For the perpetually single

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  • applekoko19
    applekoko19 Posts: 85 Member
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    I'm single because everyone else is defective.

    Love this^^
    I have been single for 4 years now and I am happy this way :) I'd like to have a boyfriend but only if we are a very good match. My last relationship was for like 4 years and we were very much in love and the happily ever after ending was a foregone conclusion. Very slowly I realised that even though he was a lovely guy we actually were a really bad match. It's hard to explain but I don't think I knew myself well enough to know what I was looking for in someone else. We broke up and I felt like a HUGE weight had been lifted off my chest, I felt free and happy and never looked back. We never fought or were nasty or cross with each other... We just fell out of love or grew apart.
    Now I am very choosy about who I would date because I know that once I start to fall for someone then I am willing to overlook anything in the name of love.... I really need to be careful or wait until I am strong enough to really know who/what I want.
  • MomsTooBig
    MomsTooBig Posts: 201 Member
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    I'm single because everyone else is defective.

    Definitely one of the best statements of this thread! Love it!
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I am 31 years old and I have never had a girlfriend or been in a relationship and honestly it bother the hell out of me. I hate living life alone and experiencing things alone. I try to make it happen, but it just doesn't. I am always told I am such a nice guy by girls who are married or girlfriends of my friends and how they would date me if they were available. They say that because it is safe for them since they dont have to follow through on it. I was on eharmony for 2 years. I spent $600 on that site and went on dates with a lot of girls, but they never called me back after I bought them dinner.

    I am starting to think that maybe I am defective. I mean something has to be wrong. I have done everything else right. I worked hard at getting my degree in electrical engineering and establishing my career. I bought my own house. Everything I have worked for has turned out well, except that I am alone.

    I am now working on plan B. My ultimate dream was to fall in love and get married and have the real deal. Now I am trying to figure out ways to forget about that goal. My alternate plan is to focus on hobbies to keep me distracted. I am going to travel more and pursue the things that interest me instead. That way I on't just be sitting around being depressed that I'm perpetually single.

    Keep losing weight, I will guarantee you that things will turn around once you've reached that milestone my friend.
  • auticus
    auticus Posts: 1,051 Member
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    I'm single because everyone else is defective.

    You win my thread <3
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    What is it with guys sending unsolicited and unwelcome pics of their junk?
    Not the first time I have heard of that...good Lord.

    Usually accompanied by the romantic phrase of "See what you cause.."
    Awesomeness.
  • Showgirlbody
    Showgirlbody Posts: 402 Member
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    I think that others do think that you are defective or that you are just a player, guy or girl. I will be 35 in a couple weeks and I have never been in love. It wasn't a choice but I don't think it is because I am unlovable or unable to love. I am sure I had my share of intimacy issues (not physical, emotional ha!) but I really just haven't met someone that I had that connection with. So I hope that there is someone for everyone. I don't think it's just pickiness in all respects or that you have to date at your physical "station". I have seen very good looking guys that only like BBW. I have seen skinny but really ugly girls with good looking guys too. Ugly guys get beautiful women, either because they are funny or they are rich, who knows? I used to always wonder if ugly and thin was better than pretty and chunky. lol I know it's not all looks. It has a lot to do with circumstances, and just plain chemistry. I've been attracted to people that I wouldn't look twice at on the street or in a photo which is hard especially online dating, because that's all you or they have to go off.
    I want companionship period. I was very happy single when my friends were, too and I had someone who liked to chat on the phone or go to eat or to a movie. It gets old being by yourself all the time even though I am more independent than most. It would be nice to find my partner. So, I think many guys may think that I am defective, mid 30's with no LTR. Whenever I tell someone, they are usually shocked and probably assume that I am just a fling girl. But with no exes or kids, I think I have very little baggage to carry in so I should be a good catch. :) I am not sure I want kids, but that is the only thing that makes it a time issue. If my match is out there, I'd like to find him before it's too late to make the kid decision, but I guess I can't rush it. I just have to maximize the opportunity to meet him because he is not going to come to my door on the Friday nights that I am watching 20/20 with my dog and two cats.
  • 1FitMom326
    1FitMom326 Posts: 228
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    I don't think I'm a defective....a pain in the *kitten* sure :laugh:

    I don't have a huge desire for a serious relationship anymore. I'd like to go out and if someone came along, sure. With work and school and now my daughter getting to school age and in outside activities...where's the time??
    Also, I have sole physical and legal custody of my daughter and her father doesn't have his act together, so I've had her pretty much ALL the time. I use babysitting requests sparingly and usually to go out with my friends.

    I agree, my last relationship was in 2008 and I have not had any serious relationship since. I have dated here and there but I have 3 daughters that don't spend much time with their father so therefore time for me to date is not easy to come by. They are now at the age that they can be left at home but also have become more active and we now either have extra kids spending the night or they are needing rides to friends or sporting events so it hasn't been a huge priority. I do not feel I am defective just haven't met the right person.
  • teagin2002
    teagin2002 Posts: 1,901 Member
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    :flowerforyou:
  • toomuchinfo2
    toomuchinfo2 Posts: 11
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    I have been married for 4 years now, but before I was married I was single and just dating for a long time. I just wanted to have fun and not be in any relationship at all.
    I dated several different people and made a lot of good friends, I am very happy I took the time to just have fun and be my self without trying at all.
    I would even go out to restaurants and movies alone, and I never felt alone. I remember being so happy and having so much fun.
    I would bring a personal blanket and buy a big tub of popcorn and a soda and just snuggle up to myself at the movies and have a blast.
    I know some people didn't think it was so healthy for me to be so happy and single, just seeing man after man, they made them selves known. I didn't care and I still don't as long as I am happy :bigsmile:
    I am a happily married woman, just happy to have all those beautiful and wonderful memories :happy:

    I like what you said about having fun a lone, I am going to try to do that :)
  • grobbygru
    grobbygru Posts: 295 Member
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    After my ex husband I dated a bit. It was horrible. I've already mentioned the eternal penis pics I'd get from men I met on match and eharmony. It was either their erect penises or they wanted to marry me.
    They couldn't understand why I wouldn't leave my son with my parents to leave on a booty call weekend with them nor would they understand why I just couldn't drop everything and run ( I take care of my elderly parents ). Either I was too thin or too fat. Yeah I got the "too fat" a few times cuz I didn't have the 25" waist I do now.
    It was horrendous.
    Now I sorta know you, Auticus, from here more than maybe most and I think you're a wonderful man. There is nothing wrong with being single for a long time. Just don't settle. It'll happen.

    So it's not just me that gets the unsolicted pics. whew! I was beginning to question if there was something I was doing wrong that invites the crazy.


    NOPE - you are both not alone!!! It is disgusting!!! I don't get it much anymore because I simply have made myself a virtual recluse. I still have one 'friend' (in a relationship) that gets drunk and texts me in the middle of the night with revolting proposals (and has done for 10 years!!!!!). I ignore him but he still keeps on. I met an ex neighbour of mine out once (who was a kid when I was there but was now in his 20s) he asked for my mobile # and I thought it would be for his mum etc so we could all catch up. I awoke the next morning to lots of interesting texts, messages and missed calls!!!! (my phone is always off if I am sleeping due to these freaks).
    This is one of the things I mean by their lack of respect nowadays. Where do they get off?
  • grobbygru
    grobbygru Posts: 295 Member
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    I I was on eharmony for 2 years. I spent $600 on that site and went on dates with a lot of girls, but they never called me back after I bought them dinner.


    Could that be the reason why? I know I am old fashioned and I would NEVER call a guy!!! I know things seem to of changed over the years but it is something that just doesn't sit well with me.

    What do others think about this stance also?
  • Pete1471
    Pete1471 Posts: 126 Member
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    If being single for three months makes you defective I would love to know what that makes me. Aged 47 and never had a relationship. I never even gone looking for one either. :tongue:
  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
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    Wow...

    I'm 26 and have been single my whole life, save for a period of maybe about 5 months at ages 19 and 22, respectively, but I don't consider those "relationships," nor were they even boyfriends.
    I always end up getting dumped/abandoned, anyway.
    Just happened this last week after dating someone I was really really tickled over, for about a week.
    Every guy will eventually just stop texting, calling, and will always have a convenient excuse as to "why" he found me so repulsive that he had to sever all contact with me without giving any reason.
    The part that angers me the most is that they can't give me the truth. So I can't work on bettering myself, improving myself.
    Because of this, my insecurity causes me to conclude it's because I'm still too "fat," or more probable, too tall/'big."

    I'm at the point where my biological clock is ticking and I realise this is something that if I don't overcome it will break me. I absolutely need to fall in love and eventually have a child.
    I told myself a while back if things don't start happening for me by 30, I don't plan on remaining on this earth any longer. I've worked too hard and given up too much.
    I've always felt like I wasn't really of this earth, anyway.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    Being single for a while most certainly does not make any person "defective". In many cases, I believe it's a sign of emotional and mental stability, contentment and severe independence. How can that be a negative thing?

    In my own case it feels a bit like I've been single "forever" although it's only been a year and change. Then again, I've much enjoyed my time alone. In my peer group, it feels a wee bit as if a girl is "an old maid" when she stays single past the age of 25... (oh the horror!) but i think it's remarkable. Commendable even.

    I don't have children. I no longer have pets. My family is either far away or tenuously related. It's nice to literally be able to do as I please with absolutely no one or anything to consider. I've met a few lovely people, and I haven't completely ruled out the possibility of something developing into a forever sort of situation someday... but I'm in no rush.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    The part that angers me the most is that they can't give me the truth. So I can't work on bettering myself, improving myself.
    Because of this, my insecurity causes me to conclude it's because I'm still too "fat," or more probable, too tall/'big."

    I'm at the point where my biological clock is ticking and I realise this is something that if I don't overcome it will break me. I absolutely need to fall in love and eventually have a child.
    I told myself a while back if things don't start happening for me by 30, I don't plan on remaining on this earth any longer. I've worked too hard and given up too much.
    I've always felt like I wasn't really of this earth, anyway.

    this concerns me deeply.

    might i whisper to you that it's difficult to love someone who does not truly love themselves first?
  • cherdan
    cherdan Posts: 162 Member
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    Oh, I do like myself. But I am painfully aware of the fact that this world is superficial, and a lot about finding love has to do with appearance/physical attraction. I know this because I was obese most of my life up until about 2 years ago, and I was treated so horrendously by guys. I didn't get asked out, I would frequently be sexually propositioned, even instructed to bare my body parts when I went out to parties, bars, etc. I was treated like an animal. It seriously damaged my self-esteem. I finally feel like I own myself and my body now. But I still feel like I don't get the respect I deserve.
  • TamsinEllis
    TamsinEllis Posts: 293
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    I don't think someone who is single for a "long" time is defective. I mean I've never been single for a long time but I'm quite young so all the high school crushes etc aren't that far behind me, that being said, I have always decided when I want to be single and I will stay single for quite a while (generally well over 5 months) unless someone really funny (I'm sorry I'm a sucker for people who make me laugh without creeping me out) comes along. I actually prefer being single to being in a relationship, I mean I have more time to focus on me (self-centered maybe, I like to think just permanently focused on what I can achieve). I know so many people that just skip from one relationship to that next, I mean some are my age, others are older but literally they will be single for maybe 3hours-3days before getting in another relationship and clinging onto it for dear life, and they're the people that I think are defective, it seems to me like they're so scared of being by themselves that they cling to anyone they can and never learn anything about themselves because they're too busy being the perfect girlfriend/boyfriend (yes I know guys who are guilty of this although its typically seen as a girl thing) to actually spend anytime thinking about who they are as a person.

    I think it's best to just focus on what's important (family, jobs, health, etc) and if someone comes along and understands that those things are important to you and they support you then score, if not it's not the end of the world, someone else may come along or you may actually look purposefully for someone one day and find a good relationship, either way I think it's better to put most of your time and energy into important things (like above) than focus on prowling around trying to find someone to get in a relationship with.
  • CherryIceGlitter
    CherryIceGlitter Posts: 145
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    SINGLE PRINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE
  • Pete1471
    Pete1471 Posts: 126 Member
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    SINGLE PRINGLE AND READY TO MINGLE

    Erm....... Pringle?

    Help out an senile old buffer here. What's a Pringle? :huh:
  • lougru
    lougru Posts: 55
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    Im the complete opposite to this - i havent been single for any amount of time in over 9 years. In that time ive had 3 serious relationships. one immediately after the other each time. (one for 2 years, one fore 5 years, most recent one for 2 years) And i think that can mess your head up much more than being single for a long period of time. Being on your own is important. Otherwise you forget who you are without having someone else to make you whole. I have to work really hard to make sure i dont lose myself and make lots of 'me time' in order to do this. Its a hard balance and sometimes i fail.
    single or 'taken' for a long amount of time has both its advantages and disadvantages. I just think we're all looking for the middle ground..?

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