What age is appropriate for you kid to start dating?
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Its all about the parenting at that point. Im saying with good parenting, thats as far as it gets
Wow, that's really presumptious. I had a friend with excellent parents, she just happened to be extraordinarily willful and started sneaking out at 12, sex at like 13.0 -
... because, lets be honest, she'll probably do it behind our backs if we put an age restriction on her ...
WOW... if you start with that attitude you have already lost! Did my kids do things behind my back? Maybe, but that never stopped me from setting REASONABLE rules and enforcing them. We are parents and need to act like parents. NEVER be afraid of setting limits.
On the other hand, a wise man and successful father told me, "Never say "NO" to your kids unless you have a good reason." And folks, sometimes just having a bad "feeling" about it IS a good reason.
One more bit from me, a father of 7.... I always allowed my children the option of buying out of trouble. If they were grounded for bad grade, all they needed was a note from the teacher saying the grade was improved and the punishment ended. Other things required special extra service (work) around the home or in the community to buy a pass.
It is easy for younger parents/parents of young children (such as myself, I have a toddler and preschooler) to fall prey to cynical attitudes. I find it immensely reassuring to hear you report otherwise.0 -
I've let my children determine their own readiness for "liking". I pay attention to them and we play it by ear.
At age 11 my older son (who's almost 14 now) had a girlfriend...in the absolute broadest sense of the word. She was a girl with whom he walked home after school. Their relationship consisted of holding hands and giving one another a hug when I went out to meet him halfway and she had to go in her direction. I was comfortable with this. At 13, he has had many "girlfriends." He is only allowed on public dates with them (to the movies with his brother and other friends). They have yet to last over 1 week. They mostly consist of Facebook chatting, and text messaging when he has a cellphone (I refuse to pay for one for him, so it's up to his dad to keep up with that).
At age 11, my younger son still has no interest in dating.
Kids are really fickle. In my highly unprofessional opinion, it's best for parents to set good examples of healthy relationships with their partners/spouses, to keep an open line of non-judgmental non-accustory communication with their children, and to monitor their children's social activities.0 -
Im thinking my daughter can start dating at about 35-40...0
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It is a standing joke at my home that our daughter will not date until she is 30 and marry when she is 40...but in all honesty I see the horrors and heartbreak of too many, girls especially, who "date" and give their hearts away to end up heartbroken. My goal is to guide my daughter through this process to the best of my ability and maintain an open and honest conversation with her. Something that I did not have growing up.
I have read many books with many teenagers on the subject and had open dialogue with them. Some don't see the harm in dating early, others see a strong need to wait. The ones that wait have a clearer idea of who they are looking for in a mate rather than looking for someone to make them feel as if they are not alone. For my daugher, I will share all of what I have learned from watching other teenagers, my own experience as a teen and guide her in her decision making process. Whatever age we as parents choose to begin to allow her to date, her very first date will be with her dad. As parents, we want her to understand what it means to date and how she is to be treated. The standard will be high and God willing she will see the wisdom in all of it.
I know that this does not answer your question with an actual age, but not all kids are mature enough to handle the responsibility of dating at the same age. I only have to look at my own life experiences to know this is true. I had two sisters who had their first babies at 16 & 17. As for myself, I had been married for 13 years and was 34 before my first daughter was born.
On a side note...I am considering looking into courtship vs. dating...I know some families who have taught their children this method and I love their children and their approach to the whole "dating" idea. Have not done any research into it yet...my daughter is only 5, but I am considering it
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I don't have children.
I had a boyfriend at 14. We were kissing/above the belt at 15.
Sex at 16.
It depends on the child.
Curious... I agree that kids are different, no doubt. But do you think your parents were really engaged and "supervising" you and you just were sneaky? or??
I really am curious.0 -
my daughter will be 9 in another month...i'm scared sh!tless. Up until recently the theory that boys were gross was working. Now she tells me about "eric" and "austin"...yesterday after school she was playing with friends and told me that the boy in the black t-shirt likes her. OMFG.
My parents didn't have a rule about dating. by time i was in grade 7 i was hell on wheels and every rule they made was broken before they finished making it. I pulled every trick in the book. I know what i was doing by time i got to high school...she's just like me only worse--i'm in for one hell of a ride.
i will never suffocate my child with rules...she will only rebel harder. I can just try and teach her to respect her body...and hope she talks to me about stuff before there's a real problem. birth control and safe sex...and respect for her mother or i will beat her *kitten* regardless of how big she is.
I would be okay with "group" dates in grade 7...and a "single" date in grade 9 or 10. all i can hope for is that she stays off drugs and doesn't end up pregnant before she makes it out of high school...college would be great...little steps.0 -
I'll allow my boys when they're 16, but their father says 14. It's a compromise we'll have to meet in the middle at since we are no longer together.
No daughters, but if I did have one she would not be allowed til she was 18. I was an ill behaved teenager and was always up to no good so I tend to trust the boys more than the girls.0 -
As a 20 year old, really dating in my opinion, as a guy, shouldnt happen until 16, when you can drive yourself places. Anything before is just childish crushes, saying you are boyfriend and girlfriend, when you have only maybe held hands, never talk to eachother, whatever. Everything before, getting drove by your parents, etc is not only akward for the kids, but really akward for the parents too.
As a mother of two sons..one is 20, one is 5, I agree with this statement, COMPLETELY. I don't have daughters but I am one. I think I went on my first date when I was 15. The boy was 17, and completely vetted by my parents. They liked him, so naturally we never went out again.0 -
Good grief! Five in college and you still have something in the wallet? Must be bright kids!
It amazes me too! lol
(Hint: Post graduate science majors get FREE schooling AND get paid for working in the lab!!)
Oh, I am taking that to heart. I was just reading Tom Brokaw's column today about the need for a new "three R's", and wondering how my children will aqcuire education like that.0 -
Anyway, just saying guys, this is started to get a bit heated, so Im taking a step back for now. Just going to say this, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with another poster, have a counter opinion, but lets not be attacking one another. We are all starting to get a bit out of hand, so as I said, make sure you are not attackinf one another0
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My parents never made any definitive age for me that I could start dating but they did make rules. I started dating freshman year of highschool and every one of my boyfriends was expected to come over and have dinner with my parents so they can get to know them. I'm 24 now and they don't require it but I still bring them home for dinner so I they can meet them.0
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Anyway, just saying guys, this is started to get a bit heated, so Im taking a step back for now. Just going to say this, you are absolutely allowed to disagree with another poster, have a counter opinion, but lets not be attacking one another. We are all starting to get a bit out of hand, so as I said, make sure you are not attackinf one another
I don't see anyone getting out of hand or attacking. I must have missed it.0 -
My husband and I agreed that if our daughter is to date before 18, then we are double dating with her. She goes to the movies, guess what, it just happens to be that they will be seeing the movie we *REALLY* wanted to see too. We joke that we will be sitting right behind her. They go to a concert, guess what, we love that band too, expect us to be the geeky parents rocking out to the teen band....
If she has a problem with this, then she can wait till she is 40, like I said before.
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Hmmm well didn't really "date" until i had my license and could go out and about on my own...so 16. Before that, the only "dates" I would go on were with my love interest of my whole teenage life, Jason ::sighs::. For *my* kids, I'd be fine with dating to start around 15ish....(so I say now...)0
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Just be careful about putting strict rules about NOT dating till a certain age. I wasn't allowed to date, but I had a "boyfriend" in 5th grade. I desperately wanted to tell my mom about it because I was so excited, but I was afraid she's be mad and I'd get punished. When she chaperoned the 5th grade dance I broke down and HAD to tell her and the rules changed. I never had to sneak out of my house. I never had a curfew I only had to call if I was going to be unreasonably late and I always had to wake my parents up when I got home (this prevented me from drinking). My parents always took the time to get to know all of my friends and boyfriends. It was a small school and I dated the whole football team by the time I graduated. My poor dad. LOL I have a relationship with my parents though and we talk about everything. My mom never wanted me to feel like I couldn't come to her with ANYTHING and I eventually went to her for EVERYTHING. I was far from a goody goody, but I didn't lose my viginity until I was a senior in college. I respected myself and my parents and I wanted my frist time to be with someone I was in love with and who clearly loved me back. My mom was one of the first people I told and she was so happy for me. So many girls don't get to have such a meaninful and special first time. While I'm sure she wished I'd waited until I was married, she was nothing but supportive.0
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I haven't read through all the posts, but needed to add my two cents.
I'm the senior high youth director for our church. I deal with teens all the time and just about all of them are dating. I see all the non sense drama that takes place. I know, because they have told me themselves, that those that are dating 8 out of 10 are sexual active and regret it.
With that being said...
My husband and I have taught our 12 year old girl and 13 year old boy from a young age by way of them answering this simple question: What is the point of dating?
Their answer? To find the person you want to marry.
Our response: Are you ready to think about getting married?
Their Response: Heck no!
Therefore, they aren't in the frame of mind that they want to date anytime soon. It doesn't seem exhilerating to them or "moviefied".
Teaching our children that dating isn't all "fun and games" and giving them purpose for dating CAN change the way they approach the subject. We have not set a certain age for dating in our household. As of right now, it isn't even on the table as an option. When the topic is risen again we have already built a foundation that they are able to utilize to answer the question on their own.
In my opinion, until they are 16 (ish, this really depends on their maturity and the maturity of their friends), taking a group of 3 or more with parent surpervsion on date like activities is acceptable. After 16, if they have shown maturity, they can go on "group dates" with 4 or more.
It is very important to teach our children what dating is for. You can certainly spend time with friends and get to know them on many levels WITHOUT one on one time. The set-up of a date promotes intimacy that MOST teenagers are not fully equipped to handle.
Thus concluding my thoughts, intimacy really should be reserved for a serious couple that has plans for a future. (*note: I'm not saying sex, I'm saying INTIMACY)
And bring on the naysayers...0 -
Until they are 18 though, imo, always make sure they are going to bf/gf house when PARENTS ARE HOME. Call and ask to talk to a parent. They arent home? Then you aint going! Just the same with parties. Its shocking to me at times how little parents actually check up on things like that. If your worried about your kid getting preggers or w/e, just make sure they are not the only ones home. Its not that difficult
Oh geez.... no offense but the things I've gotten away with that would make a nun blush happened when people were home....
But I do agree that parents do need to check up on their kids more often in situations like these 0 -
When I am able to pick up a truck with my bare hands and throw it down the street, then my daughter can date.
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To Ben
I don't think you need a hug. After reading your other posts, I think you need a pat on the back. Totally agree with your views.0 -
I tell my daughter that dating has a purpose=to find a husband. She is not looking to get married, thus no dating. (she is only 13)I know she will have to wait til 16 at least.0
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MY DAUGHTER IS 15..SHE CAN DOUBLE DATE W/ FRIENDS IF I KNOW WHO THEY ARE AND THERE FAMILY. SHE CAN DATE AT 16
sounds right to me too.0 -
What is considering dating? Going out to a movie, I suppose. Really, I don't mind my 14 yr old daughter going out to watch a movie with a boyfriend or meeting him at the mall. I am not worried about the dating. Think the real issue here is parents are afraid of their kids having sex. We speak openly about sex in my home. My thought is, they are going to have it regardless. I just want my kids to be safe. That's my concern. And, I don't think dating means looking for husband. It's not in everyone's card to get married.0
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I'm surprised at some of the answers on here. My mom never really gave me an age that was appropriate. I would come home at like 11 and say that I got a boyfriend and she would be "happy" (I'm sure not on the inside, haha.) She was there for me when they undoubtedly came to an end, and I was never really asked out on dates. Just had boyfriends. They would be allowed over to hang out, not alone in my room or anything, but she was pretty lenient as far as hanging out goes. She was always open with me about things like sex and invited me to not feel scared about talking to her when it came to that kind of thing, but always made sure that I waited until I was totally ready. I think it was because of that that I did end up waiting until I met my fiance. Obviously since he's my fiance, it's working out haha. I'm glad I didn't have one of those moms that was overprotective. I knew a lot of girls that did, and they were some of the most promiscuous girls in school. Overprotecting does nothing but lead to your kid feeling like they have to sneak around behind your back.0
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What is considering dating? Going out to a movie, I suppose. Really, I don't mind my 14 yr old daughter going out to watch a movie with a boyfriend or meeting him at the mall. I am not worried about the dating. Think the real issue here is parents are afraid of their kids having sex. We speak openly about sex in my home. My thought is, they are going to have it regardless. I just want my kids to be safe. That's my concern. And, I don't think dating means looking for husband. It's not in everyone's card to get married.
I agree. As I recall from my dating past it was mostly hoping for sex, nothing to do with finding a wife, as crude as they may sound it would be the same for the majority of boys.0 -
This isn't about reaching a certain age. It's about how mature and prudent the individual is. Some people never gain enough maturity and wisdom to choose a suitable partner no matter how old they get... There are also exceptional people who become ready at a surprisingly early age. Then there are all sorts of people in between.
I'm in the "dating isn't fun and games, it's for finding your wife/husband" boat.0 -
My son/daughter cant date until they are out of high school. So about 18.0
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These are my three daughters.
Unless Prince Charming finds a way to clone himself and make three exact copies, is 100% Italian and rides in on a f*cking unicorn... I'm going with NEVER.0 -
These are my three daughters.
Unless Prince Charming finds a way to clone himself and make three exact copies, is 100% Italian and rides in on a f*cking unicorn... I'm going with NEVER.
LOL. We gotta talk about this unicorn thing.0 -
Having raised two daughters, their father and I decided that they could date when they were 16. They KNEW this, at an early age. And although we STUCK to that, they tried to sneak around a bit........and generally got caught!
I'll never forget the time that my eldest (who was about 15 at the time) was spending the night at her best friend's house - well, we also had a rule that the kids had to call home around 10 PM when they were over-night like this (that was my x's rule......but what the heck, it worked). She didn't call.
So, he asked me to call their house - Mom answered and said "Oh, the girls went out to a movie with their boyfriends". WHAT???? Hubby got on the line, found out which theatre they went to, WENT to the theatre, into each movie, calling out her name! Yikes (I was home with the younger child, so didn't witness this
She and the bf had left the theatre, and when The Princess got back to her friend's house, Dad was there to take her home. Needless to say, she didn't try that again
bahahahahaha I love this so much!!!!
I wasn't allowed to date till I was 16 and my parents had to meet the guy first.
My rule will probably be the same for my daughter, under the condition that she has a healthy fear of her mother and understands that mama is crazy and mama will own a gun by then. My ex isn't the one boys will have to fear...its me! :devil:
Even though I'm a younger mom, I know that I have to be a MOM FIRST and her friend 2nd...if she ends up hating me at some point, I'm doing my job0
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