recognize that there's certainly mental illness that isn't their fault. I feel sad for them. I wish there was a cure. If there was, I would also wish for an apology. I don't do forgive and forget; I do forgive and remember. Yeah; I guess I have not totally evicted this person from my head. I'll keep working on that. And I'll keep working on being compassionate for people who I frankly despise. Wish me luck.
I guess that was three things. I can't count.15 -
I'm with @mtaratoot.
It's a gift we can give ourselves, to work at getting over being reactive to others' negative comments. Our unhappy reaction doesn't improve our quality of life, does it? Nothing some peer says has any reason to affect my self image, unless I choose to let it.
It's a grace we can give ourselves and others, to assume good intentions, whenever there's the slightest possibility of interpreting a remark as being well meant, if perhaps awkwardly expressed.
Intentional insults? It's a thing pathetic people do. Avoid them. If obliged to reply, I want to stay high road, because how I behave does affect my self image. Doing things for spite or revenge is still letting that negative person affect me, compromise my integrity. Not worth it.
Two more things.
First, it's an honor to have you echo my suggestions. Seriously. I find your approach to so many issues and challenges are balanced and well reasoned. You are a good example for all of us.
Second, and very importantly, if you have any inkling that I am even 80% able to do what I wrote, you overestimate my ability. This is something I'm working on. It's not easy. I have been working on compassion for several years. It's starting to take, but I have a long way to travel along that road. It's very hard in the moment to step back and take a healthy approach.
I had a stalker years ago. A co-worker. It was a bad situation. They are gone now, but I see them in town from time to time. During and after the incident, I had mental challenges with dealing with the thoughts that surrounded my experience. I took advantage of our employee assistance program. The person I worked with offered some good advice that I also am still working on. "Don't let this person take up space in your head rent-free." I was mostly able, eventually, to evict them from my noggin. Still get weird vibes when I see them around. A teammate in our Ultimate league was a neighbor and thought I must be nuts because the things I mentioned had happened were kind of unrealistic. Well, my ex even thought maybe I was nuts. I began to think it myself. What was happening could NOT have been happening. Yet it was. Eventually my teammate was able to observe first hand this person's bullschidt. They told me about it. All of it was real. I still struggle to have compassion for that individual, but I also recognize that there's certainly mental illness that isn't their fault. I feel sad for them. I wish there was a cure. If there was, I would also wish for an apology. I don't do forgive and forget; I do forgive and remember. Yeah; I guess I have not totally evicted this person from my head. I'll keep working on that. And I'll keep working on being compassionate for people who I frankly despise. Wish me luck.
I guess that was three things. I can't count.
Very often, what I say (or type) is a striving, a stake in the ground. Most things are a work in progress, most of the time, realistically.
Working on my own attitudes and behavior has a 99.73% better payoff in contentment than trying to change other people. Personality or behavior transplants on others are a non-starter: That's my experience.7 -
you're both awesome and inspirational and aspirational, so there.
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Although it's certainly nice to be validated by other people noticing my weight loss favourably, I've figured out that I don't need anyone's approval or validation. My 30-pound loss was only visible to most people after not seeing me after an 8-month lockdown.
My hairdresser hasn't said a word to me although she's certainly noticed. The only person who has said anything is my manicurist, who came up to me excitedly and said, "You've lost a lot of weight!" I said, "Yes, 25 pounds. [Hairdresser's name] hasn't said anything about it." (I've since lost 5 more).
My hairdresser is my friend and means well. But I think she's learned to be super cautious about commenting about weight loss because people can get so offended and take what is meant to be a compliment the wrong way.
Anyway, I know that I've lost weight, my husband knows, my scale knows, my body knows, my wardrobe knows. I don't need compliments. I'm now a healthy weight, at the mid-point of the normal BMI chart and I've never felt better.13
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