"Fighting" with my wife!

I think part of the problem was going ahead and doing it on your own, without consulting her. I think if you had, there would have been a more reasonable discussion about it.

Relationships always require some sacrifice, and at the end of the day, you have to decide if sticking with a certain stance is going to be worth whatever the fallout is.

Maybe you and your wife can workout a solution where if she lets you take the class, you agree to do an activity with her that she's wanted you to do but you haven't made time for. This way, you're making sure you still have the time you need with your family.

I think both you and the wife are probably being a little selfish, and if you sit down and try to work out a compromise, it would be a good idea.

^This. Yes, it's your life, but you are also a life partner.

Amen to the above..!!

You're being selfish. Proud of you for being healthy, but your lifestyle change was too drastic and evidently not completely with the real world in mind. Get over yourself and back to reality. You have a family. Nothing more needs to be said.

He may be being selfish, but so is she by forbidding him to take the class. Is she his wife or his mother? Mature, reasonable ADULTS in a marriage/committed relationship don't forbid one another to do things, they sit down and try to find a solution that works for both.

Maybe she sees your lifestyle changes as a threat and she's trying to keep you from "running away"? Or she's just upset that you didn't run it by her first? Or, maybe SHE is the one that needs to "get over herself" and realize that marriage does not equal togetherness 24/7. Sorry for being so blunt, but she sounds as if she is a bit jealous and/or insecure. I hope you two can arrive at a workable solution.

I say dump her *kitten*... If she isn't going to let you do whatever you want..... whenever you want to.... No point in being together!

Ok I'm being a smart *kitten* here.... Obviously this is not an option!

There is more to this story!!!

Cool off ......then go talk it out with her..... listen to what she has to say without trying to change her position...... Then ask her to do the same....... If you both feel like you are being valued and respected, you guys will figure it out.

you already knew she wasn't fully on board with your fitness plan, and that's why you didn't discuss it with her. you knew she would say no, so you went behind her back and signed up anyway. then when she was finally told about you joining, she got upset, and you ran off like a 5 year old to starbucks to avoid confrontation. you are so lucky you're not in a relationship with me. you're clothes would be on the front lawn and the house locks would be changed. i do NOT tolerate people going behind my back or backing down from confrontation. i think you need to reevaluate your priorities. i fully support your wife in any brash decisions she may make in the future. i hope she leaves you so you can spend all your new found free time at the gym with all the other jocks and gym bunnies.

sorry, i'm a little harsh, but i will not hide what i feel. your wife deserves better.

Really? You think it's really ok for her to dictate what he can do? I guess I really do not understand this.

he needs to discuss things with her. a marriage is a joint contract. he probably wouldn't like her running off somewhere all the time without telling him, so why is he allowed to do that? this is just a boil over of things building up. they need to open the lines of communication, both ways. and then for him to run off and not try to fix the situation is cowardice.

I think it is more wrong for her to try to control what he can and cannot do, but I do agree that this, as I said earlier, is a symptom of a relationship problem.
I would never expect my husband to tell me that I must get his permission if I wanted to take a class.

I guess not everyone has a supportive relationship though. I actually find it quite appalling.

i guess i don't understand why anyone wouldn't tell their significant other about anything. my boyfriend and i share everything.

example: i'm going to the gym and out to eat with a friend today. he knows what gym, what friend, what eatery, and what time.

he didn't ask what i was doing today, i just felt like he deserved to know. he tells me things the same way. i can't understand how people keep things from their partner. why would you do that? are you so afraid of their response that you refuse to tell them?

I don't think it's about keeping anything from her. This fight started because he did tell her. It's about checking with her and asking her permission before signing up for the class that is 90 minutes once a week.
I don't want to be married to someone who insists that I get his permission and blessing every time I want to do something that doesn't involve him.

I say dump her *kitten*... If she isn't going to let you do whatever you want..... whenever you want to.... No point in being together!

Ok I'm being a smart *kitten* here.... Obviously this is not an option!

so glad that was sarcasm. hahaha i was about to say whaaat?!

I say dump her *kitten*... If she isn't going to let you do whatever you want..... whenever you want to.... No point in being together!

... Obviously this is not an option!

It's interesting to hear the Husband's side for me. So often as a woman I have found myself "lost" in my family that I couldn't begin to tell you who I was or even who I hoped to be. I definitely commend you for taking control of your life and your health again. And you're right, she probably IS feeling left out. But I doubt that she will feel as though she is actually spending time with YOU by going to an aerobic class at the same time. There's no way to "rediscover" each other in a room with so many other people jumping around and sweating. I'm not saying that you should stay home with her slobbering in front of the television. but maybe now that your children are able to take care of themselves it's time to date your wife again. Maybe she's in need of some intimacy in order to feel like a vital part of your life again. From a woman's point of view she could very well be feeling as though she no longer means the world to you because you now mean the world to you. She's looking for you to put her first in some compartment of your life again. I'm sure she's highly excited about you being healthy and adding years to your life, but I'm sure she's feeling left behind in your world as well. Good luck resolving your problem.

I can't help but think that if the OP was female, and it was the husband "forbidding" her from taking an extra class, this thread would look very, very different.

I think OP should be able to spend his free time any way he wants, within his marriage vows, safety, etc. But is this equality? If his wife has the same amount of time that's all hers to spend how she wishes, I'd think it would be equality. I would suggest the two negotiate what "free time" is, and how much each will take independently of each other, and then the issue "should" be finished. If the wife values that particular time of each week that her husband wants to take a class, then there's conflict of another sort. All in all, I think the husband should be able to take this class, but he should have approached his wife with more sensitivity to her needs and wants, not just made a one-way announcement to her. I also agree with all the posters here who say there are probably other issues at work here as well. ad infinitum, actually...

You're being selfish. Proud of you for being healthy, but your lifestyle change was too drastic and evidently not completely with the real world in mind. Get over yourself and back to reality. You have a family. Nothing more needs to be said.

This is an absolute load of bullish!t.

I have the same problems sometimes. My wife was the one who put her foot down all those years ago that I needed to start living a healthy life, so my kids wouldn't see me die before my time. I did as she instructed. And the results have been better than either of us were expecting. At the same time there have been unforeseen consequences. My method of exercise is triathlon, mainly. This means bikes and cycling gear, running gear, swimming gear and pool expenses, oh jeez has it gotten costly from time to time. There are "lost weekends" devoted to endurance building.

Like you I love my family dearly, and was willing to do what my wife directed. I've lost roughly 75 pounds since she put her foot down, my health has improved exponentially, I've cut WAAYYYYYY back on my drinking, so you'd think she'd be happy. But even she didn't think the trade-off would come to this. And it's caused some pretty big fights. She's not happy that I'm not around and/or blowing the family budget for some new gear/gadget, and I'm defensive that she's angry with me since I'm doing this for her. When we're able to work through things, we try to find a middle ground that looks something like this: She tries to remember that the original situation could always come back - and that was still worse. And I try to remember that my healthy active life doesn't have to happen at the expense of my amazing family. It should actually happen WITH them.

Good luck finding your middle ground. It can be done, but it's tough. And don't be surprised if every so often you have to re-find it.