parent versus school

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  • Lanna74
    Lanna74 Posts: 203 Member
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    I think you did the right thing. When I was growing up if I left my coat at home then I left my coat at home. There was no magical fairy to help me out all the time. I've done that for my boys and I sort of regret it. If it doesn't hurt them then I'd say it's a good learning experience.

    Now, that's not to say other moms wont judge you and react like you're a horrible mother. I've seen it a million times.

    My vote as an experienced parent: You did the right thing.
  • TheSiren87
    TheSiren87 Posts: 5
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    Thats the problem these days! The teachers are trying to BE the parent and a friend. So when it comes down to what you want for YOUR child if the teacher or whoever is not in agreement they will show themselves either as "the good guy" or sometime the parent by disciplining the child. Teachers need to go back to being the people who teach your kids what they need to know. Thats it, no side jobs or personal beliefs involved. I am starting to see that teachers either show a lack of interest or are over the tope there is no happy medium anymore. Which is funny because being a teacher is a job and if I were ever to disregard a request or do something alternate of what I was hired for I would be fired.. why do teachers get so much leeway??
  • danascot
    danascot Posts: 100 Member
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    Why on earth would the school expect you to bring his coat? If he forgets his lunch are you supposed to bring him another one? This is not teaching responsibility in my opinion, although the degree depends on age I suppose. At my daughter's school if you forget your coat you sit inside for recess (boring!) and if you forget your lunch they have some cheese/pb crackers to give you.

    I think you did the right thing - parenting is not easy!
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    i wouldn't have taken the coat, i'm also hoping the school did attempt to teach him a lesson and put him in a very unfashionable coat (or even better a girls) that didn't fit properly,that way he'd make sure the coat was never forgotten again (lost property at my school never had anything nice in it)

    An unfashionable coat is one thing, but there is no need to put the kid in a girls coat and humiliate him. That's just mean.
  • TheSiren87
    TheSiren87 Posts: 5
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    my son forgot his coat this morning.

    it is cold here. c o l d. see-the-frost-when-you-breathe cold. son wanted to wear a short-sleeve shirt and i made him put a long-sleeve. he was really upset and it threw the rhythm of our whole morning off so i didn't notice that he wasn't wearing a coat until he climbed out of the car at the school. i was mad, but it was too late to do anything about it (it's a 20 minute drive each way).

    the school called and asked me to bring him a coat. i said 'no!'

    i told them to have him miss recess and do his homework during recess time, or have him attend recess without a coat and be cold to learn why he needs a coat. the school is appalled. they said they would not do either and would give him a coat from the lost and found to borrow, but to please make sure he had his own coat tomorrow.

    as a parent, it is hard to teach your child responsibility. i don't want to be callous, but i also don't want to enable bad decisions. :( so what do you think? is this a teaching moment or is the school right in being compassionate?

    would you bring the coat?


    **if you disagree, please do so nicely. i am not a bad person or a bad mom just because you would do things differently.


    If I were you.. I would call the principal and file a formal compliant.. not going to recess for one day is your decision as the one whoe bore him into the world and NO ONE should EVER defy you with a simple non-harmful request.. I would.. but I have had problems with people telling me how to raise my kid lol.
  • icemaiden17_uk
    icemaiden17_uk Posts: 463 Member
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    I am totally with you! You did the right thing! Besides schools shouldn't just assume you can drop everything and run back there. If you were able to do that then you would've right away! Some mothers do work or have other important jobs that they have to do in the day while their children are at school! Although I do have to say that your son would've been very emmbaressed by having to wear a lost coat. They look bad and smell funny so that is a bit of a punishment right there as well!
  • SLaw4215
    SLaw4215 Posts: 596 Member
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    I wouldn't have brought the coat either. I'm the parent that asks the school nurse.."On a scale of 1 to 10 (ten being really bad)...how bad is it?" and if they say someone needs stitches I'm ON- IT!!! LOL I'm a realy hands on mom...drive my kids to school on my way to work, pack lunches, etc. Kids will be kids. My 13 year old leaves the house wearing her slippers (look like UGS) with no sox because it's what the other kids are doing...not because I don't care either way.. I care. And when her slippers are stinky from smelly feet she will care too. My 23 year old won't put on a winter coat until it's "below zero". If the school gave your son a coat to borrow then problem averted - no harm done. It's not like you confiscated the coat....HE didn't put it on.
  • CherryTop
    CherryTop Posts: 41 Member
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    In our house we call it "The School Of Hard Knocks". We are the parents and make the rules but from time to time our kids want to fight our rules well as loving parents we can allow and afford our kids a minor "hard lesson learned". I am sure your kid will not be scared for life if forced to miss recess. My suspicions are that it was just a little inconvenient for the school to follow your lead. When I was growing up the school would have gladly helped my Mom learn my lesson. It is a shame the school systems do not back up parents but equally the parents do not back up the school.
    I am sorry the school did not back you. The next time the school has a hard decision for you remind them of this circumstance when you back them.
  • rbryntes
    rbryntes Posts: 710 Member
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    not going to recess for one day is your decision as the one whoe bore him into the world and NO ONE should EVER defy you with a simple non-harmful request..

    Actually, some states require recess/ouitdoor time every day by mandate/law, so in such cases the parent does not have the ability to pull the child from recess.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
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    I'm sorry to be the first to outright disagree here, but I'd like to give you my honest opinion.

    Firstly, there is no way my kids get out the door without their coat on. As a mother, I feel that is just as much MY responsibility as theirs. If the temperature is under 55 - 60 degrees, they are wearing some kind of jacket or coat. When you let him go without his coat, you risk getting him sick, which in turn risks getting you, your spouse, and any other children you may have sick as well.

    Secondly, how old is your son? I have three - who are 9, 6, and 3 - and I would NEVER let them out the door without their coat on. I feel this is just as much my responsibility as it is theirs. Their coat hangs on a double hook with their bookbag, right over their shoes, so that its all together and ready to go each day. Sure my 9 year old will say "Mom, I don't need a coat today", but I just say "You're wearing one, end of story."

    Maybe I misunderstood what you said, which is possible. I just don't understand how you could walk to your car with your child, get them in the car, and not notice their coat missing. Or maybe I'm just a silly overprotective mother. Either way, I just wanted to be honest with you. I mean no offense, so if I've offended you, or anyone else, I'm sorry in advance.

    I'm with you, If your child says "i don't want to wear my coat" you say "it's cold outside, you'll get sick" then put the coat on the child or in his bad & take him to the car. It's a bit weird that you didn't notice your child walk to the car without a coat on.
    your child is young, he's still learning, you can't expect him to take responsibility for things like that when his brain isn't even fully developed yet.
    Also, who would have looked after him if he had breaktime inside? Teachers have breaks then too! You should have taken him the coat.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    He's "unprepared" for recess - due to his own fault which was confirmed by a call to his parent. No recess for him, period.

    That's the problem with society today. It's not the school's responsibility to punish a child for a disagreement that occurred at home. That's mom's job.

    Then, when we have to spend time teaching kids "lessons" that should've been taught at home, we lose academic time, and ultimately, it's the teacher's fault.

    I wholeheartedly agree. This is also why schools are getting more and more rights to do things that the parents should be doing: i.e. sex ed, etc. One school in Chicago has even decided that no children may bring lunches from home without a doctor's note-because the principal has deemed the school lunches "healthier". Parents need to step up and parent, and stop trying to leave it all to the school to do.
  • RosalindaP
    RosalindaP Posts: 31 Member
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    I agree with you! I have had issues with my daughter "forgetting" her glasses not long after she was prescribed them. We have made it a habit to put them in her back pack when she takes them off at night but kids are kids and their were still days that she didn't remember them. Here is my deal...I work 45 minutes from home and the school. When they called to tell me they weren't in her back pack there was no way I was coming back to find them.

    I told her teacher to take her recess. She is 7 and plenty smart enough to know that she should have made sure she had them before she left the house.

    Her teacher is very supportive and gave her a word search and marched her to the office during her morning and afternoon recess. She was permitted to take her lunch recess...but she learned a valuable lesson and we haven't had one day that she went to school without them since.
  • ahjenny
    ahjenny Posts: 293 Member
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    I can understand where you're coming from. However, the school may have separate people who monitor your kiddo while the teacher is having their lunch, and having your (most likely unhappy) kid sit with his teacher during their lunch break will not necessarily be a picnic for the teacher, you know? Rock and a hard place, right? Maybe find another way to teach him responsibility? It's tough when the school contracticts what you say.
  • ishallnotwant
    ishallnotwant Posts: 1,210 Member
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    This argument has no weight with me. Like I told fteale, in my school, we can't hold children accountable for those things. It's not a kid's fault if their parents can't or won't be involved. You never know who has deadbeat parents, or parents that have to work 80 hours a week and can't help. Sounds like a flaw in the child's school.
    JJ~ I can understand different schools having different policies, and yours being one that won't hold kids accountable for certain things because of their families. However, I still think it's important for even your kiddos to learn responsibility, especially because they don't have responsible parents. Obviously, it's not their fault if they're tardy to school, but they can certainly remember home work, the correct shoes, and coats (if they have them).

    I can understand how you would think this. However, I work in a county where my kids are concerned about where their next meal is coming from. I'm not holding them accountable for homework.

    I have to say, I was really shocked by your posts about the children not being penalized or sitting in for recess fro not turning in homework until I read this statement. It really puts things in perspective. I do believe that not everything is black and white, and there may be districts where it is appropriate for children to sit in during recess and complete their homework if they don't do it. I also think that in places like where you are, where many of the children are probably constantly in crisis, it is good to focus on some of the things that the kid is thinking about, rather than just education. If the kids in your district are starving and thinking about how they didn't eat breakfast all morning, keeping them in for recess to do homework doesn't sound like the most charitable thing to do. While I don't think it SHOULD be the school's job to do those things (I think more churches and individuals should stand up and help others, personally), I think it is great to see that the school is doing it regardless. I'm glad there are people like you out there who care for the kids in your county and are going the extra mile for them.
  • Gwen7121
    Gwen7121 Posts: 126 Member
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    While I agree that it's a teaching moment.... learn to be responsible for yourself and your stuff, I can also see the school's point. To have a child indoors during recess requires supervision, who would that responsibility fall to? This is probably the only time during the day that the teacher has to regroup (I think I'd pull my hair out if I had to spend day in, day out with children, let alone not getting any break during the day). And if it's cold enough that you can see your breath a child should not be outside without a coat, if I were responsible for another person's child I would definitely not allow that child outdoors without a coat.

    This ^^^ Also, it's not just the teacher's moment to regroup, it's the child's moment to blow off steam from a few hours of forced inactivity. Recess is good for their state of mind and concentration.
  • deeharley
    deeharley Posts: 1,208 Member
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    I agree with you about not taking him a coat, but I'm not sure the school is wrong to let him borrow one to go outside. They may not have the staff to leave a child inside.

    I do have a question though, if you thought he was going to be wearing a coat to and from school, why was it so important for him to wear a long-sleeved shirt instead of a short-sleeved one?
  • maidentl
    maidentl Posts: 3,203 Member
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    I'd call this a pick your battles moment. I am very forgetful myself, so I am not a fan of punishing my kids when they forget something one time. If it's consistent forgetfulness, like he "forgets" it every day, sure, consequences. But one time he forgets his coat and, for the record, you did too, I just don't see the big deal.
  • thepanttherlady
    thepanttherlady Posts: 258 Member
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    I agree 100% with your decision. I would have also argued the coat from the Lost & Found. I can't tell you how many times my 6 yr has caught lice from the lunchtime staff making her put on a coat or sweater from there. Ugh!!

    I'm in Cali so it doesn't often get cold here. Believe it or not, my little one runs very hot most of the time. I can be freezing (our version of freezing lol) and have 2 layers of clothes on and she's running around the house in just a pair of panties. I've already told her if the supervisors at school try to make her use someone else's coats/sweaters to tell them she's not allowed and if they have an issue with it they can call me!
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    I agree with you about not taking him a coat, but I'm not sure the school is wrong to let him borrow one to go outside. They may not have the staff to leave a child inside.

    I do have a question though, if you thought he was going to be wearing a coat to and from school, why was it so important for him to wear a long-sleeved shirt instead of a short-sleeved one?

    good question. lol. we have a house rule that if there is frost on the car in the morning, they have to wear a long-sleeve shirt. it's not negotiable. plus, we reminded them last night when they laid out their clothes that they would need long sleeve shirts today. he didn't listen. the coat rule is 'wear it or carry it'. i don't care if they don't wear it to or from school, but they do need to bring it, in case they need it. 90% of the time, they choose to carry it.
  • godblessourhome
    godblessourhome Posts: 3,892 Member
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    to those that have taken the time to reply, thank you!

    i just wanted to update those that were concerned about lice: he didn't have to wear a lost and found coat. :) his brother had an extra hoodie in his backpack and gave it to him at lunch (3rd and 4th graders have lunch and recess together). it warmed up 20 degrees from this morning and the hoodie was perfect.

    by the way, he found one of *his* sweatshirts in the lost and found. bonus!

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