Dating! EEEK!

1246

Replies

  • alaskagal
    alaskagal Posts: 326
    IMHO....

    good relationships do require hard work....the key here being the word "relationship" which to me generally means a longer period of time than 3 or 4 dates (respectfully said.)

    See what the rest of the gang has to say but...anything that needs this much work and unraveling right from the get go might not be the best path to travel down.

    Relationships need to be built on trust and respect....right now he isn't completely giving you those.

    You deserve full disclosure, truthfullness, respect....the right one is out there....keep fishing.....

    All the best
    :flowerforyou:
  • catlover
    catlover Posts: 389
    I think the key word here is relationship--and what you define it as. When I was divorced (with final papers in hand) I had a 'relationship" with several people, some at the same time. Now, was any one of them ever going to end up a fairy tale marriage, Uh, no. So the answer to the question, is it possible to have a relationship with someone like that??, the answer is yes, but you may have to redefine what you want out of it. And what you get will probably not be what you bargained for. Something inside me is telling me that this is going to work itself out with little or no real effort on your part, so hang in there with us and we'll hang in there for you.
  • cmriverside
    cmriverside Posts: 34,422 Member
    Coralie.

    Good luck whatever you decide. Personally I say RUN. Here is my text to him:

    "sorry, I like u, but ur married. call me when ur divorced for a year. bye."

    Cheryl :brokenheart:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Thank you Cheryl, I like the sound of your text. I might do that! Or email him. And Verna, thank you for all your support all the way through!

    I just keep thinking that maybe he will turn out to be an ok guy at the end of this. Deluded huh? :laugh:

    The whole 'new man' feeling is addictive though isn't it? When your mobile phone beeps for a new message, your heart races and when he calls...WOW, what a rush! It is very hard to let go of this. Maybe because it's been sooooo long since anyone showed any interest in me. :sad:

    Sad, I know, BUT I will tell him that I'm just not interested. Not untill he gets those divorce papers anyway!

    Righto, am off to write....'The Email'..... or text...

    And so ends the not-so-exciting first series of .... 'How not to date in your 30's.' Tune in next year for series two....

    :heart: :flowerforyou: :heart:
  • ohthatbambi
    ohthatbambi Posts: 1,098 Member
    Run, baby, run. He will make up excuses that you might allow yourself to listen to. No excuse is an okay excuse to have a wife and a girlfriend. You are a single mom and you and your kids deserve better than some rich jerk that is looking for some action on the side. I know that sounds harsh, but you can't make excuses for him. His being married may explain the absense in his calls etc. You don't know his last name...maybe so you can't find out more about him. SNAKE in the grass. You can't believe a word out his mouth and if I were advising a close friend in the same situation then I would tell her under no circumstances should she see this man again. I wouldn't even bother with telling him why you can't see him again, b/c he does not deserve that respect. My two cents.
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    My two cents.

    Thank you for your honesty Bamboo.
    :flowerforyou:
  • catlady
    catlady Posts: 9
    PLEASE - get yourself a copy of the the book "He's just not that into you". It really opened up my eyes when I was newly divorced and starting to look for someone.

    http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    PLEASE - get yourself a copy of the the book "He's just not that into you". It really opened up my eyes when I was newly divorced and starting to look for someone.

    http://www.amazon.com/Hes-Just-That-Into-Understanding/dp/068987474X

    Thanks! Have just ordered a copy! I hope it helps. Something has to. :laugh:
  • xmimikinsx
    xmimikinsx Posts: 191
    You are a beautiful woman and should not be intimidated by a man for a start! Don't sit biting your nails worrying about you should/shouldn't say, be yourself and be confident. Afterall, there's nothing more attractive than confidence whether you weigh 120Ilbs or 250Ilbs!
    Good luck, I'm sure you don't need it!
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    You are a beautiful woman and should not be intimidated by a man for a start! Don't sit biting your nails worrying about you should/shouldn't say, be yourself and be confident. Afterall, there's nothing more attractive than confidence whether you weigh 120Ilbs or 250Ilbs!
    Good luck, I'm sure you don't need it!

    Thank you so much! But sadly confidence is in short supply at the moment! What I really need to do is kick myself in the butt and just ask this guy why he doesn't want to divorce his wife!

    Hopefully then I can get on with things again!
    :heart:
  • catlady
    catlady Posts: 9
    I wouldn't waste anymore time on this loser - if he hasn't outright lied to you, he certainly withheld important information - which in my mind is lying by omission (oh, gee, forgot to mention I'm married instead of single)!

    Move on honey....there will be others who are worth it.

    I divorced my husband of nearly 24 years, didn't date for over a year. Finally went on match.com and found the love of my life. He isn't the most handsome, but he is sweet, kind, considerate, funny, and treats me like a queen. We have been married for a year and a half now, very happily.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    You are a beautiful woman and should not be intimidated by a man for a start! Don't sit biting your nails worrying about you should/shouldn't say, be yourself and be confident. Afterall, there's nothing more attractive than confidence whether you weigh 120Ilbs or 250Ilbs!
    Good luck, I'm sure you don't need it!

    Thank you so much! But sadly confidence is in short supply at the moment! What I really need to do is kick myself in the butt and just ask this guy why he doesn't want to divorce his wife!

    Hopefully then I can get on with things again!
    :heart:


    I've been reading the other posts and everyone has very good advice. You say you want to ask this jerk why he doesn't want to divorce his wife? I wouldn't even bother. :noway: If it was me, I'd just tell him "It's over before it goes any futher sucker. You figure out why." Then walk away, don't look back, don't answer his e-mails or phone calls, forget him and go on with your life without him. You can do so much better! Good luck to you. :flowerforyou:
  • bittersweet22
    bittersweet22 Posts: 47 Member
    I also feel the same way. Some days I do feel like I am pretty, then there are other days that I feel like, How could anyone ever love me when I look like I do! But, with God all things are possible. Being a single mom changes things also, but just wait on the Lord, and when the time is right, Your special man will be there!!
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Hi folks How are ya?/

    WOW! I have been having al sorts of problems with my computer, hence no posting!:sad: :sad: :sad:

    BUt!!

    You guys will not believe it! Seriously! And huge thanks for all your supoport last time... I think you can tell where this is going....!lol

    I have met someone! And this time I think perhaps the term 'soulmate' won't be too far off the mark:bigsmile: !

    I mean he positively makes me FIZZ!

    No marrital hang ups, I know his last name, he returns text mesages and emails, he has a daughter so he understands about being a single parent, and OMG he makes me feel soooo happy!

    Second date today! But about 50 emails in between.

    Watch this space folks, Jon was just a trial run !

    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Oh!!!! Nearly forgot I have lost 2 stone now! I could just be the happiest person on the planet right now!! lol

    Hope you guys out there are just as happy

    Lots of love and hugs to all you guys out there!:heart:
    Coralie.xx
  • hmmmm
    hmmmm Posts: 607 Member
    YAY!! I am so happy that you are happy.
    Any guy that makes you :bigsmile: FIZZ:bigsmile: should be worth having around for a while.
    Take it slow and enjoy the fuzzy, happy feelings you are having :heart: :heart: :heart:

    OH and congrats on your weight lost, That is great!!

    I missed reading your updates on this topic.
    So welcome back:flowerforyou:
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    Good to see you back. I'm glad you're no longer with jerkface. Just take it slow and enjoy your new relationship. I hope everything works out for you. Keep us informed. :flowerforyou:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Hi guys!:heart:

    Yes more computer probs or I would have given the update days ago!

    Jerkface is a thing of the dim and distant past momma! But he did serve one very useful purpose.... I was more than able to recognise Darren for the gem that he is thanks to all the crap I put up with from old jerkface himself!!

    I spent a magical day yesterday with him (Darren not Jerkface!) and even invited him in for a cuppa as I couldnt bear to say good bye just yet. There;s progress for you! Couldn;t quite bring myself to get to the kissing part but it's only a matter of time! lol

    So that was date 3 and I've realised I totally skipped over date 2!! Please forgive? Date 2 was very nervous for me, as I was then and am even more now, completely hooked, so I felt I had more to lose then than ever sooo.... But!!! We went for a coffee and then a walk again afterwards. He held my hand while we were walkign and after the initial "OMG someones holding my hand...!!!!" moment I was fine. More than fine really! :smooched:

    So, now I just need to see how things progress! Not quite going to tell my mum to go out and buy a hat as yet but, eventually?? Who knows!!

    Everything in it's own good time. Keep watching this space I will update as and when the computer lets me.:laugh:

    Love and hugs to you all out there!!
    :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:
  • IndigoElectron
    IndigoElectron Posts: 143 Member
    This is a great thread, I've really enjoyed reading it! Grumpymoo (don't like calling you that but I don't know your name!), thank you for sharing your experiences, and good on you for keeping your eyes open, not making excuses for Jon, and ending it when you were advised to on here. My WORST dating habit is making excuses for men and not being honest with them or myself. I think it says something that you ended it and soon after you met The One, that's your reward for being a strong woman!

    I'm newly single and am determined not to make the same mistakes that I've made in the past. I ended my 2 year relationship earlier this month because I finally admitted to myself that I wasn't truly in love (nor was he with me). To be honest, I'd known all along that something was missing, but I didn't want to face up to things because we got on ok, he was attractive, intelligent etc, plus I was getting older (I'm 31) and thought I should be on the way to getting married and having a family. Actually, that was was enabled me to finally end it - I looked at my friends who are in very happy relationships (some married, some not) and thought 'I want that!'. Plus there was the fact he wasn't sure he wanted children. I realised I shouldn't settle for less than real love (not perfection because I know that doesn't exist!) and though it was hard, I ended it. All the signs were there, including the fact he rarely got in touch when we didn't see each other (he went on holiday for 2 weeks and the only time I heard from him was when I sent him a text first!), and when we were together, sometimes we just didn't have anything to say to each other. And we'd had a lot of problems - in fact, he broke up with me after 3 months (because he thought we didn't have a future) but we got back together. When I ended it, he admitted that we'd never been madly in love, which confirmed my feelings I'd done the right thing.

    So now I'm back on the market, so to speak! And this time I will trust my instincts, because if it feels right, it usually is. And I will try to overcome my self-esteem issues (i.e. no-one will truly fancy me or love me and I will feel the same way about them) because these things simply aren't true, I just need to believe them!
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Indigo, thank you so much for posting on this thread. It's been a rough old lead up to this point but just you see that you don't give up hoping eh? If someone like me can find their other half then you certainly wont have any problems at all. Just keep your eyes and your mind wide open. And remember that there is nothing at all wrong with making allowances for people, they are after all only human, just as you are. Give yourself a break and accept that you are gorgeous, inside and out and that one day the right person will come along and agree with you!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: But as soon as the allownaces become excuses just remind yourself that that is what they are!

    :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

    OMG!! :smooched:

    Sorry for not posting sooner, wretched computer. Grr! ok where was i?? Well...... I have spent every day so far this week with Darren! Talk about loved up! I'm not sure I can cope with this, we have had first kiss, second kiss..... he told me he loves me! I told him I loved him! :smooched: We hold hands and talk and cuddle on my sofa. He never pressures me to do anything that might make me feel at all uncomfortable, but he lets me know in no uncertain terms that he would like to be doing lots more! :love: He is the best thing to happen to me in sooo long guys. And I have all of you to thank in part for this happiness! Without the advice and caring of all of you who have posted on this thread I would have given up entirely and then would not have met this amazing man, my soulmate.

    So, I have come to the conclusion that I need never go through the first date hell ever again! My heart has gone from fizz to bust in less than a week.

    Go on and buy a hat folks!

    A HUGE big helping of love and hugs to you all!
    :flowerforyou:

    Coralie.
  • mommared53
    mommared53 Posts: 9,543 Member
    I'm so glad things are going so well for you. I sincerely hope they continue in that direction. Fingers crossed. :happy: Good luck to you and your new man and keep us informed Happy Girl.
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Thank you Momma and I will definately keep you all informed!

    :flowerforyou:
  • GravyGurl
    GravyGurl Posts: 1,070
    :flowerforyou: Glad to see things are working out for you and that you are happy.
  • wriglucy
    wriglucy Posts: 1,064 Member
    Wow...I just came across this thread today, and seriously...sat and read EVERY comment. I'm soooo happy for you meeting Darren!! He sounds like an amazing man!! Congrats! For awhile there in the middle pages, I was starting to get a little worried that this wouldn't have a happy ending...but..it did!!! Just like a novel:)
  • BreaNix
    BreaNix Posts: 205 Member
    Wow...I just came across this thread today, and seriously...sat and read EVERY comment. I'm soooo happy for you meeting Darren!! He sounds like an amazing man!! Congrats! For awhile there in the middle pages, I was starting to get a little worried that this wouldn't have a happy ending...but..it did!!! Just like a novel:)

    ditto.....That is exactly what I was going to say.....:smile:

    I am so happy for you and wish you nothing but the best in your future. Can't wait to read more.
  • gonezobean
    gonezobean Posts: 154
    I just love happy stories. I haven't been on a date in three years. It terrifies me. I have in fact regressed in relational...anything. This story makes my heart all sorts of happy. Thank you!
  • ali106
    ali106 Posts: 3,754 Member
    OMG I enjoyed this post soooo much!!!!

    I am so rooting for you and Darren aka mr. wonderful!!! he sounds amazing...but nothing compared to how you sound!!! You rock lady!!! I think he is a lucky guy to have met a wonderful person like you....and if you like him....I LIKE HIM TOO! lol....:drinker:

    oooo to fizz again! lol:love:

    best of luck and YOU MUST keep us posted...I'm gonna keep checking!!!
    OH and great job w/ losing the weight!!!!:wink:

    so proud of you!
    hugs!
    ali :flowerforyou:
  • grumpymoo
    grumpymoo Posts: 64
    Guys you've got me all choked up.This site has the best people on it in the world! I guess the big point to all of this is to remember that 'What goes around comes around!' it may take a while but just hang in there everyone! All of YOU are fantastic!

    :flowerforyou:

    Coralie.xx
  • wanderinglight
    wanderinglight Posts: 1,519 Member
    I came across this post this morning -- I just started dating on match.com myself, so I was absolutely RIVETED!

    And now I'm very inspired by your story! I'm so happy that you found someone that you FIZZ with, and that things are going so well! It's truly wonderful to hear about it!
  • IndigoElectron
    IndigoElectron Posts: 143 Member
    Indigo, thank you so much for posting on this thread. It's been a rough old lead up to this point but just you see that you don't give up hoping eh? If someone like me can find their other half then you certainly wont have any problems at all. Just keep your eyes and your mind wide open. And remember that there is nothing at all wrong with making allowances for people, they are after all only human, just as you are. Give yourself a break and accept that you are gorgeous, inside and out and that one day the right person will come along and agree with you!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: But as soon as the allownaces become excuses just remind yourself that that is what they are!

    :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

    That's so nice of you to say, thank you! And thank you for sharing your story with us, I love seeing couples in love because it gives me hope I will find someone too :love:

    Anyway, my big news is...

    Today would have been the 2 year anniversary for me and my ex - so I celebrated by joining a dating site! :laugh: I've had 1 message already and 4 people have added me to their favourites, so it's looking good!
  • sgtinvincible
    sgtinvincible Posts: 2,559
    Indigo, thank you so much for posting on this thread. It's been a rough old lead up to this point but just you see that you don't give up hoping eh? If someone like me can find their other half then you certainly wont have any problems at all. Just keep your eyes and your mind wide open. And remember that there is nothing at all wrong with making allowances for people, they are after all only human, just as you are. Give yourself a break and accept that you are gorgeous, inside and out and that one day the right person will come along and agree with you!! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: But as soon as the allownaces become excuses just remind yourself that that is what they are!

    :bigsmile: :bigsmile: :bigsmile:

    That's so nice of you to say, thank you! And thank you for sharing your story with us, I love seeing couples in love because it gives me hope I will find someone too :love:

    Anyway, my big news is...

    Today would have been the 2 year anniversary for me and my ex - so I celebrated by joining a dating site! :laugh: I've had 1 message already and 4 people have added me to their favourites, so it's looking good!


    Woohoo!

    Don't break *to* many hearts Indigo...:wink:


    :happy:

    -J:heart:
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