Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control

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Replies

  • starwhisperer
    starwhisperer Posts: 367
    no I won't provide birth control. She is welcome to head down to the local planned parenthood and get some prescribed herself. When she thinks she is old enough and wise enough to bump no nos then she better think she is old enough to take responsibility for her own actions. She is 12 now, and I am super open with her, any questions she has I will answer any advice she needs I will give. I will also make it pretty spectacularly clear that I won't be raising a grandbaby. So if she decides she is adult and ends up with baby in tow then that is exactly what she will have is a baby in tow. I am not her friend. I am her parent. I also won't take her to get a tattoo when she is 16 despite the fact that I am a huge fan of tattoos. My job is to raise her with the smarts and intelligence to make life decisions, and I can only hope I have done so. I am not naive I had her at 19 and am well aware of how libido works, and aware that we don't always follow our parents advice. But I am not going to then turn from what I believe and say... but if you can't be bothered to live the lifestyle we have raised you to believe is right... well then here is a back up plan. I agree with the person above me about pictures and education. I will be doing lots of that too.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    Every one of my daughters when on Birth Controlas soon as they sex became a possibility. With my blessing and at my request. I wasn't condoning sex, and, in fact, I proved to be the most effective form of birth control during their teenaged years.

    The reality is that kids are going to be "experimenting". I can't predict when it would happen with each individual girl, but I could increase the odds that they wouldn't be making plans, or worse, scrapping plans, because of unplanned pregnancies.

    When they have children is a decision I want them to make, not one to be forced upon them.
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
    At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with having sex as long as you're ready, comfortable and being safe. A lot of parents have the attitude that teenagers having sex is as bad underage drinking a smoking, but thats really an old fashioned idea going back to the old days when you weren't meant to have sex until marriage. I don't know ANYONE that waited until marriage. I think people need to stop talking about teenage sex as if it were just kids being bad, because when practiced safely and between people that care about each other, it should be enjoyable, intimate, a good way of expressing feelings and most importantly it doesn't harm anyone.
    I know that I could speak to my mum about birth control etc, although in the UK we get a lot of sex education in school so we don't really need the awkward parent chat (we can also get BC from doctors without them telling our parents) and there's generally a lot of support and advice and information out there. My mum told me when I was younger that she REFUSED to be one of those parents who raises their teenage daughter's baby while the daughter goes off and completes school etc, and I've always kept this in mind. Also, as a young teenager, I was forbidden to have sex "under her roof", so in her way she wasn't condoning me having sex, but she also knew I was being sensible about it and never tried to tell me to come off the pill or throw out my condoms. When I was 16 (age of legal consent in the UK) I was allowed to stay at my boyfriends house, and When I turned 18 I was allowed boys to sleep in my bed, so I think I had a good balance of "I'm not going to try and stop you but at the same time I'm not saying underage sex is okay"
    The only thing I regret is that I never spoke to her asbout it, because I was too embarassed. I definately regret losing my virginity when I did, because I had my first boyfriend and everyone else was doing it. I have always, always, always practised safe sex though, and I thank the NHS and Scottish school system for that!

    Only thing I would say though, sex is very overglamourised in TV/magazines etc, and in the media in general, with internet and magazines and tv shows as graphic as they are I think it makes young people think sex really is that casual. A tv show with a good balance is suprisingly "gossip girl", as it shows the teenagers having sex and enjoying themselves but really focuses on the emotional issues behind virginity and the differences in casual sex and doing it with someone you love.

    This has really just become a bit of a ramble so I'll tie it up by saying - if your kid comes to you for contraception you should be glad they can talk to you, talk to them about safe sex, alternatives to penatatrive sex and the emotions behind sex, your own feelings about it, but essentially if they're going to do it they're going to do it, it's a part of growing up which is hrd for parents, but they can't remain little kids forever, ensuring that they are prepared if they choose to go ahead at least means they'll be teenagers longer and not "young parents", aged before their time.
  • april_beth
    april_beth Posts: 616 Member
    id be so happy that she came to me and actually listened to me when i said you can talk to me about anything. of course, this means we would have an awesome relationship prior. id set her up with an OB and have more talks with her because she is going to have sex with or without protection and id rather she have the pill and make sure i talked to her about still using condoms as there are too many diseases out there so to be sure.
  • XFitMojoMom
    XFitMojoMom Posts: 3,255 Member
    id be so happy that she came to me and actually listened to me when i said you can talk to me about anything. of course, this means we would have an awesome relationship prior. id set her up with an OB and have more talks with her because she is going to have sex with or without protection and id rather she have the pill and make sure i talked to her about still using condoms as there are too many diseases out there so to be sure.

    ^^ABSOLUTELY... I have two young daughters and I only hope they will feel like they can talk to me about anything!
    Better a 15 year old taking precautions than a pregnant 15 year old.
  • starwhisperer
    starwhisperer Posts: 367
    waiting till marriage is outdated? No one waits anymore? This is as close minded a view point as thinking your teen won't be silly enough to give in. My sister waited till marriage, my brother is a 21 year old virgin by choice, my best friends 26 year old sister just got married last month to a man who at 28 had been saving himself for her. It isn't outdated just because it doesn't fit into your view point. If I could go back and not have sex with the idiots I had sex with before i met my husband I sure as heck would. What a waste of my physical and emotional time.
  • CMmrsfloyd
    CMmrsfloyd Posts: 2,380 Member
    waiting till marriage is outdated? No one waits anymore? This is as close minded a view point as thinking your teen won't be silly enough to give in. My sister waited till marriage, my brother is a 21 year old virgin by choice, my best friends 26 year old sister just got married last month to a man who at 28 had been saving himself for her. It isn't outdated just because it doesn't fit into your view point. If I could go back and not have sex with the idiots I had sex with before i met my husband I sure as heck would. What a waste of my physical and emotional time.

    Some do but some don't, and kids may or may not take the route suggested by their parents. I did not wait for marriage but I did wait for the man I knew I was going to marry (and I chose to wait until I wasn't a teenager b/c I was terrified of becoming a statistic). There are so many situations that young people end up in where they have to make sudden decisions and may not decide the way they thought they would. I'm sure many of us can recall situations where we did things we knew weren't a good idea but they seemed okay in the moment.

    I think it's great to teach morals and values (and religion if that happens to be part of it, although just b/c someone supports abstinence does not necessarily mean they are religious) - many people do stick with their morals so it's a good starting point for your kids to figure out what they believe is important. However, on the off chance that what is important to you may not end up so important to them, or in the case of them maybe having that 'in the moment' decision making experience that many of us know all too well, I think it's important to educate them on all the various options available, risks, pros and cons, everything. You can stress your moral values but still give the education just in case. :-) And hey even for those that believe that kids are going to have sex regardless, it's still worth talking to your kids about abstinence being a valid option if they choose it. Give them all the info and all the options, teach what's important to you as a parent and then hope for the best. And keep the lines of communication open so they can come to you with questions or concerns.
  • kimletton11
    kimletton11 Posts: 72 Member
    I would say that the parent/daughter communication is very good. I was 16 when I went on BC but mine was for health reasons. Being raised in a very strict religious home my parents encouraged me to abstain. However, my mom is not stupid. I began dating a guy (he was 19) soon after I turned 16 and about a year and a half later we became active and my mom knew everything that was going on during the entire relationship. My mom and I are very close and to this day she and I can talk about pregnancy, STD's, etc. Most of my friends have kids, I am one of the only ones that don't. I blame this on the fact that they were not able to talk to their parents about BC and practicing safe sex. My sister will be 16 in a month and a half and I know the time is coming and she will ask (although I hope she chooses to abstain). We talk about BC and condoms a lot and I make sure she knows what a big responsibility having sex is. When I have children and my daughter gets to be a teenager, I hope that our relationship is open enough to where she is able to come to me and ask me for BC then I would sit her down and ask her why she wants it. I most likely would make an appointment to talk with her doctor and we would go from there.
  • mscoco10
    mscoco10 Posts: 527 Member
    i say if they request it then you should get it. make sure you have real open talks about sex and everything that comes long with it. preventing pregancy is 1 thing but you should also remind your children about STDS. if you can be open and honest then your child will make the best choice.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
    waiting till marriage is outdated? No one waits anymore? This is as close minded a view point as thinking your teen won't be silly enough to give in. My sister waited till marriage, my brother is a 21 year old virgin by choice, my best friends 26 year old sister just got married last month to a man who at 28 had been saving himself for her. It isn't outdated just because it doesn't fit into your view point. If I could go back and not have sex with the idiots I had sex with before i met my husband I sure as heck would. What a waste of my physical and emotional time.

    ^^This. I get so tired of people telling me that since sex before marriage is no longer frowned upon by society, then I should assume my children are going to have it before they get married. Those people are as close-minded as I am. I will say that if you start talking to your children about dating, sex, modesty, marriage, and anything else that seems to be a "teenage" issue, when they are teenagers, then you are waiting too long.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I dread the day my son's balls drop, not to mention the day he ponders actually having sex *shudders*
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    I'd say, "Would you like a square pack or a circle one, dear?" :tongue: I don't have a daughter, which makes me say I WISH my sons would ask for protection when they decide to become sexually active.

    Honestly, I would get it, but not without also researching with her the different types that are out there. Mama ain't raisin' no fool.
  • christieinfante
    christieinfante Posts: 8
    Spot on. Better for your daughter to be honest with you and to help her prevent pregnancy!! I have 2 daughters, 10 and 8. I was NO angel back in my day. Of course I am hoping my girls make better choices!!
  • jillica
    jillica Posts: 554 Member
    Good for you that your daughter feels comfortable talking to you about this subject!

    Talk, talk, talk to her - share with her your own experience and regrets!

    FYI: She is asking because her boyfriend doesn't want to where a condom anymore - better hope he is faithful!
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I'm not a Mom, but I am an aunt, and a great-aunt, and I would be proud as hell of a 15 year old mature, responsible and educated enough to ask about birth control. :flowerforyou:
  • pitapocket
    pitapocket Posts: 287 Member
    If my daughter felt she needed it, I would help her get it, while also talking about diseases and things like that so she would also use condoms and be smart about sex. You can't stop your kids from having sex if they want to do it, but you can assist them in making sure that one not-so-great decision doesn't impact the rest of their lives.

    The perfect answer, you can't control what they are going to do, but you can give them the tools to make the best possible decisions regarding their safety.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with having sex as long as you're ready, comfortable and being safe. A lot of parents have the attitude that teenagers having sex is as bad underage drinking a smoking, but thats really an old fashioned idea going back to the old days when you weren't meant to have sex until marriage. I don't know ANYONE that waited until marriage. I think people need to stop talking about teenage sex as if it were just kids being bad, because when practiced safely and between people that care about each other, it should be enjoyable, intimate, a good way of expressing feelings and most importantly it doesn't harm anyone.




    ^this^

    I dont really see a huge deal with it. Its not ideal to be having sex at 15, but i remember clearly the teenage hormones. I was gagging for it at 15. If it wasnt for the fact noone wanted to go out with me (i wasnt much of a looker) id say i was well ready by then.

    Id be weirded out by someone waiting for marriage tbh. I wouldnt encourage my child to sign up for life with a partner they hadnt even had sex with
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    you get her the pill. and then on the way home, you stop at the grocery store. you buy a bunch of bananas and a family sized box of contoms. you then sit at the table at home and teach her how to properly put on a condom.
    I'm trying to figure out if "family-sized box of condoms" is an oxymoron or not. I'll have to think on that.

    When I had the condom talk with my son, I was fully prepared to go the banana route. Thank *goodness* that when I quizzed him sufficiently, I was content that he had learned how to apply a condom in health class. Phew. I would have done it, though. I may have been mortified on the inside, but the health and well-being of my children is worth some mortification any day of the week.

    hahaha! i'm so glad i'm not the only one who's all "ber rah???" about the name on that box.
  • Pangea250
    Pangea250 Posts: 965 Member
    After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.
    I don't think that there is one person who said they would hand over birth control & condoms and do nothing else. To characterization posts as such is a bit sensationalistic and lot over-dramatic.

    I shudder to think where you would have ended up in life if you were having sex, asked your parents for birth control advice, and were told just to stop having sex. (I, by the way, didn't have sex until I was 18.)
  • julieclaussen
    julieclaussen Posts: 6
    What do you say?

    I was at the doctors office yesterday and saw a similar situation. Made me wonder WTF I am going to do in 10 years! lol

    I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!
  • ellisalockwood
    ellisalockwood Posts: 31
    I got pregnant with my first when I was 16, I was sat down and shown all kinds of graphic pics of STD's, scared the crap out of me. My daughter is 14 now and my whole fam damily is very open about sex and drugs and that one bad friend that gets you in trouble. I was in and out of jail from the time I was 12 until I turned 17, I was in a group home the entire time I was pregnant with my daughter, and she knows all the stories and how fortunate I was that I grew up early and handled my business and how hard it was to get to where I am now. I'm sure that this is why she is such an amazing, responsible kid with good grades, and is still a virgin. So I'm glad I went through what I did before becoming a parent. I would be relieved to know that she had the courage to come to me about birth control and any other questions regarding sex, and I would get her birth control and condoms and explain the importance, and I'd probably show her those same nasty pictures I was shown when I was pregnant with her. Education is everything, pregnancy is worse than some std's, some std's are worse than pregnancy, but nothing beats a healthy kid that waits to have her own babies until she is out of college and financially stable.
  • Determined24
    Determined24 Posts: 137 Member
    My family was always open about sex it was nothing to hide or not to discuss. My children are 6 and 4 and I tell them now to stay away from little girls and boys that are trying to do things to you that you are not comfortable with. I even told them the opposite sex was the devil don't trust them mean I know. So I would say if she ask to be put on it put her on it. At least you know she is trying to protect herself but I will still let her know the consquences if it was to fail. In this situation I say a heart to heart is defintely needed obviously she is comfortable talking to you she requested birth control. It is just better safe than sorry its hard to think of your child having something like that on their mind but you know we all went threw it children grow up a lot faster than we did and are introduce to things a lot sooner than we were.
  • suzycreamcheese
    suzycreamcheese Posts: 1,766 Member
    What do you say?

    I was at the doctors office yesterday and saw a similar situation. Made me wonder WTF I am going to do in 10 years! lol

    I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!

    you know it leaves a lot of people infertile too ?
  • livnlite
    livnlite Posts: 520
    At the end of the day, there's nothing wrong with having sex as long as you're ready, comfortable and being safe. A lot of parents have the attitude that teenagers having sex is as bad underage drinking a smoking, but thats really an old fashioned idea going back to the old days when you weren't meant to have sex until marriage. I don't know ANYONE that waited until marriage. I think people need to stop talking about teenage sex as if it were just kids being bad, because when practiced safely and between people that care about each other, it should be enjoyable, intimate, a good way of expressing feelings and most importantly it doesn't harm anyone.

    In a perfect world .. no, perhaps it doesn't hurt anyone .. Problem is we are not talking about responsible adults .. we are talking about kids...Where does one draw the line? 15, 14, 10 , 8yrs old? When is a good time for kids to start having sex? There will always be a line drawn in the sand .. Who's to say which age is appropriate .. Things may be different nowdays (like societal acceptance) than years ago .. but the imaginary line still exists. Krikey, some kids are so emotionally immature that they still chase after a ball into traffic .. and you think THEY are ready to have sex because they are 'of age'. Picking and choosing who should and who shouldn't have sex is extremely complicated. THAT 's why, back in the days of old, it wasn't supported by society in general. It's kind of like the argument about religion and politics .. it's hard to keep everyone happy, still offer freedom of choice and be able to cohabitate. It's much more complicated than .. a single little pill or 'weinie' raincoat.

    STD's and pregnancy are still a very serious problem, not to mention the emotional repercussions of getting involved in adult activities ... children, in general are not emotionally equipped to deal with these factors. They are not born with a sense of responsibility .. it is a learned skill. It takes time to develop.

    Considering some kids at age 7 that are more 'mature' than some kids at 15 or even 18 for that matter .. Neither, to me would be 'ready' to delve into any type of sexcapades. Where does the skill of self control fall into this life lesson. If it's just that easy to screw anyone, at anytime, as a youngster would like and they don't need to exercise control as a young adult, how do you think they are going to deal with it when they become an adult and ready to commit to a monogamous relationship? .. Which compels me to ask ... Is Monogamy too old fashioned for our 'new and improved' society?
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    If they are having sex, for goodness sake, do all you can do to avoid them being a child parent. Honestly, I never had daughters, but I have 2 sons age 23 and 24. If you want my view or not: you teach them right from wrong, you guide them along the way and you do all that you can do to head them in the right direction, that is all you can do, at some point they are going to be "out there" without you and it's then up to them. Sometimes the stricter and less flexible an upbringing that a person has, the more curious and rebellious they may become. I mean, really, hormones are hormones. Self control is a great and powerful thing, but there are times when it's just not enough.
  • BeeElMarvin
    BeeElMarvin Posts: 2,086 Member
    waiting till marriage is outdated? No one waits anymore? This is as close minded a view point as thinking your teen won't be silly enough to give in. My sister waited till marriage, my brother is a 21 year old virgin by choice, my best friends 26 year old sister just got married last month to a man who at 28 had been saving himself for her.

    That's great, but very rare, I'm sure you will admit.
  • krissagirl0709
    krissagirl0709 Posts: 291 Member
    I would let my 15 year old but I would also explain all the consequences and how much I really wish she would wait..I was pregnant at 16 so I would be happy if she is at least responsible to ask but like I said I would really stress the importance of waiting because birth control fails and I will probably tell her all the negatives that I have experienced with the emotional side affects that went with it. I was diagnosed with PTSD and it affected me for along time after going through the stuff I went through. After I had my daughter I tryed to get on birthcontrol but my parents wouldnt allow any of it on there insurance so when I was a senior in highschool I got pregnant again..I was completely irresponsible for that happening but I had stayed abstinent for over a year and a half and got in a huge depression and for about 3 months I was drinking and hanging out at night. I always had awesome babysitters for my daughter during those 3 months but around the time i willingly wanted to stop because I felt guilty for going out during those three months and I was also tired of getting ripped off from people I found out I was pregnant. Ive grown up alot since then but I really dont feel like a 21 year old and Im fine with that but I want my daughter to have a normal childhood, and go on to college not balancing everything that I am.
  • TXBlonde81
    TXBlonde81 Posts: 78 Member
    After seeing 2 cousins go through a teen pregnancy and how hard it was for them to finish school and then a niece (other side) do the same thing and not finish high school, if I ever had a teenage girl I would put her on the pill the minute she stepped into high school. I've watched people in my life struggle and I've seen enough of 16 & Pregnant & Teen Mom on MTV to do anything else. I'd rather be safe than sorry.
  • Grokette
    Grokette Posts: 3,330 Member
    You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."

    It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.

    I am sorry but you can not control what your kids do 24/7 unless you sit at school with them all day long, march them home and make them stay in their room with no social life, no sports activities, etc.

    I had a friend that got pregnant at 14 with parents with the same attitude in your post. When you make your kids fear you to the point of them hating you - they will find a way to rebel............Just ask my friend.

    I am so glad that even though my mom made a lot of parenting mistakes, her door and ears as well as a shoulder to cry on were always there for us. We could talk to her about anything and everything.

    We also never gave my mom any problems. I was 16 when I lost my virginity, but I dated the same guy from the time I was 14 until I was 19 and we were engaged to be married.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    What do you say?

    I was at the doctors office yesterday and saw a similar situation. Made me wonder WTF I am going to do in 10 years! lol

    I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!

    Oh, please, please, PLEASE do not force your children to go on that horrible shot! 40% of women who use it have the worst side effects, which include irreversible bone loss and early onset menopause. There are better options. Please consider them.
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