Can anyone handle the truth??

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  • jkvanhemert
    jkvanhemert Posts: 3 Member
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    There is a big difference between enabling and being supportive. Between being honest and being abusive.

    As for your holier than though before / after picture remark... who cares? As long as they feel good about themselves that is what matters.

    And as weight is much easier to change than a terrible personality, I'll take my weight problem any day of the week.



    Well said!
  • genxrider
    genxrider Posts: 107 Member
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    Please don't feed the trolls.
  • CassarahW
    CassarahW Posts: 93 Member
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    wow, really? I congratulate you on your wonderful accomplishments, that's fantastic. However, there are quite a few of us who have emotional issues that are apart of the problem for our weight issues. Put that aside, no matter what shape our body is in we need to love it and many of us despise it and the more negativity we feel about it the harder it becomes to change. I'm a firm believer that all bodies are beautiful, they are all creations of God. My goal isn't to lose weight, it's to become healthy. I have to love myself, including my body, to respect it enough to treat it right. Not everyone is the same, we all have different reasons for being where we're at. I know I'm not strong enough to just eat less and move more. I'm a comfort eater with too many emotional issues. If you can't be supportive I suggest you leave this site. Most of us don't need tough love, we get that already in our lives. We need community and positive reinforcement. You obviously do not fit in here.
  • Liluth
    Liluth Posts: 84 Member
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    Every person is different. Who are you to say that approach isn't helping the person? Who is to say that the only kind of improvement in an individual is measurable in the form of the weight they lose? Sure, it doesn't help you. But that's you. Some people need to have their hand held. You're making an awful lot of judgements based on observation when observation is only one half of the evaluation of a person's mental and physical state.

    Attempt to understand that no one approach is the best way to lose weight and that people who turn to food when confronted with criticism are no lesser people than you. Merely different.

    Also judging from your "if you think I'm wrong" comment, you're not actually looking for varying opinions, you're looking for people to agree with you and pat you on the back, so it's quite likely I'm one of "those people". I'm fine with this.
  • mscindyb
    mscindyb Posts: 6
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    I'm more than capable of sabotaging, criticizing, being disappointed in, and disrespecting myself ... I don't need your help. I need the help of like minded, supportive people, who will help me appreciate and celebrate small victories through out my journey. Who will support my effort to make positive changes that will carry me through my life. I suspect a lot of us are heavier than you because our hearts weight more. Good luck, seems like your attitude is getting you exactly where you want to be!
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
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    I totally agree..................well no actually I don't. Boy it must be nice to be so perfect and odor free. You want no BS ok, this post makes you sound uppity and that you think you are better than others. I agree that I don't want to hear someone complain and not do something about it but man you came off like a total............. People respect no BS but not with your kind of uppity attitude

    This^ I was working out a response and only came up with ones that would get me banned.

    Look, I'm a b!tch, I am very much aware of this, but there is such a thing as tact and learning when to shut your mouth. I don't have tact, so I shut the hell up.
  • vanillasugar
    vanillasugar Posts: 246 Member
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    I am totally honest but NOT abusive or derogatory. You don't need to tell someone they're fat. They have a mirror, clothes and television for that. In fact, you don't need to tell ANYBODY what's wrong with THEM. WHO are YOU, Halle Berry!?
    YOU just worry about improving yourself. Friends are supportive, not hateful.
    NOBODY is perfect - don't worry about the speck in MY eye- get the log out of yours

    THAT is MY truth

    *like*
  • DarkAngel525
    DarkAngel525 Posts: 135
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    you can be honest without being an as$hole. i think most people would prefer that route.

    I agree with this. I always am a fan of constructive criticism, but some people think that translates into being mean and nasty.
  • beccafreak
    beccafreak Posts: 45
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    There's a way of talking to someone and encouraging them but to "tell them the truth" and be a total *kitten* and tell them they are fat? Totally uncalled for. There is such a thing called tact. Empathy. And encouragement. Emotionally abusing someone is not the way to go. I understand where you are coming from but to jump on someone for not being like you is not right. Maybe they already know they are overweight yet don't know where to begin losing weight. Maybe all their life they were emotionally abused (or physically even) and they have learned to eat their way through life. Maybe they have issues that you don't even have a clue about. Maybe it is none of your business what others do. Regardless, if someone asks for your help, jump on it and help out to your fullest. If they don't, leave them alone.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
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    I love how you said "if someone told me I'm fat (but no one does because I'm not)" and then go on to say how YOU would feel. Since you're not fat, and no one tells you that you are, you can't possibly understand how others feel. I totally agree that I'd rather have friends who are honest with me, but I have pretty thick skin. Just because something wouldn't offend ME doesn't mean it wouldn't hurt someone else.

    Hopefully as you get a little older, you'll learn compassion for others.
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    I don't ask for advice because most people are stupid.

    bwah! thanks for the chuckles...
  • Pocket_Pixi
    Pocket_Pixi Posts: 1,167 Member
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    if you think i'm wrong, you're exactly the type of person i'm talking about. the kind i feel sorry for when i see them pretending they're happy instead of making themselves happy.

    No pretending here.. I am HAPPY with myself.. I love myself and am working on becoming even better than I already am. I am over 200 pounds but that does NOT mean I am un ugly self loathing depressed fat girl.. I am a beautiful, intelligent, happy fat girl.. we do exist, and some of us don't even pretend!
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member
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    Would it help anyone if I said they were stupid? Same thing. People know their predicaments well whether someone says it or not. No need to bring them down anymore especially when you look in the mirror, and you're far from perfect yourself. I will be honest with tact if asked, but I'm not going to make a comment about something that obviously isn't any of my business.
  • lorna1002
    lorna1002 Posts: 185 Member
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    [/quote]Since we're going with honesty, great goals there. It kinda shows the type of person you are.
    [/quote]

    hahaha
  • mmmichelle8486
    mmmichelle8486 Posts: 269 Member
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    everyone needs to cut the BS and be realistic with themselves. that's what i do. that's why my "before" looks like your "after".

    .


    My afters won't have a big black hole where my heart belongs.
  • UpToTheChallenge
    UpToTheChallenge Posts: 247
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    The truth is great, but it's the way the person conveys it.

    Let's say someone tells you you're fat, but makes fun of you while they tell you, that's going to sting a bit.

    There is a nice way to go about it, but being put down or made fun of is NOT that way to go about it.

    If someone was gaining weight and I was worried about their health, then yes, I would maybe mention something, in private but it's not really your place to say. They have to want to lose weight themselves.

    And if you have never been fat, then you don't actually know what goes on in an overweight persons head, so I don't think you really have the right to say anything.
  • andyloosbrock
    andyloosbrock Posts: 175 Member
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    I need popcorn! This is getting good!
  • MsKekeSoFocused
    MsKekeSoFocused Posts: 383 Member
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    Would anyone tell a football player who is 250 pounds and muscular that he is fat because he is over 200 pounds? No, so why should you automatically assume that anyone who is 200 pounds (or 180, or 160, whatever), is too fat? Just because it's not right for you doesn't mean it's not right for another individual. And no, not everyone here is here to turn into the cover of a fitness magazine, so why don't you back off and let each person do what works for them and what makes them happy without telling them what they *should* be doing and what *should* make them happy?

    **Like**
  • chanstriste13
    chanstriste13 Posts: 3,277 Member
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    you can be honest without being an as$hole. i think most people would prefer that route.

    I agree with this. I always am a fan of constructive criticism, but some people think that translates into being mean and nasty.

    i love finding like minds! dig.
  • LilMissFoodie
    LilMissFoodie Posts: 612 Member
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    if someone told me im fat (which nobody does, because i'm not, because i work hard EVERY DAY),

    Is it actually BECAUSE you feel like you work hard every day? Or is it because you were blessed with a normal metabolism that another might not have. Is it because you are free from medical conditions that others might not be. Is it because at 22 years you have not yet experienced the drop in metabolism that comes with age - let's not forget that many people (yes, I know, not me) on this site are in middle ages or beyond and obviously have a completely different battle to what you have. What an ignorant and judgemental post.
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