parent versus school

24567

Replies

  • summersk
    summersk Posts: 59
    Truth be told even if you took time out of your busy day to drive the coat into the school and give it to your son, he still wouldn't wear it out on the playground the whole time anyway! I have two kids and I know that I have had to yell at my daughter up the driveway to get her coat on after getting off the bus in 20 degree weather because she took it off on the bus because it was too hot! Really, I have thyroid issues and I feel the cold a whole lot less than I used to, but even I know that I need something on in that cold of weather. Kids will be kids and try to buck your authority as a mom, I think you are trying to teach your son a good lesson and I completely agree with you if he cannot remember to get his coat on before he walks out the door on a cold morning than he does not deserve to go to recess. The school was totally in the wrong for not up holding your wishes on the matter. But if you are lucky maybe this will be an embarrassing enough experience for your son that it will never happen again.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
    How old?

    he is 8 and in 3rd grade.
  • terrellc1
    terrellc1 Posts: 231 Member
    First--I'm from a family where Dad was very tough and Mom was very nurturing.

    I tend to be more on the tough side with my words, but would take the coat if the child is young and if it's really cold.

    Second--I work in a school and am currently in my twelfth year of teaching.

    Schools have been blasted by parents for taking the stand like you have. I don't know where we should draw the line between discipline and compassion, but please try to understand that parents with opposing views have created the school's response.

    Nicely said. I, too, am in my 12th year of teaching..and am also a parent of a 5th grade boy. I would take the coat simply because of his physical well being. Sometimes it gets chilly in the classroom so I'd rather him be warm enough to focus on his classes. I would, though, have a stern "your action=this consequence" talk with him. Make him pay (using his free time for chores) the 40 minutes of your time that you had to spend to take him his coat.

    **And please don't have the attitude of you against the school. Students, parents, and the school HAVE to work together. There are no sides.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    While I agree that it's a teaching moment.... learn to be responsible for yourself and your stuff, I can also see the school's point. To have a child indoors during recess requires supervision, who would that responsibility fall to? This is probably the only time during the day that the teacher has to regroup (I think I'd pull my hair out if I had to spend day in, day out with children, let alone not getting any break during the day). And if it's cold enough that you can see your breath a child should not be outside without a coat, if I were responsible for another person's child I would definitely not allow that child outdoors without a coat.

    Agreed - which I assume is why the school had him borrow a coat from the lost and found rather than have him sit inside.

    There should always be a teacher inside for supervision. Kids who are sick, or who are in trouble, or who forgot their snowpants, or whatever, will need to stay inside, and there's at least one of those every day I'm sure. At my daughter's school, they just stay with whichever homeroom teacher for their grade isn't on playground duty. It's not a big deal.
  • dovesgate
    dovesgate Posts: 894 Member
    It isn't a punishing offence for your son to have forgotten his coat so the school isn't going to punish him for you. And yes, being forced to play outside in 30-ish degree weather (the temperature it takes for there to be fogged breath here) with no coat is punishment. So is being stuck inside every recess. Not only that, but the school making him play outside in that kind of weather with no warm clothing could open them up to lawsuits if your son gets sick or injured due to having no coat so of course they won't risk that.

    That said, I probably wouldn't take a coat in either. After I drop my kids off I go straight to work so by the time recess rolls around, it is too late for me to go back to the school. If I were a stay at home mom, that would be a different story.
  • ArroganceInStep
    ArroganceInStep Posts: 6,239 Member
    Simple fact is school faculty cannot allow a child to go out in the cold without appropriate attire. Parents can (and do) sue the school system for far sillier things. They need to protect themselves in that regard.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    How old?

    he is 8 and in 3rd grade.

    Yeah, at that age I totally would have done what you did, and I would have expected the school to comply. But we are not the boss of the school, unfortunately. :(
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
    Schools have been blasted by parents for taking the stand like you have. I don't know where we should draw the line between discipline and compassion, but please try to understand that parents with opposing views have created the school's response.

    i do understand that. they are in a tough position because of all the differing parenting styles.
  • dadoffo
    dadoffo Posts: 379 Member
    I don't think it's a question about school vs parents. The school is only trying to protect your kid. It is only right for them to call you and ask for a coat. Once they found out what you are trying to do they acted on it and gave him a coat from lost in found.
  • mleoni092708
    mleoni092708 Posts: 629 Member
    I agree with you 100%. My 3 year old fought me several weeks ago about wanting to wear a sun dress in the 40 degree weather. So I said ok. Put her in the dress and stuck her out on the front porch for a few seconds. When she started to complain she was cold, I said, ok, are you going to wear pants and long sleeves now?? No more fighting :) Seems odd, but sometimes they just have to learn that you're not blowing smoke up their "you know what's" and we know what we're talking about.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
    and I would NEVER let them out the door without their coat on. I feel this is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs. Their coat hangs on a double hook with their bookbag, right over their shoes, so that its all together and ready to go each day. Sure my 9 year old will say "Mom, I don't need a coat today", but I just say "You're wearing one, end of story."

    i understand what you are saying, but that is not my parenting style at all. :) i have taught the boys 'wear it or carry it' and most of the time they carry it (in their backpack). i probably should have noticed before we got to the school that his backpack wasn't full enough to have his coat in it, but i didn't.
  • CRMrunner
    CRMrunner Posts: 83 Member
    I would also feel better if we thought of this as Parents and School instead of Parents vs School. I know that both want the student to be healthy AND learn to be responsible. I am a little surprised that they didn't agree to have the student stay inside with a teacher.

    (I have outstanding office workers in my school who answer phones. I am sure that not all schools have outstanding people in that position. You may not have actually talked to a teacher or principal, but rather were given the opinion of one person at the front desk.) IDK
  • whiskey9890
    whiskey9890 Posts: 652 Member
    i wouldn't have taken the coat, i'm also hoping the school did attempt to teach him a lesson and put him in a very unfashionable coat (or even better a girls) that didn't fit properly,that way he'd make sure the coat was never forgotten again (lost property at my school never had anything nice in it)
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    We're in Houston, Texas, so if it ever got as cold as it is there, our kids wouldn't be going outside to play anyway. However, if my 3rd grader forgot her coat, she'd have to do without it all day. There's no way I would leave work, drive 52 miles roundtrip to take her something she forgot. Just as I wouldn't take them their home work, lunch, or anything else they forgot at that age. They can deal with the consequences. I'm with you.
  • LauraSmyth28
    LauraSmyth28 Posts: 399 Member
    I don't think you're a bad mother. I think you sound like a great mother :smile:

    BUT, my eldest is 7, and I would've brought the coat. I have guilt issues.....constantly feel guilty.....and so guilt would've made me drive the 20 mins to the school.

    Also the thought of what the school would 'think' of me.

    But you stood your ground on what you believed to be right, and for that I applaud you, well done.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
    I'd do the same thing. Children need to learn that there are consequences to what they do and Mommy and Daddy can't coddle them forever.
    Ok, if it was a very young child, I'd take the coat, but my 10 year old will either stay in from recess or tough it out. Life is hard, and only we have the power to get ourselves out of situations. Can't be mollycoddled forever.
  • ajbeans
    ajbeans Posts: 2,857 Member
    I can't help but wonder though: if this coat is from the LOST and found, what happens when the kid who lost it sees him wearing it on the playground? That should be interesting. :laugh:
  • tiffanylacourse
    tiffanylacourse Posts: 2,986 Member
    and I would NEVER let them out the door without their coat on. I feel this is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs. Their coat hangs on a double hook with their bookbag, right over their shoes, so that its all together and ready to go each day. Sure my 9 year old will say "Mom, I don't need a coat today", but I just say "You're wearing one, end of story."

    i understand what you are saying, but that is not my parenting style at all. :) i have taught the boys 'wear it or carry it' and most of the time they carry it (in their backpack). i probably should have noticed before we got to the school that his backpack wasn't full enough to have his coat in it, but i didn't.

    If its is cold enough to see your breath, I'm assuming its what, 30 degrees or so? Why would your child be carrying their coat in their bookbag when it is that cold out? Maybe I'm just so used to living where it gets very cold, that I'm used to being accountable for my entire household's well-being, by making sure my kids are appropriately dressed for the weather before they walk out the door. I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree on this one. :wink:
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
    As a teacher, I find it the other way around. Parents of "precious children" can do no wrong and teachers are always at fault. Parents provide the million ways out while I try to teach responsibility and perseverence.

    I guess it just depends upon what view you are looking at things from.

    If you could provide it in writing that your child can go outside in the cold without a coat, I would let him do it. If not, I have to watch out for myself and make sure he is protected. If it's not in writing and the call isn't recorded, you can blame me tomorrrow when your kid catches pneumonia. It's my word against yours that you said it, and everyone is sue happy these days.

    I"m actually surpised the school called and didn't just deal with it and move on......

    Keep him in? Maybe......but that may be the time I have to go to the restroom, or do lesson plans, or make the millions of phone calls that I have to make, or do the twenty other tasks that I'm required to do (like fundraisers and sponsoring classes and doing reports and planning class trips and packing backpacks with food for the hungry children or counting pennies that we collected for the charity, or talking to sobbing students (no I'm not the counselor), or helping a parent with a letter or form or homework paper (because they think teachers are there to help them with all of their things, too), or sending photos and articles to the newspaper so the kids can be in the newspaper, or...(all of which have nothing to do with teaching a child and I'm giving no extra time to do but I do it anyway)............... so there may be no one to supervise a child. Why should I be punished for a lesson that YOU are trying to teach him?

    There are many circumstances........there are many viewpoints......probably the school and the mom are trying to do the best they can with what they have.
  • crzyone
    crzyone Posts: 872 Member
    Also, we have tons of coats/clothes in lost and found that NO one ever claims. We can take them around to EVERY class and ask and no one has ever seen them before, so chances are that the person it really belonged to never recognized it!!! LOL
  • Goldenbast
    Goldenbast Posts: 227 Member
    I fully agree as well with your very logical and responsible decision. How will children ever learn responsibility if they are not held accountable for their actions? It would not have been a burden for the school to have the child sit in during recess and work on school work, they do this for discipline ALL THE TIME...if the child misbehaves at school..BAM! they miss recess....I would be seething were I in your shoes.

    I have head butted with public schools very badly even so far as being persecuted by them including a BS report to CPS because the school didn't like my responses to a few things nor our religion, so because a school was being unreasonable I had to go through the indignity of a home visit that resulted in nothing but a VERY angry mom ranting at the school.

    I now homeschool and don't look back one bit.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
    6 is a little young to remember everything, agreed, but if you don't expect him to remember everything soon, he never will. Children live up to our expectations of them.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    As an educator, the reason they told you no is because we live in a litigation happy society. Can you imagine this headline?

    SCHOOL SUED FOR GIVING CHILD RECESS DETENTION FOR LEAVING JACKET AT HOME

    While you may have had a wonderful reason and lesson (I agree with you) to teach your child, it was not the school's place to punish him for it. It' s yours, because it happened at home, and not at school. Also, you could have been a nutjob who flipped out on them when they gave him detention, even though you asked. You won't believe some of the crazy stuff we see.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I would have taken him in the coat. My older son is 6 and there's no way I would expect him to remember everything he has to in the mornings. I forget half the time.
    6 is a little young to remember everything, agreed, but if you don't expect him to remember everything soon, he never will. Children live up to our expectations of them.

    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.

    Yikes.

    I hope the day never comes when I don't have time to concentrate on my children.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?
    I find it rude and surprising that they flat out told you "no" they would not keep him inside. I'd not want my kid wearing someone else's clothing - yuck!
  • jennajava
    jennajava Posts: 2,176 Member
    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?

    He didn't do it at school.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
    How old? Age 8 and up, I TOTALLY agree with you. That's old enough to know it's cold and that you need a coat. Under 8, I would probably bring him the coat.

    I agree with this.... and if he's younger than 8 and you didn't notice he was not wearing a coat then shame on you! LOL

    I see no reason the school can't keep him inside during recess - just as they would for disciplinary action if he did something wrong AT school. Would they give him sneakers from the lost and found if he forgot them for gym?? No - he'd sit out and get a zero for non-participation that day due to being unprepared. What's the difference?

    He didn't do it at school.

    He's "unprepared" for recess - due to his own fault which was confirmed by a call to his parent. No recess for him, period.
  • macpatti
    macpatti Posts: 4,280 Member
    I don't agree. I'll expect him to do what he can when he is ready to. Or when my younger one starts school and I don't have time to concentrate on him.
    What if he is "not ready" when you "don't have time to concentrate on him"? And how do you know the OP doesn't have other children she's concentrating on?
This discussion has been closed.

Categories