Relationship Question?? Cheating.

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Replies

  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    I don't agree with the 'in front of your significant other' thing.

    sometimes you might have a flirty chat with someone - it's not going to go anywhere and you're only having a mess about, but I definitely wouldn't want my gf to be there because it would be awkward.

    I think it's not cheating til something happens.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    I've not heard this one before! But it's totally true! lol

    Ok, sorry, but that's dumb. I wouldn't be willing to switch cell phones for even day but it has nothing to do with cheating. I use my cell phone all the time for business, and there is confidential information pertaining to my job in emails on my phone.
  • paigemarie93
    paigemarie93 Posts: 778 Member
    my wife likes to go to the casino by herself and not tell me about it. is she cheating?

    No she might just have a whole other problem! Good luck mate!

    Not regarding your quote, but omg, I love your ticker! DHARMA van :D
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    Disagree. I have actually never cheated on anyone and I wouldn't want to swap phones simply because I'm not interested.
    I have no interest in seeing/snooping through my husbands phone because of a little thing called trust.
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    I'd say if it would bother your spouse (and I'm talking a normal, non jealous normal) or you can't be 100% transparent then it's probably not a good idea to do or cheating.

    Bottom line if you wouldn't want that kind of behavior from your spouse/so directed at another then you shouldn't do it.
  • rileamoyer
    rileamoyer Posts: 2,412 Member
    bump for later
  • ItsCasey
    ItsCasey Posts: 4,021 Member
    Anything you feel the need to hide is cheating, BUT cheating can be done right in front of your face, too. I learned the hard way that sometimes that is exactly how people try to "hide" it ... in plain sight ... because they know you're thinking "Well, he wouldn't have told me that or done that in front of me if he had bad intentions."
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Cheating for me:
    Kissing someone else
    Having sex with someone else
    Written texts / emails to someone else with the intent to do the above

    This, but I would also like to add that there is such a thing as emotionally cheating. If you're thinking about someone nearly as much/equally as much/more than your SO, you're cheating. I've been on the "victim" end of that before, and to me it was worse than if he just slept with someone. He actually developed feelings for someone else, without ever having touched her. It was devastating. ...but just as well, because I wouldn't have met my husband. :love:
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    dont you kiss or touch any other *****es sexually. that's cheating. unless we make a rule ahead of time that states otherwise. Ive never cheated and never been cheated on.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    Disagree. I have actually never cheated on anyone and I wouldn't want to swap phones simply because I'm not interested.
    I have no interest in seeing/snooping through my husbands phone because of a little thing called trust.

    It wasn't a matter of "being interested." It was a matter of can you leave your phone unsupervised with them for a week? So, are you saying you can't, or do you think you can?
  • Krizzle4Rizzle
    Krizzle4Rizzle Posts: 2,704 Member
    Cheating for me:
    Kissing someone else
    Having sex with someone else
    Written texts / emails to someone else with the intent to do the above

    I've not cheated, nor have I been cheated on, that I know of.

    But there are different levels to it, that I am finding hard to explain, so if someone else explains it better than I could, I'll let you know. :P

    Yep. This sums it up.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    I've not heard this one before! But it's totally true! lol

    Ok, sorry, but that's dumb. I wouldn't be willing to switch cell phones for even day but it has nothing to do with cheating. I use my cell phone all the time for business, and there is confidential information pertaining to my job in emails on my phone.

    Well of course there would be exceptions. Business use aside-- personal use only, would you?
  • bethvandenberg
    bethvandenberg Posts: 1,496 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    this is ridiculous. Maybe b/c I'm older but really? I don't want to use my man's phone b/c it's not an iphone. I am not concerned about texts/calls that would come or not come. The nastiest texts I've ever gotten were from him anyway. If you don't trust your partner or they don't trust you then you have bigger issues!
  • Fit4_Life
    Fit4_Life Posts: 828 Member
    Forgiving? Or going back to that relationship? It's not the same...and it DOES NOT WORK! It's like a scar that will never go away..it will always remind you of the situation! "Once a cheater...ALWAYS a cheater!"
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    Cheating for me:
    Kissing someone else
    Having sex with someone else
    Written texts / emails to someone else with the intent to do the above

    This, but I would also like to add that there is such a thing as emotionally cheating. If you're thinking about someone nearly as much/equally as much/more than your SO, you're cheating. I've been on the "victim" end of that before, and to me it was worse than if he just slept with someone. He actually developed feelings for someone else, without ever having touched her. It was devastating. ...but just as well, because I wouldn't have met my husband. :love:

    Thank you, I didn't know how to word my definition of emotional cheating, but that's the part I couldn't describe.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,275 Member
    I cheated once, a long time ago (14/15 years something like that) and I will never do that again. It really was that the relationship I had was over and couldn't get her to understand it so. I felt absolutely awful, and that no one should have to go through it. Since then, and now being married, I haven't cheated on my wife.

    The only time I "cheat" is going to the gym without her before she gets off work, so in that case yeah, I cheat on her with fitness....SORRY
  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
    There is nothing my SO can do to make me jealous. NOTHING. As long as she is honest. If she told me she made out with a guy, but told me she did, good for her. She flirts with one of my friends and I find it funny. He talks about her boobs, She talks about his body. IF it makes her feel good, who am I to stand in the way of that? Too many uptight people in relationships these days. Life is too short.

    I have been physically cheated on by two different girls 'cheated' (not while married). My SO (now my wife) was one of them anbd she didn't come clean until after we got married. So what! She was in college, aren't you supposed to have fun?

    If you count flirty FB message and being silly as 'cheating', then I am guilty as charged. Though my spouse has seen 99% of them and she knows I am a weirdo I mean look at my profile pic!

    I have never touched another woman other than my spouse while married, because what girl would want to touch me? I am icky looking!

    It's 2012 people, the last year Earth will be around. Lighten up. :P
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    I've not heard this one before! But it's totally true! lol

    Ok, sorry, but that's dumb. I wouldn't be willing to switch cell phones for even day but it has nothing to do with cheating. I use my cell phone all the time for business, and there is confidential information pertaining to my job in emails on my phone.

    Well of course there would be exceptions. Business use aside-- personal use only, would you?

    Oh yeah, I mean I don't really care. If his phone is ringing and it's someone like his mom and he can't get to it, I'll answer, or he'll see my phone ping and say "hey you have a text from so and so" not really a big deal. I've actually asked him to read text messages to me while in the shower haha...but for practicality's sake, I couldn't actually swap phones with him.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    It really was that the relationship I had was over and couldn't get her to understand it so.

    What part of, "It's over; don't call me" is hard to understand...? :laugh:
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    Disagree. I have actually never cheated on anyone and I wouldn't want to swap phones simply because I'm not interested.
    I have no interest in seeing/snooping through my husbands phone because of a little thing called trust.

    I wouldn't want to switch phones either. Maybe there's something I'm talking to my family about that I don't want him to know? Or I'm talking to a girlfriend and about personal girl things? That's not cheating. Its called privacy.

    If he were my husband, then that'd be a different story because anything family related would concern him too.
  • OLFATUG
    OLFATUG Posts: 393 Member
    I've been married for 15 years, together for 18 and neither of us has cheated. I was cheated on while dating a girl in college, it took a long time to get over that, but today we are casual friends who run a road race or two together each year.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    It's 2012 people, the last year Earth will be around. Lighten up. :P

    images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTUqw1oDMdzJsVwFyxb7e6S0SnACIrmN7jPJ1lmXU9riAb3uQTfFWx_qB_E
  • MFPAddict
    MFPAddict Posts: 2,069 Member
    The only definition of cheating that matters is that of your spouse or significant other. Anyone else's opinion is irrelevant.
  • xo_morgan
    xo_morgan Posts: 298
    Well, I find this very hard to answer. Of course the basics like physical stuff is cheating, sending naughty texts or pictures is cheating, even lying to cover up being with person A to me is being unfaithful. If you need to lie, then its not right. However, at the same time I could deal with the physical side of it far more easily than if my SO was to actually be emotionally invested in someone else. That would be the 'kick me when I'm down' moment, and would take forever to get over. Its like you werent even good enough in the first place that they had to go find someone better than you. Ouch!

    I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.

    And for your info, I have never cheated myself but have been cheated on before. I have also forgiven cheating in the past as anybody can make mistakes, but I would only forgive one mistake. Any more, then they have made it clear that they dont value you enough to stay faithful.

    I actually completely agree with this. I have always said that i would rather my boyfriend have a drunken hook up than to be caught holding some girls hand & writing her love letters. (obviously i dont say that to him, but just in general)
    Cheating is cheating but it would be kicking me while im down if he was emotionally attached to someone.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    It really was that the relationship I had was over and couldn't get her to understand it so.

    What part of, "It's over; don't call me" is hard to understand...? :laugh:

    Girl you'd be surprised...I had to tell my son's dad we were over about 937028347 times and it wasn't until I was in a relationship with my now boyfriend (we've been together 3 1/2 years) that he finally got it. Ridiculous.

    Oh and to add to the phone thing, our "phone honesty" has actually ruined a couple surprises for each other haha...he found out I was getting him George Strait tickets for Christmas last year and I found out he was taking me to Vegas this year...all by letting each other have access to the cell phones. Sometimes secrets are ok!
  • KimmieBrie
    KimmieBrie Posts: 825 Member
    Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

    Disagree. I have actually never cheated on anyone and I wouldn't want to swap phones simply because I'm not interested.
    I have no interest in seeing/snooping through my husbands phone because of a little thing called trust.

    It wasn't a matter of "being interested." It was a matter of can you leave your phone unsupervised with them for a week? So, are you saying you can't, or do you think you can?

    I have let my husband use my phone and vice versa - I don't have a problem with him seeing what's on it. I wouldn't want to swap because I simply have no interest in doing that. I would lose all my contacts/appointments etc because technology has made me stupid, so yes it's a matter of not having an interest in doing something pointless. I trust him, he trusts me, I have no issue if he sees my phone. I don't have to be willing to swap for a week to prove this. It's not that I can't, I simply don't want to.
  • QueenJayJay
    QueenJayJay Posts: 1,079 Member
    Oh and to add to the phone thing, our "phone honesty" has actually ruined a couple surprises for each other haha...he found out I was getting him George Strait tickets for Christmas last year and I found out he was taking me to Vegas this year...all by letting each other have access to the cell phones. Sometimes secrets are ok!

    That would be devastating! :sad:
  • momma3sweetgirls
    momma3sweetgirls Posts: 743 Member
    :laugh:
    When we play Scrabble, my wife uses the American dictionary and I use the English one. I think that might be cheating.
  • tashjs21
    tashjs21 Posts: 4,584 Member
    As much as I think Dr Phil is a tool, I think in regards to this issue, he's dead right: if you can't tell your spouse, or have him/her right there and you have to do it, what ever "it" is, behind his or her back, it's cheating.

    It's really that simple.
    Yep. Agree on all counts (including the "Dr Phil is a tool" part).

    ^ This

    If you would be ashamed or if your partner would be hurt if they found out, it is cheating. People think it is only physical that counts but emotional cheating can be just as damaging.
  • mommy4ndbandtj
    mommy4ndbandtj Posts: 25
    I think EVERYONE's idea of cheating and what is tolerable and unforgivable are SO widely different. My mother had sexual relations and became impregnated by another man. I saw how it tore my father apart. So I think there is not even innocent flirting, because if you can call it flirting there is intent.

    I am dating a man now whose wife ended their marriage by allowing someone other than her husband to penetrate her. She is a *kitten* with no morals because had she just told him she was done with married life, it would have been a much easier ending than what he had to endure.

    As for me, my first and middle boyfriends thought that they could date me along with others. Once I discovered they were dating, since they did not think it was important to tell me, I allowed the other woman to have him. Of course they both ended up losing him to other females, but I figured their doggish behavior was not something that I was needing to tolerate.

    Of course I do have to say that because of what I saw and how I was treated, when my marriage was over, I went to my husband told him I was unhappy, he told me he was too, we attended marital counseling and decided that we were not meant to be. Neither he nor I felt it was necessary to begin dating others until we closed the door on our relationship.
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