I find myself becoming very judgemental

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Replies

  • firstnamekaren
    firstnamekaren Posts: 274 Member
    We've all pretty much agreed that smokers should be left in their own pit of suffering for doing it to themselves but for weight issues due to genetic and/or addiction research we've heard, it's not necessarily ‘ok’ to make fun of these people.

    I don't think smokers should be left in a pit of suffering...all of these cigarette companies put in chemicals to make you MORE addicted and they are consequently worse for you. I personally feel like smokers and overeaters are kind of in the same boat.
  • Kat5343
    Kat5343 Posts: 451 Member
    The only thing I disagree with is when you say it is not hard to lose weight. It is very hard, especially for me. I have hypothyroidism and have spent the last 8 years trying to get my levels under control. Losing 63 pounds has been a task. I have more to lose. Sorry, just had to put in my 2 cents.
  • firstnamekaren
    firstnamekaren Posts: 274 Member
    Can I just say that I love this thread? There's a lot of judgement that happens on this site and it's refreshing for people to own up to it instead of lashing out when they're called out for it. :flowerforyou:
  • juicygurl1
    juicygurl1 Posts: 195 Member
    Its easier to point a finger and judge someone for being the way they are, rather than take time out and understand they have a problem. Then again maybe these folks aren't the ones with the issue...it might be you
  • blueandigo
    blueandigo Posts: 296
    I am guilty of it too.

    I always find myself saying, if I could do it then so can you. And the people like celebrities who do gastric by pass and all of that stuff are *kitten* to me.
  • MrsSmith2010
    MrsSmith2010 Posts: 225 Member
    I think it's just hard to watch people "hurt" their bodies when you're trying so hard to take care of yours, something you didn't think of so much before you decided to change how you live.

    This. Exactly. It's just like my situation with having kids... I hear about people murdering their children, abusing them, raping them, and neglecting them and I think to myself, "Why on earth are people allowed to do that to their kids when I'm over here trying to lose 100+ pounds to even have a hope of having one of my own???"

    It's terrible... unfortunately all we can continue to do is lead by example. I know many of times before I started this I saw people in the store with healthy things in their cart (come on, we all look) and it's made me think twice about the frozen pizza I was picking up.
  • Donnaakamagmid
    Donnaakamagmid Posts: 198 Member
    I think it's easy to fall into a trap like that & forget where you came from. (Not "you" as in you personally, just using the term) Even if you weren't overweight, just eating unhealthy things wasn't good for your body. Sometimes we generalize other people & think "If I can do it then why can't they? I had the energy & want to so why don't they?" But not everyone is the same. A lot of people are going through a divorce, or a death or a job loss & they deal with things through emotional eating. Some people desperately want to be healthier but truly do not know where to start. Or they already feel defeated by life so why would they want to change? There are so many reasons people don't pursue weight loss or a healthier lifestyle. I spent most of my 20's overweight because I was in an unhappy marriage. We just never know what people are truly dealing with on the inside. Hopefully this helps stir your compassion for others. :) I have caught myself thinking the same thing before & then I realize I need a slap in the face because just not too long ago it was me that was unhealthy & had no plan to be healthy because I didn't see a way out. Just by your post I can tell you don't really mean to do it & you want to change your way of thinking. You will. :) We never know what people are going through or why they are the way they are. We all have our baggage. Best of luck to you in your fitness journey. :)

    Best response ever!
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
    When I was out with my boyfriend this past weekend, there was this couple at the table next to us.... they both had their entrees.... ribs. then the waitress brought out a whole other entree - more ribs - to go -- the guy ( who was rather large) was like oh no I didn't want that to go, just get me some silverwear -- and he sat there and ate an entire second entree....

    I couldn't believe it -- Because I couldn't believe he could eat that much in one sitting.... But then I think back - I used to be big, and eat a lot (not that much in one sitting but i didn't eat good for me foods) - i don't know his story, but I do know a lot of people don't care if they're big or not - or at least that's what they say. I try not to pass judgement, but I also find myself being shocked or in awe at what I see sometimes, only because I know how much better I feel now living a healthy lifestyle. a lot of people are in the dark though.
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,014 Member
    I only really notice this in myself when I'm at the grocery store and I believe it's because I spent SO long being in their shoes and either not knowing better or not giving a damn, that it upsets me.

    All I can do is hope they're looking at my choices and it gets them thinking about their own.
  • skinnyack
    skinnyack Posts: 683
    I think it's really hard to watch other people hurt themselves, especially when it so closely hits that we have been hurting ourselves for so long (and occasionally still lose it and hurt ourselves some more). I think the judgement/concern is part of our journey- almost like a defense or part of redefining who we are (aka a person who no longer eats unhealthily). The important thing is it's a step- and we need to move past it and address the underlying issue (possibly our anger at ourselves, our realization of our own mortality). Getting stuck in the critical of others or critical of ourselves stage will end up being just as detrimental as our bad eating habits. That being said I'm with you... especially when I see what people feed their kids. I've read far too many studies at this point about how horrible childhood obesity is.
  • CuteAndCurvy83
    CuteAndCurvy83 Posts: 570 Member
    I haven't even gotten close to my goal left, but I find myself doing the same thing. However I have to remind myself that maybe they are trying.. Maybe that woman in Mcdonalds used to get 4 cheeseburgers and a large fry, and now she gets 2 cheeseburgers and a small fry. On this journey I still go to places like McDonalds and things once in a while and I know there are most likely people judging me, little do they know I've lost 40lbs already. Just because I'm getting healthy and losing weight doesn't mean I live off salad and water.
  • Qarol
    Qarol Posts: 6,171 Member
    I'm a judgmental princess. That being said, I usually don't notice anyone when I'm out and about. And frankly, I'd rather they not notice me, either.
  • Emmabulliemum
    Emmabulliemum Posts: 294 Member
    you've had what we have all had a change in our mindset. You have to WANT to lose weight to do it many people don't see what they are doing to themselves until it's too late I know I did'nt. Plus they say you can kill with kindness well that certainly applys to food.

    I had fantastic parents but they grew up during the war so they felt they had to feed us things they never got.

    I don't thing you are judgmental you are just seeing things for what they are.
  • fbmandy55
    fbmandy55 Posts: 5,263 Member
    Thought I'm still 'fat' I find myself doing this at times. Thnkfully, just a quickly as the thought enters my head... it leaves.

    The only time I feel judgemental or angry is when I see people in public who park in handicap and use wheelchairs because of their weight. Yes, some people may have other issues but for some of them, it is pretty obviousy their issue is self-inflicted. Walking through the store with the support of a cart or walking the few extra feet to the door may actually improve their life.

    I'd be careful about that if it's not apparent, though. My mom is obese, but she is also disabled. She can't walk more than the few feet back and forth from the door to her car or from the car to the store or whatnot. NOT because she's obese, but because her back is seriously messed up. I'm not saying you're right or wrong on this, just pointing that out.

    I know. :wink: As I said, usually I correct myself on these thoughs very quickly. In and out!
  • CookieCrumble
    CookieCrumble Posts: 221 Member


    I think you're being more concerned for others then judgemental! :flowerforyou:
    You know what is possible and want EVERYONE to know. People need to see it on their own or have close family/friends talk to them, ya know?

    After those thoughts pass, I think "How can you not know how you look?! How are you okay with that?"

    ^^That is the judgemental part

    I don't know what's wrong with you but you obviously don't mind the flaw too much either - and it IS a flaw. I suppose we all make judgements each day but, considering the work you've had to do with your own body, I wonder how 'helpful' it would have been for you to receive the weight of judgement from random people who truly don't care about your weight, whatever they say, they just get a bit of kick out of passing judgement. Maybe a bit like an ex-smoker who can't handle seeing those who still smoke - it's not because they have any care or feeling for the person, they just don't like to see people doing what they themselves no longer want to/can do.

    Judge away, but have the grace to keep your opinions and sour looks to yourself.
  • nabx
    nabx Posts: 2
    I thought I would chime in as I'm guilty of the following...
    Comparing my old body parts to other overweight people
    No one pointed out how round my face was. How you couldn't see my collar bone anymore. The rolls on my back… how big my thighs were or how my butt seemed to walk behind me. So on occasion I might see someone with my former body type and think, "that must be how I walked, struggled breathing, barely squatting -- let alone bending over, or wore oversized clothes thinking I was really hiding something."
    Now I can relate to overhearing someone being told you have a pretty smile and that person's smile fades...

    We're all a work in process/progress...
    :smile:
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
    Maybe they are happy with the way they look and what they eat...Not everyone thinks that the way they look is a priority....And for a LOT of people it IS hard to lose weight.

    Everyone's situation is different...as long as you keep your thoughts(actions etc.) to yourself, you shouldn't feel bad...Or rather be THANKFUL that you have realized that you want to take better care of yourself and hope and pray that those other people realize it someday too.

    Remember: "When you point fingers and judge there are 3 more pointing back at you. " :happy:
  • jlgobert
    jlgobert Posts: 41 Member
    If you find yourself becoming judgmental then you need to stop and ask yourself what are your flaws and imperfections. What one person sees as disgusting another may not. Overweight people do not disgust me because I am one, and although I am well on my way to correcting this health problem, I pray I never forget how it feels to be as big as I was and what it takes to lose it. What makes me sick is the size 4 lady who says "Ohhhh I just wish I could lose five more pounds", or the man who wears a size 36 pant and wears a size med, shirt loosely fitting and wishes he could be in a size 32 and wear a small. "Healthy" people or healthy weight people tend to forget that what comes naturally to them is an absolute daily struggle for others. Some people are even genetically disposed to being bigger and fight the good fight every day to live a healthy life. My point is we all have our issues and our struggles and how dare we judge others based on our perceptions and beliefs.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    I do it and don't feel guilty. *shrugs*

    I can't control my thoughts and as long as they don't whine about it - i will keep my mouth shut!



    <<edit>>
    PS... this is coming from a former fat kid ---
    to a teen to young 20 something with eating dsorder ---
    to a guy climbing out of his 20's and around the corner from 30 trying to live healthy and get into the best shape of my life.
  • killagb
    killagb Posts: 3,280 Member
    I'm only judgemental if I know the person is trying to lose weight. It annoys me when you see someone trying to lose weight by eating over 3000 calories of food and assuming the salad they ate makes it all better.
  • fitby38
    fitby38 Posts: 307 Member
    Hmmm. You're projecting? When I eat something like ice cream in public, like I did the other day, I feel awkward, because I worry I'm being judged.

    But you might consider that some of these folks have planned for their splurge, as some of us on MFP do. Or we count it and move on, even if we're over our calories for the day.

    Ok. One of the instances that pissed me off. I was at a texmex place, on my spike day, eating queso, a huge burrito, etc. This family walks in (Husband, wife, about a 7 year old, and a 1 year old) They were all over weight. Parents were obese. They sat next to us, and when they got their food, the man *****ed at the waiter because he ordered 2 lbs of fajita meat. TWO FREAKING POUNDS!!!! And she said "oh, when you said two, I thought you meant you wanted fajitas for two." He wanted to eat enough meat for 4 freaking people. WHY!?!?!


    sounds more like judgment than concern to me ... just my opinion.
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    As someone who was once morbidly obese, I know firsthand how daunting it can be to change. It is such a HUGE undertaking - the OP only had 25 pounds to lose... but if you have 100+, it can be difficult.
    Exercise *is* harder when you are very heavy, for one.
    It is intimidating to completely change your lifestyle, for another.

    So I don't get judgmental, because I've been there, but I am living proof that it CAN be done, so I get sad. I want to go and tell them about my story - I don't do it, because I'm shy AND I think I would probably have been horribly offended if someone had done that to me - but I want to, just to encourage them.

    I try to lead by example - if others choose to follow, that is great; if not, that is sad but is ultimately their choice.
  • sdrawkcabynot
    sdrawkcabynot Posts: 462 Member
    quote from a lady at work "Well if I could not eat cake, I would be skinny as a pole"... Umm, excuses and laziness piss me off!
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
    I think people just like to feel better than others and its not really concern
  • VictoriaFitness2010
    VictoriaFitness2010 Posts: 175 Member
    Don't feel bad...we've all been there. It's important that you stepped back a bit and analyzed your judgement.
  • iuangina
    iuangina Posts: 691 Member
    quote from a lady at work "Well if I could not eat cake, I would be skinny as a pole"... Umm, excuses and laziness piss me off!

    I like cake, it's not an excuse or laziness for me. I don't want to be skinny as a pole.
  • mandiemma
    mandiemma Posts: 128 Member
    THEY KNOW what they look like, and I'm sure they are not okay with it. Someone pointing it out to them, is definitely NOT going to help.

    Actually, I think there are a lot of people out there that DON'T know what they look like, or how big they actually are. It seems crazy that someone can look into a mirror and not actually see an accurate portrayal of themselves, but it's definitely possible. A distorted body image/body dysmorphia is not just for anorexics thinking they look fat when they're skin and bones, it can go the other way as well.

    I agree with you here... I honestly did not realize how big I was/am... while I knew I was overweight, my perception of HOW overweight I was/am, was completely askew. Some people may know they're overweight, but they may not realize how overweight they really are. If you come from a family of overweight people and you're the smallest, in your mind you may feel skinny - you never know!
  • hiker282
    hiker282 Posts: 983 Member
    I don't judge them too harshly, I pity them more than anything. I had a good 50 pounds to lose when I started. It was hard, and I had to have a fire lit under me to get me going. But every person has to make that choice for themselves. You can't force them. Of somebody asks gow, I will gladly tell them, but I haven't made it my personal crusade to fix obesity. I just do what I do and help others ad I can and pity those who don't think they can or don't want to make the change.
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
    Hmm.. almost everyone responding sounds like they think they have all the answers. Let's live our own lives. I'm sure we all have room for improvement rather than thinking of what we'd like to say to others to improve THEIR lives.
  • GeneveSparkles
    GeneveSparkles Posts: 283 Member
    I'm kinda surprised that so many people think their judgments come from an altruistic place. I think most people judge because of a lack of information, insecurity issues or just wanting to feel better about themselves.

    If it's a friend or family member that is an entirely different situation, most of the time feelings are involved and more info is available about the situation.

    Everyone does something that someone else might judge you for because "you're hurting yourself." Smoking, drinking, eating meat, driving without a seatbelt, bungee jumping, riding a motorcycle, the list goes on. I think people should focus on making themselves happy and healthy and not worry about what's going on int the cart beside you at the grocery store.

    Really no sense in wasting emotion, thoughts and energy on someone/something you have no control over.

    Happy Hump Day!!
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