Can you handle having a CLINGY significant other?

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Replies

  • Stacera
    Stacera Posts: 347 Member
    I had one of those.. he would hardly let me have my own cushion on the couch. he had to ALWAYS be in contact and touching me!! it was sooooo irritating I would be watching TV and he would want to make out.. like all the time!! or I would be making dinner and he was always there, not helping me with dinner but being in the way I'm like DAMN MAN! back up! needless to say it ended with me telling him I felt like I couldn't even have my own air to breathe and I couldn't deal with his constant in my face. The way he was it was almost like a person on X wanting to touch everything or a cat on catnip.. it was bizarre.. and he wasn't on anything.


    I like to have some space.
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Send him the link to this
    http://youtu.be/7CYE0DYIbaw
  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member
    Something you said struck me. "If I leave him his heart will shatter" It sounds like you're ok with leaving but just don't want to hurt him. If you aren't "in love" with him...he will wind up just pushing you away by all this and then it will be much harder to break it off. I say break it off now before it gets more complicated.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
    I'm a needy b*tch and like lots of affection. But I like my SO to have her own hobbies, interest, and personality. It's hard to maintain individualism in a committed relationship but it's important to give each other space to do so.
  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member

    However, don't stay with anybody just because his heart will shatter if you leave him. That's a recipe for unhappiness for both of you. If you don't love the guy, don't stay with him out of pity. Let him go and find someone who will love him back.

    Good luck!

    Well said!!!
  • Legalchica
    Legalchica Posts: 462
    Yup I agree RUN.... I thought it was cute... 13 years later i'm verging on hate....
  • Aleciajones
    Aleciajones Posts: 153
    My husband and I are both clingy so it works perfectly
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    he wouldnt make it through the first date before Id bail.
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    I can go months or even years without seeing someone, but really appreciate clingy partners. I like knowing someone cares about me, and it makes me feel good doing things for them.

    The last thing I need is someone like myself -- our first date could be at a movie theater, and the second 40 years later in a retirement home...:indifferent:
  • slay0r
    slay0r Posts: 669 Member
    Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

    The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.
  • sandrinamsilva
    sandrinamsilva Posts: 651 Member
    No, I can not handle clingy. Sometimes I just want my space with no one's input. I had one dude I was starting to date (1 week) beginning doing some of this type of stuff, MAJOR TURN OFF. My boyfriend now is the complete opposite, I love it. I get to miss him when we don't talk/see each other everyday.
  • nray3119
    nray3119 Posts: 100 Member
    Run away!! There is something wrong. Why does he feel the need to be so attached?
  • i_love_vinegar
    i_love_vinegar Posts: 2,092 Member
    Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

    The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.

    I like that. Clingy to me sounds similar to "too nice." Some (aka quite a few) people seem to think there *has to be* something wrong with a person if they show their feelings and treat the person they love well. <_< A lot of these people then go on to date people who are the opposite, and complain these people "aren't attentive, romantic sweet, affectionate etc. enough."

    I love giving out massages and stuff too. I wish it was more acceptable to not play games and stuff...but alas I too am going to wait a while before shelling out massages and stuff. Frankly, I think you should just do what you want though LOL. I'm simply waiting because my experience has been that people think I must be *desperate, obsessive, or I have a hidden problem* if I do this stuff early on. Basically, I'm playing it safe...although I seek-out clingy people so hopefully they too appreciate this stuff in most cases ^^
  • BlackmetalCoffee79
    BlackmetalCoffee79 Posts: 108 Member
    I like my alone time, so no i personally couldn't handle an extremely clingy g/f. Plus i know a lot of relationships around me that are this way and it ends up in some ways effecting my friendship with the person involved. It's not to say that i couldn't be the romantic type or anything like that, it's just that i feel most people need some time to themselves, but maybe that's just my personality type.
  • fatty_to_fitty
    fatty_to_fitty Posts: 544 Member
    NO.
  • CeejayGee
    CeejayGee Posts: 299 Member
    Google "Insecure Attachment" - that's what he has. Evidently his childhood was probably chaotic, so he has a fear of abandonment now. What he feels is a need for assurance and stability - once he feels more secure in your relationship and that you really like him, it'll calm down some. But in the initial stages, he'll just want a lot of assurance and he gets that by being touchy feely, by asking if you love him, etc. And, his inner child probably really DOES believe that you're going to leave him at any time.

    I don't think he's going to turn scary on you or anything like that, but you do need to talk about it and ask if him he's feeling the things you read about insecure attachment. And then ask how you can help him feel more secure and how he can let you have more space. Maybe one really meaningful "I love you" a day would give him what he needs, and give you what you need.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I can't handle clingy in ANY relationship, period.
  • ilookthetype
    ilookthetype Posts: 3,021 Member
    I have learned that after you make them cry a few times (not saying I love you back, shrugging them off when they try to physically cling, and making plans that don't involve them have all worked for me in the past) they'll get extremely upset and leave because you "don't treat them the way they deserve"

    A simpler but much more dramatic and drawn out way is to dump them, however this comes with a lot of questions, texts, and phone calls so they can find out why exactly you have dumped them. That's why I go the other route and make them cry (by having a life of my own and making my personal space known) so they leave on their own.
  • Carl01
    Carl01 Posts: 9,307 Member
    I don`t have to read any other responses to tell you that he is effed up and you will not fix him.
    End it.
  • Tanyawhite30
    Tanyawhite30 Posts: 473
    My husband is like that...but I dont see him alot because he works away so I guess it`s ok....but sometimes I am anxious for him to leave lol!!
  • leogirl724
    leogirl724 Posts: 73
    Just as a bit of a thread hijack..

    The last line about touching constantly, is that a really bad thing? I've found myself doing that, not always through affection I just know that they love the touch. Maybe it's overused I don't know but I love giving out massages and things :x Never realised it was something that gets on someones nerves but I've kinda just realised I did it quite a lot with the last person I saw. Eeek.
    some people dig it...some don't
    you need to make sure you know who you are with and are matched in that sense
  • sunkisses
    sunkisses Posts: 2,365 Member
    Even the existence of a significant other right now would be too much for me.
  • stainlessteel
    stainlessteel Posts: 44
    **** ya that's the best kind of luv ;)
  • Sherbog
    Sherbog Posts: 1,072 Member
    Put your feet in overdrive and run like the ****ens. Never look back...don't try to take the time to explain to him...just get out.
  • MoLove2025
    MoLove2025 Posts: 135 Member
    it may be alot now.....he we calm down once he knows you love him to (IF YOU DO). Having him is way better than one that wont do any of those things at all.

    Heck i am guilty of a 2 or 3 of those....yes i will admit i tell my man i miss him when he isnt around.....hes great company...Life seems a little boring with out him.
  • LilRedRooster
    LilRedRooster Posts: 1,421 Member
    I had one of those. Lasted a few months. Wouldn't have another if I were paid.
  • wittlelacey
    wittlelacey Posts: 391 Member
    it may be alot now.....he we calm down once he knows you love him to (IF YOU DO). Having him is way better than one that wont do any of those things at all.

    Heck i am guilty of a 2 or 3 of those....yes i will admit i tell my man i miss him when he isnt around.....hes great company...Life seems a little boring with out him.
    I do love him :) I love his family, and his home, and the way he treats me, and that he's done a lot for me. But I don't love the lack of space or the boy that I'm stuck with when I need a man. I'm torn between loving someone and seeking what I need in a significant other. I don't want to make the mistake of letting him go, when he could easily be the one. I just want him to lighten up a bit and give me room to breathe. In the next few days, it will be my mission to make this loud and clear!

    Thanks to everyone who replied, even though you all gave me plenty of mixed emotions ahaha
  • muffin_shufflin
    muffin_shufflin Posts: 239 Member
    I dated a guy like this & after about a month & a half- two months, I broke it off. Texting me 24-FREAKING-7 about every little detail of your day isn't a must. I don't need to know that you just killed a spider & now you're drinking grape juice. I like my space. I like not hearing from you so that when I finally do, i'm excited. A little clingy is ok, it's nice to know you're wanted or that they're afraid of losing you. But when you're being suffocated, it's no longer fun & it's just plain annoying. I also vote "run"
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