SHOULD I TELL THE WIFE?? cheater
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WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
As a married woman, this is a tough thing to read. I understand that he’s more at fault than you are but in the end, you know he’s married. Whether he’s happy or unhappy…doesn’t matter…he’s married.
With that said, girl, you need to stop. Because say he leaves his wife (which he won’t or he would have already), what makes you think he’s going to be faithful to you?
It sounds like you enjoy the attention. He’s obviously a smooth talker and makes you feel good. Count your blessings he lives in another state and you two haven’t slept together.
But you speak of karma, well, I think you should just stop. No, it’s not easy. It sucks. A lot. But you’re better than that. Right? You deserve better than that. You want more than that right?
Real men stay faithful. They don't have time to look for other women because they're too busy looking for new ways to love their own. - Drake.
Don't tell the wife. Worry about you and only you. Find a way out. And don't look back. (Yes easier said than done. I do realize this)0 -
WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
Maybe i am reading this wrong but you said you have been with him for 6 years and 2 years ago he got married.....
Let's forget for a second all of the emotion cheating that has been going on and placing blame and ask what seems to me an obvious question.
If he loves you (and was with you first) why on earth were you not the one he married? If this man married someone other than you that should be a clue of what he truley thinks about you.
You probably dont want to hear this but you are allowing yourself to be his runner up. Why? You seem like a nice enough person who has made some poor choices, you deserve to be someones first place., but until you actually agree with this you wont be happy with him or anyone else.0 -
WE ARE NOT SLEEPING TOGETHER!!!! WE MET AND HAVE BEEN DATING BEFORE THEY EVEN MET!!!! WE LIVE IN DIFFERENT STATES RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know this isnt a topic really for MFP but i need advice... ive known an been inlove with someone for years... we have been dating on an off for 6 years... 2 years ago he got married to a girl he dated inbetween me and him dating... for the last 6 months he texts me, calls me, tells me he really loves me wants to divorce her, wishes i would have his first baby, ect... well i since im nosy... i found her on facebook and his mom also and i found out in my investigating that he ended up adopting her kid but they havent had any together... this girl doesnt work, the kid isnt his.. ect... but now he tells me hes going to try to work it out with her... MIND YOU this is the 3rd time he has done this wishy washy mess with me... well i have proof NOW... im considering airing his dirty laundry to his family and her... I know that its kinda childish and im not really looking to hurt anyone... BUT im sick of him hurting me... telling me 3 times he was going to leave her... 3 times he comes back to me... ive even known and loved this man longer. I want to tell her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo bad.... but i dont wanna Fk up my Karma... any ideas how i can make this better ALL the way around? and please dont just say let it go.... if it was that easy.. i wouldnt be writing this lol thanks all
If he didn't care enough about you to stay with you, and marry you before she came along then I'm sorry but he doesn't care he just wants his cake and to eat it too. My first love was like this and he cheated on me with my best friend. I left and 20 yrs later they are married (18 yrs) with 3 children. He isn't worth it. he's just playing you. Some men if you offer it they will take regardless of what else they have going on in their lives. It's time to take care of you. Telling her may or may make you feel better, and it might make his life difficult for a little while, but it won't get you over him. Only time and distance can do that. Hugs sent your way.0 -
The only idiot in this scenario is you. You were the one who took the calls from a married man...not once but THREE times! He is MARRIED. You just want to tell his wife so she'll dump him and then you can swoop in. But why in the hell would you want this cheater of a man? He is a cheater and he will cheat on you as soon as he gets tired of you. MOVE ON and get a life of your own.0
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First of all, I could care less about the feelings of the OP, because obviously she is a petulant child, but really everyone let's quit with posting logical statements in this topic. The fact of the matter is that she's already made up her mind with what she wants to do, and cannot accept the fact that she is nothing more then a booty call. Look you're a hot girl, so yeah guys what to keep you close so that they can get in your pants, but otherwise this guy thinks your a joke. Loves you?? HA HA HA HA HA, he loves himself, and that's about all.
He's an *kitten*, but you're a fool. Do what you want, but if you're looking from validation from a group of adults, then I doubt it's going to happen. Float this same question out to a group of high school girls and you MIGHT just get the answer you are looking for...then again, maybe they have better sense then you.
MOVE ON, and go get laid by someone without a wife and kid...it will do you some good!0 -
IF HE DOES IT WITH YOU.... HE'LL DO IT TO YOU!0
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I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.
Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!
If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.
He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.
Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.
REALLY??? This is your answer to her?? Maybe you should've read the entire thread because this is NOT what people have been saying. Heck, you must have not read HER entire original post for that matter. It's a shame that FEMALES (and I didn't say WOMEN on purpose) will stoop to the level of messing w/ a MALE (once again, avoiding the word MAN) that they knew was married, had a family, not available and when they don't get what they want or he doesn't leave his family, they want to tell the wife. There's enough SINGLE men in this world that MARRIED ones can truly be avoided, REGARDLESS if you slept w/ him first.0 -
If he'd do it with you, he'll do it to you.0
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First of all, I could care less about the feelings of the OP, because obviously she is a petulant child, but really everyone let's quit with posting logical statements in this topic. The fact of the matter is that she's already made up her mind with what she wants to do, and cannot accept the fact that she is nothing more then a booty call. Look you're a hot girl, so yeah guys what to keep you close so that they can get in your pants, but otherwise this guy thinks your a joke. Loves you?? HA HA HA HA HA, he loves himself, and that's about all.
He's an *kitten*, but you're a fool. Do what you want, but if you're looking from validation from a group of adults, then I doubt it's going to happen. Float this same question out to a group of high school girls and you MIGHT just get the answer you are looking for...then again, maybe they have better sense then you.
MOVE ON, and go get laid by someone without a wife and kid...it will do you some good!
^^ holy *kitten* - someone that speaks the truth!!!
Finally!0 -
Fool me once...0
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First of all, I could care less about the feelings of the OP, because obviously she is a petulant child, but really everyone let's quit with posting logical statements in this topic. The fact of the matter is that she's already made up her mind with what she wants to do, and cannot accept the fact that she is nothing more then a booty call. Look you're a hot girl, so yeah guys what to keep you close so that they can get in your pants, but otherwise this guy thinks your a joke. Loves you?? HA HA HA HA HA, he loves himself, and that's about all.
He's an *kitten*, but you're a fool. Do what you want, but if you're looking from validation from a group of adults, then I doubt it's going to happen. Float this same question out to a group of high school girls and you MIGHT just get the answer you are looking for...then again, maybe they have better sense then you.
MOVE ON, and go get laid by someone without a wife and kid...it will do you some good!
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In reading your OP, you believe in karma, am I right? Don't tell her. It will come out, and he'll get what's coming to him.0
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Sounds to me like you just want revenge because of your emotional attachment to him. You would screw up his life, his wife's life, and the child's life just so YOU could feel better.
And if your are worried about your karma, enough damage has already been done to it by having this affair not once, not twice, but three times!
If he wanted to be with you, he would have chosen you, but he chose her. Time to pull yourself up by your bootstraps and go for a long walk to get away from him AND this situation. Have a little more self respect for yourself and start looking for someone who is available and actually into you.0 -
Telling the wife accomplishes nothing but harm - and it will mainly hurt her, not him. Do not devote ANY more of your energy to this TAKER. That is what he is. No excuses you make for him are good enough.
Even if he leaves her - don't take him back. If he cheated WITH you... he will cheat ON you.
No - it will not be easy to let go - but you have to do it for you. :flowerforyou: Turn it around. You can do it.
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The quote above is the exact piece of advice that I'd give to you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do. I know you are hurt and I know that you see telling his wife what happened is the only way to seemingly get back at him, but would you think about the child that would be hurt. That child now has a stable home and someone to call Dad. They have family. The best vengeance is to go on with your life and to no longer give him your love, energy and attention. Your value and worth is so much greater than being a hidden affair. Whether he'd leave her or not, there would still be a mark of shame on your relationship and it would forever stain it. Could you live with wondering in the future "Is he really working late?" when he says that's his excuse or wondering after you were to have his first child, "Will he cheat on me?" because of the insecurity that happens when getting used to a pregnant and post-partum body. Don't do it. Open a life of joy and freeness with someone else. A love that is free of this.0 -
The only idiot in this scenario is you. You were the one who took the calls from a married man...not once but THREE times! He is MARRIED. You just want to tell his wife so she'll dump him and then you can swoop in. But why in the hell would you want this cheater of a man? He is a cheater and he will cheat on you as soon as he gets tired of you. MOVE ON and get a life of your own.
Sorry to be harsh, but I totally agree with this ^^0 -
The only reason you want to tell her is to screw up HIS life because he f'ed you over. And you gave him permission to do it when you continued to be involved with him after he MARRIED someone else. You've made just as many mistakes here as he has, and airing his dirty laundry, as you put it, would just be one more mistake. You want a resolution to this situation? Stop seeing him. Stop talking to him. Stop having any kind of contact with him, his wife, his friends, his family, etc. Find some self-respect, and move on with your life.
Amen to that !
YES! This.0 -
Are you kidding??? You LET him hurt you.. He has a wife..if he is going to be cheating on her then it is what it is, but why would you want to be the one considered a homewrecker.. looking for advice or not..this post makes you look bad.. sorry
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I haven't read the whole thread, so someone may have already said what I'm about to say.
Blow him out to his wife and get rid of the loser!!
If I were his wife I'd want to know what he'd been up to, and then I could make the decision as to whether I wanted to stay with the stinking rat or not. That's not ruining her life, that's doing her a favour.
He doesn't want you, he's using you. End of story.
Send the message, and forget you even met him. Don't make excuses for him. He's full of cr*p and you know it. A guy who loved you would not behave in this way.
REALLY??? This is your answer to her?? Maybe you should've read the entire thread because this is NOT what people have been saying. Heck, you must have not read HER entire original post for that matter. It's a shame that FEMALES (and I didn't say WOMEN on purpose) will stoop to the level of messing w/ a MALE (once again, avoiding the word MAN) that they knew was married, had a family, not available and when they don't get what they want or he doesn't leave his family, they want to tell the wife. There's enough SINGLE men in this world that MARRIED ones can truly be avoided, REGARDLESS if you slept w/ him first.
Yep, that's my answer to her and I'm sticking to it. I DID read her entire inital post and my answer still stands. I have now read the entire thread and several other people are of the same opinion, plus at no point did I say "Everyone else has already told you this..." So I'm not exactly sure where you shock horror at my response comes from. What exactly is so surprising?
Now I've read the immature, illogical responses she's put on here I'm ashamed to have spent any time responding. She's clearly a sandwich short of a picnic which explains rather brilliantly why she's in this situation to start with.0 -
well you dont know me sweetie
so thank you... my Karma isnt messed up... the part i guess i shouldnt have left out is... I HAVENT BEEN SLEEPING WITH HIM... we dont live in the same state..... so that factors out of the subject
It is entirely possible to cheat emotionally. Would you want your husband to say he loves another woman?0 -
If you tell her, it will just make you look bad. It will look like you are trying to get back at him. That is my opinion.0
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