"Lost 100lbs & found out what the world thinks of fat ppl"
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There are so many things I want to say here. But I know what will happen. People will read them the wrong way and it will probably turn into an arguement.
I have have my own weight issues which I am currently working on. I am married for more than 20 years with 3 teenaged sons. I am losing weight for me and my family.
Let's put personalities, money, fame and fortune aside here for a minute and ask ourselves a few questions.
Purely from a looks prespective.
Men: Who are you more atracted to? RoseAnn Barr type or Cindy Crawford type?
Women: Who would you rather look like? RaseAnn Barr or Cindy Crawford?
Women: Who are you more atracted to? John Goodman type or George Clooney type?
Men; Who would you rather look like? John Goodman type or George Clooney type?
We all know the answers that 99 percent of society would give.
Let's face it, blame society or whatever you want, but WE all want to be that good looking, well dressed, confident, head turner.
And for the record, I was in LOVE with Anna Nicole Smith when she was the PLUS sized model for Guess jeans.
While I'm not trying to reading your comments 'the wrong way', I don't quite understand your point... Of course if we had to choose between looking like either Roseanne Barr or Cindy Crawford, etc. most people would choose to look like the more 'in-shape' person. I doubt many would state otherwise...
The letter was more about how people treat you when you are overweight/obese/morbidly obese/super-morbidly obese, as if the extra poundage you carry somehow makes you less of a person and unworthy of common courtesy, dignity and respect. Regardless of a person's age, gender, ethnicity, weight, handicap, etc., I do my utmost to treat them as I would like to be treated.
***Sidenote - It's often humorous/hurtful that people seem to think being fat is contagious... Their reaction is like a smile or acknowledgement of my existence would somehow translate to them catching some sort of communicable disease... or they must have smelled crap in their pants!***0 -
This reminds me of the documentary I watched where an African American went out looking for a job on his own, put in applications, resumes etc., then dressed up and put on make up to look White, applied for the same exact jobs and gave resumes of slightly less desirable results and ended up getting the jog.........................as a white man.
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Great story!!!0
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Wow. Thank you for sharing.
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Thank you to everyone for reading it! I have read this article many times and it makes me cry. I am no where near my goal of 100 lbs lost, so it also gives me hope, but people always see a common denominator of losing the weight & feeling they can't trust anyone because those same ppl that hated them before now love them. It scares me to think of that. i am currently in love with my best friend. he knows, but says we are only friends. i fear that once i lose the weight he'll like me- and i'll just accept it. i dont want to be treated differently because of my weight but it is a reality for those of us suffering with being overweight.
it's hard to think that some of my closest friends, who say "i look great the way i am" are secretly thinking that i look horrible and should lose weight.
I know exactly how you feel. I teared up a couple of times. And it's sad but true. Can totally relate. I'm not at my goal weight of losing 100lbs either, but I can totally relate. I sometime question did my ex-husband leave me because I was fat . And when I lose the weight will he come back or even treat me differently. That makes me SAD. lol 0 -
Interesting story. I have heard of this and know others who have said it has happened to them, but I honestly can't relate. Even at my heaviest at 237#, I had people hold doors for me, help me pick up things if I dropped them, smile and say hello, whatever. And I honestly don't recall being treated rudely by anyone because of my weight. At my heaviest weight, I even had guys flirt with me and made new friends who were thin. I never felt ostracized or treated differently.
I first gained weight when I became a young widow at age 22 and gained about 50# in just over 2 months. Yes, I was doing some serious emotional eating. I moved to Hawaii with a friend at that time as I needed a big change to get on with my life. I was 5'6", 180#, and guys danced with me, hit on me, asked me out...and some of these guys were pretty dang hot, imho. I made a lot of friends including some women who were beautiful, slender goddesses and I never felt like they treated me any different due to my extra weight. I'd be on the beach in a bathing suit and have guys flirt with me. And, believe me, at 180#, I didn't wear a bikini nor did I look super-good in my one-piece suit.
I guess a part of me wonders if we are treated the way we expect to be treated and if we project things onto people that aren't there, i.e., someone is ignoring us because they had a bad day not because we're fat but some of us read something into it that isn't there.
Even at my heaviest weight, I always thought I looked thinner than I really was. Pictures of myself always shocked me because I never thought I was as fat as I was. Maybe it's possible that, because of that, I carried myself with more confidence and, because of that, people responded positively?
And, for example, unlike some of you, even if I was buying crap at the grocery store when I was at my heaviest weight, I never noticed people reacting to it. But, then again, I don't pay any attention to what they're buying either so why would I think they're paying attention to what I'm putting in my own cart? Just never occurred to me that this would be an issue.
I don't know. I have no answers. I just think it's interesting how varied our experiences are. I feel bad for those of you who have experienced this.
Oh, people that say rude things like guys calling out comments to someone for being overweight....rude people will be rude to anybody for anything, I believe. I remember being a young, slender gal at 120# walking down the street, not dressed sexy or anything like that, just walking along, and having guys make leering, sexual gestures and saying lewd things to me. Heck, I remember being about 13 or so and being on a carnival ride with a friend and having the carnie ask me if I was a "sexy mama". I didn't even know what he meant, I was so naive. Just knew it made me feel dirty. I'm betting that the same rude jerks who say things to overweight people say rude things to attractive women as well. I don't think any of us are exempt from socially-inept, immature dumbies.0 -
I have experienced this personally... and I can say that in a wierd way I am happy I grew up morbidly obese. It gave me a lot of empathy that has motivated me to be a better person.
I don't want to be "fat" because, as this article points out, it isn't pleasant - and there are benefits to not being fat, but I don't know if someone who hasn't lived the life of a morbidly obese person can understand. It is just something they will never get.
I would like to think that the struggle has made me a better person, but that might just be a pipe dream0 -
Bump!0
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While I agree with most of everything said here, it sounds like she is blaming these guys who "only slept with her and not dated her" for doing just that. Look, I agree that there is a stigma and a ton of abuse that hardly gets noticed by anyone else that goes with being over weight. But honey if you are giving yourself up that easily and that is not the kind of relationship you want than get out of it before it even happens. I have never had someone dump me because of my size! I wouldn't date someone that would!0
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It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!
Couldnt' have said it better!:)0 -
I thank you as well for the share. We all need to read things like that to remind us of just how cruel and shallow people can be and how society really is. Is it a wonder so many people have eating disorders? I am not surprised at all. I think I too want to stay a fat person inside if it means that I remain kind to all and sensitive to others feelings and possible situations.0
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i was a size 22 and then lost 70 pounds, and no-one understands this but i was hating the attention i was getting from men, i was a quizz mistress at the time, bubbly, big and loud, and having a microphone in my hand made me all the louder
and started big and lost all that weight in around 4-5 months and from having men laugh at me in the street, or never looking at me once let alone twice, and having a bloke call me a fat slag in the street
then i lose the weight and the blokes be all nice, and pay me lots of attention, i hated it and wanted to punch their lights out, my fella met me big, and has loved me no matter the size, ive piled all the weight back on just as quick plus a bit more and hes still with me now0 -
While I'm not trying to reading your comments 'the wrong way', I don't quite understand your point... Of course if we had to choose between looking like either Roseanne Barr or Cindy Crawford, etc. most people would choose to look like the more 'in-shape' person. I doubt many would state otherwise...
The letter was more about how people treat you when you are overweight/obese/morbidly obese/super-morbidly obese, as if the extra poundage you carry somehow makes you less of a person and unworthy of common courtesy, dignity and respect. Regardless of a person's age, gender, ethnicity, weight, handicap, etc., I do my utmost to treat them as I would like to be treated.
***Sidenote - It's often humorous/hurtful that people seem to think being fat is contagious... Their reaction is like a smile or acknowledgement of my existence would somehow translate to them catching some sort of communicable disease... or they must have smelled crap in their pants!***
Your first line says it all. "IF WE HAD TO CHOOSE"
We all have a choice. Me, you, my wife, my kids, everyone. Diet and lose weight.
The word respect comes up alot. Us fat people, in a way, do not respect our own bodies.
People are inheritly mean. Too Fat, too Skinny, Ugly, handicapped, you name it, people make fun and beliitle it.
I was skinny until my kids were born. 5'10" 150 pounds. Skinny as a kid as well. But yet, I was still called FATSO by my 3 older brothers and sister. Go Figure. After my kids were born, I slowly gained weight up until I got to 250.
People need to stop making excuses for why they are fat. DO you know what my excuse was for gaining weight? 100 percent my own fault. I like to eat and boy, could I eat.
And we also need to stop blaming others when we are made fun of. WE are all guilty of making fun of some one else's faults. We do it everyday. And don't even realize we are doing it.
And losing weight is an extremely simple concept. Eat less, exercise and lose. And the exercise is even optional to a degree.
And all of us who CHOOSE to be fat are an easy target. Fat people even do it. They make fun of fatter people.0 -
I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. 0
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Great post0
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Great story!!0
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The article states-
" Despite these blows to your self-esteem, for the most part nobody close to you really tells you to your face what they think about your weight. As a result, a fat girl’s worldview is missing vital pieces of information. When you don’t get invited on your friends’ man-catching all-girl outings, or when men who enjoy sleeping with you over and over again fail to want to date you, you can’t quite comprehend that all this is really caused by the way you look. "
& i think that this is a key piece of information. it was either one extremity or the other- either doctors & family would just mention "you need to lose weight" in a sweepingly manner, or ppl would bash me & make me feel inhuman. my irresponsibility is just that- MY irresponsibility. i dont not understand why the world feels the need to punish an individual for a harm done to oneself... that's not fair. if we're already suffering in so many ways, why should we have to pile social stigma on top of all of these things?
i know there are so many ppl that smile in my face & talk about me behind my back because im overweight. i know some of my closest "friends" do too- that's the thing that scares me. wen i lose the weight i will no longer be the bunt of the jokes, but ppl will be telling them to me & that's quite creepy, & disheartening. the last comment about always being a fat girl at heart got to me because of that- i feel like i'll be personally offended.0 -
It's sad to think that fat-shaming is still one of the only socially acceptable forms of "abuse" left. As odd as it sounds, I'm thankful every day that I was overweight for 16 years+. Yes, I want to get healthy, but being "fat" taught me a sense of compassion and empathy for people I never would have been enlightened to without having experienced first-hand the inequality in treatment. Great story, thank you for sharing!
^^This
Thank you for sharing this story. I've been heavy most of my adult life. During those times when I've lost some of the weight I can definitely tell a difference in the way people treat me. I think that's one of the hardest parts of being overweight is how people perceive you. Who they think you are before they even know you. I think that's what I want just as much as good health is for people to give me a chance and get to know me before they've already made up their mind that I'm lazy and unmotivated and have no self control.
With that said, I too am glad I know how it feels to be overweight. I'm more compassionate because of it. :flowerforyou:0 -
While I'm not trying to reading your comments 'the wrong way', I don't quite understand your point... Of course if we had to choose between looking like either Roseanne Barr or Cindy Crawford, etc. most people would choose to look like the more 'in-shape' person. I doubt many would state otherwise...
The letter was more about how people treat you when you are overweight/obese/morbidly obese/super-morbidly obese, as if the extra poundage you carry somehow makes you less of a person and unworthy of common courtesy, dignity and respect. Regardless of a person's age, gender, ethnicity, weight, handicap, etc., I do my utmost to treat them as I would like to be treated.
***Sidenote - It's often humorous/hurtful that people seem to think being fat is contagious... Their reaction is like a smile or acknowledgement of my existence would somehow translate to them catching some sort of communicable disease... or they must have smelled crap in their pants!***
Your first line says it all. "IF WE HAD TO CHOOSE"
We all have a choice. Me, you, my wife, my kids, everyone. Diet and lose weight.
The word respect comes up alot. Us fat people, in a way, do not respect our own bodies.
People are inheritly mean. Too Fat, too Skinny, Ugly, handicapped, you name it, people make fun and beliitle it.
I was skinny until my kids were born. 5'10" 150 pounds. Skinny as a kid as well. But yet, I was still called FATSO by my 3 older brothers and sister. Go Figure. After my kids were born, I slowly gained weight up until I got to 250.
People need to stop making excuses for why they are fat. DO you know what my excuse was for gaining weight? 100 percent my own fault. I like to eat and boy, could I eat.
And we also need to stop blaming others when we are made fun of. WE are all guilty of making fun of some one else's faults. We do it everyday. And don't even realize we are doing it.
And losing weight is an extremely simple concept. Eat less, exercise and lose. And the exercise is even optional to a degree.
And all of us who CHOOSE to be fat are an easy target. Fat people even do it. They make fun of fatter people.
Well, seems you missed the point of the whole subject. This is more about that touchy feely emotional stuff'... Perhaps you don't feel the same as us, and that's fine - I can respect that, but it doesn't negate our feelings (or right to have them) either. Your deciding to focus on WHY I'm fat, versus why I feel I deserve the basic respect due every human being, says a lot too!
Your premise appears to be that because we are overweight "by our own fault" we are fair game to be made fun of. Definitely don't agree with your logic. Live and let live... It's a good motto that I try to live by! I'm sorry, but I don't think we all randomly make fun of people for their faults and therefore deserve the ridicule in return. If you find that you do, perhaps that's why you speak so easily from the other side and are comfortable with the repercussions. I just have to wonder how MY being fat affects anyone else or give them the right to debase and criticize me? My health is fantastic, no medications, no crazy doctor visits... So, I'm not hurting society. Why should I be punished?
BTW, I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT MAKE FUN OF FATTER PEOPLE and I don't know many who do. Most of us are quick to crack jokes on ourselves as a defense mechanism. I walk with (and spend a great deal of time encouraging) a friend of mine who is 486 pounds. I work to build him up, not tear him down. I sure have nothing but the greatest of respect for him when I see him walking 2.5-4 miles with me. Same for other folks who I work with. I started a weight loss support group to help encourage others.
I'm glad you know the cause and cure for your weight dilemma. For you it seems to be genuinely black and white. That's great and a speedy fix will ensure for you! For me, there are a few shades of gray that color the issue...
Lastly, I respect your right to your opinion, and was not trying to go back and forth with you. Some of your remarks struck me as pretty presumptive and I wanted to clarify. Honestly, I feel like a little gentler approach to the subject (when it directly correlates with emotion), would be greatly appreciated. If you disagree, that's fine... I wish you nothing but great success and happiness on your path.0 -
bump0
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I'm in the middle of reading Good Omens by Neill Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, this quote came to mind while reading the article and subsequent replies:
"He rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse."0 -
I have never been slim so have no experience of what it's like on the other side. I can only hope it gets better though, as it can't be much worse than the attitudes people have towards you when you're overweight!
One thing I've found is that people don't seem to view me as a 'fat girl' for some reason, probably because I've always been overweight they've never known me any other way, so people say the most AWFUL things about other fat people in front of me. I often have to reprimand people for saying incredibly cruel things and remind them 'Hey, fat girl standing right here' while thinking 'Jesus, so is that what you think of me?'. It's very hurtful and it definitely shows you another side to people.
^ this.
It sometimes hurts me more when I hear someone say rude things about somebody else who is overweight in my presence than if somebody actually had the guts to make a comment about me. I can't help but to wonder if that is how they think and talk about me.0 -
I do not understand why society looks down upon being overweight as it does. We all have our flaws, vices, and personal battles. Perhaps being overweight is visible and so it is targeted, albeit unjustly. I don't have any solutions...but thank you posting. It is inspiring, and an excellent reminder to treat all of those around us with love and respect--regardless of appearance.
I think a lot of it is overweight people like myself are just easy targets. We (as a whole) tend to not defend ourselves and will just stand there and take it, perhaps acting like we don't hear the comments directed at us. There is a lot of self-hate as well, because of what we hear constantly from society, and a lot of us feel we deserve it. It's not right, and only serves to bring on emotional eating and more weight gain. Fat-shaming will never work.
There is also a general attitude that we are fat and it is our own fault. While that is true to some degree, things aren't that simple. This idea though is why so many people feel they have free reign to treat others like crap. As if it is somehow deserved.
The hard part is how many of us hate ourselves because we think that way too. We must be worthless or we wouldn't have let this happen.
When you do lose the weight, there is no healthy reason to question others, or hold a grudge.
I am nicer to myself as I get smaller, how can I truly be angry at someone else doing the same thing?
This really resonates with me. In a way it's similar to stopping smoking - some ex-smokers are really viscious to smokers, possibly because they resent that they 'had'' to give up or now feel pious in their success. I never felt this way - I was so grateful and glad to have given up easily that I don't have it in me to tear apart another human being for their foibles that I was guilty of too. That said - I will go out of my way to keep away from smoke because I don't like the smell on me or my clothes.
I hope that when I have reached my goals that I will be able to draw a line under the transgressions of people who have been mean-spirited, dismissive and downright discriminatory towards me over something so arbitrary as size/weight. It seems to be a human failing for some to have to constantly 'benchmark' themselves against others perceived as 'lesser' in order to feel good about themselves. For some, it is a race to the bottom. I never want to be like that, not ever in my life. My weight is something personal that I'm working on, I will get there, and I hope that it doesn't change the character that I've been working on my life long because truthfully, I'm happy with what's inside.
What will I feel like when I am slim? I don't know, I've never been slim. I hope that my lack of judgementalness towards others will remain. It's not a nice trait to sit in judgement. I notice that, some 40lbs down, people are treating me differently. Is that because they see me as more 'normal' or is it because I feel better and therefore that somehow 'shows' outwardly, making people more positive towards me? Maybe it's a combination of the two?
Thank you, OP, and everyone else who has posted there stories here. I'm really humbled at the honesty and the gut-wrenching truths here. The support here is amazing and it's great to have a place to share things that have caused us so much pain, without risk of being attacked.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm in the middle of reading Good Omens by Neill Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, this quote came to mind while reading the article and subsequent replies:
"He rather liked people. It was a major failing in a demon.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse."
How very, very true - and how very, very sad...0 -
wow! Great article! Brought tears to my eyes.0
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Beautiful!!!!0
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I have lost 80+ pounds and I totally understand what she is saying. I am not "thin" by any means, and yet people treat me MUCH bette than before.
Sad really, how shallow the world is.0 -
I get treated the same.
I was a fat black man, I am now a built black man.
I still get pulled over.
I still get looked at with the "eye'.
Wait wat?
Am I the only one looking at this post as some sort of gloat?
It's like she is saying, if you get skinny, you instantly succeed. It doesn't work like that. It takes more than looks.0 -
I think she's saying that she sees through what other people who have been been overweight see. She knows her true heart and she is still HER either way. I have the very same feeling, and it's hard not to totally resent people in general. It's almost like I do not even enjoy getting checked out or hit on or talked to because I wonder if they would have ever given me a second glance before. I'm still me either way, and so is she.0
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