Ready to Say I DO?
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:noway: uuuu.. NO0
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And again, why should he propose? He's already getting the benefits without the responsibility.This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I hate to say it - but I TOTALLY agree!!!!
Why buy the cow when the milk's free?0 -
don't give him hints, straight up tell him that you want to get engaged soon.
Just because you're engaged doesn't mean you have to get married asap. You could have an extended engagement. Mine will probably be about 2 years.
Talk to him, he's not a mind reader. Maybe he doesn't feel ready financially, so just talk to him!
Good luck!0 -
I have to 100% disagree with this statement. I think in this day and age, you'd have to be crazy to get engaged to or marry someone before you live with them. At the end of the day, you don't really know someone until you actually live with them 24/7. Making a lifetime commitment to someone when you only see the best sides of them (it's much easier to hide your flaws when you don't see someone all the time) is just asking for trouble when you get engaged or married and actually have to deal with your SO all the time.
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what ever happened to making things work?? you shouldn't have to live together first!
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Amen to the whatever happened to making things work!0 -
Funny story:
I'd lived with my GF for 4 years and she'd never brought up the subject of getting married, until....
...the night I came home from the Shane Company having dropped a down payment on a ring.
It was really difficult to be standing there confronted by the "Are you ever going to ask me to marry you?" question while, and I s__t you not, the receipt for the layaway was in my pocket. Do I laugh? Do I get angry? Do I tell her?
Needless to say, a few months later I got the ring out of layaway and asked the question. Only now it looked like she'd pressured me into it!! I actually showed her the receipt to prove I'd done it beforehand.0 -
Funny story:
I'd lived with my GF for 4 years and she'd never brought up the subject of getting married, until....
...the night I came home from the Shane Company having dropped a down payment on a ring.
It was really difficult to be standing there confronted by the "Are you ever going to ask me to marry you?" question while, and I s__t you not, the receipt for the layaway was in my pocket. Do I laugh? Do I get angry? Do I tell her?
Needless to say, a few months later I got the ring out of layaway and asked the question. Only now it looked like she'd pressured me into it!! I actually showed her the receipt to prove I'd done it beforehand.
I can respect everyone's situations and experiences are different, but I couldn't ever say yes to a man that proposed without us ever having talked about possibly getting married. That would be too huge of a shock to go from no communication on the topic to, make a decision now.0 -
Ladies, the Women's Liberation Movement is over. You won. You now have the ability to work if you want or stay home if you want. Along with that ability comes responsibility. You are responsible for your own orgasm. If you prefer it to be with your partner he (or she) may need some direction on what pleases you. You are responsible for your own happiness. If it makes you happy to have a ring, feel free to purchase one. If marriage makes you happy, don't sit around waiting for him (or her) to ask you. Step up and propose to HIM (or HER).
We used to have something called chivalry but as a collective gender women said they didn't want that. Chivalry is dead. Personal responsibility is here. Take charge of your own happiness. This concludes our sermon. :drinker:0 -
You are responsible for your own orgasm.
Now that just takes all the fun out of sex doesn't it?0 -
Ladies, the Women's Liberation Movement is over. You won.
no, the movement is over when women can make the same amount as a man, doing the same job, lmao... it's getting there.
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I disagree. You can get to really know someone without living with them. It just takes time. And of course it varies on an individual basis. I would agree with not getting married until after living with each other though, because it certainly does happen sometimes. Me and my SO were together 4 years and engaged for one before we moved in together. We are young though, so for people who started dating in adulthood, four years might be unrealistic. But to my point, we've been living together for about 5 months now and he's still the same person I always thought he was!This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I have to 100% disagree with this statement. I think in this day and age, you'd have to be crazy to get engaged to or marry someone before you live with them. At the end of the day, you don't really know someone until you actually live with them 24/7. Making a lifetime commitment to someone when you only see the best sides of them (it's much easier to hide your flaws when you don't see someone all the time) is just asking for trouble when you get engaged or married and actually have to deal with your SO all the time.
My 2 cents: I've lived with Greg for nearly 4 years now (well, him in my house...we live together). we dated for 2 before that. If we got married, and THEN i discovered he likes to come into the bathroom to poo while i shower, that would have probably been a dead breaker. Now, i lock the door. Lesson learned. Also? When he first moved in, i was ANAL about waking up before him, getting all dolled up, and bringing him breakfast showered, perfumes, and made up. Now? He still gets breakfast in bed, but he's seen me with the flu a few times and the pressure to be perfect is over. He loves me, i love him.
The reason it took five years for my ring? My mom gave me her heart shaped diamond form HER engagement ring, and we couldnt find a setting we both liked for the money we had. 0 -
This thread has so much views on marriage and I find it very interesting. It looks like there are some people who wait for a very long time and there are some people who are like after 2 years it's either a yes or no.0
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Anyone here been with your bf/gf/significant other for an extended period of time and ready for that question?! Will be together with my bf for 7 years in March and I'm dying for a ring... but don't know if it is anywhere in sight for the near future lol..
DITTO & me & my partner have a 19mth old daughter together - surely it's around the corner.
I hope it happens for us both soon 0 -
I gave up waiting, five years and no ring and not even living together even though we have a small person. I have done waiting for a guy that will never settle down (at least with me) and I am actually excited to see what the future brings.0
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Anyone here been with your bf/gf/significant other for an extended period of time and ready for that question?! Will be together with my bf for 7 years in March and I'm dying for a ring... but don't know if it is anywhere in sight for the near future lol..
Right there with you!0 -
I told my (now husband) when we first started dating that he had 3 years to figure out if I was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. If he didn't step up to the plate by then, I was moving out and moving on. There are too many other men that wouldn't be too afraid to commit. I wasn't going to waste my life on one that wasn't willing to make me an honest women. Needless to say, he proposed after 2 1/2 years of dating and we are now happily married.0
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This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I have to 100% disagree with this statement. I think in this day and age, you'd have to be crazy to get engaged to or marry someone before you live with them. At the end of the day, you don't really know someone until you actually live with them 24/7. Making a lifetime commitment to someone when you only see the best sides of them (it's much easier to hide your flaws when you don't see someone all the time) is just asking for trouble when you get engaged or married and actually have to deal with your SO all the time.
I agree! I lived with my ex fiance (after he proposed) and while living with him for those 3 years of our engagement discovered what a cheating *kitten* he was. I don't think I would have had any idea had I not lived with him- and then I would have married him completely oblivious to what he was doing. Likewise, I have lived with my boyfriend of over 3 years for over 2 years. It's great to know that we have seen both the good and the bad and that despite the bad are still in it for the long haul.0 -
Seriously? You set a wedding date SIX YEARS FROM NOW???
What is the point?
haha i'm assuming this was aimed at me?
We've set the date for six years from now BECAUSE: (not that its any of your business mind you)
1. we want our own house BEFORE we get married
2. hopefully we want to have our business up and running
3. I want my son to be old enough to remember the day because its going to be about him too
4. hopefully we will have our second child before we get married and THEY are old enough too
5. yes weddings cost money but the date we've picked is important to us
so now do you see why we're waiting for 6 years? Are these reasons ok with you? Why should I have to rush and get married, just to please some stranger???
(sorry for the *****iness but OMG seriously?)0 -
This thread has so much views on marriage and I find it very interesting. It looks like there are some people who wait for a very long time and there are some people who are like after 2 years it's either a yes or no.
Very different outlooks indeed. I'm a one year gal, so I have them beat. :laugh: One year for the ring, the wedding within the next year. That being said, I have also turned down a few ... something seemed "off" and I wanted the mutual if either of us were sick, disfigured, etc that we would be there for each other forever.0 -
I don't believe that if you've been together for so long and he hasn't proposed that it means he doesn't want to get married. We are living in a day where not as many people marry anymore. There's a lot more people living in committed relationship/common law without being married. My boyfriend's mom and "step-dad" were like that. They were together 16 years before she passed away this passed November. He pretty much raised my boyfriend and his sister and he is there step dad no matter what.
Another person I know has three kids with her man and they are madly in love and perfectly happy without being married. Part of it being it just never happened. The first child wasn't really planned but then they figured they'd get the family going because they wanted kids close in age so with three young children they've never gotten around to planning a wedding. A friend was having a destination wedding and they talked about making that their honeymoon...then getting married later. But it doesn't bother them that they aren't married. They're still in love and committed to being with each other.
So I don't think you have to be married to show each other that you are committed.
Anyway, come April I will have been with my boyfriend for 5 years (living with him for a year at that point) and while I would LOVE to be engaged, I don't want to be married just yet (I'm still young). If he does propose in the next year or so I don't want to get married for two or three years which also means that it gives us time to save money for the wedding. To me marriage means more than a ring or a piece of paper so I do want to get married some day soon and have a family and such but for a lot of people marriage is just a piece of paper and they don't see why it's needed to prove they love somebody.0 -
Anyone here been with your bf/gf/significant other for an extended period of time and ready for that question?! Will be together with my bf for 7 years in March and I'm dying for a ring... but don't know if it is anywhere in sight for the near future lol..
Have you all discussed getting married? If this was me, at this point, I'd say "either you propose by ____ or I'm out." I don't mean to be negative but I think you have to tell him what you want. Especially if you live together and stuff, it's probably one of those things where "i get the milk (basically a marriage) without buying the cow (having an actual legal marriage)."
I would have no problem living with a guy before we marry, but after a couple of years, I would start discussing marriage. I would also not have a problem with having a baby by myself if I never got married, but I wouldn't have a kid with my boyfriend without being married. Maybe that's weird but it's just me!I haven't been with my boyfriend nearly as long as some of you all have been, but I talk to my boyfriend about marriage all the time. He told me recently that what holds him back is how MUCH I talk about it. It just becomes a pest & makes him feel like I'm rushing everything. He feels if he proposed now it would ruin the element of surprise and make the proposal a lot less romantic and special because I'm anticipating it coming. He wants to marry me and he too can't wait to make me his wife, but he doesn't want to be pressured to do it...he wants to plan it on his own time. Do you talk about it TOO much with your boyfriend? Maybe he feels like my guy? I'm learning to be patient and to shut up about it... and with some time after I've stopped talking about it all, he'll get down on one knee and propose.
This is also very interesting to think about. My friends and I all make jokes and stuff about getting married, and I sometimes have conversations where I say something like "my future kids..." I often wonder if this would scare off a potential guy.0 -
I would not be okay with someone marrying me just to "get the milk." I think that argument is stupid.
And again, why should he propose? He's already getting the benefits without the responsibility.This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
I hate to say it - but I TOTALLY agree!!!!
Why buy the cow when the milk's free?0 -
My husband of 10 years is older than me by 8 years. He was married once before on a high school whim and it did not go so well for him... One day after talking to his sister, who told me that he was NEVER EVER going to marry again and that I needed to 'get on board with it', he found me crying when he came home
. I told him that I thought his sister was the devil incarnate and he asked why. I told him the story and he looked at me in total shock and said "I am going to tell you something, but I need you to understand that I need things done RIGHT and this is not the time. But please understand the time WILL come" and he took a ring from his pocket:blushing: !!!! I couldn't believe it! He, as stated though, did NOT give it to me. That was in September, I think.
Christmas came and with each present I opened, I thought it was coming. It didn't.
My birthday was in February and he took me to a beautiful hotel with a hot tub in the room. The maid knocked on the door and said "Mr. Boobar? I have the towels you asked for." :bigsmile: I grabbed the bag that she brought in and unfolded every washcloth and towel...searching. I looked up to find him standing there staring at me like I had litterally lost my mind. He asked what I was doing and I simply said "nothing.":blushing:
On a weekend in APRIL I got home early from work to find the house completely empty. I went in to take a shower, all the while thinking of how no one was there to spend time with me, so why did I bother to come home early??? While shaving my legs, in walks my Boobar. He threw back the shower curtain and said "What do ya think? You wanna do this?" and had a beautiful ring in his hand
! I dropped my razor, stepped backwards in the shower and cut my foot!!! He had gone to pick up his son and wanted him to be there when he asked... once the decision was 'made' in his mind, he couldn't wait, not even until I got out of the shower!!!
We have been married for 10 years this past September and never looked back.......... Oh yeah, and the FIRST person I called??? His sister!!! :laugh:
Everyone has their own "right time"...0 -
I double posted accidentally so I deleted it Sorry 0
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I've been married for 10 years, and I'm still not sure I'm ready.
Wow...lol0 -
My older sister is in the same boat. been with her bf for almost 8 years and still no ring. He has it. (Ive seen it) but he hasn't asked her yet. they live together so I think that could be why he's not asking. Like he feels since they're already living together they don't need to make it official. Also neither has a set career and he says that's the reason but I don't buy it. Shouldn't he have thought of that before moving into a HOUSE together? makes no sense.0
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This going to be blunt because that's what I do ...
Color me skeptical. I am firmly entrenched in the "If he wanted to marry you, he'd have asked already" camp. Your first mistake was moving in with the guy.
If you want to get married, don't move in until you are at very least engaged and in the process of planning the wedding. I can't even count the number of women I know who have been living with their boyfriends for 5+ years and are still waiting desperately for a ring. Some even have the ring (I have one friend who has been "engaged" for 9 years) but can't get the guy to agree to a wedding date, which should tell them something.
You need to send this guy a message that says "If you want to wake up with me every day and go to sleep with me every night, buy me a ring, get down on one knee, and ask me properly to be your wife." If he doesn't want to do that, he's not just opening the door for you to walk out, he's kicking you down the front steps.
Wake up, ladies.
Gurl you tell em!!!0 -
Don't be so old fashioned........ask him to marry you 0
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I've been married for 10 years, and I'm still not sure I'm ready.
My favorite answer yet! LOL
I've been married for over 15 years now and it still feels so surreal!0 -
Chivalry is dead.
I've gotta yell bull**** on this one!!! Chivalry is not dead! I happen to have been with my husband for over 15 years of marriage and next month we will be together for 17 years total. To this day he does romantic things to surprise me and reminds me that he loves me and checks on me when I'm not feeling well. Chivalry is still out there...some just don't know where it is!0 -
The whole idea of marriage - I don't know. It's a pretty pretentious idea to me. It doesn't take any commitment to slap a couple rings on and sign a piece of paper. Having children with someone, does. And I'm real *kitten* at picking 'em. I think I've quit while I'm ahead. Also, that whole saying that men say, you know, "Why buy the milk when you can get the cow for free?" - frankly enough, I believe I am now part of the, "Why buy a whole pig when all you want is a little sausage?" club.
Ha! I like that club!!!0
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