"Fighting" with my wife!

I apologize, I did not read all the responses. So, someone may have already said something along the lines of this comment. This is the first thought that popped into my head after reading your post, and I didn't want to lose it.

You mentioned in your "old" life that you always did for others (that's me, totally guilty!). Giving and doing so much, in fact, that you neglected to take care of yourself (me-guilty again!).

So, maybe your wife is so accustomed to having that husband and is having some difficulty adjusting? Just a thought. From your perspective, you have given and done for others your entire life and deserve to do something for yourself now that your kids are grown. Perhaps from your wife's perspective, you are no longer the person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy because you are doing things for yourself. I would not say this is selfish at all. If this IS what is going on, you should probably just try to communicate your need for personal time.
You - feel like you deserve the time and have the right to add one more class because of all you've given in the past.
Your wife - may be wondering what in the world happened to her nurturing, caring, always-putting-others -first husband. She may even think she might be losing you???

If this is fairly new behavior on your part, something you never would have done before getting involved in fitness activities, consider how the change (new you) affects her idea of who you are as a person and husband. She could very well be viewing your new lifestyle as a negative thing because you have changed, not just in physical appearance.

Everyone deserves time to take care of themselves. But we all know how most people reject changes.....maybe a new approach (other than just signing up) or heart-to-heart discussion with your wife is in order. Sincerely hope you are able to work through this because your healthy lifestyle IS a positive thing.

When my ex-wife did this to me, it wasn't about working out less, or spending more time with her or the kids, it was all about CONTROL. Personally, I will never tell my wife she can or can't do something, nor could I ever forbid her to do something.

Look deep, my guess is there is something much larger at issue.

It could be a mixture of this or like someone else posted, the fact that he didn't include her in the decisions. The OP has to decide, if in fact, his wife, has that type of controlling nature about her. If that is the case, then nothing he does will suffice her wishes. If that's not the case, and she merely feels left out of t

Either way, some therapy, whether it be in front of another person, or just a heart to heart talk may be in order.

I wish them both luck because it's a nasty world out there, when you're with someone but feel so lonely anyway.


~katie

I agree with the people above that the main problem is probably that you 'told' her instead of asking. To me, Sunday nights have a particular significance. They are a time for family, and for resting and mentally preparing for the week ahead. Maybe if it was any other time she wouldn't have minded?

Could not have said it better.

When I read this it really hit home for me. Just a couple months ago my husband who's a former pro boxer, joined an mma gym at 10 at night after reciving a phone call from a friend who is a member there asking him to join to go into a fight coming up. I was pretty pissed about it. For one thing he shouldn't just jump on a decicion like that without talking to me. For two I know how he is when it comes to fighting, it was his life, I felt as though it would start consuming all his time. He works from 7 am to 4 pm ever weekday. The gym runs from 6 till 8-9 depending on the night...he wanted to go every other day. I'm a stay at home mom to my 3 yr old. I don't get to get out and when he comes home that's all I look forward to everyday. When he would leave we would have barely any time together and it really upset me but I know how much he loves the sport. I actually even made a post like this myself asking if I was being selfish...yes he to has givin up on a lot for me, all. for the better though, he dosent go drink, or go out with friends, he dosent leave me home to go do anything....he always puts me first. But I agree with so many tohers on here us women love you and need to have your attention and need to know your there. We get lonley and miss you when your gone. However he did quit the gym, (still wants to go) but dosent. Recently we have both found something we can go do a few times a week together, we are on a bowling leauge now and go on the weekends also...so try and find something you both will like and you'll have doing, it will make you both so much happier . Good luck!

Translation from her: DUDE you aren't spending time with me. I DON'T want to workout to spend time with you, I just want to spend time with you.

A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition

Perhaps you should include her in on some of your workouts. Encourage her to have a healthy lifestyle as well. A family that plays together stays together. She doesn't have to do the same exact workouts as you do, but just including her into your gym time would probably mean alot to her.

I really feel for you and your wife, which is why I am a little concerned you are seeking some pretty serious marital advice in a forum. Please consider at least a few sessions of counseling or discussions with a neutral, qualified third party. (Not trying to preach.)

I realize from reading this thread that my relationship is maybe not typical? If my husband signed up for something I would not expect him to have to check with me first. He's married but he's still his own person and shouldn't have to look to me for permission to do something. Same goes for me.
I would find it extremely disturbing if he FORBADE me from doing something I wanted to do.

And I would see that as extremely disrespectful of MY wishes. If he had a problem, we would be able to talk about it, but there is no "putting your foot down" in my relationship.

I totally agree with this. I am not married but I would never expect a partner to come and ask permission to do something or not. I am not nor do I want to be the gatekeeper. Marriage and partnerships are about equality

I just went looking through some of your posts...


"By the end of the summer I was out 30K + rides a couple of times per week. "

What's your next vacation destination? Wed 02/29/12 06:52 AM
"Back to the gym!!!"

" I like a nice little 10 min cardio before weights.... I also do about 10 - 15 min of yoga style stretching after my cardio but before weights. "

"One of my Martial Arts classes is in a Boxing gym."

"The gym I go to has lots of women"

"I have added running 1x week to my routine and I can hardly wait until the snow melts enough to get my bike back on the road"

"I train in two martial arts; Capoeira & Jeet Kune Do. "

"I go to the gym from Monday thru Saturday. On Sunday the gym is closed, so at Christmas I decided that Sunday would be my running/jogging day. "



Can you see WHY she might be feeling a little lonely, left out, and might have blown her top just a bit over you adding a Sunday night class? Let me see if I get this... you go to the gym Monday through Saturday and you're there for half an hour plus your weights time, you do two martial arts classes, go running once a week AND plan to get back to biking twice a week?



Where have you left time in your life for this?

"I have a beautiful wife and two awesome grown children who love me. This is what is important in my life."

I just went looking through some of your posts...

This just got serious ... lol

Yeah... if you are spending a second full time job at working out... Then I can see why your wife is pissed about this. My wife and I generally don't ask for permission but we do discuss it prior to the event. For example; if I plan on going to the gym I tell her I plan on going to the gym tonight. I try to do the best I can to work out when our 2 year old has already gone to bed and we have had dinner and some family time or during his nap so that she can rest and then I can be there later.

Yeah. This does not sound like as much as control as much as you just took her one day with you off the map.