Email to the ex-husband

Child support = funds used to pay for the costs associated with raising the child.

If you don't have children, you have no idea how much it costs to raise them. It's ridiculous. And both parents should be held accountable/responsible.

I'm pretty sure I don't need to go into detail about every single expense - suffice it to say, it's an extensive list. When I get my child support checks, they go into my checking account - the only one I have, therefore, is used for every expense involved in mine & my family's lives. I don't separate the money I get from child support from my & my husband's income. I also don't keep score as to how much of it I spend on my children vs. what I spend on myself/other things including bills/my social life. There are times the kids need more, and times I need to spend some on myself.

The OP was making a joke (although it seems some people need to find a sense of humor). However, if she chose to spend her child support money on things other than her children, she would have to use her "own" money to replace that when the time came to provide for them. It's interchangeable. And until it starts to affect the children in a negative way (clothes that are old/don't fit; hungry children; lack of social experiences [i.e. school sports/activities, birthday parties, going out with their friends, etc]), it's no one's business how the money is used. No one keeps a ledger of where the obligor's money is going, so no one needs to worry about what the obligee is doing as long as the kids are cared for - and that's all that really matters.

Child support = funds used to pay for the costs associated with raising the child.

If you don't have children, you have no idea how much it costs to raise them. It's ridiculous. And both parents should be held accountable/responsible.

I'm pretty sure I don't need to go into detail about every single expense - suffice it to say, it's an extensive list. When I get my child support checks, they go into my checking account - the only one I have, therefore, is used for every expense involved in mine & my family's lives. I don't separate the money I get from child support from my & my husband's income. I also don't keep score as to how much of it I spend on my children vs. what I spend on myself/other things including bills/my social life. There are times the kids need more, and times I need to spend some on myself.

The OP was making a joke (although it seems some people need to find a sense of humor). However, if she chose to spend her child support money on things other than her children, she would have to use her "own" money to replace that when the time came to provide for them. It's interchangeable. And until it starts to affect the children in a negative way (clothes that are old/don't fit; hungry children; lack of social experiences [i.e. school sports/activities, birthday parties, going out with their friends, etc]), it's no one's business how the money is used. No one keeps a ledger of where the obligor's money is going, so no one needs to worry about what the obligee is doing as long as the kids are cared for - and that's all that really matters.

Very well put!

Knowing the intent of the topic, I wasn't going to reply seriously but now I feel compelled to.

First hand experience in a court room in California.....
My ex wife lived off child support that I paid for years, I only paid alimony for about a year. She went back to court and demanded more money, the judge knowing she didn't work told her to get a job if she wanted more...she cried about not having enough time to find work. The judge asked point blank, how do you survive? She answered I live off the child support. The judge had a look of disgust on her face but not much she could do about it.

I know a lot of guys that this happens to. It is sickening because there are some great dads that get the shaft. I would have been happy with a civil relationship with my ex, but he choose a different path in life. I didn't want my kids exposed to that, so I don't even ***** about the support (that I'm not receiving).

I got the mindset early on (when we separated) that I needed to make my own $$ and not to rely on him for support. I figure any $$ that comes in is "extra" and I use it for school supplies, lunch supplies (my kids pack lunches to school), etc... We've survived this long w/out that extra money so when it does come in, it's a nice surprise.

How is this funny. Yes he should pay child support and he is a POS if he isn't. But child support is to pay for the child's necessities, not to help your dating life. You should be able to afford your own drinks without the help of your ex.

She could if she wasn't solely financially responsible for the children he helped make.

Dear Ex-husband (I called him something a little more R rated but this is a PG-13 site):

I would like to discuss with you your non-payment of child support/alimony. I have decided that I want to start dating again, and I could really use the extra money. While I have been able to manage fine without you meeting your financial obligations, if you were to start paying me regularly it would free up money to pay for things like babysitters, dinner with my friends, and drinks. I know that you know that I never paid for a drink in my life (thanks guys!), but it is nice to actually offer to pay, and to do that I really need to have money in my wallet. Extra money would also allow me to get my hair done, mani/pedi's, and of course bikini-waxing, because you never know what might happen.

It would actually benefit (I was going to say behoove but I know you don't know what that means) you to meet your responsibilites because a sexually satisfied ex-wife is a happy ex-wife! That means when you blow-off your son's game again or forget to call the kids for weeks, I will be less likely to b*tch you out about it. Ultimately, by paying alimony now so I can date, it means that you won't have to pay it later. I am sure you will ask what I mean by that, it means I will hopefully be remarried.

I trust that I will be receiving a check from you in the very near future.

Sincerely,
Ex-wife

Been there done that glad it is over , thanks to the ex I blew up into the Goodyear blimp..

I totally get it! You spend all your money paying rent/mortage,groceries, bills, gas, and just plain supporting your child..... while this "father" gets to spend his cash on his own needs and wants. PAY ME MY MONEY!!! I always put my child's needs first. I dont get "free time", I dont get the option to say I am too busy to spend time with my child, nor have the option to take or pick up from daycare!I also dont get to say well I'm not feeling well, I dont feel like being a parent today...... The least a "man" can do that does not participate in their child's life is to PAY ME MY MONEY! As long as I put my child first, whatever I use that money is what I use that money for!! More power to us single parents!

Perfectly said!

My ex hasn't paid child support in over a year. The state told me they can't do anything unless I know where he is. I don't know where he is... So I am screwed for now.

If he's working, they can track him by is SS#. Sometimes it pays to be a thorn in the side of the people who CAN do something. They won't if you don't push them.

NOTE TO SELF: Never share a joke with the members of this forum. About 80% of MFP users have no sense of humor, high horses and sticks where they clearly should not be.

How depressing.

My ex hasn't paid child support in over a year. The state told me they can't do anything unless I know where he is. I don't know where he is... So I am screwed for now.

If he's working, they can track him by is SS#. Sometimes it pays to be a thorn in the side of the people who CAN do something. They won't if you don't push them.

Some states are great about tracking down deadbeat parents. Here in california, if the person owing child support doesn't work for 3 years, they automatically close your case.

I've been told that it's up to ME to track him down/figure out where he's working etc...because they flat don't have the budget to do the research to find non-paying parents.

(Meant with all due respect). There is a reason why he's your ex hun.

You don't feel a little funny typing those two sentences RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER?