For the perpetually single

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  • ImKindOfABigDeal40
    ImKindOfABigDeal40 Posts: 807 Member
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    I think people who jump from relationship to relationship are defective. It's ok to be alone to really get to know yourself, figure out what you want and figure out the things you are willing to accept and not accept. I don't think anyone should settle just for the sake of not being single.
    ^^This
  • theroadto100
    theroadto100 Posts: 209 Member
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    I'm single because I'm way too insecure to be with anyone, ha.
  • ActorGirl1476
    ActorGirl1476 Posts: 221 Member
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    I am pretty much single all the time. I dont think that means there is something wrong with me, it does mean that I am very career focused and am trying to get into a business that requires most of my time and effort. I definitely think it would be nice to be in a relationship, and if one happens that's great, but I am not going to hunt one down.

    I think when you are perpetually single and desperately don't want to be, that's where the problem comes in.
  • Myhighway2
    Myhighway2 Posts: 53
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    The average Divorced male is alone about 3.3 years, I think your not going to jump at the first fish, that's greate. I was divorced 3 years and my husband was divorced for 8 years before we met. He has a better education than I do, is 15 years older than me. I made more money at the time than he did. Just say'in don;t rule out a gal because she looks like she does not fill all the requirements at fist. It took time for me to learn how to date, when to know when it was time to look ahead, while my husband was in my future, don't give UP! I'm sure your a great catch.
  • lcnicholas
    lcnicholas Posts: 2 Member
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    I am 44 and have been divorced since I was 30. I have had several relationships in that time and have a 7 yo. son from one of them. I have no desire to get married but would like to meet someone and be in a relationship. HOWEVER, it has to be with the right person. The most important thing in my life is my son and nothing comes before him. I do go out with friends on the weekends he is with his father but that is more to have fun than to meet someone. I have tried online dating and met lots of nice men but nobody I clicked with. I have not been in a relationship with anyone or dated anyone in the past 1 1/2 years. I got my heart broken and was just not ready to put it out there again.

    I am very strong and independent and have some criteria for men that I just won't back down on. I don't think it is being too picky, just knowing what I want and don't want. They are not crazy things like salary requirement but more like no smokers, kind, good with kids, etc.

    I enjoy my single life! I am not defective - none of us are!
  • tsimpson84
    tsimpson84 Posts: 35
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    After my ex husband I dated a bit. It was horrible. I've already mentioned the eternal penis pics I'd get from men I met on match and eharmony. It was either their erect penises or they wanted to marry me.
    They couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave my son with my parents to leave on a booty call weekend with them nor would they understand why I just couldn't drop everything and run ( I take care of my elderly parents ). Either I was too thin or too fat. Yeah I got the "too fat" a few times cuz I didn't have the 25" waist I do now.
    It was horrendous.
    Now I sorta know you, Auticus, from here more than maybe most and I think you're a wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with being single for a long time. Just don't settle. It'll happen.

    So it's not just me that gets the unsolicted pics. whew! I was beginning to question if there was something I was doing wrong that invites the crazy.

    I have to admit that I'm a reforming serial monogamist. I'm 27, and I feel I'm always in one serious relationship after another - and it's extremely unhealthy. For the first time in my dating life, I've been single for several months, working on myself and my fitness, getting back in touch with hobbies; just taking care of me....and I love every single minute of it. :)
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,370 Member
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    What is it with guys sending unsolicited and unwelcome pics of their junk?
    Not the first time I have heard of that...good Lord.
  • rowdy47879
    rowdy47879 Posts: 9 Member
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    What is it with guys sending unsolicited and unwelcome pics of their junk?
    Not the first time I have heard of that...good Lord.

    I get a lot of those and the guys that want me to take pics of myself and send them, um, no!

    I won't lie, it sucks being single sometimes. And yes I do worry that I may not meet "the one" but I have found as time goes on I am becoming more and more at peace with it. I think its in part due to seeing the issues my close friends have dealt with in their marriages. I do like the fact that I have complete and total freedom to do what I want to do when I want to do it. However it hits me hard when I think about the fact that I really do want to have children someday.

    I do still believe there is someone out there for me. And I believe that God will bring that person into my life when the time is right.
  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
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    All day I have been thinking of what you've said.

    It bothers me that you think your "boyfriend material score" is lowered by what other's think.
    Who are they to judge? Have they walked a mile in your shoes? Are they that perfect, that all others are not. Must we be just like them to have value? Phoohey!!!

    Surround your self with people that truely have your best intrest at heart. Those are they people that will want you to be happy. Regardless if you are single or not. And if that means that you will wait for that perfect someone, then they will support your decision.

    Please don't let those other people drag down your self-esteem & devalue you as a whole because you are single.

    Your intrests may seem "nerdy" to some, but to the right person they are going to be AWESOME!
    When someone truely loves you, they will love everything about you. Even the games, models & "nerdy stuff".
    Because thats what makes you, You. That's who you are. And you are special! :flowerforyou:
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member
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    Dang it, I posted this huge long thing and I deleted it by accident.

    I am single. Never been kissed, never been in a relationship. Not by choice, but whatever. I think my weight turns away a lot of guys, even though I'm a normal weight now. I don't think I'm defective, because I know a couple of other people who are single but would make awesome girlfriends! And because I'm not defective, nobody that's never been in a relationship isn't defective either.

    I also think people who have sex to not feel alone or hop from relationship to relationship are sad, and need to work out their issues.

    There are times where I hate being single, and where I love being single. I see how people get so messed up with relationships, so sometimes I do like being single.
  • krystonite
    krystonite Posts: 553 Member
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    I'm 27 and my longest relationship was 4 months... on and off.

    I really don't care if someone finds me defective because of such. Chances are I don't want to date them either.
  • InvictusPheonix
    InvictusPheonix Posts: 129 Member
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    Women don't date fat guys either. =)

    ^^ Not true! I used to go for heavier-set guys!
    (until i realized that they couldn't do things like rock climb/bike/randomly adventure with me) :(
  • bregalad5
    bregalad5 Posts: 3,965 Member
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    bump to read later
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
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    I have always believed that a woman doesn't need a man to validate her, the first thing she needs is independance. Her own place, her own money etc so she can be her own person. Then you attract the right kind of men. Men who are not afraid of a strong independant woman with her own life goals and objectives and are willing to share their lives not take over them.

    Two of my freinds are long term single. one is super picky and won't even consider a man unless he ticks all the boxes (She doesn't get asked out at all) the other is super needy and will go out with any man that pays her attention ( She gets men who use her and toss her aside) both women are in their forties now and just haven't found the balance in their lives that would lead to meeting the right man. I don't know if this makes them defective but they both have issues.

    On the other hand I have a friend who is happy and content on her own, she gets asked out a lot and goes more often than not but is just not interested in sharing ALL her life with someone. But she always says if it happens then great if not then great, she has a lot of other interests and a shed load of friends.
  • gottolosethisfat
    gottolosethisfat Posts: 40
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    I wouldnt say single makes you defective. I just recently cancelled my wedding and ended my relationship, I would rather be single and happy than be in an unhappy relationship/marriage!
  • JustGresh
    JustGresh Posts: 42
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    I'm defective as hell! Nah but I'm about to be 20 and I've been with a girl for 4 years and we're not together anymore. I've tried dating but it's only lasted a couple months at most. I haven't been w/ anyone for a little bit and I'm fine with that. It's all about how you perceive yourself. Too many people are concerned with how others view them. Honestly, if you're happy alone then no one else can say you're "defective." ****, everyone is different so there's something "defective" about everyone if you think about it. Just do what makes YOU happy and forget what other people think.
  • BV1980
    BV1980 Posts: 272 Member
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    I am 31 years old and I have never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship and honestly it bother the hell out of me. I hate living life alone and experiencing things alone. I try to make it happen, but it just doesn't. I am always told I am such a nice guy by girls who are married or girlfriends of my friends and how they would date me if they were available. They say that because it is safe for them since they dont have to follow through on it. I was on eharmony for 2 years. I spent $600 on that site and went on dates with a lot of girls, but they never called me back after I bought them dinner.

    I am starting to think that maybe I am defective. I mean something has to be wrong. I have done everything else right. I worked hard at getting my degree in electrical engineering and establishing my career. I bought my own house. Everything I have worked for has turned out well, except that I am alone.

    I am now working on plan B. My ultimate dream was to fall in love and get married and have the real deal. Now I am trying to figure out ways to forget about that goal. My alternate plan is to focus on hobbies to keep me distracted. I am going to travel more and pursue the things that interest me instead. That way I on't just be sitting around being depressed that I'm perpetually single.
  • _Kate_P
    _Kate_P Posts: 132
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    I've been single 99% of my life. Granted, I'm only 19, so I really don't see myself as "defective." Guys have been interested in me and asked me out a few times, but only once was it someone that I felt the same about. But that was very shortlived, once I found out that he already had a girlfriend. Apparently he wasn't such a great guy anyways, but that was when I was 17. Since then, I haven't had any real relationships. I think that's fine though. I talk to guys, I flirt with practically anything with ears! But I'm not pining for a relationship. I think the "defective" ones are the girls who think that having a boyfriend is what makes/breaks them. Like, if you sound desperate and miserable no guy will want to be with you!!!! well unless they just wanna get in your pants
  • yesiamaduck
    yesiamaduck Posts: 531 Member
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    I've had quite a few relationships in my time but I think my last one set me back so greatly because it ended in such terrible circumstances and I don't think I've been whiling to get involved in a relationship since! In 2008, 3 weeks before my birthday, my Dad got severly ill after years of alcohol abuse and I was told he was going to die 'within a week' when I spent the visiting him in the hospital my girlfriend cheated on me by getting with her ex boyfriend, news I found out by my girlfriend sending me a text message intended for him. It was devastating to say the least!

    Luckily my dad survived! So the was a happy ending it even made the news
    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/3273777/Mans-skin-turns-orange-from-drinking-too-much-cider.html
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
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    I'm single because everyone else is defective.

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