Break up or make up?

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  • frugalmomsrock
    frugalmomsrock Posts: 1,123
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    I'd run. Fast.
  • liseyicious
    liseyicious Posts: 29
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    leave him. he needs to grow up. seriously.
  • get2goalhr
    get2goalhr Posts: 1 Member
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    Oh sweetheart, they don't change. I had one like that and never thought I could get over it. You must put your CHILD first and do what is best for him. Remember, babies feel and hear and the stress is not good for your child. I had a 4 month old and he gave me the strength to leave. Now, 21 years later, I am with the love of my life and we have 2 more children together and he adopted and treats my oldest son as if he were a gift to him from god. Leave.
  • ymhand
    ymhand Posts: 188
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    I thought I was reading about myself for a minute, my bf also has an xbox and it seems my place is the place hangout. I cannot stand that especially on Christmas....don't you losers have family to be with. So I go upstairs with my daughter (not his child) and hangout upstairs. It's getting really old, and I know this isn't how I want to continue living. I am ready to move out also (of my own place, lol) I guess change is a little scary but not worth being in this kind of relationship.
  • mewaybright
    mewaybright Posts: 240 Member
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    And you are still with him for why? Have more respect for yourself than to put up with his crap.
  • FitasBarbie
    FitasBarbie Posts: 141 Member
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    There is nothing worth fighting for when you are the only one fighting to save the relationship. Put your kid first , your little one deserves to be raised in an environment with love and stability. I waited for 7 years we have a one year old son. Having a son did not change him added responsibility only made it worse. It's hard but it will be the best decision you will ever make for you and your baby.
  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
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    Ok, this thread is a perfect example of why the divorce rate is so high.

    1st off let me say the obvious - this is why having children at such an early age is so hard. (my daughter is 23 with a 1yr old and is having some of the same issues and this it what I've said to her),

    Relationship themselves are hard...now throw a baby in there and it gets harder 10 folds. Relationship are a team thing. Both sides have to work at it. Get some counseling if he'll agree. Men can change, they just have to want to. I changed so I know it's possible.
    As long as he is not hitting you or the baby I would say try to work together to a solution. If he gets in front of a 3rd party they may be able to talk to him. They may say the same things you are but coming from somebody else it may get thru.
    You have to do everything you can to give that baby a stable home with a good mom and a good dad. After you have tried everything and things don't change or get better you may have no choice but to move on. But for the babies sake...try everything and try HARD.
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    Ok, this thread is a perfect example of why the divorce rate is so high.

    1st off let me say the obvious - this is why having children at such an early age is so hard. (my daughter is 23 with a 1yr old and is having some of the same issues and this it what I've said to her),

    Relationship themselves are hard...now throw a baby in there and it gets harder 10 folds. Relationship are a team thing. Both sides have to work at it. Get some counseling if he'll agree. Men can change, they just have to want to. I changed so I know it's possible.
    As long as he is not hitting you or the baby I would say try to work together to a solution. If he gets in front of a 3rd party they may be able to talk to him. They may say the same things you are but coming from somebody else it may get thru.
    You have to do everything you can to give that baby a stable home with a good mom and a good dad. After you have tried everything and things don't change or get better you may have no choice but to move on. But for the babies sake...try everything and try HARD.

    I sincerely hope you are not recommending that your daughter stays with an abusive partner just so she doesn't have to (god forbid) be divorced? Note: the OP is 19, not married, as far as I can tell from her posting, and the guy kicked her and a CHILD out on Christmas so that he could play games and drink with buddies!!! This is not a "good dad." Huge red flags in the area of abuse and control. For the safety of herself and her child, she should leave and if this person wants to be that "good dad" maybe he'll get some professional help to understand he cannot treat her or his child like that. I understand some people think children cannot be raised properly in a single parent home, but better a single parent than a dead or beaten parent. Or abused child.
  • ogosun
    ogosun Posts: 175 Member
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    Leave him. He's never going to change. If this has happened 100 times, what makes you think 101 will be different? You deserve someone better! Good luck:)


    totally agree.... just because you have a baby with him doesn't mean you should stay with an idiot like that....
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    Don't wait for that apology. Get out, make a good life for you and your child, and in the future, if this young man gets some professional help, perhaps he will be able to show you that he has changed and you can work on him having a relationship with his child. Right now, he is not mature to be part of the child's life (or yours!), and you need to put your child's needs first. I wish you the best of luck, sweetie.
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,332 Member
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    As long as he is not hitting you or the baby I would say try to work together to a solution.
    As someone that left an extremely abusive relationship that was emotional and verbal abuse, not physical, I can honestly say that this is terrible advice. Getting physically hit would have been no less abusive than the way that my ex husband broke me down to the point that I couldn't even speak without his permission. It has taken me over 10 years to get most of my self confidence back and now I am with someone that truly appreciates me and encourages me to speak out.

    Abuse is a fundamental betrayal of trust. There is no reason to stay in a relationship like that, especially with a young child.
  • hotbuns12
    hotbuns12 Posts: 6 Member
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    I WOULD SAY LEAVE HIM, HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.YOU HAD PROBLEMS FOR A LONG TIME, IT WILL NEVER CHANGE. SORRY FOR BEING SO HONEST.
  • alabughosh
    alabughosh Posts: 132 Member
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    Who hasn't dated a jerk at one time in their life? I definitely did and I had a hard time leaving him....and the whole break-up dragged out. Now I'm married to a WONDERFUL man who is a hard worker, and he's sweet, and patient, and generous. I never would have found him if I had continued wasting my time with the other guy. I know that you love this one your with right now.... but you're gonna look back and be disgusted when you think of him someday...guarantee it. You will find better and life will get easier, but not with this guy.
  • netty1959
    netty1959 Posts: 46
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    get out of it hun, he not going to change, if he couldn't make an effort on Christmas Day that should give you the answer.
    you are young ok you made a mistake having a child thinking that would make him different but thruthfully hun your son needs all the love and attention you can give him not listening to a load of grief and a bad atmosphere
    good luck hun xx
  • LuciaLongIsland
    LuciaLongIsland Posts: 815 Member
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    He'll change when he's 60.


    A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition


    If he lives to 60. My ex is 51 and has a few months to live.
  • RaeLB
    RaeLB Posts: 1,216 Member
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    If you did not have a son together I would say walk, no run in the other direction.

    Having a child together is not a reason to stay in a crappy relationship but it is a reason to try everything you can to make it work before you decide to walk away.

    I would ask him to do couples counseling and tell him if you guys cannot work on your problems and make things better you have to do what is best for you and your son and leave. I would say try to get some professional help because the ideal would be for your son to have his mother and father in a happy, healthy relationship but if that is not possible you need to leave him and find someone who treats you right and is a role model for your child.
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    Cut that one loose.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
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    well...as a person who's been on the receiving end of those calls it's total bs. People will treat you how you let them and in my book I had enough and quit letting that person talk to me like that. It did require a break up. I'm not going to be verbally abused/acused/etc by someone who "loves" me. You want to be over? Be over this sweety! I'm sorry that was your Christmas. Pack up your crap. Leave him the xbox (b/c it's evil and might keep him entertained and off the phone). Then go. Don't take the calls. Don't read the fu'd texts. Tell your son he's just not someone who respected you and leave it at that.

    You're a strong lady to put up with it. Be stronger and stop it.
  • ElleOQuent
    ElleOQuent Posts: 431 Member
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    I'd suggest you not waste your life away hoping he will change. His actions are speaking volumes and it's time you take the hint. This isn't even about you anymore, there is an infant in the mix that you are responsible for. Your baby deserves a happy and healthy mother and you owe it to yourself to live the life you want to live. Marriage will not solve anything ; it will only further exacerbate the problem later down the line.

    Hold you head up high, take your baby, and walk out of that door. It's time for you to take control of your life.

    I wish you all the best. :flowerforyou:
  • 1WorkoutAtATime
    1WorkoutAtATime Posts: 719
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    ask yourself what you tell your son if he was in a similar situation, you advice to him should be the same advice you give yourself

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