SHOULD I TELL THE WIFE?? cheater
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I'm not sure what advice you are wanting. You don't want to be told to walk away, which really is the most common sense answer. He has only done what YOU have allowed him to. No matter how you look at it, he's MARRIED and not to you. That should have been the moment YOU walked away because it should've told you he doesn't LOVE you the same. Regardless if he biologically conceived that child or adopted, that still makes the child 'HIS' child. You are making all types of excuses for your actions instead of facing the truth and walking away. Telling the wife will not make him be with you and honestly, why would you want him after he has done so much to hurt you? I could go on and on but it's clear none of this advice will even matter until you wake up from this fantasy.
Exactly!0 -
If he adopted her child, then it IS his child! It is THEIR Child. If he is cheating on her w/you, he will cheat on you with someone else.0
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May of last year I found out my husband was cheating on me. I actually came here and wrote a long post about it. My youngest son hadn't even turned 1 yet when the cheating had began. Case was my husband up and left my two kids for this other woman. He attempted to come back a few months later saying that things weren't going to work out with this other woman because she was a liar (shocker) and that he wanted to try to make things work out because of our kids, yadda, yadda. I won't lie. I did try. I didn't think he tried very hard. I asked him to block the woman's number, to change his e-mail address, to end all relationship with her and he wouldn't. She persisted like hell as well. Eventually she left him. But she had the audacity to call me, crying, saying that my husband had ruined her life, was stalking her, calling up her relatives, following her, hacking her phone. She said that she had a long time boyfriend whom she had planned to marry and that my husband ruined their relationship. Like I would care about all this? Point is, she stooped to a very low point with that phone call and if you place that phone call you will as well. Love yourself, respect yourself and move on. And please, don't sleep with a married man. This goes to all women. Really, WHY would you do that to another human being, especially knowing that there are children involved. Maybe I'm just a good person but I don't understand this.
Yikes. I am glad you got this worked out. You are a much nicer person than I am. I'd have kicked him to the curb and sent his suitcase flying out the door.
Just to clarify, I'm not back with him. I just found it interesting that the girl felt the need to call me to complain about him. She knew I knew about the cheating so it wasn't to enlighten me.0 -
Telling the wife would be...like you said, childish, and would do nothing but start drama. You should be thankful you dodged a guy who would obviously do such things, and MOVE ON.0
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DRAMA. Dont endorse it, dont create more of it by contacting his mom and wife, who will likely get angry with you. Ignore him, tell him to get a life, dont give him the time of day. He isnt worth the energy you are spending on him, or the stress and heartache. I know that s not the answer you want, but focus on the positive things (and people) in your life right now. Delete his number, block him from facebook, whatever you have to do.0
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I couldn't agree more. Married equals off limits in every way. Forget about him and let it go. You'll feel better about yourself down the road.May of last year I found out my husband was cheating on me. I actually came here and wrote a long post about it. My youngest son hadn't even turned 1 yet when the cheating had began. Case was my husband up and left my two kids for this other woman. He attempted to come back a few months later saying that things weren't going to work out with this other woman because she was a liar (shocker) and that he wanted to try to make things work out because of our kids, yadda, yadda. I won't lie. I did try. I didn't think he tried very hard. I asked him to block the woman's number, to change his e-mail address, to end all relationship with her and he wouldn't. She persisted like hell as well. Eventually she left him. But she had the audacity to call me, crying, saying that my husband had ruined her life, was stalking her, calling up her relatives, following her, hacking her phone. She said that she had a long time boyfriend whom she had planned to marry and that my husband ruined their relationship. Like I would care about all this? Point is, she stooped to a very low point with that phone call and if you place that phone call you will as well. Love yourself, respect yourself and move on. And please, don't sleep with a married man. This goes to all women. Really, WHY would you do that to another human being, especially knowing that there are children involved. Maybe I'm just a good person but I don't understand this.0 -
You are wanting to tell his family to hurt HIM? Seriously?!?!?!? it wouldn't hurt him as much as it would HURT INNOCENT PEOPLE including CHILDREN! Grow up, cut the ties, and move on!0
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Respect yourself enough not to be involved with a guy who obviously has no respect for you.
1. He's not going to leave her.
2. He knows he has a decent chance of cheating on her with you.
3. He thinks you will give him whatever he wants.
4. Once he has what he wants from you, he will go back to her.
5. If he were truly into you, he wouldn't have married someone else.0 -
Let me ask you .....IF YOU HAD A DAUGHTER GOING THROUGH THIS WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HER????
You know the answer to this and I think You were hoping someone would tell you differently..NOT GONNA HAPPEN !0 -
As someone who has been cheated on by a fiance who lived with me, I can say that the wife likely already knows or suspects. Cheaters rarely hide it as well as they think they do especially from someone they live with (a wife, husband, etc.). The problem I have with the OP telling is that she's doing it for spite, not to help the wife at all. Given how childish her behavior and responses to this thread have been, I can imagine the phone call or email or text to the wife would be equally childish and likely downright mean.
Exactly. She knows deep in her gut, whether she admits it or not.0 -
You should tell the other woman and wait for that relationship to crash in flames. Then you should run away with your knight in shining armor to vegas and marry him, launch a 3 year custody battle to try to get the kids and live happily ever after.0
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I'm not sure what advice you are wanting. You don't want to be told to walk away, which really is the most common sense answer. He has only done what YOU have allowed him to. No matter how you look at it, he's MARRIED and not to you. That should have been the moment YOU walked away because it should've told you he doesn't LOVE you the same. Regardless if he biologically conceived that child or adopted, that still makes the child 'HIS' child. You are making all types of excuses for your actions instead of facing the truth and walking away. Telling the wife will not make him be with you and honestly, why would you want him after he has done so much to hurt you? I could go on and on but it's clear none of this advice will even matter until you wake up from this fantasy.
Exactly!
Amen!0 -
For sure.. This.Grow up. Life isn't a soap opera. This isn't just an "OMG" situation. This has the potential to do real damage. Be the adult in the situation and walk away.
This ^^^0 -
I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.
Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!
If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.
He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.
Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.0 -
Sadly you have allowed yourself to be drawn into this mess--yes--YOU-- does it hurt?? of course..but, quit allowing it to happen. What would you get out of making more trouble in this relationship?? nothing!! You already know what you ought to do--when you said don;t say "Let it go"" that is exactly what you need to do--thank God you are not hooked up with this lying, two-timing low-life!! and get on with your life.0
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I get the feeling you already know the right path to follow. You have to move on. As far as telling the wife you need to look to your own soul and realise that " a king can move a man ( or woman) but only that man is responsible for their soul" meaning that you are the only one responsible for your actions and at the end of the day you are goning to want to look in the mirror. focus on your life and let others do as they will.0
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If you are looking for someone to tell you "go ahead be a vindictive bi*** but as long as you mean no harm, have at it"... you are looking in the wrong place. Are you freaking serious with this post??? Really? Go find a man who is NOT attached and or married. SMH.0
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First time.... Shame on me.
Second time... Shame on you.
Third time.... Oh hell, nevermind.
PRICELESS
A Mastercard moment commercial waiting to happen!0 -
Lady, you deserve better. Move on!
I've been engaged 2x. Married my 2nd. I 'love'd' them both but each was a different kind of love. You might not find someone you love like him, but you will find someone you love differently and equally. (8years going strong)0 -
1.) Find Something Else to Occupy Your Time
It isn't easy to walk away when you love someone. When you are outside of it,it is easy to say walk away, dump him. You need to find something else to occupy your time. Start a new hobby or go on a vacation. The reason I say find something else and not someone else is because it does not sound like you are mentally ready for another relationship.
2.) He is not the one for you.
Many people find it exciting to cheat or live on the edge. They live for the attention and drama. He would do the same thing with you if he left his wife. Focus on yourself, possibly start a yoga class. Find your inner peace and let time do it's magic and help you to move on.
3.) Don't Tell His Wife
His wife has done nothing to you. In fact, the two of you have something in common and in a different circumstance you might even be friends. It might hurt him, and I think it would deserve him right...but why hurt her? Many times a big blow up, if they rebuild will only make their marriage stronger.0 -
WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
As a married woman, this is a tough thing to read. I understand that he’s more at fault than you are but in the end, you know he’s married. Whether he’s happy or unhappy…doesn’t matter…he’s married.
With that said, girl, you need to stop. Because say he leaves his wife (which he won’t or he would have already), what makes you think he’s going to be faithful to you?
It sounds like you enjoy the attention. He’s obviously a smooth talker and makes you feel good. Count your blessings he lives in another state and you two haven’t slept together.
But you speak of karma, well, I think you should just stop. No, it’s not easy. It sucks. A lot. But you’re better than that. Right? You deserve better than that. You want more than that right?
Real men stay faithful. They don't have time to look for other women because they're too busy looking for new ways to love their own. - Drake.
Don't tell the wife. Worry about you and only you. Find a way out. And don't look back. (Yes easier said than done. I do realize this)0 -
WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
Maybe i am reading this wrong but you said you have been with him for 6 years and 2 years ago he got married.....
Let's forget for a second all of the emotion cheating that has been going on and placing blame and ask what seems to me an obvious question.
If he loves you (and was with you first) why on earth were you not the one he married? If this man married someone other than you that should be a clue of what he truley thinks about you.
You probably dont want to hear this but you are allowing yourself to be his runner up. Why? You seem like a nice enough person who has made some poor choices, you deserve to be someones first place., but until you actually agree with this you wont be happy with him or anyone else.0 -
WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
If he didn't care enough about you to stay with you, and marry you before she came along then I'm sorry but he doesn't care he just wants his cake and to eat it too. My first love was like this and he cheated on me with my best friend. I left and 20 yrs later they are married (18 yrs) with 3 children. He isn't worth it. he's just playing you. Some men if you offer it they will take regardless of what else they have going on in their lives. It's time to take care of you. Telling her may or may make you feel better, and it might make his life difficult for a little while, but it won't get you over him. Only time and distance can do that. Hugs sent your way.0 -
The only idiot in this scenario is you. You were the one who took the calls from a married man...not once but THREE times! He is MARRIED. You just want to tell his wife so she'll dump him and then you can swoop in. But why in the hell would you want this cheater of a man? He is a cheater and he will cheat on you as soon as he gets tired of you. MOVE ON and get a life of your own.0
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First of all, I could care less about the feelings of the OP, because obviously she is a petulant child, but really everyone let's quit with posting logical statements in this topic. The fact of the matter is that she's already made up her mind with what she wants to do, and cannot accept the fact that she is nothing more then a booty call. Look you're a hot girl, so yeah guys what to keep you close so that they can get in your pants, but otherwise this guy thinks your a joke. Loves you?? HA HA HA HA HA, he loves himself, and that's about all.
He's an *kitten*, but you're a fool. Do what you want, but if you're looking from validation from a group of adults, then I doubt it's going to happen. Float this same question out to a group of high school girls and you MIGHT just get the answer you are looking for...then again, maybe they have better sense then you.
MOVE ON, and go get laid by someone without a wife and kid...it will do you some good!0 -
IF HE DOES IT WITH YOU.... HE'LL DO IT TO YOU!0
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I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.
Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!
If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.
He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.
Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.
REALLY??? This is your answer to her?? Maybe you should've read the entire thread because this is NOT what people have been saying. Heck, you must have not read HER entire original post for that matter. It's a shame that FEMALES (and I didn't say WOMEN on purpose) will stoop to the level of messing w/ a MALE (once again, avoiding the word MAN) that they knew was married, had a family, not available and when they don't get what they want or he doesn't leave his family, they want to tell the wife. There's enough SINGLE men in this world that MARRIED ones can truly be avoided, REGARDLESS if you slept w/ him first.0 -
If he'd do it with you, he'll do it to you.0
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First of all, I could care less about the feelings of the OP, because obviously she is a petulant child, but really everyone let's quit with posting logical statements in this topic. The fact of the matter is that she's already made up her mind with what she wants to do, and cannot accept the fact that she is nothing more then a booty call. Look you're a hot girl, so yeah guys what to keep you close so that they can get in your pants, but otherwise this guy thinks your a joke. Loves you?? HA HA HA HA HA, he loves himself, and that's about all.
He's an *kitten*, but you're a fool. Do what you want, but if you're looking from validation from a group of adults, then I doubt it's going to happen. Float this same question out to a group of high school girls and you MIGHT just get the answer you are looking for...then again, maybe they have better sense then you.
MOVE ON, and go get laid by someone without a wife and kid...it will do you some good!
^^ holy *kitten* - someone that speaks the truth!!!
Finally!0 -
Fool me once...0
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