Would you date someone whose religion is different than your

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  • kdeaux1959
    kdeaux1959 Posts: 2,675 Member
    Absolutely not. A relationship that does not share the fundamental points of your being will be rocky at best. My recommendation is to move on. As a believer, remember the scripture -- Be ye not unequally yoked with unbelievers.

    Similarly, I hold that it is best that you share things such as desire to exercise and other lifestyle issues. Should this relationship develop, you want to be able to share as much as you can together... especially should children be in the picture for you. Best wishes.
  • GabyG69
    GabyG69 Posts: 213
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 years and we are from different religions (he is Christian, I am Catholic).. They are different but not extremely different... At first we used to disagree about what church we would get married in, what religion we would follow/our children would follow... but recently he told me that he loves me so much that he would be willing to convert to Catholicism... I never asked him to change his religion for me or expected him to but I think that when you are in love, you are willing to do whatever it takes to be with that person and be happy... Hope this helps! :)
  • DataBased
    DataBased Posts: 513 Member
    Well..now my ex has changed his tune a little, and says he'd allow his children to go to church.
    And you believe him, that's cute.
    His children - I tend to believe they'd be at least partly yours, also - and so it begins.

    I had two marriages in which God was coolly and reluctantly admitted into the home. They both failed. I'm in a marriage now with a man whose Christianity is as strong as my own, though we were raised in different denominations.

    To me - it's already way too easy to grow through your life in opposite directions from your husband. Starting out that way just makes it all the easier, and introduces a point of friction that seems an unnecessary point of contention. I'm glad I married someone with similar faith and beliefs as me.
  • wittlelacey
    wittlelacey Posts: 391 Member
    No. I would not date someone that believed in God. I am 100% athiest. In my perspective, God does not exist and church is out of line. I couldn't be with someone who prayed before every meal, went to church on sundays, read the bible before bed, taught our children something that I strongly disagree with. Religion plays a huge part in every day life and I wouldn't be able to be comfortable with that kind of conflict.

    Luckily, my boyfriend (whom I intend on marrying) is also an athiest, as well as his parents! So there will not be any kind of dilemma in our future.

    It's just a hassle, I would imagine. Hypothetically, if I was madly in love with said person I would try to make it work because I really don't care about other people's beliefs...children, however, would be exceptionally hard to raise.

    I'm just glad my partner and I do not have this problem. (:
  • Redapplecandie
    Redapplecandie Posts: 171 Member
    I was raised Protestent and my fiancee was raised Cathloic. Neither of us actively practice anything now. After having it shoved at us for so long, we are enjoying a nice long break.

    I do go to Church occasionally, and my Revrend will be performing our ceremony, but it will not be in a Church.

    In the past, I have dated a Muslim, and it didn't interfere with our daily lives at all. Another guy I dated was Native American, and very active in his tribe's religious doings, again, that did not interfere with our daily lives.

    It's mostly a respect issue. When we have kids, we will take them to Church if they want to go. I will not force my beliefs (or non beliefs) upon my children. I will let them decide for themselves.
  • UnderCoverShyGirl
    UnderCoverShyGirl Posts: 254 Member
    I believe in God, a higher power. I believe there is "an answer", and we don't know the answer. I have an open mind and support people, whether for gay marriage or right to practice religions, you name it. I do feel that it could be very difficult to be with someone who actively practiced a religion. I think that having faith would be an important thing to share in a relationship, if you have faith in the same things, you will be able to understand and support each other differently. If your faith is vastly different, how do you deal with that in times of trouble. If one of you is getting support from the congregation and spending mucho time with the rosemary, and you are dealing with things in an entirely different way, how do you grow together out of the hard times? I don't think it is impossible for sure. But i do think it is important to understand and agree exactly how you each practice your faiths (or lack therof), what the expectations and habits are as far as religious practices, how you feel with the other person not believing what you believe, and how you will raise your children. It is a well known fact that having conflict in front of kids is not a good thing, so you would want to resolve this before moving forward. Letting the kids go to "church" isn't the same as having a "christian household" or being able to talk to your kids about faith and it's role in their lives when only one person speaks it. You want consistant messaging that is the same from both of you. I think it can be done....you two would need to find the common ground between your beliefs and decide what is the most important part for you - is it just that your kids "attend" church, or is it that you want them to commune with like minded people, and follow the rules of the bible (or other holy book).

    I sent my kids to church with relatives when they were about 5 and 7. The church they went to seemed fun, and was a place my younger cousins and other family members went and loved. Good youth groups, etc. I wanted them to experience it and even hoped they might find a foundation for thier lives for it, and at the very least, have some education about it, and as they go through life experience more views and religions and make their own choices.

    This was a fail. They absolutely hate the memories of going to church, feel they got nothing out of it and everyone was weird. They are 21 and 19, and recently decided they didn't believe in God, just based on those past experiences. I've gotten them to understand there must be a creator, and that religion does serve a purpose and is based on faith....but i can definately see where trying to have them learn and make their own decisions later, probably doesn't work that well for a lot of people....

    So that is my experience. I think if you guys really discuss how life would be in the religious area, what times he will be part of the family and go to church, what you will tell the kids about the difference in beliers, could really help. But i also think that sometimes you think love is enough, get together despite issues like these, because someone "concedes" and the reality of it is that if that's the case, it won't work for the long haul...people that change for someone else, tend to be resentful at some point because they have given up something....find out why he has changed his stripes and what he sees family life as being, including any religious practices or speak, and make your decisions based on that. I'd suggest doing a little counseling or getting those books that spur 100 questions to ask before you get married, and see what things pop up. Maybe this would be the only issue, and maybe he's evened out a bit on his viewpoint.
  • dragonbait0126
    dragonbait0126 Posts: 568 Member
    Religion doesn't matter in a relationship. The mutual respect of one another's beliefs does. If one person is Hindu and the other is Catholic but they love one another, why can't they each practice their own religious beliefs? Just because someone is of a different faith, or no faith at all, does not mean that you cannot love and respect one another. When it comes to the kids, why not teach them both sides or the argument and let them decide what they which to follow when old enough to do so? I've never understood the need to force our beliefs upon another (and yes, when we tell our children they HAVE to go to church and HAVE to follow whatever holy book we do that is exactly what we are doing). My husband and I are both agnostic, but I will be more than happy to help our future children learn about any religion they wish and if they choose to follow a religion then I will support them. Love is not about finding someone who is exactly the same as you. It's about 2 people accepting one another for who they are including the similarities and the differences and respecting and admiring those elements that make them the person you love.
  • Ripken818836701
    Ripken818836701 Posts: 607 Member
    I wouldnt date a muslim but other that its not a big deal to me.
  • katiew00t
    katiew00t Posts: 164
    Thank you everyone for your responses!! :flowerforyou:
  • StarGeezer
    StarGeezer Posts: 351
    I'm very religious. In the past, I've tried to be "accommodating" to differing beliefs for the sake of the relationship.This usually ends badly, as the person making the concessions winds up being the doormat for the more dominant personality. Keep in mind this goes beyond holding to a particular credo. Your beliefs also color your core values, and if there's a conflict that arises because of this (and mark me, it will, eventually) then one party or the other feels they are compromising their values.

    I'm also somewhat perplexed...if I read your OP correctly, you indicated you had moved on and already gotten into another relationship. So why are you contemplating looking elsewhere? Your ex had his "at bat"...he swung, he missed. Consider the impact such a move would have on your current partner. And I agree with the woman on the first page... he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to have you back. Chances are likely he would renege on this arrangement once he got his way.
  • FadedFreckles
    FadedFreckles Posts: 81 Member
    Religion doesn't matter in a relationship. The mutual respect of one another's beliefs does... Love is not about finding someone who is exactly the same as you. It's about 2 people accepting one another for who they are including the similarities and the differences and respecting and admiring those elements that make them the person you love.

    Wonderfully put.
  • MountainMia
    MountainMia Posts: 242 Member
    I think it depends on the docterine of the religion and how faithfully your partner subscribes. I grew up mormon, my hubs did too. I left it about 6 years ago, and it's definitely a kink in the relationship. We are going on 10 years marriage in Aug and I'm actually really surprised he didn't leave me when I decided I couldn't be Mormon anymore. It's one of those totalitarian religions with some docterine and histories that are completely contradictory to what I know of God.

    I think the only way it works for us is that he isn't too fanatically subscribed to all the rules and isn't twisted up about me preferring family time, a 3 hr hike in the mountains or a nap instead of a 3 hr lecture on obedience to things I believe are irrelevant. He has given himself the freedom to enjoy a few things the church frowns on, but I think it's part of who he is and has always been without the shackles of the stuffy conformity anyway. I'm confident we'll make it, but it takes a lot more work to get through our differences.

    This is definitely a delicate topic and we can rarely talke about it directly becuase it is a source of pain for him and he gets really defensive. As best as I can tell we both understand that I don't believe in "****" and he does. I'm okay with that. It's actually kind of funny, and makes our relationship something worth hangin' onto.

    Just make sure that your basic values are similar enough to be a united front for any future kids. ie: work ethic, honesty, compassion, love, responsibility, sacrifice, patience, forgiveness etc. If you marry a bum, it's going to be really hard to teach whats important no matter what you or he professes to believe or not believe.
  • For me, it's ok to date someone with different beliefs, but better off not getting serious with them. I'm a religious person, and was in a serious relationship with another religious person with different beliefs. I had no problem with the difference, but eventually they did and ended it. I have a hard time thinking a serious relationship, that involves raising children, can truly work if the beliefs of both people aren't in sync with each other. So I think it's best to look for someone who shares the beliefs you have, especially when it comes to having children.
  • VinVenture
    VinVenture Posts: 290
    I'm not religious, I'm an atheist who "follows" (i.e., blames when something goes awry) the old gods. Specifically, the Norse ones. My boyfriend is etiher agnostic or atheistic, not entirely sure as he is a devout pastafarian. So far, the beer and spaghetti on Fridays and apple cake and beer or wine on my holidays is working out swell.
  • rachmaree
    rachmaree Posts: 782 Member
    I married a Muslim :) I was raised as a christian, although it's been a while since I've been to church.
  • LilacDreamer
    LilacDreamer Posts: 1,364 Member
    my husband is a former jehovahs witness...he is now an "Agnostic athiest" who believes in science above all else and will debate anyone and everyone.

    I was raised catholic but knew at an early age that organized religion was not for me.

    While I am spiritual (in an "earthy" way) i suppose i border on agnostic atheist because while i don't know what's out there - i don't necessarily care anymore. I guess with age comes apathy?

    It annoys me when he goes on religious forums to debate with people, but mostly because of the fact that I don't give a crap. Does that mean our relationship is doomed because we are different in that way? Of course not. He has the right to do that if he wants to, but that doesn't mean I don't think its lame :\

    While we won't raise our future children as religious, they will be given every opportunity to decide for themselves what they want. It is their life afterall.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
    I'm an atheist, and as far as I know so is my partner... we've never really discussed God, actually. Funny. But I know his grandmother is very Christian.

    I would not object to having a religious partner. If it was important to my significant other, my children could go to church and get baptized and all those things. I could marry in a church too. I have no preference.

    However, when it comes to "explaining God"... I wouldn't hide MY beliefs from my children. They have a right to grow up with all sides of the story and then make an informed decision of their own. If they wish to (or if they do) believe in God, then that's fine. But I won't shut up and pretend to go along with this idea I don't believe in, out of respect.
  • Emabo
    Emabo Posts: 125 Member
    I am a Christian, but have had falling outs with my religion. I believe in God with all my heart, but I would date somebody who did not share this part of my life. My relationship with God is not about others. That being said, I probably wouldn't date an atheist. I just think that it would cause so much conflict to go out with one. Jewish, Buddhist, etc, I would have no problem dating one. I also think that children should be introduced to religion, but like others said have their choice to attend church, etc.
  • JulieH3art
    JulieH3art Posts: 293 Member
    Emabo:

    I don't think a religious guy would have a problem dating me. I am respectful of and interested in religion, and I understand that belief is not based on logic (despite the scientist in me wishing to debate - I don't.) The only conflict I could really foresee is if, 1. he wished me to convert, and 2. the conflict was his own inner turmoil at my being an atheist.
  • Masterchef2000
    Masterchef2000 Posts: 127 Member
    I believe in God, I have a personal relationship with him. Would I date someone who insisted that I go to church? No. Could he be a fanatic about going? Sure. I'm already married so the point might be moot but I would be tolerant of what, myself, could handle in a relationship.

    Could I handle dating someone from Westboro Baptist church? No.

    Could I handle dating a smoker? No.

    Could I handle dating someone who wanted to force me to do what he does (i.e. attending church). No.

    Could I handle someone who has major different beliefs from mine (i.e. muslim/islam faith or atheist)? Yes, but see the above.

    Could I handle dating someone who wore his pants around his butt so everyone can see their boxers/underwear? No.

    People have things they can't handle. It doesn't make them bad, they just know who they are. Dating and being civil to a person who you wouldn't date are two different things. You may not date them but who says that makes you less than human? Why does that make you bad? If you know you can't handle it, why make the other person suffer trying to force yourself to be something that you are not. In my opinion, you only lower yourself when you can't be civil and friendly regardless.

    The question is, what can you handle? Can you deal with it? This is for no one else to decide for you or to guide you on. In the end, if you go against your own gut feelings because of what other people have said you to, you are not going to be happy. You are going to wonder what if. If you follow your heart, you'll be less likely to end up unhappy.
  • Emabo
    Emabo Posts: 125 Member
    I guess if a guy had those kinds of feelings towards it that wouldn't create too much conflict. I guess I should rewrite that as "I would not date an atheist that would not allow my child to go to church and be baptized. I would especially not date an atheist who was intolerant towards religion." If I met two great guys though, I would choose the religious one over the atheist more than likely.
  • gooiyw
    gooiyw Posts: 114 Member
    My husband believes in the power of prayer but I don't. So I guess you can call me agnostic. Or maybe I'm not, I'm not really sure. I believe in spiritual strength, just not a deity that pronounces judgement at the end of days based on moral values of a particular civilisation. But I also observe that some may find comfort and strength from believing in the literal or figurative teachings of a religion (with the occasional mad fundamentalist).

    So as my children are too young to fully comprehend the concept of God, I do tell them that,"Some people believe that... " or "They pray to God". I have no issues with that sort of explanation. But when my kids asked me "What is God?", I must admit I do a chicken-egg twist with them. I tell them,"God is who they're praying to." If they grow up believing in a God in a biblical or Koranic or multi-deistic sense, that would be fine. It will be where they'll tap their spiritual strength. Or if they grow up to not believe in a God in that way, I am equally fine with it. I don't stop my more "religious" husband from teaching them what he believes in, because I think the world could use with some lessons in kindness, forgiveness and compassion, whatever form they come in.
  • gentsevetzak
    gentsevetzak Posts: 147 Member
    Anyone dumb enough to believe in any kind of deity is not for me.
  • shine_
    shine_ Posts: 150 Member
    As an atheist I really doubt I would ever be able to be in a serious relationship, or probably even date, someone religious. If I had kids I would certainly be against them going to church (etc.) until they're old enough to make an informed decision on their own.

    If it works then it works, great, but I can only imagine the strain it must put on things, and in a relationship it must feel weird to not be able to understand something so fundamental about the other person. I wouldn't want that for myself, personally.
  • TinnedTuna
    TinnedTuna Posts: 208 Member
    each to there own
  • HeidiMightyRawr
    HeidiMightyRawr Posts: 3,343 Member
    It depends on how religious they are. I'm an atheist and couldn't really imagine dating someone who follows a particular religion.

    However, I don't care what they believe in as long as I'm not expected to follow it, convert, and I wouldn't want our children to be expected to follow the religion either. When they're old enough, I don't have an issue with him explaining his beliefs to them, and the same for me, then they can make their own mind up :smile: If that means following his religion that is fine, as long as it's their own choice.

    In real life though, that doesn't happen often. That's the main reason why I dislike religion as a whole, because there is so much conflict over who's right, who's wrong, what your offspring / spouse must follow, the guidelines that you must follow as part of the religion. I just think people should believe in whatever they want, and let other people do the same, whether that's a set religion, a mixture of several or just their own values/beliefs.
  • Miss_dannii
    Miss_dannii Posts: 1,351 Member
    I'm from a catholic family but I don't practice religion really, I mean I'd go to a church for a wedding/baptism etc but have never gone to mass for the sake of going. It's never been pushed on me and I just haven't ever been a really holy person

    So I don't think it would bother me to date someone of a different religion as long as they weren't gonna push their religion on me!
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    First wife was Jewish. Second wife was Catholic. Third wife was New Age Christian. Jan was raised Mormon and I was raised Catholic.

    Religion is not an issue.
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
    I would find it very hard to date someone with radically different beliefs or not to me. I find evangelicals of any religion scary. In 15 years together my husband and I have never really discussed religion, but perhaps that's just because it isn't a big deal to either of us.
  • PepeGreggerton
    PepeGreggerton Posts: 986 Member
    Not an issue for me, to each their own.
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