'You'd be more attractive if you were thinner'

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Vodkha
Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
in Chit-Chat
Has anyone ever been told this before?

I was dating a guy for awhile but things didnt work out (nothing to do with my weight) and we are still friends. I asked him if I could ask him a question that he would answer honestly. He said ok and then I asked him how fat he thinks I am. He answered 'a bit' and I said that isnt an answer. I then asked him how much he thinks I weigh by looking at me. He said he didn't know, but that I was thinner than when we first met. I then asked if he thought people could still consider me attractive how I am now. He replied 'you'd be more attractive if you were thinner.' So I said well...if I am thinner now than I was when we met, and you think I'd be more attractive if I lost some weight, does that mean you werent that attracted to me when we first met? He said no, that he was attracted to me. *Disclaimer to say that I do not judge my worth by my weight, nor do I judge my worth by how I am seen by others* I was just curious about it and since he would be honest with me, I asked.

I have fallen off the wagon a bit since I got really sick a week or so back, and I think I more or less asked because I knew what the answers to my questions would be, and I think I thought maybe it would help me kick my *kitten* back at it.
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Replies

  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    I've never been told that but if someone were to tell me that, I'd be upset. But you asked his opinion and he answered how he felt so I suppose it is what it is. Most people would look better if they were thinner - don't think you're alone in that!! I know I'd look better if I was thinner too.

    Is knowing that helping you? Or is it making you more upset now?
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!
  • helenoftroy1
    helenoftroy1 Posts: 638 Member
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    I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
    killed me everytime.
  • pretty_ribbons
    pretty_ribbons Posts: 154 Member
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    no one has said that to me but i think people think it, i think it about myself all the time
  • Sunshine_Girlie
    Sunshine_Girlie Posts: 618 Member
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    Yes! I get that quite a bit to be honest. My first time working out at a gym, I was in high school [Senior year] and my trainer told me flat out, "You're so cute now, but man, you'll be smokin' by the time we finish up here." Seriously?

    A lot of guys that I know find me 'attractive', but they don't like that I'm not skinny. Will they say that out right? Nope, but they might as well. I do know that when I had lost the weight the first time, they had no problem telling me how beautiful they thought I was.
  • xSophia19
    xSophia19 Posts: 1,536 Member
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    been told this a few times. whether they mean it or not is another thing! lads have the decency to joke around too much around here.
  • corrieville
    corrieville Posts: 113 Member
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    My dad told me if I lost another 40 pounds I would be fighting the men off.... My reply back to that was I have never had an issue of guys not finding me attractive. I am currently dating a guy who is extremely thin and he thinks I am sexy just as I am. I want a man who will love *kitten* I am now and when I am thin.
  • speedycakes
    speedycakes Posts: 152 Member
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    I've been told that a few times in diffrent forms. Such as "you'd be pretty hot if you lost weight"- some ****head guy in my high school class. "You do look good but you would look better if you lost a little weight'-My Ex. "You have a really pretty face you just need to lose weight. Then you will be more attractive."-A friend in high school.

    So glad i'm done with High school. That killed my Esteem. Now i'm on a never ending quest to be thin enough to be hot/pretty/attractive. It's kinda sad actually.
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!

    I personally think if you base your weight loss after that, that you're going to be attractive, you're setting yourself up to fail, because you're basing your weight loss over making others happy. You should do it for another reason, like lowering your cholesterol, fitting back into your skinniest jeans, or having a normal BMI. Once I started losing weight for me, it worked. All the others times I was doing it to be attractive to guys. When they didn't notice me even then, the weight came back on.
    You can do it!! If you did it before, you are soooo capable of doing it again!
  • sexforjaffacakes
    sexforjaffacakes Posts: 1,001 Member
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    I had a friend once who told me I was pretty all the time.

    We were 100% honest with each other though, and one day my weight came up in conversation.
    And she said that she thinks I'm beautiful now, but honestly if I lost weight I'd be the most beautiful person she'd ever seen.

    That always stuck with me. It didn't make me feel bad, what I got from that was that I'm pretty and I'd be perfect if I had the body to match. She wasn't saying that I wasn't attractive, just that I could be more attractive.

    And it's true! We're all beautiful here, but of course we want our bodies to look nice too, there's nothing wrong with that. You can have a nice body AND a nice face, you can look good with either or, but look fantastic with both.

    Saying youd be pretty if you lost weight is a different story though.
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Has anyone ever been told this before?

    I was dating a guy for awhile but things didnt work out (nothing to do with my weight) and we are still friends. I asked him if I could ask him a question that he would answer honestly. He said ok and then I asked him how fat he thinks I am. He answered 'a bit' and I said that isnt an answer. I then asked him how much he thinks I weigh by looking at me. He said he didn't know, but that I was thinner than when we first met. I then asked if he thought people could still consider me attractive how I am now. He replied 'you'd be more attractive if you were thinner.' So I said well...if I am thinner now than I was when we met, and you think I'd be more attractive if I lost some weight, does that mean you werent that attracted to me when we first met? He said no, that he was attracted to me. *Disclaimer to say that I do not judge my worth by my weight, nor do I judge my worth by how I am seen by others* I was just curious about it and since he would be honest with me, I asked.

    I have fallen off the wagon a bit since I got really sick a week or so back, and I think I more or less asked because I knew what the answers to my questions would be, and I think I thought maybe it would help me kick my *kitten* back at it.

    Some blokes like skinny girls, some blokes like larger females, some don't mind, it definitely depends on the male concerned and there are no hard and fast rules.

    I knew a girl many years back whose boyfriend liked super-skinny girls, she was 5' 6" tall and weighed no more than 140lbs, but he kept on and on at her to lose more weight, but she found it extremely difficult.

    I wouldn't mind, but she was nowhere near overweight - AT ALL!
  • lgwhizz
    lgwhizz Posts: 65
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    My dear gran gives what I call a stroke and a slap.

    She says something nice like "oh hen, your dress is lovely, such a nice shape...." this is the stroke (as in affectionately giving your face a stroke) but follows it up with something like "if only you were a wee bit thinner." and theres the slap!

    I love her very much but she does it every time!!! Lol. Ive learned to live with it, but that and other comments make me feel rubbish.

    This one ive said above actually happened on Christmas day, my reply to her was "gran its not the dress that has a nice shape, its my lovely body filling it!"

    Hurts every time though. x
  • Vodkha
    Vodkha Posts: 352 Member
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    No, I am losing weight to be healthier, to feel better about myself, etc...
    No, I pretty much accept that fact that right now, I wouldn't be too attractive to the opposite sex lol. It isn't really upsetting me because I know it's true. I just need to get back on track with this for myself, and to show everyone I can do it. I previously lost almost 100lbs so I KNOW I can do it, I just don't know why I keep stalling!

    I personally think if you base your weight loss after that, that you're going to be attractive, you're setting yourself up to fail, because you're basing your weight loss over making others happy. You should do it for another reason, like lowering your cholesterol, fitting back into your skinniest jeans, or having a normal BMI. Once I started losing weight for me, it worked. All the others times I was doing it to be attractive to guys. When they didn't notice me even then, the weight came back on.
    You can do it!! If you did it before, you are soooo capable of doing it again!
  • katyejean
    katyejean Posts: 233 Member
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    I was told that, but it was a personal trainer from a gym, trying to get me to spend my money and work with him. I really wish I would have listened to him and start my journey then, but I can't rewind.
  • ddran143
    ddran143 Posts: 34
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    I use to not like that either.
  • tmarie2715
    tmarie2715 Posts: 1,111 Member
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    This probably isn't very helpful, but I've overheard someone saying about me, "--great body but look at her face."

    At least weight you can control, right?
  • xMissy6x
    xMissy6x Posts: 347 Member
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    My mum said that to me only a few weeks ago :( I dont consider myself fat, but I do have some to loose. I found it de motivating and rude.
  • MommyTKD
    MommyTKD Posts: 61 Member
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    Two thoughts went through my brain at lightning speed... 1) It's not about what other people find attractive, it's about how you want to look FOR YOU... and 2) beauty is only skin deep. Clearly we see and judge each other by what's on the outside but if you're happy with who you are, it's just a matter of making your outside reflect it. If you're not finding YOURSELF attractive, then no matter what you do on the outside, it won't matter til you fix that. Be the person you want to be and you'll find the right person to be with. Find what you DO like about yourself and then reward yourself with a healthier you. You're already doing that by being here! And I think you're great!
  • RubysMama23
    RubysMama23 Posts: 10 Member
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    I used to get "oh you've got such a pretty face....."
    killed me everytime.

    I actually had an ex boyfriend say this to me when we were very seriously involved. And when I started to cry, he got confused.. I would say it's just because he's a dude but I don't think all dudes are like this. Some actually have emotions unlike this douche I speak of.
    Look at me go now!!! :laugh:
  • lmbame905
    lmbame905 Posts: 84 Member
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    A guy I used to see pretty casually told me once( after I told him I was 135 lbs prior to the birth of my first child), "I bet you used to be really hot!!"

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