parent versus school

I agree with you! I have had issues with my daughter "forgetting" her glasses not long after she was prescribed them. We have made it a habit to put them in her back pack when she takes them off at night but kids are kids and their were still days that she didn't remember them. Here is my deal...I work 45 minutes from home and the school. When they called to tell me they weren't in her back pack there was no way I was coming back to find them.

I told her teacher to take her recess. She is 7 and plenty smart enough to know that she should have made sure she had them before she left the house.

Her teacher is very supportive and gave her a word search and marched her to the office during her morning and afternoon recess. She was permitted to take her lunch recess...but she learned a valuable lesson and we haven't had one day that she went to school without them since.

This argument has no weight with me. Like I told fteale, in my school, we can't hold children accountable for those things. It's not a kid's fault if their parents can't or won't be involved. You never know who has deadbeat parents, or parents that have to work 80 hours a week and can't help. Sounds like a flaw in the child's school.

JJ~ I can understand different schools having different policies, and yours being one that won't hold kids accountable for certain things because of their families. However, I still think it's important for even your kiddos to learn responsibility, especially because they don't have responsible parents. Obviously, it's not their fault if they're tardy to school, but they can certainly remember home work, the correct shoes, and coats (if they have them).

I can understand how you would think this. However, I work in a county where my kids are concerned about where their next meal is coming from. I'm not holding them accountable for homework.

I have to say, I was really shocked by your posts about the children not being penalized or sitting in for recess fro not turning in homework until I read this statement. It really puts things in perspective. I do believe that not everything is black and white, and there may be districts where it is appropriate for children to sit in during recess and complete their homework if they don't do it. I also think that in places like where you are, where many of the children are probably constantly in crisis, it is good to focus on some of the things that the kid is thinking about, rather than just education. If the kids in your district are starving and thinking about how they didn't eat breakfast all morning, keeping them in for recess to do homework doesn't sound like the most charitable thing to do. While I don't think it SHOULD be the school's job to do those things (I think more churches and individuals should stand up and help others, personally), I think it is great to see that the school is doing it regardless. I'm glad there are people like you out there who care for the kids in your county and are going the extra mile for them.

I agree with you about not taking him a coat, but I'm not sure the school is wrong to let him borrow one to go outside. They may not have the staff to leave a child inside.

I do have a question though, if you thought he was going to be wearing a coat to and from school, why was it so important for him to wear a long-sleeved shirt instead of a short-sleeved one?

I agree 100% with your decision. I would have also argued the coat from the Lost & Found. I can't tell you how many times my 6 yr has caught lice from the lunchtime staff making her put on a coat or sweater from there. Ugh!!

I'm in Cali so it doesn't often get cold here. Believe it or not, my little one runs very hot most of the time. I can be freezing (our version of freezing lol) and have 2 layers of clothes on and she's running around the house in just a pair of panties. I've already told her if the supervisors at school try to make her use someone else's coats/sweaters to tell them she's not allowed and if they have an issue with it they can call me!

to those that have taken the time to reply, thank you!

i just wanted to update those that were concerned about lice: he didn't have to wear a lost and found coat. his brother had an extra hoodie in his backpack and gave it to him at lunch (3rd and 4th graders have lunch and recess together). it warmed up 20 degrees from this morning and the hoodie was perfect.

by the way, he found one of *his* sweatshirts in the lost and found. bonus!

Is our school the only school that has really, REALLY nice looking coats in the lost and found?? :laugh: Nobody ever seems to claim them, either. They always get donated to a local charity at the end of the semester.

i would not bring him a coat. im a mother of 5, and my kids know that i will not play thier games and that i will hold them fully responsible for bad decisions. the schools now a days want the children to be coddled until the age of 18, and i refuse.

Hiya, firstly would like to congratulate you for sticking to your guns!! It does take guts to do such a thing what with the worry you will be branded as a 'bad parent' Luckily for me and my two children 8yrs + 10yrs the school they go to in Wilts UK is quite good at dealing with this sort of thing. My 10yr old son had forgotten his gym kit for the second time running and went to the school office to complain that 'Mummy' had sent him to school without it! Those lovely ladies behind the desk just said 'WHO forgot it?!' and made him own up and take responsibility :O) needless to say when recieved the call to run it in for him it was made very clear that it was his responsibility and that I was doing a HUGE favour. ....put a grin on my face the whole way there! chin up! your doing a great job!

it is cold here. c o l d. see-the-frost-when-you-breathe cold...

i told them to have him miss recess and do his homework during recess time, or have him attend recess without a coat and be cold to learn why he needs a coat. the school is appalled. they said they would not do either and would give him a coat from the lost and found to borrow, but to please make sure he had his own coat tomorrow.

as a parent, it is hard to teach your child responsibility. i don't want to be callous, but i also don't want to enable bad decisions. so what do you think? is this a teaching moment or is the school right in being compassionate?

I wasn't willing to read through 7 pages of responses, so I apologize if I'm repeating something someone else said, but:

As a former teacher, I have to say that schools are often the targets of lawsuits, so they tend to be paranoid and overcautious when it comes to things like this. There's no way a school would send a child out in cold temperatures without a coat; if the child later became sick, they would be liable. At my mother's school where there are a lot of low-income children who don't *own* a coat, it is standard procedure to provide a coat or sweatshirt from the lost & found whenever possible. Teachers have also been known to pool their money, buy winter wear from the local thrift shops, and keep them on hand for their low-income kids to use at recess.

As for keeping the child in at recess, what many parents don't realize is that recess time is often a teacher's only break, the only chance she has to get off her feet or go to the bathroom during the day. Federal law says that full-time employees are entitled to a 15-minute break every four hours, but the reality is that many teachers don't get this because they put the welfare & supervision of the kids ahead of their own needs. Teachers are absolutely forbidden from leaving children in the classroom unsupervised, even if it's only one child. Again, we can thank liability issues & paranoid lawyers. So every time a child is kept inside during recess, that's at least one teacher giving up her break. So from that perspective, I can also understand why the school might prefer sending him out to recess in a borrowed coat rather than just keeping him in.

I do agree with your decision not to bring him a coat, though. If you've seen the selection at most lost & founds, you know that they are usually "lost" for a reason... perhaps the embarrassment of wearing a mis-sized, ugly coat will teach your son the lesson. If not, I'm sure you can come up with some consequence for him at home, without asking the school to violate their rules & policies.

Yes, teaching moment. There's even a type of parenting that backs it up... Love and Logic. Natural consequences for behavior. It sounds like things worked out fine.

And schools are CLUELESS!
Their standards and results keep slipping further and further, yet teachers snivel for more money while excluding potential qualified people with various union rules geared to foster an environment of entitlement. Further, parents are just as bad in that they demand that schools enable their kids to the nth degree for bad behavior instead of teaching personal responsibility. Some of the response is a result of this damned if you do, damned if you don't attitude. And then these same crybabies claim to be the big experts on kids - :laugh:

No, children need to feel the consequences for their actions, and skipping recess is not cruel or unusual.
It will make him a responsible child who grows into a can-do adult taking ownership of his life.
STAND UP FOR YOUR RIGHTS AS A PARENT!

We should have more moms like you!

Agreeeeeeeee.

Kids are becoming wimpy, fragile, medicated little a-holes.

Of course, it is age dependent. I don't think a 4 year old can understand 'personal responsibility'
but an older child certainly can.

My son is almost 7 and no after all that I sure wouldn't. My son lost 3 jackets last winter and I made him go cold a couple morning s. Its about 50 here in the morning but he listens now and brings his coat home every day. I think yeah let him borrow one from lost and found; that was nice of them. You have responsiblities and you can't drive around dropping off coats. But according to my kid I'm "the meanest mom ever!" Hahahaha

glad it worked out for you

I think you're in the right.
It's a teaching moment that if you forget to do X, Y will happen.
Plus, when he's older, he and his friends will always trade stories of who has the tougher parents. Like when I tell my friends that if we kids didn't like what Dad made, so he wouldn't make something else, they're like "seriously? my parents made separate meals." Being treated with responsibility makes a kid tough...and they won't ever forget their jacket.

totally agree with your actions. it sounded like another winter day in my house (i have 4 sons and one daughter, boys dont feel the cold) the schools (in australia) are often full of teachers without kids and they seem to have no idea what its like at home. Yes i have beautiful kids but they are completley different at school, still wonderful kids but very different. You did the right think but i think you need to have a face to face talk with your sons teacher, maybe she would have a better understanding??
BTW looking at your profile pic....i cant believe you have a child old enough for school!!!