Couples who dont fight.

This point has probably been mentioned before, but I guess it depends on what is classified as a "fight".

In terms of what I consider a "fight", I have never fought with my boyfriend (of nearly 3 years). We have had arguments, yes, probably only two that I can think of that have left me pretty distraught. However usually the very same day (or maybe the next morning) we would have made up and moved on.

Both of those arguments that I can think of were just pretty big misunderstandings. He's not a huge talker and I would get the wrong idea, come up to a weird conclusion and act all weird, then I finally blurt out what I think is happening but then we talk it all over and move on. It's not really a "fight" per se, as we have never had any major conflicts.

The fights I've had with friends and family, etc, would last for days and days, so no, I don't think my boyfriend and I have ever fought.

Yes, we disagree on a lot of things, we are both very opinionated people and we get into a lot of debates - but they are never real arguments, because we still respect our different points of view. In my opinion this is something that makes our relationship very healthy, and I'm proud of that.

I wonder if they disagree, but don't necessarily fight. Know what I mean? I have a friend who has the most excellent communication with her husband, and they disagree, but they don't bicker or fight. Maybe your friend is more like that than a Stepford Wife.

This! My husband and I fought more in the younger days of our marriage. Now we "get" each other and rarely fight. We definitely have differing opinions sometimes, but because we don't fight much definitely doesn't mean we don't care. We have a very strong marriage--one our friends often say they would like to be like and have been together for 21 years of which 17 are married years! (and 2 teenagers to boot!)

i think if people dont argue or disagree to an extent dont challenge each other.....to not argue to me would be unhealthy

I completely agree.

My husband and I do disagree and challenge each other and it's OK. It does not mean our marriage is not as strong as those couples who happen to agree all the time.

my guy and i dont fight, he makes the rules, he is always right, it is what i signed up for, i can like it or leave (well ask to leave)

Wow I hope you're kidding-- that sounds like hell. Or my first marriage (he was a Marine).

no its not a joke , but its what i like. hey we are all different arent we. and it does tend to make alot of things easy

and before you worry , no it is in no way abusive.

are you d/s?

:happy:

my guy and i dont fight, he makes the rules, he is always right, it is what i signed up for, i can like it or leave (well ask to leave)

Wow I hope you're kidding-- that sounds like hell. Or my first marriage (he was a Marine).

no its not a joke , but its what i like. hey we are all different arent we. and it does tend to make alot of things easy

and before you worry , no it is in no way abusive.

You can call it what you like, but when you aren't 'allowed' to show a difference of opinion, for fear of getting the boot .. That is not a partnership that is called emotional oppression ... Most defiately a well studied form of emotional abuse.

You can choose to deny it, of course, that's your prerogative. As long as you know what it is, and you are OK with it .. fill your boots.

it is not abuse, it is a particular type of relationship , it is what i want and need. besides just cause he has that power does not mean he is an *kitten* about it. if he was i would have never entered this relationship with him. i am not stupid, i am not a doormat. i am what i am

my guy and i dont fight, he makes the rules, he is always right, it is what i signed up for, i can like it or leave (well ask to leave)

Wow I hope you're kidding-- that sounds like hell. Or my first marriage (he was a Marine).

no its not a joke , but its what i like. hey we are all different arent we. and it does tend to make alot of things easy

and before you worry , no it is in no way abusive.

You can call it what you like, but when you aren't 'allowed' to show a difference of opinion, for fear of getting the boot .. That is not a partnership that is called emotional oppression ... Most defiately a well studied form of emotional abuse.

You can choose to deny it, of course, that's your prerogative. As long as you know what it is, and you are OK with it .. fill your boots.

it is not abuse, it is a particular type of relationship , it is what i want and need. besides just cause he has that power does not mean he is an *kitten* about it. if he was i would have never entered this relationship with him. i am not stupid, i am not a doormat. i am what i am

I don't mean this aggressively, but always going along with another person just because they are telling you to is the very definition of being a doormat.

since when is being in a mutually satisfying relationship, abusive?

Its only abusive when someone is coerced or forced into it.

We dont all have the same needs.

I was recently having a conversation with a friend about a small fight my boyfriend and I had over the weekend. It was silly but necessary, we heard each other out, apologized and moved on.

She was alarmed-- "You've only been together a few months! You guys fight?!"

Yep. We do. Infrequently, and usually they're pretty short-lived but we definitely have arguments.

She proceeded to tell me "Well, me and Hubby never fight. I don't know what I'd do if we had arguments like that."



Really? Never? Are there couples that dont fight at least on occasion? To me that sounds like a red flag. Maybe because my previous relationship was spent, on my part, by walking on eggshells so we Nevermind fought either.

My relationship is the healthiest and happiest I've ever had-- I think arguing is good for us every now and then. Couples who never fight worry me.

I'm interested to know what you guys think.

Been married almost 20 years. Together for almost 23. Never had a fight. Or a loud argument. I don't think it's unhealthy at all. Mature people not only compromise when possible, but realize that when compromise isn't possible then sometimes the point of contnetion goes to one or the other. No keeping score either.

I don't know what my wife's reasoning is, but whenever there is an issue and no compromise seems possible, I weigh it against my relationship. Is this particular thing more important than my marriage? The answer is always No. And, if you don't keep score the importance of the individual intances cannot accumulate.

Personally, I don't enjoy "getting my way" if it makes her unhappy. I'm much happier when she's happy.

I

You said that so much better than I did!
I can think of things we've not been on the same page at first, but we don't really even "argue" much, let alone fight. When there's something we're not on the same page about, we kind of look at how important whatever it is *is* to the other person, and one or the other of us smiles and let's the other have their way. LOL I don't know how else to say that. We want each other to be happy, and we get that there's give and take, there's not much more to it than that.

I'm sure some people work differently in ways that work for them, and that's cool, too.

my guy and i dont fight, he makes the rules, he is always right, it is what i signed up for, i can like it or leave (well ask to leave)

Wow I hope you're kidding-- that sounds like hell. Or my first marriage (he was a Marine).

no its not a joke , but its what i like. hey we are all different arent we. and it does tend to make alot of things easy

and before you worry , no it is in no way abusive.

You can call it what you like, but when you aren't 'allowed' to show a difference of opinion, for fear of getting the boot .. That is not a partnership that is called emotional oppression ... Most defiately a well studied form of emotional abuse.

You can choose to deny it, of course, that's your prerogative. As long as you know what it is, and you are OK with it .. fill your boots.

it is not abuse, it is a particular type of relationship , it is what i want and need. besides just cause he has that power does not mean he is an *kitten* about it. if he was i would have never entered this relationship with him. i am not stupid, i am not a doormat. i am what i am

I don't mean this aggressively, but always going along with another person just because they are telling you to is the very definition of being a doormat.

not at all, but i am not going to go into it further , those who can figure it out will understand (one already did frigure it out)
those who don't well they can believe what they want.

I know myself , I know my relationship, I know what it is. thats all that is necessary.

but back to the subject of the post, it is nice not to ever fight.

I'm all for whatever makes you happy and fulfilled-- did not mean to suggest abuse, just that *I* wouldn't be happy in that type of relationship. But if it doesn't work out with your man, you should get my ex's #.

my guy and i dont fight, he makes the rules, he is always right, it is what i signed up for, i can like it or leave (well ask to leave)

Wow I hope you're kidding-- that sounds like hell. Or my first marriage (he was a Marine).

no its not a joke , but its what i like. hey we are all different arent we. and it does tend to make alot of things easy

and before you worry , no it is in no way abusive.

You can call it what you like, but when you aren't 'allowed' to show a difference of opinion, for fear of getting the boot .. That is not a partnership that is called emotional oppression ... Most defiately a well studied form of emotional abuse.

You can choose to deny it, of course, that's your prerogative. As long as you know what it is, and you are OK with it .. fill your boots.

it is not abuse, it is a particular type of relationship , it is what i want and need. besides just cause he has that power does not mean he is an *kitten* about it. if he was i would have never entered this relationship with him. i am not stupid, i am not a doormat. i am what i am

Like I said, you can call it what you like. The relationship as you have described is abusive by definition. You can't change the meaning of the word to suit yourself by denying it.

The moment someone .. ANYONE controls or manipulates your behaviour to THAT extent is the very definition of being 'abusive'. It is not normal to hold affection or emotion hostage. When someone controls your free will, then you are most definitely being controlled much more than in a 'normal' relationship (well at least, as far as "normal" goes). A 'normal' relationship has a level of compromise and respect .. yours does not, by your own description.

You may be a very .. VERY passive or submissive person by nature, he may be very aggressive (mentally & emotionally, not necessarily physically) and this 'type' of relationship MAY work for you. THAT is your prerogative. For what ever reason, you may feel the need to be controlled to such an extent. When a relationship has boundaries like what has been set, it is very unstable, nonetheless it is your choice to take it or leave it.

No one can say how long it will last, or whether or not it's categorically right or not. THAT is objective. Just accept it for what it is ... and go with it, if that's what floats your boat.