For the perpetually single

I have been single for a long time, longer then I would like to admit. I was in a long terrible relationship that ended very badly. I was damaged goods at that point. But I took time to do me. I went to college, got a degree. Got a real job, bought a house. Now I’m focused on this weightloss/fitness/healthy living thing.

Not everyone needs a partner to define them. I don’t go home and feel lonely, I’m grateful for the peace and quiet, the ability to make my own schedule and not concern others. Not saying I want to live like this forever, but for now it has been great!

I've had times where I question whether there is something wrong with me because i'm terminally single- my longest 'relationship' was about 8 mos (he lived 3 hrs. away & traveled for work- I rarely got to see him!), can a fling be that long, because that may be a better term.... I call my best friend- married w/3 boys at home and try and have an actual conversation. It usually doesn't take long before one of the boys starts going after one of the others & she has to get off the phone to break them up. This usually makes me feel better about my singlehood.

In the nearly 20 years i've known my friend, she was single for exactly 3 days between her ex-bf and her current husband (her ex-husband had been her childhood sweetheart). While her current husband is still crazy about her, sometimes I think she was drawn to him more for what he represented to her- security (he's very smart & successful & she had a less than stellar upbringing). We took a girls trip recently & she mentioned how she thinks being with him has made her needy. Considering the short time that she was single tells me that her being needy is not something recent (just a different kind of needy- financial now instead of emotional).

I've found that when I compare lives, I like being single, independent. I'm beholden to no one- I don't have to check with anyone else if I want to go out to do even the smallest of outings, or check a calender to make sure there is no other activity planned. I don't have to answer to anyone but myself. If the right guy comes along, great, but i'm not going to settle for someone who is only so-so just to be with someone. It just isn't worth it to me. Flawed for being single? Nah... I don't think so.

After my ex husband I dated a bit. It was horrible. I've already mentioned the eternal penis pics I'd get from men I met on match and eharmony. It was either their erect penises or they wanted to marry me.
They couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave my son with my parents to leave on a booty call weekend with them nor would they understand why I just couldn't drop everything and run ( I take care of my elderly parents ). Either I was too thin or too fat. Yeah I got the "too fat" a few times cuz I didn't have the 25" waist I do now.
It was horrendous.
Now I sorta know you, Auticus, from here more than maybe most and I think you're a wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with being single for a long time. Just don't settle. It'll happen.

I started out life thinkin that I had to have someone. That resulted in my getting married at 21 and on my second divorce when I was 31. If you think being perpetually single is an issue, you should try being on your second strike. Anyway, I've had girlfriends over the years, some for longer than others. I've been single for a year and a half. It has allowed me to accomplish a lot of things (double my income, reduce my living expenses, travel the world, etc.).

Now, I've come to a single recognition: I won't settle. Anyone that thinks that's a problem can just move on. It wouldn't have worked out anyway.

I happen to think long-term bf/gf relationships are better than marriage. Too often in a marriage, people let themselves go. They can, because the barrier to break up is so high. When you're in a bf/gf relationship, there is a better committment, since you know they can dump you, but each day choose not to. That is a powerful incentive to be better for them.

1. I do not believe that being single makes one "defective." I do not believe that any people are defective. :noway:
2. I do believe that there is "someone" for everyone.
3. Thinking about #2, I also believe that not everyone has met their "someone" yet or that it is quite possible they have and did not recognize the connection. If this is the case, I have strong belief that their paths will cross again.
4. I believe that some people may not meet their "someone" until later in life. :ohwell:
5. I believe a single person can have a happy life. :happy:
6. I believe a person in a committed relationship can have an extraordinarily happy life. :bigsmile:
7. I love your word NERDERY and am stealing it. :flowerforyou:

Yeah to priorities. That's one thing with me as well, I have two kids (16 & 14) and I have to do my duty as a parent to see them grown and responsible people, which sometimes means sacrificing things that I want.

i wish my ex-husband thought this way lol.

I think people who jump from relationship to relationship are defective. It's ok to be alone to really get to know yourself, figure out what you want and figure out the things you are willing to accept and not accept. I don't think anyone should settle just for the sake of not being single.

This is really great advice! I too spent several years alone and in those years I learned a lot about myself. I alos learned that being in a one-sided relationship is not acceptable. After around 5 years of singleness, I met and married my best friend. That was 22 years ago.

I'm new to dating.

So far I have encountered a couple of divorced guys (but have been single for a long time since) and a guy who's always been single except for a couple of 2 year relationships. Since we're in our 30s, it doesn't make me think they're defective but it makes me curious so I'll ask questions.

I was married for 10 years. I feel that might be scary for guys I'm meeting.

Regardless, we all have our stories. If you've just not met the right person, well much respect to you for not settling. I find alot of married folks end up miserable for settling. My next guy will rock my world in every single possible way.

I'm single because I'm way too insecure to be with anyone, ha.

The average Divorced male is alone about 3.3 years, I think your not going to jump at the first fish, that's greate. I was divorced 3 years and my husband was divorced for 8 years before we met. He has a better education than I do, is 15 years older than me. I made more money at the time than he did. Just say'in don;t rule out a gal because she looks like she does not fill all the requirements at fist. It took time for me to learn how to date, when to know when it was time to look ahead, while my husband was in my future, don't give UP! I'm sure your a great catch.

After my ex husband I dated a bit. It was horrible. I've already mentioned the eternal penis pics I'd get from men I met on match and eharmony. It was either their erect penises or they wanted to marry me.
They couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave my son with my parents to leave on a booty call weekend with them nor would they understand why I just couldn't drop everything and run ( I take care of my elderly parents ). Either I was too thin or too fat. Yeah I got the "too fat" a few times cuz I didn't have the 25" waist I do now.
It was horrendous.
Now I sorta know you, Auticus, from here more than maybe most and I think you're a wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with being single for a long time. Just don't settle. It'll happen.

So it's not just me that gets the unsolicted pics. whew! I was beginning to question if there was something I was doing wrong that invites the crazy.

I have to admit that I'm a reforming serial monogamist. I'm 27, and I feel I'm always in one serious relationship after another - and it's extremely unhealthy. For the first time in my dating life, I've been single for several months, working on myself and my fitness, getting back in touch with hobbies; just taking care of me....and I love every single minute of it.

What is it with guys sending unsolicited and unwelcome pics of their junk?
Not the first time I have heard of that...good Lord.

I get a lot of those and the guys that want me to take pics of myself and send them, um, no!

I won't lie, it sucks being single sometimes. And yes I do worry that I may not meet "the one" but I have found as time goes on I am becoming more and more at peace with it. I think its in part due to seeing the issues my close friends have dealt with in their marriages. I do like the fact that I have complete and total freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it. However it hits me hard when I think about the fact that I really do want to have children someday.

I do still believe there is someone out there for me. And I believe that God will bring that person into my life when the time is right.

Dang it, I posted this huge long thing and I deleted it by accident.

I am single. Never been kissed, never been in a relationship. Not by choice, but whatever. I think my weight turns away a lot of guys, even though I'm a normal weight now. I don't think I'm defective, because I know a couple of other people who are single but would make awesome girlfriends! And because I'm not defective, nobody that's never been in a relationship isn't defective either.

I also think people who have sex to not feel alone or hop from relationship to relationship are sad, and need to work out their issues.

There are times where I hate being single, and where I love being single. I see how people get so messed up with relationships, so sometimes I do like being single.