I find myself becoming very judgemental

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  • loseweightjames
    loseweightjames Posts: 365
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    I do it too. When I see overweight families at the grocery store with a cart filled to the top of crap like cookies, chips, soda, boxed meals, etc, in my mind I'm screaming "WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT TO YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN!!!"

    I feel kinda guilty for thinking that way, but it's more like I wish I could tell them how horrible that stuff is for them so they could better themselves. But that would be really rude...

    well, remember we're trying to fight 200,000 years of human instinct by NOT eating that food. Never in the history of mankind has good tasting food been so cheap and plentiful. We're really blessed to live in this time. Being fat use to be sexy for the past 200,000 years, only the last ~70 years has it become something that's disgusting.

    i judge them too, i think we all do, it's hard not to
  • WolffRN
    WolffRN Posts: 48
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    After those thoughts pass, I think "How can you not know how you look?! How are you okay with that?"

    ^^That is the judgemental part
    [/quote]


    THEY KNOW what they look like, and I'm sure they are not okay with it. Someone pointing it out to them, is definitely NOT going to help.
  • IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym
    IpuffyheartHeelsinthegym Posts: 5,573 Member
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    I feel the same sometimes. I also feel terrible that I feel like that too. :( Makes me feel like a complete b. I just want them to try and do it because they can!! It's just frustrating. Especially when one of them is my roommate. I watch him eat fast food EVERY night and drink 1 liter of soda every two days. It's hard to watch and I've tried telling him, but he won't do it unless he WANTS to!! Everyone surrounding him, our other roommate, my boyfriend are fit and I'm working toward it. So it's just frustrating. D:

    I think that's the best way to describe it. It frustrates the hell out of me because they don't HAVE to live that way


    But the question is, did you know that before you started MFP or getting healthy in general? I'm not sure I could say I knew what healthy eating was, because in my case, I thought less was more. Boy, was I wrong....
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    Hmmm. You're projecting? When I eat something like ice cream in public, like I did the other day, I feel awkward, because I worry I'm being judged.

    But you might consider that some of these folks have planned for their splurge, as some of us on MFP do. Or we count it and move on, even if we're over our calories for the day.

    Ok. One of the instances that pissed me off. I was at a texmex place, on my spike day, eating queso, a huge burrito, etc. This family walks in (Husband, wife, about a 7 year old, and a 1 year old) They were all over weight. Parents were obese. They sat next to us, and when they got their food, the man *****ed at the waiter because he ordered 2 lbs of fajita meat. TWO FREAKING POUNDS!!!! And she said "oh, when you said two, I thought you meant you wanted fajitas for two." He wanted to eat enough meat for 4 freaking people. WHY!?!?!
  • witrixie2011
    witrixie2011 Posts: 224
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    I was just thinking the same thought the other day and felt guilty about my reaction. And then I remember being exactly where they are and not knowing how to change. I actually thought I ate pretty healthy.... boy was MFP quite the wake up call for me.
  • Le_Joy
    Le_Joy Posts: 593 Member
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    For some people it is hard to lose weight, it is very hard for me. I am doing it, but it takes a LOT of time, energy and effort. I try not to judge others because I have been where they are and I don't know where they are in their journey.
  • dlwyatt82
    dlwyatt82 Posts: 1,077 Member
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    It doesn't really matter what you think about other people. For whatever reason, you're going to run into people from time to time and completely disapprove of something about their appearance, behavior, etc.

    What matters is how you act toward them. If you're treating people with warm courtesy, regardless of your private impressions, you're not being judgemental.

    Your thoughts are your own business, and you're no less a good person for having them.
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,468 Member
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    After those thoughts pass, I think "How can you not know how you look?! How are you okay with that?"

    ^^That is the judgemental part


    THEY KNOW what they look like, and I'm sure they are not okay with it. Someone pointing it out to them, is definitely NOT going to help.
    [/quote]

    Never said I was thinking about or had pointed it out to anyone. I have a little more tact than that
  • Tannedtiffers
    Tannedtiffers Posts: 558 Member
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    I find myself doing this, also. Only because, I've been there, and done that. And, it makes me sad to sit there and see someone doing harm to theirselves like that.
  • angied80
    angied80 Posts: 749
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    I get irritated because sometimes some of those people think there is nothing they can do about it and just accept how they are. They do not realise it might take work and courage but you CAN change.
  • remembertheharddrive
    remembertheharddrive Posts: 133 Member
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    I think that it's harder to lose weight for some than others. I try to remember that everyone is different and try to tell myself that I don't know their story or struggles, when I find myself thinking similar thoughts.

    At this stage, having gained so much weight back recently, I've actually found that my judgments have been tamed. I'm suddenly reminded how hard it *can* be. But if you'd asked me a year ago, I'd have felt the same way as you though -- so many easy changes, how can you not make them, how can you live day to day like that?

    But now I'm thinking - well, geez, I've always been able to make those changes to get healthy, why does it feel so out of control now? How can *I* let myself live this way?
  • Annie7714
    Annie7714 Posts: 4
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    I think its very normal and I think you are mistaking judging with concern. The way you have explained what you are feeling shows that you have a heart and that you care. Because we carry the knowledge and use it to be healthy and maintain a healthy weight, we see more of the stuff we know isn't right and the results of it.
    I always catch myself thinking "How can they eat that, don't they know how bad it is", don't worry your not alone. :smile
  • McMommyx3
    McMommyx3 Posts: 19
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    You just have to realize they are not in the same state of mind as you. Now if they were claiming to be healthy & then eating horrible unhealthy food, you may have a right to point out that they are not.
    Now, we are all <secretly> judgmental to some degree so don't feel too guilty about it :)
  • 10acity
    10acity Posts: 798 Member
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    We're human; it's what we do. We judge. Everything, all the time. You weren't having these thoughts before because eating right/exercise weren't a focus for you before.

    Personally, I find myself being more empathetic than anything else. I have been where they are. I was 100 lbs overweight several years ago. You say "it's not hard to lose weight," but that's not true when years of being overweight (and possibly abuse, loss, neglect-- hell, who knows what a stranger has been through?) have so severely warped your psyche. The hardest part of losing weight was walking into the gym. After that, you're right-- it wasn't that hard. I was very overweight my whole life, and 22 years old by the time I finally got to that point. They're painfully aware of the situation. And they care. They just haven't reached that place where they feel empowered to do something about it-- and nothing anyone says is going to push them there.

    I guess it could seem condescending, but I tend to just feel sadness for people in these situations. Because I know a lot about how they must feel, and I know how much it sucks.
  • sommerskins
    sommerskins Posts: 57
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    I think it is normal to feel this way. Knowing that we know how hard it is to work out, to eat healthy, etc. and of course we want people to love and take care of themselves. Some people are not there yet and then there are some that are addicts. Like an alchoholic or drug addict, they crave food and they can't seem to make the right choice. I think we need to just have empathy and come from a place of love and try to project that positive energy if it is someone you know personally. If it is someone on the street, grocery store or food joint we just need to have compassion. Like one of the above comments mentioned, we never know what someone else may be going through. :heart:
  • bigsexay157
    bigsexay157 Posts: 37
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    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls
  • SWEETS1234
    SWEETS1234 Posts: 243 Member
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    hahaha SHE-RA!!
  • stephaneb74
    stephaneb74 Posts: 151 Member
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    this seem to be the syndrome of the ex-smoker.... nobody can be more judgmental and annoying than an ex-smoker...
    It is human nature, and we can;t seem to be avoiding it...
    Heck I am an ex-smoker and a future ex-obese and at the pick of my weight, I would still look at people at pizza and hide behind a huge plate of pizza to make stupid comments on how these fat people should not be eating at a pizza buffet place...
  • felice03
    felice03 Posts: 2,732 Member
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    I've always judged people which is why I have no friends. That, and I have quite the extensive collection of She-Ra dolls


    I thought I was your friend :frown:
  • MikeSEA
    MikeSEA Posts: 1,074 Member
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    I think we develop this expectation that other people are under some obligation to live their lives in the same way we do...probably because we see a need that drives us. it's sort of natural; we relate to the world by comparing things to ourselves. I think that we also make some inappropriate and sometimes unfortunate assumptions when we do this. I know it's something I try to watch with varying levels of success and failure.

    Unfortunately, one size does not fit all, so to speak. We cannot possibly imagine all the circumstances that factor into the tiny glimpses we see of the lives of strangers. We cannot be judges when we don't have the facts.

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