Girly dating question

Options
1235

Replies

  • beautyreaps
    beautyreaps Posts: 151
    Options
    I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy :/

    Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.
  • riley711
    riley711 Posts: 298 Member
    Options
    You definitely want to ask him about his feelings and have a conversation about this. Notice that I said CONVERSATION, not just a brief comment from him. And don't accept "everything is fine, you're just being overly sensitive."

    You mentioned that you guys have been friends for a very long time. Maybe he wants to keep it that way rather than move into a serious relationship.

    And my last suggestion (hope this is not the case) is that when men are not really interested in sex on a regular basis, especially if the relationship is not that old, they may be getting it from somewhere else.
  • riley711
    riley711 Posts: 298 Member
    Options
    I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy :/

    Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

    I like this response too!!
  • julie781
    julie781 Posts: 221 Member
    Options
    I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy :/

    Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

    Yes.. listen to her⬆
  • nenar77
    nenar77 Posts: 21 Member
    Options
    Your asking what to do? Your energy is much more into this than his. You deserve to be with someone who has the same energy but not a relationship that you have to worry about and fix all the time. Confidence is sexy girl ;)
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    Options
    Sorry I wasn't on today..was preparing and wait for football day...my Raven's lost :(
    Thank you everyone for your input. To answer some questions...
    He is in shape not overweight at all.
    Both of us had serious relationships recently (me-3 mos ago, him- 1 year ago)
    We are romantic in other situations besides in bed...he likes to kiss me ALOT! Almost too much.
    He does work a full day and can be a kind of stressful day, he wakes up very early.
    We always had romantic feelings for one another even while we were just friends
    I have tried to discuss this concern with him but he gets somewhat defensive at the suggestion that there may be something off with our sexual compatibility.

    And the Pats prevail, Yaaa!

    Well it goes back to communication. If you cannot talk about it, that is a problem. From my limited experience when you are dating and intimate that should be your peak, later when you are married, have kids, job issues, normal life issues, the sex drops off.. not too bad if you are having it twice a day, but twice a month, doesn't leave much room...To each his own, some people don't mind not having much sex and enjoy each other's company. So if I were you I would have a talk about it with him! Good Luck!
  • cass89
    cass89 Posts: 198 Member
    Options
    I would definatly discuss it with him. I've been with my boyfriend about 3 month and we only have sex about once a week which bothers me but i tell him. sometimes he rejects my offer and now i've just learned to not worry about. (sometimes in a soft hearted joking way like 'omg we're like a married couple only having sex once a week') he knows how i feel about it but it doesn't bother me too much. he cuddles me in bed all the time and shows affection alot (as it sounds like ur partner does too) so this shows he's interested. i guess us girls assume guys want it all the time and are all hyped up on hormones when they may not be like this.

    but my opinion is, tell him how you feel, he might tell u why this is happening or that he wasn't aware it was so important to you and he may change his ways for you. personally, if u tell him how you feel and he doesn't make any attempt at all the make a slight change, he's not interested in how you feel. he may not up the sex to every time you want it but even if it ups the amount a little
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
    Options
    I dislike how so many people are drawing assumptions of the guy :/

    Personally, if I were in your situation I'd let him take the reign. It seems like he doesn't like that you're being 'aggressive' by initiating it. You mentioned he likes kissing you, so just let him pull the first move. Maybe that makes him feel more comfortable.

    women really are from another planet! My first reaction -- ' what!!'
  • chelleymarie88
    chelleymarie88 Posts: 775
    Options
    I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. We have been intimate a few times and seem to like one another a lot. We have been 'friends" for 10 years. We see one another about three times a week with spending the night over one another's houses on most of those nights. However, most of the nights when I am ready to "be intimate" he has no interest. HE makes me feel stupid almost for even thinking about having sex. He complains that I try to be sexual. I don't try every time but probably everyother time we are together. I try to do things to turn him on but end up just getting turned down or he falls asleep before anything happens. Now, in the past with any other man that I have been with(when I was 30lbs heavier) that ends up turning into a relationship the first year we can't keep out hands off one another, especially when it comes to cuddling up at bedtime ;-)
    Can someone, male or female tell me what the heck is going on? We are 26, young in my eyes, and I am always ready to show him how I feel physically about him, if you catch my drift. HELP! I am starting to feel very insecure and confused.
    i wouldn't want to have physical contact with a girl i been dating for 2 months. I am way too insecure and would just think she is in it for the sex and that's not what I'm looking for. That's my opinion anyways..

    Sense! You're making it!

    There's no reason to jump in the sack right away. I have dated guys that wanted to go slow and get to know me, and they weren't gay nor did they have any 'issues'.

    They've known each other for 10 years.............
    She's not just jumping in the bed with him. There's is definitely something abnormal about this situation. You should talk to him about it, and if he makes you feel uncomfortable about EVEN talking about it- then you should drop him hun. Trust me- save it for someone who WANTS it.
  • Kickstand927
    Kickstand927 Posts: 18
    Options
    Thanks everyone. My favorite point that many of made is that my sex drive just "outdrives" his. I will admit I have always been a very sexual person and was not used to being turned down by my past boyfriends, this is why I am quite confused by this time around. We have a great time together and understand one another so well because of our 10 years of friendship. This is why I was asking for opinions, not as one poster claimed that I shouldn't being looking to strangers on the internet. I also feel comfortable to share more personal things on MFP because I lay out all my other issues (ex:eating) to ya'll. Another thing, I do NOT feel ashamed before, during or after sex. I'm glad so many of you are open to talking about sex in society. Most people that I encounter loved sex and nobody should be afraid to talk about it. Update: Last night I did speak to him about the subject and we came to the conclusion that I enjoy sex more often than he does...this conversation will continue because I'm afraid this is going to become a larger issue in the near future.
  • Scott613
    Scott613 Posts: 2,317 Member
    Options
    Maybe he has A.D.D. and can't concentrate on.......... oh look a butterfly:-)

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRabT6Kf59MSI8V7T9SaW0BK3KEjCOjjbZXSdSJO3jW4cfouTws
  • beskimoosh
    beskimoosh Posts: 375 Member
    Options
    Update: Last night I did speak to him about the subject and we came to the conclusion that I enjoy sex more often than he does...this conversation will continue because I'm afraid this is going to become a larger issue in the near future.

    My boyfriend and I have had this conversation, and although it was me at first constantly wanting it, I've been a bit stressed lately and now it's him, so I think it's just something that fluctuates within a relationship. Especially at first when you both have worries about where it's going or what the deal is.
  • Elizabeth_C34
    Elizabeth_C34 Posts: 6,376 Member
    Options
    Talk to him. If he won't even discuss it (some men are very weird about talking about sex), then I'd consider cutting off the relationship and going back to being friends and finding someone you are more sexually compatible with.
  • stcar
    stcar Posts: 207 Member
    Options
    I just broke up with someone for the same reason. Being on different sexual pages is terrible and I wouldn't suggest sticking around to hope he catches up. At your age and that stage of the relationship, if it hasn't happened, it probably wont.
  • Shock_Wave
    Shock_Wave Posts: 1,573 Member
    Options
    Maybe hes really gay or maybe low testosterone. Maybe its a combination of him being or wanting to be gay and low testosterone. :D It could be that he is just not that interested in you and just wants your company kind of like a rebound thing. Its some thing strange like that because as a guy even I know there is some thing is very off there...:D
  • songbyrdsweet
    songbyrdsweet Posts: 5,691 Member
    Options
    Thanks everyone. My favorite point that many of made is that my sex drive just "outdrives" his. I will admit I have always been a very sexual person and was not used to being turned down by my past boyfriends, this is why I am quite confused by this time around. We have a great time together and understand one another so well because of our 10 years of friendship. This is why I was asking for opinions, not as one poster claimed that I shouldn't being looking to strangers on the internet. I also feel comfortable to share more personal things on MFP because I lay out all my other issues (ex:eating) to ya'll. Another thing, I do NOT feel ashamed before, during or after sex. I'm glad so many of you are open to talking about sex in society. Most people that I encounter loved sex and nobody should be afraid to talk about it. Update: Last night I did speak to him about the subject and we came to the conclusion that I enjoy sex more often than he does...this conversation will continue because I'm afraid this is going to become a larger issue in the near future.

    That's great you could discuss it. Sex drives fluctuate, and I'm willing to bet that almost no couple always wants it at the same time. Obviously there was a reason you guys started dating after a 10-year friendship, knowing that a bad breakup could end everything. The key is to not take it as rejection or judge him for it. There's nothing wrong with either of you, you just differ in this way.
  • ji225
    ji225 Posts: 89 Member
    Options
    Ive been in a similar situation - though it got like this about 1.5 years down the line (though we didnt see each other for 7 of those months as I was away travelling.....so perhaps prolonged!)

    It hurts a lot I know, as you start to think it is you that is the problem, I hope you havent got to this point yet, and you wnat to try and sort it.
    Id suggest talking to him about it, then at least you have tried to understand him and what the issue might be.

    If that doesnt go anywhere - get out girl and quick, as the longer it goes on for the more it will drag you down,

    I think if it doesnt work it would be due to a combo of many things, red flags that you may have ignored as you want to believe the best about him, sexual incompatiability, anothe woman taking his interest and HIM having trouble taking you out of freinds zone,and many toher things, which basicaly mean he is not willing to give you what you need.

    Basicaly 2 months in you have every right to want and expect the 'ripping each others clothes off' scenario, and if that aint happening ...........................then holdout for a guy it does happen with. We all know that stuff starts off crazy and burns out a bit to become more love than lust, so who wants to start off with no lust!?

    Jenny
  • Kickstand927
    Kickstand927 Posts: 18
    Options
    UPDATE!!!
    I found out by conversation the other day that he watches porn 4x a week. So I'm guessing that means its more like 7x week. Being that most humans downplay most things that they aren't forthcoming with. Porn in the problem and I don't see us lasting. Trust me I don't mind watching the occasional porn flick but everyday is not what I am into. Thank you to everyone for your input. Hope we all continue to be healthy and fit and amen to the internet for the great suggestions for why this isn't quite working, so many of you were right.
  • Dude41
    Dude41 Posts: 8
    Options
    "Houston, we have a problem."

    It's not you. It's him!

    If you are not being satisfied now, why stick around? Are you going to try and change him? Not a good practice to get into, in my opinion.

    If it's something you can't tolerate for the rest of this relationship, move on. There is someone else who will fulfill your EVERY need.

    My .02 :flowerforyou:
  • Dude41
    Dude41 Posts: 8
    Options
    "Houston, we have a problem."

    It's not you. It's him!

    If you are not being satisfied now, why stick around? Are you going to try and change him? Not a good practice to get into, in my opinion.

    If it's something you can't tolerate for the rest of this relationship, move on. There is someone else who will fulfill your EVERY need.

    My .02 :flowerforyou:

Categories