Dating! EEEK!

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  • UpDownMostly
    UpDownMostly Posts: 18
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    :flowerforyou:

    I'm soooo glad someone out there was listening!

    I know I sound like a big sook, but this whole dating thing is such a nightmare. I have always been shy and after I got married I didn't really have to try and change that, so now I am just this big ol' mess of low selfesteem and inadequacy!! Nothing much! LOL

    I sometimes think I have become the size I am in order to keep people at arms length. So much easier than changing my personality, eh?:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    So....sigh.... I guess I'm just going to have to plaster over the 'cracks' in my personality and just hope for the best!

    Maybe after awhile I may find the cracks have sealed themselves up and I can stop plastering?????

    Well, heres hoping!
    :blushing:

    Oh boy I can relate to the whole putting on weight to keep people away comment. Yes, it's going to be quite scary. I've been married 30 years and I'm not sure what I'd do if I had to think about dating. You've obviously found some common ground chatting on line. Don't push expectations on the first meeting. People often get in trouble with relationships by having an expectation that's not communicated to the other person and then people get hurt because expectations are not met. Just be yourself, be honest and open and I think you'll do fine.

    Good luck
  • UpDownMostly
    UpDownMostly Posts: 18
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    Bah sorry just read the whole thread, didn't realize there was a page 2. Sigh. Anyhow, again, I think it's expectations. Don't put too much expectations on getting to know someone. If you have been living alone and he's been living alone for some time, it is a real adjustment to start thinking in terms of another person. It's even scarier thinking of letting them in to your personal world. So just take it slow and if it's good it's good and if not, there's always other fishes in the sea. :)

    Tim
  • catlover
    catlover Posts: 389
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    It's morning here for some of us on the west coast of America and we still don't know....did he or didn't he.....call I mean and follow through on the second date. :happy:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
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    Hurrah! Thanks everyone, we DID get to date 2.:smooched:

    By the skin of his teeth! (Urg that sounds horrible) He hadn't got my messages from yesterday till this morning. Silly boy. So there I was panicing thinking 'Oh well, never see him again!' and it turns out he's just a little dippy when it comes to replying to text messages. :grumble: But he was really apologetic about it fortunately, I can't stand rudeness, in any form!

    We went and had a lovely cup of coffee again, no lunch, so very hungry when I got home (it's 4pm here) from picking the kids up.

    So now I'm in the thoroes of proper panic thinking of date 3 and what if he kisses me! My ex never liked it and it's been over 4 years since I kissed anyone but my kids! And well let's face it, it just doesn't compare really!:laugh:

    I am just going to go with the flow and see what happens. I'll leave my emotional baggage firmly at home where it belongs and pretend to be brave for a bit! :laugh:

    Hopefully all will turn out well. Well it will if I can tie up the old pessimistic half of me and go out with him and let the optimistic bit have a go.

    I'm so screwed, can you be a pessimistic optimist??

    Thank you to Tim for his really good insightful male perspective. I think I could do with an insight into the male mind to see how to go from here.:laugh: :laugh:

    Have a great day out there!
    :heart:
  • LightenUp_Caro
    LightenUp_Caro Posts: 572 Member
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    Congrats on everything!
    He sounds likes he's great! Keep it up for date 3 (and the kiss!)!!!
    ...i love that feeling of falling for someone.
    you're so lucky!:happy: :happy:
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
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    I have read everything on here and now I am all excited for you:bigsmile: I bet you now wonder why you were so worried. It has been years since a date, and I know I would be a wreck too. :blushing: So how did it go for you?
  • auntkaren
    auntkaren Posts: 1,490 Member
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    I have read everything on here and now I am all excited for you:bigsmile: I bet you now wonder why you were so worried. It has been years since a date, and I know I would be a wreck too. :blushing: So how did it go for you?
    I didn't see the second page:embarassed: It sounds absolutely wonderful, He really likes you and he should. You are a very pretty girl and need to stop kicking yourself around. You have a very nice personality and I am sure he sees all those quilities in you as well.:love: I love happy endings, maybe let us know how the second date goes.........have a great day:smile:
  • momathome
    momathome Posts: 72
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    I am so excited for you!!! It is like I am dating all over again...LOL I think going with the flow is good just see where it takes you. Just go have fun and just think if this isn't "the one" it is just getting you ready for "the one". He sounds really nice and can't wait to hear about date #3

    Traci
  • nicole777
    nicole777 Posts: 16 Member
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    i've been with my husband for five years but we've only been married 5 months. i know he loves me alot but i've gained 10 lbs in the last year and i feel so unattractive. i always see him looking at skinny girls and he always says he likes me the way i am but i think hes more attracted to skin and bone girls.
  • bkrbabe57
    bkrbabe57 Posts: 395 Member
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    Congrats on date 2.:blushing:
    I have also gotten caught up in the thread.
    As far as Kissing is concerned - it's like dancing let him lead and like riding a bike, you never really forget.
    Keep us up to date.
    :happy:
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,015 Member
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    Bah sorry just read the whole thread, didn't realize there was a page 2. Sigh. Anyhow, again, I think it's expectations. Don't put too much expectations on getting to know someone. If you have been living alone and he's been living alone for some time, it is a real adjustment to start thinking in terms of another person. It's even scarier thinking of letting them in to your personal world. So just take it slow and if it's good it's good and if not, there's always other fishes in the sea. :)

    Tim

    I agree with Coralie, our pretty dating lady! I think women are just as baffled by men as I am sure men are baffled by women! I'm divorced for 20 years, and I don't really want to marry again, but it is great to have a male point-of-view on the endless dance we do.

    Good luck, pretty blonde lady. We are sending positive energy across the pond for you!

    ~Cheryl
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
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    i've been with my husband for five years but we've only been married 5 months. i know he loves me alot but i've gained 10 lbs in the last year and i feel so unattractive. i always see him looking at skinny girls and he always says he likes me the way i am but i think hes more attracted to skin and bone girls.

    I think you sound a lot like me! Trust and faith are two of the hardest things to learn in life. We seem to have them instinctively as children but sadly once we unlearn them as adults it can be almost impossible to gain them back again.

    I'm just learning, thanks to my yummy man, Jon (umm can I say that at only date 2??:laugh: ), to pretend to having the trust thing till the real thing comes along. It seems to be working so far! :blushing:

    Just keep in mind also that while he may look at others (and sadly we all seem to do this!) he is actually with YOU. Admit it, men are nuts and contrary and sooo annoying at times but he must see something in you to want to be with you!

    Chin up. I think you sound lovely.
    :flowerforyou:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
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    i've been with my husband for five years but we've only been married 5 months. i know he loves me alot but i've gained 10 lbs in the last year and i feel so unattractive. i always see him looking at skinny girls and he always says he likes me the way i am but i think hes more attracted to skin and bone girls.

    I think you sound a lot like me! Trust and faith are two of the hardest things to learn in life. We seem to have them instinctively as children but sadly once we unlearn them as adults it can be almost impossible to gain them back again.

    I'm just learning, thanks to my yummy man, Jon (umm can I say that at only date 2??:laugh: ), to pretend to having the trust thing till the real thing comes along. It seems to be working so far! :blushing:

    Just keep in mind also that while he may look at others (and sadly we all seem to do this!) he is actually with YOU. Admit it, men are nuts and contrary and sooo annoying at times but he must see something in you to want to be with you!

    Chin up. I think you sound lovely.
    :flowerforyou:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
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    [[/quote]

    I agree with Coralie, our pretty dating lady! I think women are just as baffled by men as I am sure men are baffled by women! I'm divorced for 20 years, and I don't really want to marry again, but it is great to have a male point-of-view on the endless dance we do.

    Good luck, pretty blonde lady. We are sending positive energy across the pond for you!

    ~Cheryl
    [/quote]

    Thank you for the positive energy. I got it this morning with the post ! :laugh: Very efficient postal service across the pond!

    And thank you for the lovely comments, you've been so helpful and supportive, it has really meant so much to me to hear from everyone, and I hope in a small way that there are others out there reading this post and taking heart from it too! Just as much as I have. :flowerforyou:

    :blushing:

    Am off now to get the kids to school, and I'll let you all know how the ....kiss (gulp!)....goes !
    :heart:
  • kimd983
    kimd983 Posts: 39
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    good luck to you and you already got past the hardest part of the gettting a date with this guy right?
    did he see a picture of you? I bet he sees your beauty and not the extra pounds.

    when i met my husband i was 35 lbs heavier than him and hated it. I hear you on that, but he never saw my weight. He loved me after the first date, and it took ME much longer to love him the way he loved me.

    WHO knows, you may be getting a marraige proposal tonight when you thought you were self conscience about yourself. You may not like how SKINNY he is. ha ha

    just go with an open mind and enjoy!!!!! tell him to order the chicken pot pie and bulk up a bit! haha
  • kimd983
    kimd983 Posts: 39
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    ahhh i wasn't aware this date 1 and date 2 already happened. :) good for you!!!!! i will read the ENTIRE post from now on! hahaahahaha
    signed
    embarrassed newbie
  • kimd983
    kimd983 Posts: 39
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    ahhh i wasn't aware this date 1 and date 2 already happened. :) good for you!!!!! i will read the ENTIRE post from now on! hahaahahaha
    signed
    embarrassed newbie
  • DaniUSA
    DaniUSA Posts: 74
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    I just read the thread in total, didnt saw it before.. its soo sweet.

    and a little bit like soap opera..but in a good way :)

    good luck for date 3!!
  • jaxkipi
    jaxkipi Posts: 233
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    Remember to always be honest. I went out on a blind date and lied about my weight once. I got what I deserved. I have a friend who tells guys the truth and doesn't have any probs. If he doesn't like you because you have some extra pounds, then he's not worth it. To me a person like that is superficial. What's important here is that you are comfortable with the date and yourself. If he doesn't like it...time to look elsewhere. Plus, you're working on being healthier. He should respect that.

    Have fun! :flowerforyou:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
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    ahhh i wasn't aware this date 1 and date 2 already happened. :) good for you!!!!! i will read the ENTIRE post from now on! hahaahahaha
    signed
    embarrassed newbie

    Don't worry about it! And thank you for all your lovely positive comments!

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