Say your 15 yr old daughter requests Birth Control
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You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
How are you going to stop it when you CAN NOT be there? Realistically there is no way for you to be there and protect them all the time and if you are, I hate to think of the outcome of that little scenario. That's where teaching them the right thing comes in. Part of growing up is being mature and making decisions, it has to happen some time (the growing up and the decision making). Nobody is rolling over and letting them go. If you think you can control them you are either fooling yourself or way too involved in their lives! Do your children date? Do you go with them? Do you go with them to school? Do you accompany them every where they go? If you do, I feel really sorry for the kids, if you do not, then you don't know what those kids are doing at all times.0 -
You say "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out."
It really bums me out that so many kids are growing up these days with parents who take the easy way out with this PC nonsense that "You can't control what your kids do." It's your job as a parent to control what they do. Parents who know how to make their kids live in fear of the consequences of screwing up don't generally have to deal with teen pregnancies, drug use, etc. You can't roll over and say "Well, they're going to do what they want, so I'll just make sure they're prepared." Fight for them every day, even if they hate you for it sometimes.
We have raised our kids quite successfully with a balance of control and trust. I can not say I 'control' their thinking or their actions, but I most certainly did my best to influence them. They turned out to be very responsible and well adjusted adults. Sure they made some poor choices in their younger lives .. as so did I ... but, for the most part, it all turned out just fine.0 -
My daughter just came home from school and this post was open in front of me... so I nicely pointed out to her that I would be happy to talk openly about sex with her anytime anywhere. But that because I believe it is not an impossibility to a human to make wise choices when armed with wise information and lots of support, I will NOT take her out and get her BC. lol so I guess this post had a fantastic purpose. Of course at 12 she is looking at me like I am an alien... "uh mom, I so don't want to have sex" is what she just said to me. I laughed and said, yeah, but some hot boy will certainly give his best to change your mind someday so just covering the bases here. She is still scowling at me like I might be crazy. I don't rule by fear. My kids do "fear" the consequences of not following the rules, but no in the manner that people take it. Even when in trouble they know they are loved, and they know they can come to me. I explain regularly that nothing they could ever do would cause me to not love them. I don't think virginity is as unattainable a goal as people seem to think it is. So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?0
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My daughter just came home from school and this post was open in front of me... so I nicely pointed out to her that I would be happy to talk openly about sex with her anytime anywhere. But that because I believe it is not an impossibility to a human to make wise choices when armed with wise information and lots of support, I will NOT take her out and get her BC. lol so I guess this post had a fantastic purpose. Of course at 12 she is looking at me like I am an alien... "uh mom, I so don't want to have sex" is what she just said to me. I laughed and said, yeah, but some hot boy will certainly give his best to change your mind someday so just covering the bases here. She is still scowling at me like I might be crazy. I don't rule by fear. My kids do "fear" the consequences of not following the rules, but no in the manner that people take it. Even when in trouble they know they are loved, and they know they can come to me. I explain regularly that nothing they could ever do would cause me to not love them. I don't think virginity is as unattainable a goal as people seem to think it is. So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?
I don't think it's an unattainable goal and there are plenty of people who will wait until marriage, or at least until they're older. But if my child makes the (I think unwise) choice not to wait, I won't be able to live with myself if I say I won't help her get BC and she comes home pregnant. Having a baby is not like being grounded. You can't take it back. Even if you have an abortion or give the baby away, you always have to live with that consequence.0 -
What do you say?
I was at the doctors office yesterday and saw a similar situation. Made me wonder WTF I am going to do in 10 years! lol
I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!
Oh, please, please, PLEASE do not force your children to go on that horrible shot! 40% of women who use it have the worst side effects, which include irreversible bone loss and early onset menopause. There are better options. Please consider them.
i had the worst depression ever when i was on that shot. Awful awful, and if you get the side effects, its 12 weeks of hell before it wears off. At least with the pill if you dont get on with it, you can just stop taking it0 -
i do not have a daughter, but if she requested birth control, I would get it for her...its better than pregnancy, and frankly I would want her to be able to come to me with these kinds of things and feel comfortable.0
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My daughter just came home from school and this post was open in front of me... so I nicely pointed out to her that I would be happy to talk openly about sex with her anytime anywhere. But that because I believe it is not an impossibility to a human to make wise choices when armed with wise information and lots of support, I will NOT take her out and get her BC. lol so I guess this post had a fantastic purpose. Of course at 12 she is looking at me like I am an alien... "uh mom, I so don't want to have sex" is what she just said to me. I laughed and said, yeah, but some hot boy will certainly give his best to change your mind someday so just covering the bases here. She is still scowling at me like I might be crazy. I don't rule by fear. My kids do "fear" the consequences of not following the rules, but no in the manner that people take it. Even when in trouble they know they are loved, and they know they can come to me. I explain regularly that nothing they could ever do would cause me to not love them. I don't think virginity is as unattainable a goal as people seem to think it is. So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?
If you're not talking to her about birth control and how effective it is you're not informing her and helping her to make wise choices. You're insisting she follow only one way, yours. She's your child, that's your right.
The risk you're taking with her reproductive future can not be taken back. So, and I really mean this, I hope you're right. Because it seems like hope is what you're relying on here.0 -
My daughter just came home from school and this post was open in front of me... so I nicely pointed out to her that I would be happy to talk openly about sex with her anytime anywhere. But that because I believe it is not an impossibility to a human to make wise choices when armed with wise information and lots of support, I will NOT take her out and get her BC. lol so I guess this post had a fantastic purpose. Of course at 12 she is looking at me like I am an alien... "uh mom, I so don't want to have sex" is what she just said to me. I laughed and said, yeah, but some hot boy will certainly give his best to change your mind someday so just covering the bases here. She is still scowling at me like I might be crazy. I don't rule by fear. My kids do "fear" the consequences of not following the rules, but no in the manner that people take it. Even when in trouble they know they are loved, and they know they can come to me. I explain regularly that nothing they could ever do would cause me to not love them. I don't think virginity is as unattainable a goal as people seem to think it is. So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?
That's a very different situation. I believe that if a young person requests BC, there is a reason - they need it (having sex or are about to). Your daughter simply walked in. I applaud tour openness and willingness to speak with her about it. It does help. All that is being said is that if a young girl asks for BC, you should talk, and talk some more and discuss that with her just as openly as you have today. If she has asked for it, please consider that there may be a very good reason for her request.0 -
So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?
oh well, go big or go home - with a baby0 -
Have not read all the replies yet, but I just love all the people in their 20s who don't have kids who tell you it's the parents' job to put the hammer down and control what their teenagers do. It is so fortunate that you have all the answers for your hypothetical kids--be sure you hang on to that! My view is it's totally natural (biologically) for teenagers to want sex, and I agree with the earlier poster who said bullying them into "waiting for marriage" so they marry whoever they're hot for at 19 is a pretty bad solution. Open the dialogue, talk about what sex can and should mean, teach them the consequences (emotional and physical), and have them be protected if they choose to go forth.0
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Don't freak just get her a doctor's appointment...
But keeping in mind it isn't always for sex. I went on the pill at 15 because of PCOS.
But if I'm in this situation (I'm not a parent yet) I would also go buy condoms for her at the same time. lol Same thing goes for a son, make sure he has some so there's no excuse.
I remember watching 16 and Pregnant and some of the mom's had said the daughters asked for the pill but the mother's didn't think it was "the right time" and that they didn't need it so they never put them on the pill. Seriously, teens are gonna have sex whether or not you say they can. Might as well put them on the pill if they ask. At least they are being responsible enough to talk to you about it and take the initiative to protecting themselves.0 -
My daughter just came home from school and this post was open in front of me... so I nicely pointed out to her that I would be happy to talk openly about sex with her anytime anywhere. But that because I believe it is not an impossibility to a human to make wise choices when armed with wise information and lots of support, I will NOT take her out and get her BC. lol so I guess this post had a fantastic purpose. Of course at 12 she is looking at me like I am an alien... "uh mom, I so don't want to have sex" is what she just said to me. I laughed and said, yeah, but some hot boy will certainly give his best to change your mind someday so just covering the bases here. She is still scowling at me like I might be crazy. I don't rule by fear. My kids do "fear" the consequences of not following the rules, but no in the manner that people take it. Even when in trouble they know they are loved, and they know they can come to me. I explain regularly that nothing they could ever do would cause me to not love them. I don't think virginity is as unattainable a goal as people seem to think it is. So I might be shooting for the stars, but oh well, go big or go home right?
That's a very different situation. I believe that if a young person requests BC, there is a reason - they need it (having sex or are about to). Your daughter simply walked in. I applaud tour openness and willingness to speak with her about it. It does help. All that is being said is that if a young girl asks for BC, you should talk, and talk some more and discuss that with her just as openly as you have today. If she has asked for it, please consider that there may be a very good reason for her request.
It wasn't just today, I gave her the "talk" when she was 8 and ask me what sex was (talk about abject horror). We have talked about everything openly in my house. Drugs drinking smoking. I have never been anything but open with her. I just looked it up, teens can get BC on their own, and they can buy condoms on their own. So if I am not going to be involved in the actual sweaty act, then why should i be involve in the prep? I told her in the little talk today that those things are available to her, just not through me. I know that this is foreign to many people but it is my belief system. the go big or go home statement was sort of tongue in cheek.0 -
I'm not a parent and I don't plan to be, but I'd let her get it. I mean, I'd rather she protected herself. I'd probably buy her a pack of condoms, too.0
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waiting till marriage is outdated? No one waits anymore? This is as close minded a view point as thinking your teen won't be silly enough to give in. My sister waited till marriage, my brother is a 21 year old virgin by choice, my best friends 26 year old sister just got married last month to a man who at 28 had been saving himself for her. It isn't outdated just because it doesn't fit into your view point. If I could go back and not have sex with the idiots I had sex with before i met my husband I sure as heck would. What a waste of my physical and emotional time.
Sorry, I was thinking specifically about Scotland, where in my personal experience a lot of people lose it at 13/14, most by 15/16, and I've yet to meet a virgin past the age of 18.0 -
I asked my mom to go on the pill when i was 15 and she let me. I didnt have a boyfriend at the time and I didnt go out and have sex right after going on it either. I wanted to go on the pill to regulate my periods because the stress of not knowing when i'd get it was driving me crazy. I also have a lot of friends that went on the pill at 15 and some even younger for a variety of reasons, including clearing up their skin. My point is that it's not uncommon for a 15 year old to want to go on the pill, most of her friends probably are too, and it's better that she feels comfortable talking to you about this type of stuff rather then feeling like she has to go behind your back.0
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What do you say?
I was at the doctors office yesterday and saw a similar situation. Made me wonder WTF I am going to do in 10 years! lol
I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!
Oh, please, please, PLEASE do not force your children to go on that horrible shot! 40% of women who use it have the worst side effects, which include irreversible bone loss and early onset menopause. There are better options. Please consider them.
i had the worst depression ever when i was on that shot. Awful awful, and if you get the side effects, its 12 weeks of hell before it wears off. At least with the pill if you dont get on with it, you can just stop taking it
The implant is a good option as it can last for 3 years, but you can also have it removed if you have bad side effects.
Or the cap or coil, old fashioned but it doesnt release hormones, literally just blocks sperm, and again lasts a long time and is removed by a doctor.0 -
must point out that if she is needing the pill for unsex related purposes that is completely different. Irregular painful periods or acne are a totally different issue. If that was what the question was about then heck yeah I will let her take the pill... for that matter I also got her the HPV shot... why? Because I am not stupid I know that she might have premarital sex.0
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So in other words you're saying that all the parents on here that approve are "LESS" at parenting than yours? Yeah, I guess you don't have an ego issue.After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.
As for the "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out," reference, haven't you people ever heard of Bill Cosby? If not, perhaps try growing a sense of humor.
And if being from Texas has contributed in any way to my being a responsible, intelligent, successful adult who has some courage to go along with my convictions, well, that's one more reason among many to love this great state.0 -
I was a teen mom and I put my daughter on the depo shot when she was 15. When my other 2 girls are 15, they too will be out on the shot unless there is another bc out there that lasts longer. My sons will know to wear the rain coat or face his gf's daddy. I wont stand in the father's way. Also, just because bc is administered doesn't mean it was due to possible sexual activity. I spoke to my dr about ways to help my daughter's cycle regulate. He suggested the depo which has made her cycle free for 2 years. And lets face it, we could all live life without the monthly visit!
I am sorry but that Dr that suggested Depo for "regulating" a GROWING teenager's cycle needs to have his license suspended and revoked ASAP.
That is wrong on so many levels.
Do you not realize that by your daughters not having a cycle every 3 months you are putting them at HIGH risk for Uterian Cancer at a VERY YOUNG AGE?
EVERY woman should have a menstrual cycle at least 1 time every 3 months - no exceptions.
Depo screws up women's hormones and many times supresses the hormones to the point of making many women infertile...........One day when YOU want to be a grandmother you may be faced with what YOU and this Dr decided for your daughters.
A teenage should only be prescribed BCP or the patch and maybe that ring in which they will still have a monthly or at least a quarterly cycle.
You are setting your girls up for a lifetime of hormonal issues before their bodies are even matured.0 -
All of my friends that like to pretend that they can mold their children's behavior through denial, got grandkids real early.0
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I'd skirt around the issue until she dropped it, because then we might get to make a super fun trip to the abortion clinic! Weeee!
Seriously, I don't know what answer there could possibly be other than (1) make sure the sex dialogue is wide open if it wasn't already & (2) educate her about the types of birth & disease control and then help her choose which methods would best suit her.0 -
I like to think I have a good relashionship with my daughter (who is 15) we talk about pretty much everything and I have always tried to answer all her questions honestly . . .so if she came to me and asked to be put on the pill I would talk to her,again, about waiting a bit longer but if she really wanted to I would go with her to the doctors . . .shes a hugely intelligent girly and I trust her to make the right decision (even though I would try and guide her against it) . . .all 15 year olds are different . .some are far too immature to make these kindof descisions . .some,like my daughter, are a bit more with it . .shes very articulate and we talk openly and honestly about everything . .hopefully that means between us we will get it right!!0
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Personally . . . I would make sure she is on it. If she is asking for it, it's highly probable that she needs it. An unwanted pregnancy is not something I want my daughter to have to live through. I would rather know that she is being sexually active using protection, then assume she is being sexually active, knowing she is not using protection.
That's my opinion.
M0 -
My kiddo's only 9 now, so I (hopefully) have a few years left before having to deal with it, but I'd like to think that:
1) If my kid's honest and upright enough to ask about something that personal, that's one point in the "win" column.
2) I'd rather have my daughter on the pill than for her make a mistake that could force her to not do all the things she want to in life.
3) I own a shotgun and a shovel.0 -
After reading this thread, I think I'm going to call my parents tonight and thank them for loving me enough to teach me right from wrong and that actions have consequences, rather than taking the attitude that "Kids are going to do whatever they want, so I'll just hope nothing bad happens to them." I shudder to think where I would've ended up in life if I had told my parents at 15 that I wanted to have sex and their response was to hand me some BC and a pack of condoms.
As for the "I brought you into this world, and I'll take you out," reference, haven't you people ever heard of Bill Cosby? If not, perhaps try growing a sense of humor.
And if being from Texas has contributed in any way to my being a responsible, intelligent, successful adult who has some courage to go along with my convictions, well, that's one more reason among many to love this great state.
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i'm not a parent either, but my concern would be that if she's on birth control, then guys could easily talk themselves out of using a condom. too many std's for that.
edited to add: i think i would prefer my daughter to come home pregnant than to contract aids.
If people would just talk frankly to their kids about sex instead of making it such a taboo topic, the kids might have enough brains in their heads to make smart, informed decisions. I'm not a parent yet but I am a nurse and I plan on being open and honest about sex so that my kids aren't blindsided and don't make (or let their significant others make) stupid decisions like no condoms without STD testing.0 -
All of my friends that like to pretend that they can mold their children's behavior through denial, got grandkids real early.
^^^
If I had kids, I'd just get it. Find out why she wants it. If she wants it for sex, be happy she's thinking about her well-being. If she wants it for other things, well.. why not?0 -
My parents had two kids before they were 18. My husband had his first son when he was 17 and his girlfriend was 15. My husband's mother had him when she was 17.
I was on birth control at 15 and had my first son when I was 23.
My boys are 11 and 12 and are fully knowledgable about sex, birth control effectiveness, STDs, the many different ways STDs can be gotten and the prevention of such. I pray that there is a male birth-control pill available in the next few years, and I have vowed to the both of them to procure condoms for them whenever they ask, and listen to and answer any questions they might EVER have without recrimination or judgement.0 -
I would let her go on birth control, without question. But I would also talk to her about the emotional side of sex and try to explain that waiting would be better for her in the long run.0
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My thought is if this is the first conversation you're having with your child (male or female) about sex, then you are already too late, so the BC/condoms are just a bandaid on the bigger issue.
I had my twin girls 2 weeks after I graduated from high school. I always said that if I could keep them from getting pregnant before they graduated, then I had done my job. I started talking to them about their bodies when they were barely old enough to understand the words coming out of my mouth, and I never stopped. They know the types of protection available and the consequences of not using any. They both graduated in June, turned 18 in July, and are still virgins (for however long it lasts now) because I didn't wait to have these convos until I thought they had reached some magical age. Now, as adults, it's up to them.
Authentic and honest communication works in all relationships, even with your children.0
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