Black Team Week 11

Dave and I were talking about losing weight tonight and I had a mini meltdown.

I now have 2 or 3 pairs of size 4 jeans that fit well. I wear XS shirts, when I try most size small shirts on at the store, they're baggy. The other day I went to Kohl's and tried on a pair of size 2 dress pants that zipped, buttoned, and didn't give me a muffin top. Yet, I still feel fat.

I wore contacts today instead of my usual glasses and Dave said without my glasses on, he can see my face has gotten really thin.

I look at my wedding picture from 2 years ago when I wore a size 10 and I think I looked fat.

Lately I've been obsessing over my weight. I look in the mirror and don't see my collarbone sticking out or the area in between my bewbs looking bony. I look at the "fat" I see on my hips and below my belly button. And whenever I eat, I feel guilty. Not just when I eat badly. Today I had 2 cups of grapes and was still hungry so I made 2 pb&j's with natural pb and whole wheat bread and I felt guilty. I understand if I'd eaten half a cake by myself. But I shouldn't feel guilty eating healthy. I either feel guilty or I still feel so hungry after I'm done eating.

Dave said he doesn't want me feeling guilty about eating and be so obsessed with losing that I'm not happy. We talked about it and I decided to give the dieting a rest for a little bit. I switched my goal to maintenance. I've done that before but freaked out being scared of gaining weight so I'd switch it back after only a day or 2. Dave wants me to go a week without counting calories too but I said I need to ease into it. I'm home with a computer all day. If I try to avoid logging now, I'll just obsess over numbers in my head. So I'm gonna start with the higher calories and try to work into it.

This isn't really listing something postive like Sam said to but I needed to just get it out there. Thanks for reading my "book". I my black team!

Dave and I were talking about losing weight tonight and I had a mini meltdown.

I now have 2 or 3 pairs of size 4 jeans that fit well. I wear XS shirts, when I try most size small shirts on at the store, they're baggy. The other day I went to Kohl's and tried on a pair of size 2 dress pants that zipped, buttoned, and didn't give me a muffin top. Yet, I still feel fat.

I wore contacts today instead of my usual glasses and Dave said without my glasses on, he can see my face has gotten really thin.

I look at my wedding picture from 2 years ago when I wore a size 10 and I think I looked fat.

Lately I've been obsessing over my weight. I look in the mirror and don't see my collarbone sticking out or the area in between my bewbs looking bony. I look at the "fat" I see on my hips and below my belly button. And whenever I eat, I feel guilty. Not just when I eat badly. Today I had 2 cups of grapes and was still hungry so I made 2 pb&j's with natural pb and whole wheat bread and I felt guilty. I understand if I'd eaten half a cake by myself. But I shouldn't feel guilty eating healthy. I either feel guilty or I still feel so hungry after I'm done eating.

Dave said he doesn't want me feeling guilty about eating and be so obsessed with losing that I'm not happy. We talked about it and I decided to give the dieting a rest for a little bit. I switched my goal to maintenance. I've done that before but freaked out being scared of gaining weight so I'd switch it back after only a day or 2. Dave wants me to go a week without counting calories too but I said I need to ease into it. I'm home with a computer all day. If I try to avoid logging now, I'll just obsess over numbers in my head. So I'm gonna start with the higher calories and try to work into it.

This isn't really listing something postive like Sam said to but I needed to just get it out there. Thanks for reading my "book". I my black team!

Jeannie-- my husband is the same way with the perfumes-- although, he seems to be a bit better.

Years ago he made a real, uh, stink about it. Even went so far as to force me to tell my visiting mother, who positively bathes in Estee Lauder Youth Dew (hasn't worked-- ha) that she needs to bag the perfume during her visit. I wanted to die. She was totally ticked-- but, what was I to do?

Funny, though-- back in 1993, he and I were performing Handel's Messiah with a church choir-- I was SOOO excited. Here I was, practicing with these hoity-toity choir people and musicians from Princeton, New Jersey-- la-di-da-- all of whom were real, live musicians, sight-readers of music, et cetera-- and me. It was my first ever experience singing with a choir, one of the most difficult pieces of music out there.

They couldn't believe I didn't read music, 'cause I was right there with 'em all-- thank God for good pitch and an anal retentive memory--

BUT-- here's the funny, perfumy part--

The night of the performance arrives. Men in black tie, women in white blouse, black skirt-- very formal, very professional. Here am I, a lowly mother of three kids at the time, all excited for her first gig, and a night out to boot--

So I get all dolled up, hair all pretty, make up that I used to wear at the time (hush, David) and as my last act of primping, I squirt a bit of my "signature fragrance," Opium down my blouse. There-- sighhh-- I'm all ready to go.

We get in my teeny-tiny Mitsubishi Tredia for the 35 minute ride to the church and off we go. Keith starts to "Ahem," and snort and sniff and looks at me-- "What did you put on?"

"Oh, just a spritz of Opium."

Oh my-- the hullabaloo-- you woulda thought he was in the car with Pepe Le Pew--

You people and your allergies-- :noway: :laugh:

Today I can get away with it-- he's a kinder and gentler General Patton-- but, I'm lucky he didn't throw my butt alongside Route 1 in Princeton--

Later my friends--