What's ur Best Marriage Advice

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Replies

  • taranj21
    taranj21 Posts: 83 Member
    laughter!!!
    do not lose your friends, you need time apart sometimes
    i've been with my husband for 16 years, married for 10 this year (i'm only 32)
    so many of our friends say they wish they had a relationship like ours,
    we make each other laugh, and truly enjoy spending time together.
    no secrets!
  • solarpower4
    solarpower4 Posts: 250 Member
    Married almost 19 years. My parents have been married 45 years. Their parents were married until death. So I've learned a few things along the way.

    1. If you wouldn't marry him if he was broke/heavy/ etc then don't marry him. Looks change. Finances change. Marry because you know you will love him as much when he's a saggy 80yo as you do today.

    2. Do little things to let him know you love him....

    3. Keep some private cute things you do/say...

    4. Have fun together...

    5. I disagree on the "never go to bed angry" rule. Sometimes you are just dang tired and ticked off and have to get up early. Sometimes just sleeping on it will make you realize that he had a good point or it wasn't hat big of a deal in the first place. If not, you can always continue to discuss it later.

    6. Never sleep apart unless there is no option...

    7. No matter how angry you are, don't yell...

    8. Realize that even though it's a partnership, it won't always be 50/50. Sometimes it will be 90/10 and sometimes it will be 10/90.

    9. Know all the important things about each other before getting married. How many kids do you want? How long do you want to be married before starting a family? Will one of you be an at home parent? Where will you spend holidays? Know each other's spending habits. etc

    10. Above all, never, ever mention the D word unless you absolutely, positively mean it.

    ^ This. Absolutely this. And sexy lingerie on occasion. :blushing:

    AGREED!!! except #6. The most unexpected and helpful advice I heard years ago from a marriage counselor friend of mine: If one partner snores and the other CAN'T get used to it, even after a year of trying, sleep in separate bedrooms during the work week!! Have lots of great sex - but when it's time to snooze, do it in a place where you can sleep uninterrupted! Being sleep deprived can destroy any marriage, no matter how strong the base. Sustained sleep deprivation messes with your head and your sanity. Sleep together on the weekends, and don't broadcast the fact that you sleep in separate beds b/c people will think there's something wrong, even though there isn't.

    OPEN COMMUNICATIONS - ALWAYS!

    Also, #9 is KEY. If possible, write things down so you both remember correctly what was discussed. You may change your minds later, but it helps keep things calm when issues do arise over how, or by whom, things are going to be done.

    And as for the "Cheat. Both of you." comment above -- DON'T !!! Trust (along with open communication) is absolutely ESSENTIAL in a marriage. If either of you cheats, the other will NEVER AGAIN be able to fully trust their spouse. Whether or not you end up divorcing, it will still destroy the marriage.

    Best wishes for a successful happy marriage.
  • Maystar80
    Maystar80 Posts: 85 Member
    Been married since 1978 (34yrs.). For the last 10 years, Separate houses. We get along great, now. :laugh:

    wow, this is funny because in my anthropology class we were studying some societies that do this and joking about how divorce rates would probably be much lower if this were ok in our society. Also, my parents have been divorced for 5 years now after a 7 year long separation. But I feel like they get along better now than they ever did when they were married. I'm pretty sure they still love each other too. Imagine all the possibilities if people thought it were ok to not live with your spouse....
  • loftus2005
    loftus2005 Posts: 61
    i love this!! and really needed to read some of these today!! :D
  • 970Mikaela1
    970Mikaela1 Posts: 2,013 Member
    DON'T
  • Meaganandcheese
    Meaganandcheese Posts: 525 Member
    Marriage is not 50-50 ... it's 100-100!

    And never stop flirting with each other!
  • lumina0o0
    lumina0o0 Posts: 498 Member
    Never give up date night. It may get hard or you may not have the money. But do it any ways even if it means you go to the park and bring a home made lunch. Get out just the two of you. When you add kids to the mix it gets harder to do these things, but don't stop. Kids wont fix problems and can often make them worse because you will have less time to spend together.
  • mzjandiace
    mzjandiace Posts: 162
    I am VERY happily married. I married my BEST friend and we have been together for 10 years and married for over 9 years. The very best advice I can give you is....

    Do NOT go to bed angry. So many couples make the mistake of pulling the silent treatment or storming off and not coming back to talk it out. You HAVE to talk it out. Even if that means staying up until 4 in the morning. Don't sleep on it, talk on it.

    Most importantly, keep God at the center of your relationship. If you fight, say a prayer together and it will calm you both down and you can both know how the other feels they need help.

    Another thing....
    In the middle of the fight, get naked and demand sex. It will confuse the CRAP out of your husband and he will look like a deer in headlights, but will go along with it anyways....because he's a dude. ;)

    Congrats on your marriage, may you have endless years of love, bliss and adventure!


    Because he is a dude...lol! So true.
    Divorce is never a option... Put God first, trust, talk, and something my bishop told. One person is always going to be doing more than the other, it is never 50/50, so dont throw it up in there face. Men like to eat, sleep, sex, and know there wives have there back!
  • htalexander
    htalexander Posts: 81
    NEVER STOP TRYING TO IMPRESS ONE ANOTHER.
  • spudman1232
    spudman1232 Posts: 94
    The sooner you figure out that it only matters what the two of you think the happier you will be. Make each other happy and let the inlaws/parents deal with it.
  • Shock_Wave
    Shock_Wave Posts: 1,573 Member
    From what I understand there are 3 rings to marriage.

    1st is engagement ring

    2 cnd is your marriage ring

    Then comes the 3rd ring which will be your suffering... Good Luck to ya!
  • spudman1232
    spudman1232 Posts: 94
    http://www.amazon.com/Seven-Principles-Making-Marriage-Work/dp/0609805797

    Great book. One thing Gottman says. It takes 5 positive comments to make up for one negative.
  • cekeys
    cekeys Posts: 397 Member
    Wife get's the good car.
  • brandygburke
    brandygburke Posts: 48 Member
    I credit my longest (14yr) relationship to FUN. We call that fun SHMILY.

    We wrote it everywhere.
    In the steamed up shower door, in chalk in the driveway, on the dust on the dashboard, in each others underwear with a marker.
    I vacuumed it into the carpet once and he mowed it into the lawn.

    See How Much I Love You

    Find something that is just yours and run with it. Don't let anyone else know what it means.
  • bejuled74
    bejuled74 Posts: 191 Member
    From Experience:

    Have fun together
    Frequent sex is important
    Flirt with each other
    Fight fair, NO name calling
    Sometimes, even if you're right, give in
    be nice to each other, especially when you don't want to be
    At some point, you will want to hit him in the head with a frying pan...this doesn not mean you need a divorce....the feeling will go away and you will love him again.
  • dubw
    dubw Posts: 429
    Been married 44 years ... one key, other than my factious phrase is to have absolute respect and appreciation for each other; faults are with every person, know that his/her faults are no better than someone else (I know, there are some terrible people out there; those are the exceptions), and love each other unconditionally.
  • MsMuniz
    MsMuniz Posts: 399 Member
    choose your battles wisely.
  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    Oh, I forgot you add, make sure you also SPEND TIME APART! I don't mean days or weeks on end, but I think it helps if you keep some hobbies and friends separate, otherwise you won't have anything new to talk about and easily get bored of each other!

    My wife and kids go on vacation for several weeks every summer without me. We are all very happy with that arrangement. :)
  • pinkgigi
    pinkgigi Posts: 693 Member
    After being married twice I have worked out my deal-breakers for a relationship (marriage):
    * We have to come first in the marriage. I think that the primary relationship in the family holds that family together. So many times when people have children they lose sight of what created those children, and when they start having their own lives, parents turn back to each other and find that they have neglected their marriage and it falls apart.
    * Finances, for goodness sake work out whether you have the same way of looking at money because if you don't, there will be endless conflict.

    My parents knew each other 6 weeks before they got married, and it lasted 42 years before my Dad's death. They were endlessly loyal to each other and lusted after each other that whole time, I'm very sorry I never had the chance to experience that kind of love in my life.

    GG
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    Honestly, try to not stay irritated at stupid small stuff... like leaving the clothes all over the place or the knife in the peanut butter jar... or worse the jelly out on the counter all night long with the lid off and peanut butter dripping from the sides... because as annoying as hell as that stuff is, there is probably stuff your spouse is super annoyed at as well (like knocking the truck out of alignment that they just had fixed two days prior just by going to visit your parents who live on a gravel and washed out road)... just don't sweat it, because at the end of the day, that stuff is so minor (even if it happens day in and day out and is annoying as hell) and no one is perfect.
  • JessG11
    JessG11 Posts: 345 Member
    Dutch oven at least once a month.


    Hilarious!!!!! I think my fiance' would throw this in....it for sure keeps you laughing....love it
  • Dilfster
    Dilfster Posts: 416 Member
    let the wife think she is always right even if she is not. :)
  • thinktank32k
    thinktank32k Posts: 716
    these are great. They are all keepers and will come in handy. Thanks for the loads of great advice
  • anastasiawildflower
    anastasiawildflower Posts: 197 Member
    I realize that this thread is a little worn out. I think I've read everything, but there was one thing I didn't read yet.

    - No matter how awful your day is going, always find something positive about it.

    ex. a) once my husband's car wouldn't start and we jumped it 3 times before it seemed to hold the charge, which lasted 2 minutes. His car died and he was so frustrated he strung together the most ridiculous expletives. He never gets really heated about anything and I just lost it. I was laughing so loud, it lightened the mood.

    ex b) any time we find ourselves coming out of a terrible situation, my husband likes to ask me something like, "Remember that one time, we were in Orlando, but couldn't leave the airport because we were $10 short on our card and they wouldn't take a $20 bill?". It always reminds me that we are in this together and our misadventures are always great stories to tell later.

    -Also, laugh, love, and communicate often, which seem to be common themes on this thread.
  • MrsGoHard
    MrsGoHard Posts: 150 Member
    WOW.... so much wonderful advice with the exception to cheat and leave God out of it...

    So my advice would be to TAKE IN all the wonderful advice here... and on the PROMISED uneasy days... READ THIS THREAD.

    I've been married going on 4 years in July. I am TRULY blessed to have a friend such as my husband.

    Some days you will forget that. Do everything in your power to remember.

    Remember that you're ALREADY before even being married, looking to the vets to make sure you don't mess it up. Keep that eagerness.

    Be his "Sunshine". That is a sexual reference. I am referring to a character names "Sunshine" on the movie "Harlem Nights". Google it. You will giggle.

    Establish NOW that your two can talk about anything. ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G.

    Forget you ever knew what a grudge was.

    Eat together. Often.

    Have inside jokes.

    Fart in front of each other.

    Dress up for each other.

    Pray WITH and FOR each other.

    Be on the trust policy that says "we can trade phones for a week with no issues".

    Occasionally you'll WANT to, but DO NOT... D O N O T talk about your sex life with your girlfriends. They already "love how much of an awesome guy" your guy is, don't give them another reason to act up.

    You need your friends, but recognize you and your "single" or "minglin" friends and you don't have THAT MUCH (notice I didn't say ANYTHING) in common.

    You may occasionally want to run to facebook and say something [good, bad or indifferent] - THINK FIRST. Usually, on birthdays, or love holidays or if I just can't help myself, I will say something EXTRA mushy about my husband. But EVERYDAY and every two minutes going ON and ON about your love and sacrifices for each other on facebook or where ever else is UNNECESSARY!!! - Learn to keep SOME things if not most things, between you and him. When you're going all overboard, you don't look like a unified/happy couple... you look like a couple of people who need to prove something. It's tempting. Especially when you're all IN LOOOVVE... but... trust me... You will look at those people and together give side eyes and snares.

    Also, I think it's safe to say I don't need to tell you to keep arguments of ANY KIND OFF OF FACEBOOK or anything like it. Even if you think you're being indirect, people KNOW you're talking about your hubby, and dang it.. your grief becomes their entertainment. You will have your occasional bitter heifer girlfriend who will chime in and give a "GOOD FOR YOU FOR LEAVING THAT JERK!" but TRUST ME... she's only saying that because she extremely jealous of aforementioned extra cheesy love posts.

    You WILL be tempted to color outside the lines. Men will never become unattractive. And depending on how annoying hubby is being, other men and their foliage might be more attractive than... anything. Every time you SPEAK TO, THINK OF, or COME IN CONTACT WITH another man, react as if hubby is RIGHT next to you. Whether you're angry or not.

    No. He doesn't clean the bathroom like your neat freak of a mother taught you... but he cleaned the bathroom. He missed the toothpaste on the sink? just get it up.

    Shut up.

    Stop whining.

    Let him protect you.

    Let him provide for you.

    Let him have the final say on a decision that you have to make together. In agreeing to do this, you agree to first clearly and fluidly state YOUR opinion or case on the decision, and two NOT say "I told you so" if he's wrong.

    Yes I know.

    You STILL have to do this. I would suggest practicing on a SMALL thing where you're more indifferent on the outcome than something HUGE.

    Don't ask him things like "do I look fat?" Because that's what he heard. Ask instead what you really want to know which is "Yes, I do look bloated as a mutha, but do you still look at me and want to take me right here on the floor in front of people because I'm so hot, my chunk doesn't matter?"

    lol

    Congrats sweetie pie. Above everything I've said, Keep the word in your hearts, Expect the best from GOD and not each other, and you'll make it. :drinker:
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
    Been married 15 years this June. A friend gave me this advice when we got married:Ddon't sweat the small stuff.....and (damn near) everything is small stuff. He was right.

    My husband and I also work together and our secret is to NOT ride to work together. I can't stand waiting for him to be ready in the morning, and I don't care for the music he listens to (same stuff over and over). If we rode to work together I'd be tempted to roll the car one morning before I had enough coffee to think straight. ;)
  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
    Sexting..it does wonders:smokin:

    We've been married for 15 years!
  • kimbly71
    kimbly71 Posts: 188
    These are a few things that have worked for me and my hubby of 14 years.
    1. Find something to laugh about with each other OFTEN!
    2. From another thread- if you do not know how yet, learn how to make a kick *kitten* sandwich (yes, I'm serious).
    3. Come up with little traditions for just the two of you. Ex. Every Sunday my husband cooks me breakfast and we read the paper together.
    4. If you plan on having kids, get an animal together.
    5. Have sex! It's more than a physical thing, it is also about staying connected.
    Good luck and enjoy the ride!
  • AvonLucyR
    AvonLucyR Posts: 124 Member
    1) Keep God in the center of your relationship.
    2) Remember that marriage is commitment and choose to keep that commitment - divorce is not an option.
    3) Discuss everything before you get married...if you can't talk about it before you are married, you won't be able to talk about it later.
    4) Remember that marriage doesn't improve a relationship. It tests a relationship. If everything isn't right now, don't expect it to improve with marriage.
    5) Never take each other for granted. We never know what tomorrow will bring.

    Congratulations, and God bless you and your future husband! :happy:
  • RicSnyder
    RicSnyder Posts: 129 Member
    Never stop pursuing each other. So many people think of marriage as a goal to be reached and then when they get married they stop pursuing the other person. It used to be called courting or wooing. This needs to continue your whole life. And when kids come along, keep your husband/wife as your primary relationship. Kids will grow-up and move out. Your husband/wife will be there ‘til death do you part.
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