I find myself becoming very judgemental

24567…10

Replies

  • remembertheharddrive
    remembertheharddrive Posts: 133 Member
    I think that it's harder to lose weight for some than others. I try to remember that everyone is different and try to tell myself that I don't know their story or struggles, when I find myself thinking similar thoughts.

    At this stage, having gained so much weight back recently, I've actually found that my judgments have been tamed. I'm suddenly reminded how hard it *can* be. But if you'd asked me a year ago, I'd have felt the same way as you though -- so many easy changes, how can you not make them, how can you live day to day like that?

    But now I'm thinking - well, geez, I've always been able to make those changes to get healthy, why does it feel so out of control now? How can *I* let myself live this way?
  • Annie7714
    Annie7714 Posts: 4
    I think its very normal and I think you are mistaking judging with concern. The way you have explained what you are feeling shows that you have a heart and that you care. Because we carry the knowledge and use it to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight, we see more of the stuff we know isn't right and the results of it.
    I always catch myself thinking "How can they eat that, don't they know how bad it is", don't worry your not alone. :smile
  • McMommyx3
    McMommyx3 Posts: 19
    You just have to realize they are not in the same state of mind as you. Now if they were claiming to be healthy & then eating horrible unhealthy food, you may have a right to point out that they are not.
    Now, we are all <secretly> judgmental to some degree so don't feel too guilty about it :)
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
    We're human; it's what we do. We judge. Everything, all the time. You weren't having these thoughts before because eating right/exercise weren't a focus for you before.

    Personally, I find myself being more empathetic than anything else. I have been where they are. I was 100 lbs overweight several years ago. You say "it's not hard to lose weight," but that's not true when years of being overweight (and possibly abuse, loss, neglect-- hell, who knows what a stranger has been through?) have so severely warped your psyche. The hardest part of losing weight was walking into the gym. After that, you're right-- it wasn't that hard. I was very overweight my whole life, and 22 years old by the time I finally got to that point. They're painfully aware of the situation. And they care. They just haven't reached that place where they feel empowered to do something about it-- and nothing anyone says is going to push them there.

    I guess it could seem condescending, but I tend to just feel sadness for people in these situations. Because I know a lot about how they must feel, and I know how much it sucks.
  • sommerskins
    sommerskins Posts: 57
    I think it is normal to feel this way. Knowing that we know how hard it is to work out, to eat healthy, etc. and of course we want people to love and take care of themselves. Some people are not there yet and then there are some that are addicts. Like an alchoholic or drug addict, they crave food and they can't seem to make the right choice. I think we need to just have empathy and come from a place of love and try to project that positive energy if it is someone you know personally. If it is someone on the street, grocery store or food joint we just need to have compassion. Like one of the above comments mentioned, we never know what someone else may be going through. :heart:
  • bigsexay157
    bigsexay157 Posts: 33 Member
    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls
  • SWEETS1234
    SWEETS1234 Posts: 243 Member
    hahaha SHE-RA!!
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
    this seem to be the syndrome of the ex-smoker.... nobody can be more judgmental and annoying than an ex-smoker...
    It is human nature, and we can;t seem to be avoiding it...
    Heck I am an ex-smoker and a future ex-obese and at the pick of my weight, I would still look at people at pizza and hide behind a huge plate of pizza to make stupid comments on how these fat people should not be eating at a pizza buffet place...
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,644 Member
    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls


    I thought I was your friend :frown:
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
    I think we develop this expectation that other people are under some obligation to live their lives in the same way we do...probably because we see a need that drives us. it's sort of natural; we relate to the world by comparing things to ourselves. I think that we also make some inappropriate and sometimes unfortunate assumptions when we do this. I know it's something I try to watch with varying levels of success and failure.

    Unfortunately, one size does not fit all, so to speak. We cannot possibly imagine all the circumstances that factor into the tiny glimpses we see of the lives of strangers. We cannot be judges when we don't have the facts.
  • IcassI
    IcassI Posts: 248 Member
    I found myself doing this exact thing the last time I went to the movie theatre. The AMC near me now posts the calorie counts of the snacks and I was amazed at the number of people still indulging on the snacks that were 2000+ calories. I really try not to judge, because I wouldn't be on MFP if I didn't have weight to lose. I once ate whatever I wanted and did not exercise and clearly I paid for it. But its hard to not notice when you are in the healthy lifestyle mindset.
  • galegetsthin
    galegetsthin Posts: 1,340 Member
    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls


    I still have mine from when I was a kid. AND the pink skull crystal castle!! That was my favorite toy!
  • AReasor
    AReasor Posts: 355 Member
    No one ever really knows another person's story.

    This is a good reminder when judgmental feelings arise.
  • HotBodUnderConstruction
    HotBodUnderConstruction Posts: 420
    I think it's common that people dislike in others something you dislike about yourself. When I see someone stuffing his/her face it reminds me of my old habits and it grosses me out because of the way *I* used to be...at the same time I feel sympathy for them because I think I understand what they might be going through.
  • becca3211
    becca3211 Posts: 98 Member
    I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

    WTF is wrong with me?


    It may be easy for you to lose weight but not everyone has that easy of a time. remember to act the way you would like others to act towards you....
  • NYCDutchess
    NYCDutchess Posts: 622 Member
    I think it's normal. But as long as your thinking it and not saying it or making a face, it doesn't hurt anyone.

    I don't really think its "judgemental". Just you disagree with their choices.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    I've noticed lately, pretty much since I've been on my weightloss kick, that when I see tremendously overweight people out in public, eating gross things ect. I get very judgemental. I really don't want to be this way, and I feel bad for thinking the way I do, but I can't help but think "It's not hard to lose weight, and you shouldn't be eating that"

    WTF is wrong with me?

    I blogged about this a little yesterday. I used to do this too, and discovered that I was doing it due to my own insecurities. I was fighting for where want to be, unsure if I'd get there, and the habits of others that used to be mine were reminders of where I was and how easy it is to becomet that person again. Self confidence has changed this about me, I'm no longer critical of others because I'm no longer critical of myself (well, physically anyway . . . in other aspects I'm very snarky so there's that).
  • frainfam
    frainfam Posts: 11 Member
    No one ever really knows another person's story.

    This is a good reminder when judgmental feelings arise.

    I could not agree with this more.
  • Natihilator
    Natihilator Posts: 1,778 Member
    THEY KNOW what they look like, and I'm sure they are not okay with it. Someone pointing it out to them, is definitely NOT going to help.

    Actually, I think there are a lot of people out there that DON'T know what they look like, or how big they actually are. It seems crazy that someone can look into a mirror and not actually see an accurate portrayal of themselves, but it's definitely possible. A distorted body image/body dysmorphia is not just for anorexics thinking they look fat when they're skin and bones, it can go the other way as well.
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,716 Member
    I think it's common that people dislike in others something you dislike about yourself. When I see someone stuffing his/her face it reminds me of my old habits and it grosses me out because of the way *I* used to be...at the same time I feel sympathy for them because I think I understand what they might be going through.

    This. The reason it's so common for many of us is because we're projecting ourselves onto them. It's not them we're disgusted with. It's us. The idea that we spent however much of our lives so heavy... it triggers certain negative feelings inside us and when we see someone that reminds us of how we used to be we feel judgmental of them when really we're the ones that we're mad at.

    *is not a shrink*
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
    I wouldn't say I'm judgemental per se, but I do find myself wanting to share my story with them in the hope that it will encourage them to do something about their health. However, until that person reaches rock bottom and is ready for change, I know I can't help them no matter how inspiring or helpful I try to be. In fact, my words would probably be met with a defensive attitude rather than acceptance. So instead I just usually send up a little prayer for them, that, when the time is right and they are ready, God will send someone along to help them bring about positive change in their lives.

    P.S. My stepdad is 51 yrs old, and he weighs probably between 450-500lbs. We can't be sure because the household scales aren't adequate to weigh him anymore. He was around 350lbs when my mom met him, and he's just gradually gained more and more weight. He's dug such a hole for himself that he's pretty much lost all hope of ever getting out of it. He's never known any other way of eating other than southern comfort foods, junky processed food, and fast food, and he has no concept of portion control. Occasionally, he will make an effort to do better, but a few days in, it gets too hard for him to control his eating habits and he just gives up. He's not ready to commit to a lifelong healthy way of living. It gets so overwhelming to him that he can't gut the thought of permanently giving up his favorite foods, which are, in his mind, his only source of comfort. The sad reality is that the life is LITERALLY being crushed out of him...by his own body.
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I was like that at first, but then I realized? It isn't my business what anyone else does with their body. I turned my focus inward and worry about ME - my body, my food choices, etc. I let other people make their own choices. You can't make someone else do something they don't want to do.

    So, worry about the choices YOU are making for YOU and don't focus on other people's business.
  • cathycornell
    cathycornell Posts: 3
    I think that is judgemental and shame on you. Keep the focus on yourself and don't involve yourself in what anyone else is eating. it sounds like you think you are better than them because of what you do/or do not eat.

    That's like someone in recovery judging an active addict.
  • emrys1976
    emrys1976 Posts: 213 Member
    We're human; it's what we do. We judge. Everything, all the time. You weren't having these thoughts before because eating right/exercise weren't a focus for you before.

    Personally, I find myself being more empathetic than anything else. I have been where they are. I was 100 lbs overweight several years ago. You say "it's not hard to lose weight," but that's not true when years of being overweight (and possibly abuse, loss, neglect-- hell, who knows what a stranger has been through?) have so severely warped your psyche. The hardest part of losing weight was walking into the gym. After that, you're right-- it wasn't that hard. I was very overweight my whole life, and 22 years old by the time I finally got to that point. They're painfully aware of the situation. And they care. They just haven't reached that place where they feel empowered to do something about it-- and nothing anyone says is going to push them there.

    I guess it could seem condescending, but I tend to just feel sadness for people in these situations. Because I know a lot about how they must feel, and I know how much it sucks.

    ^^this^^
  • CiciPorcayo
    CiciPorcayo Posts: 380 Member
    For me. I have always been judgemental and kind of mean about weightloss and appearence and such, I was brought up like that. My mom is a size one on a good day and both of my cousins I am close with do modeling or did modeling so it is an issue. However I am now the "Chubby One" in the family.... so? tables turn and I regret laughing and making rude remarks etc... but I will say that putting aside my rudeness and judgemental mentality the one thing I do not feel bad about, is parents over feeding their children and having 1, 2 and 3 year olds that are obese! Weigh more then my kids 2yrs & 5 yrs put together... that is wrong, and harmful..... But idk its human nature to judge.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
    I think it's just hard when you watch every calorie and to make an effort to exercise, then your coworkers - the same coworkers who tried all the diet pills and had to stop taking them because of chest pains - continue to eat the same garbage day in, day out for lunch, ordering enchiladas and burgers and fries and fried chicken, EVERY SINGLE work day with no exceptions.

    Their idea of healthy eating is chicken fingers (because chicken is healthy, right?) and a side salad (hey, salad!) covered in ranch.

    It genuinely disgusts me when I see them complain about their weight and then shove that crap into their mouths. I clicked on this topic because this exact thing happened yesterday, and I questioned myself as to why I felt the way I did - thoroughly disgusted. I did feel bad and I don't want that negativity in my brain, but I couldn't help it at that moment.

    I think... they want the easy way out, they want to complain about things but not put any effort into fixing them, they want a quick fix with a pill but don't want to bother realizing they basically had a full meal when they drank their huge soda.

    Then I realize I may just be jealous because their food does look really good, then I eat something and feel better instead of 'bitter'. :laugh:

    Edit: Also I was pretty crabby yesterday because the sandwich joint got my order wrong. Ha!
  • Momma1213
    Momma1213 Posts: 56
    I do the same thing, always have, and for the most part I just accept that it's that person's body and they will do as they please and it's not my place nor right to lecture them. What truly angers me is that the kids are not taught to live any other way and are extremely unhealthy at such a young age. That hurts my heart to see and know that there is nothing I can do about it.
  • TheNewLeslie
    TheNewLeslie Posts: 44 Member
    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls

    Bazinga!
  • kizzaii
    kizzaii Posts: 52
    I'm the same and it upsets me haha. When i wasn't eating healthy, i'd happily eat 1000 calories in a meal and now when people mention takeaways, i get a bit uppity wondering how they can eat all those calories in one meal. Not good, but human
  • Donnacoach
    Donnacoach Posts: 540 Member
    I have a friend who is extremely over weight and she is always complaining about being fat and asking me if I think she looks fat. It upsets me that she feels bad about being fat, but won't do anything about it. Why does she ask me? It really puts me in a rough place because saying yes will hurt her feelings, but saying no is lying to her. She just wants reassurance that she isn't fat, and it's not something I can reassure her about without lying. I do the same thing now when I look at people, especially those who are on the self pity wagon, the poor me, all the time is sickening. Buck up and do something about it, is how I feel. I've been through 5 major surgeries and got up to 320 pounds. I felt horrible, so when my body was healed I got back at it instead of just complaining about being over weight. I am sure it sounds a bit heartless, but come on people, you can see the image in the mirror as well as I can.
This discussion has been closed.

Categories