Dr. Phil - Open Marriage

I love words and how they evolve. Since we are discussing what the term "marriage" is, I thought this might be helpful.

From Merriam:

a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law (2) : the state of being united to a person of the same sex in a relationship like that of a traditional marriage <same-sex marriage>
b : the mutual relation of married persons : wedlock
c : the institution whereby individuals are joined in a marriage

From Wiki

Marriage (or wedlock) is a social union or legal contract between people that creates kinship. The definition of marriage varies according to different cultures, but is usually an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony. Many cultures limit marriage to two persons of the opposite sex, but some allow forms of polygamous marriage, and some recognize same-sex marriage. In some conservative cultures, marriage is recommended or compulsory before pursuing any sexual activity.

People marry for many reasons, including one or more of the following: legal, social, libidinal, emotional, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of commitment.[1][2] The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations between the individuals involved. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage through divorce or annulment.

Marriage can be recognized by a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal group, a local community or peers. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction.

Where is the damn "like" button???

i second that.

The couple featured today have an open marriage. Both have $ex with other people. The husband's mistresse's husband approves of this as well.

What do you think, could it work. Is this the way to keep everyone happy in a marriage so to speak?

Oh and they have rules, no $ex in the marital bed, only on a blow up mattress. And condoms are not required, WTF :noway:

Most important, does anyone want to be judged on their bedroom activities?

Depends on the scale and competition.

And the prizes involved...

need to stop reading posts like this one. It always makes me deeply sad that so many people are "ok with" or think it's "fine if it works for them". There seems to be no higher standard for anyone as long as people are "happy". There's more to life than being happy, and in my opinion, it cheapens the human experience to spend all of life only seeking after happiness.

I would never want an open marriage. I'm truly blessed in my own marriage in that my spouse and I are able to fulfill each other's emotional and physical needs and wants. It takes work, but it's worth it.

Having said that, if they are all in agreement it isn't my place to judge. The same Bible that discusses the wedding vows also clearly states that major Biblical figures such as Moses and Noah had mistresses and/or multiple wives, so even if you're a devout Christian, there's a lot of ambiguity there.

It is no more my business what they do in their bedroom (or bedrooms, as it were), than it is theirs what I do in mine. I don't care and I don't want to know about it.

I don't even have a problem with the porn. My spouse and I have watched a few together. I don't think one spouse go surfing for porn over the other's objections, but, again, if both partners agree, so what?

The one thing I would have to question about this whole arrangement - well, okay, the three things - are, number one, the fact that they don't want their child to know about the arrangement. I agree that a child doesn't need to know about their parents' sex lives. But the fact that they are hiding the relationship itself would seem to indicate some shame. Thing is, the kid is going to find out at some point, and then what? I mean, they just went on national TV, for Pete's sake. After lying to the child through omission for however long, how do they expect to be able to make it right? Number two - an eleven year old should not be watching porn. Period. And most especially with their parents. I've had all the discussions with my kid about sex ed. We communicate openly about sex, whether she should or not, possible repercussions, how the act itself works, etc. Not easy talks, but for the best for her. But there is no way on God's green earth that I would ever, ever watch sex with her. Of course she knows her parents had, and continue to have, sex. But we don't talk about the details. And, finally, third - no condoms? Big, big mistake.

If it is just adults involved and all agree - knock yourself out. I couldn't care less. I have no right and no inclination to judge. But when you have a kid and you're doing something you have to hide from them, you're making bad decisions.

I was always taught that if you have to keep your relationship secret you probably shouldn't be in it. Some people may really be happy in open marriages, but I would venture to say that there are more hurt feelings and bruised egos in that scenario than in a monogamous marriage (which I am currently thoroughly enjoying). Marriage/relationships shouldn't be about sex. It has to be about knowing the other person and being special/intimate with them on an entirely different level. There's no way I could have the emotional and spiritual connection that I do with my husband now if either of us were intimate with other people.

There are many different types of open-marriages. Some religious groups allow men to have many wives so they can procreate a LOT. Some folks are swingers, some are polyamourous, some have other partners separate from the marriage. The way that works is because they are in a loving, honest, committed relationship. You can't have a successful open relationship without the honesty and commitment and the no-holds-barred discussions of emotions. Well, you can, but I believe they call that cheating.

As for why be married? For the same reason many people get married; LOVE. I love my husband, I am fully committed to my husband and there is nobody I would rather raise my children with and grow old with. The fact that we are allowed to sleep with other people doesn't change that. My marriage is not any less valid than anybody elses and our committment to eachother is not any less than that of any other married couple.

OP--I haven't read the replies as I didn't wish to get sidetracked...I know a couple who have been married 40+ yrs...Open marriage..with boths consent...lovers always know about spouse..and if lover is married their spouse must approve too. This couple has multiple children...are they all biologically his? I suspect not. Both agreed that all children she bore would be their children. I've never met a happier couple and they so obviously love each other that I can't condemn them for it.

What about the kids? All heathy, happy and well adjusted. All adults now.

This doesn't work for everyone...doubt I could have did it. I didn't share well..too jealous.. If it's mine I don't share,,If it's not mine I don't want it.

But to each his own...When between consenting adults...it's simply not my business.