Relationship Question?? Cheating.

I've never cheated. But I've been cheated on my all of my long term partners, including my husband.

My first love cheated on me with another woman (whom I not only knew but I also knew her boyfriend) for several months. I didn't find out about it until several months after we had broken up for other reasons. It still hurt to know about it.

My second love cheated on me in the beginning of our relationship and fessed up to it after about a year. He said he only made out with the other woman and she wanted it to go farther. Apparently that's what made him realize how much he wanted to be with me and he stopped it. Since he fessed up on his own, we hadn't been together very long (yet we had already had the exclusivitiy talk), and I loved him very much, I forgave him and moved on. We split for completely different reasons.

My husband has not physically cheated on me, to my knowledge. In the past 3 months I caught him lying about a friend of his who is a woman. When confronted, he admitted to having romantic feelings towards her. So now we are dealing with the fallout of the emotional affair. I have no idea if this will break our marriage or make us stronger in the long run. I'm hoping for the latter.

My definition of cheating is ANYTHING that takes intimacy away from your partner. Physical intimacy is easy to lable. Emotional intimacy is much more difficult. When my husband became more interested in what his friend's opinions were or how her day was going then he was with mine is when the line was crossed in my mind. That was before he started feeling romantically about her, but it still was taking something away from our relationship.

Edited to add: I have yet to forgive my husband. I think that I will be able to with time, but for now the wound is too raw for me to be able to let go of.

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Whoa slow down Rocky. There will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. Whether or not you forgive a slip up, is your problem. And since you obviously have no idea WHY I would blatantly tell someone what I told my ex of that long, I'll let you know why. Because for two WHOLE years of that four year relationship, I was trying to FIX our relationship and he wouldn't budge. No "growing up" needed. I did my growing up when I realized I was wasting away in a relationship he didn't even want to fix. And I had had enough. So get off your high horse and before you go off "attacking" someone on the net for a post they made, try to get the facts straight. Just saying!

And it wasn't a marriage. He was a live in boyfriend.

Slow down, White Bread! Sure, there will ALWAYS be different circumstances for different people. However, you ****ed up and you did it BIG. What's wrong with leaving the person you're unhappy with BEFORE you skank around with someone else?

Obviously you weren't trying to fix it when you didn't even have the decency to let homedude know you had given up as well. Now you're trying to validate that by saying you were unhappy. Boo hoo.

Haven't even gone through the last page yet, but OMG you're wording has me cracking up here at the office.

You. Are. Awesome.

Would you and your partner be willing to switch cell phones for a week? If the answer is no, one of you is probably cheating.

^^I disagree. I would never switch phones with my hubby for a week because his phone sucks *kitten*. However, we both have access to all of eachothers e-mails, social networking sites, text messages, etc.

Of course, he may be afraid to cheat since my ex-husband decided to stray after I had our youngest (like RIGHT after) and I ended up bustin his head open for it (he was also on drugs and had become abusive, but I didn't tell my hubby that part). Object lessons are a wonderful thing.

What if I go to a strip club for my best friend's bachelor party and tell my wife we played SCRABBLE and drank grape juice? Is that cheating.

I will not get a lap dance, couch dance, or even a pole dance. All I get was glitter on my clothes.

I need a ruling here.

Hahahaha, my husband is in Las Vegas for work. For Valentines Day I gave him a box of singles for the strip club! I hope he has a great time. I know he is coming home to me, and I know that I turn him on way more than those strippers do. No, I probably wouldnt tolerate it if he slept with someone else, but I am not the only woman in the world, and the guy isn't blind. So many of the guys he went with had to lie to their wives about going, and I was just sad for the whole situation (I dont mean that to sound like the guys were right in the situation, they should NOT be lying)

Also, my husband is in the military, and I go months without seeing him, and I watch a LOT of porn in the meantime...I dont tell him about it, I'm sure he does the same thing, but I dont think thats cheating.

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I'd much rather a drunken one-night-stand than a long term affair for example.

This. I'm quicker to forgive a slip up like this than an ongoing emotional relationship. Because it's one thing to say he fell to temptation and another to say he fell in love.

I've cheated and been cheated on. When I found out I was being cheated on, I wasn't angry or hurt or anything. Loved him to pieces but people have the right to fall out of love with their SO's. It happens. Who am I to make them stay and work on something that no longer exists? So we broke up and he got with the other girl. Now they're happily married and have a 3 month old We weren't for each other. No sappy ending, no crying, no guilt.

When I cheated, I flat out told my ex of four and a half years, "Hey, you're not making the cut. We can either pretend I'm not cheating on you OR you can pack up your things and go. It's not working, hasn't been for years and I'm sick of trying. Now hurry up because I have a date in about 3 hours."

Life is too short to waste it with someone that isn't right for you. And that goes both ways.

What in the f**kin world?!! I would not forgive a slip up? Who teaches these women it's ok to cheat and it's ok to forgive! If you accept for someone to cheat on you with somebody that was "attractive" what kind of standards do you set for yourself? Why in the hell would you forgive them? why not find somebody that won't do it to you?

I never said it was okay to cheat (I was the first person quoted here). It definitely isnt okay. I do, however, aprpeciated that people are flawed and make mistakes. Why did I forgive him? Because I knew that he was a good guy and had made a very stupid mistake. He travelled across the country to tell me to my face what he had done a few days later, and I really appreciated the honesty. We worked through it together and are a great team. He is 1000% dedicated to me, and I to him. Dont go telling me or others here that their opinion on cheating is wrong. Each circumstance is completely different, and needs to be dealt with in a different way. For the most part, cheaters are cheaters, but sometimes there are those that are genuine mistakes, that will only happen once. If I hadnt forgiven my SO, then I would have been the one to lose 3 of the best years of my life.

Oh that wasnt' meant to quote you lol. I directed that towards the other person.

Just curious! What do you consider cheating in a relationship? From your answer to that, have you ever cheated or been cheated on? (I'm curious if this alters people's opinion.) What in your definition of cheating can be forgiven?

Why do you ask? Are you considering taking some action that might be considered "cheating"?

Nevermind! I guess in regards to my certain situation, I never cheated :laugh: Carry on!

You're confused -__-

I think it's anything that you'd be uncomfortable telling your s.o. If you can't share it, then you shouldn't be doing it!

I guess I would phrase things differently.

Are you avoiding being honest with your SO about something significant? If so, why is that? It's probably also important to note that there may be differences between what people consider "significant." And as long as we honor those lines for the people we're with and we're open and honest, it--whatever it is- is probably not cheating
.

:huh: :grumble:

I consider cheating anything he wouldn't want me to do with someone else.

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Nevermind! I guess in regards to my certain situation, I never cheated :laugh: Carry on!

You're confused -__-

The way Christi put it I just had a crazed stalker who didn't want to move out of my house and accused me of cheating even when I told them we were done! Complicated situation nonetheless! :laugh:

I mean, the way you explained it to me... I wouldn't consider it cheating. I wasn't saying YOU had a crazed stalker though. Just that the situation was reminiscent of such.

So the real question then is when I come home covered in glitter.

Do I pretend that I was at a strip club scopin chicks?

or do I admit my secret arts and crafts shame?

You are clearly an emo vampire.

Lmfao, well at least you admit you're a tard right? Hey hows that diet going?! I skipped gym yesterday :x hahah!

Anywhooo!! yes darn it how dare they live with their parents no it was more of the fact of a live in boyfriend...wasn't generalized

I need to find a helmet that doesn't impede my window licking abilities. It's hard to type and lick Windows 7 at the same time. Sad day.

Man... what a bunch of three year old tramps. I can't even fathom what this country is turning to when even NEWBORNS are shacking up these days.

*****es need to get off my lawn with that crap before they drag me into their heathen fest.

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So the real question then is when I come home covered in glitter.

Do I pretend that I was at a strip club scopin chicks?

or do I admit my secret arts and crafts shame?

You are clearly an emo vampire.

bwah! this little exchange made my day - thanks for the chuckles!