How to ask out my lady crush?

This is simple. Just write a letter that says "I like you, do you like me"? Then put 2 check mark boxes and make them both YES!

You can't lose!!!

That is actual genius! Cos she has to tick one, and whichever she ticks will be yes. That's practically legally binding so perhaps you should have the ring ready, and put a minister on alert in case she wants to get married there and then.

We're all invited to the wedding for giving you advice!

This is simple. Just write a letter that says "I like you, do you like me"? Then put 2 check mark boxes and make them both YES!

You can't lose!!!

That is actual genius! Cos she has to tick one, and whichever she ticks will be yes. That's practically legally binding so perhaps you should have the ring ready, and put a minister on alert in case she wants to get married there and then.

We're all invited to the wedding for giving you advice!

Unfortunately, I'm thinking they'll be serving bugs and human body parts at at the reception. How will we count calories? MFP really needs to get those in the database!

Always keep in mind: PUT THE "SENSUAL" IN "NON-CONSENSUAL". Go get 'er tiger!

Gee i wonder why she stopped smiling and looking at u..shes caught on..!! yur a creeper dude!!! Really if i caught a dude doing what yur doing i wud get a restraining order and stop riding the bus..Yur a freak ,,im sorry to say!! To me i think its to late..if u ask her out shes goin to slap u and tell u to **** off. i wud back up dude yur way to obessed. people like u scare the **** out of me.

I have sooo much work to do and I can't even take my eyes off on this. Best thing I seen in awhile. I love all of you!!!

Gee i wonder why she stopped smiling and looking at u..shes caught on..!! yur a creeper dude!!! Really if i caught a dude doing what yur doing i wud get a restraining order and stop riding the bus..Yur a freak ,,im sorry to say!! To me i think its to late..if u ask her out shes goin to slap u and tell u to **** off. i wud back up dude yur way to obessed. people like u scare the **** out of me.

She's stopped smiling 'cause he needs to work HARDER to get her attention. People have given wonderful suggestion I just know she will respond to (crotch stroking is a personal fav of mine).
Also does she have pets?

If she's looking away and you aren't sure if she is giving you 'the look' then you obviously aren't staring hard enough. Make it your mission not to look anywhere else, even when you/her get off the bus. Otherwise how else is she supposed to know you care.

Quiet grunts and visible erection through your pants also help her to know you find her sexually attractive.

Good luck OP

Don't forget, make long, uncomfortable eye contact. As soon as she knows you're serious, move your eyes down to her tits and keep them there. Focusing on her heart makes her feel special.

When she really responds to that, look down at her crotch and start breathing heavily. Women like it when a guy is in touch with his primal urges.

If looking at her crotch doesn't help.. try rubbing yours instead.. Maybe lick your lips at the same time just to seal the deal.

If this doesn't work.. She's obviously a lesbian.

Whatever you do...DON'T GIVE UP. Next time you follow her to the bus stop in the morning, make sure to get right into her personal space. Be close enough that you can breathe gently down the back of her neck. Try to be as romantic as possible by whispering in her ear, "If I can't have you, no one will." Open your wallet and show her pictures of dead hookers and tell her they remind you of her.
Really take the initiative here - offer to walk her back to your house. Zip straps are excellent tools for keeping her hands behind her back in order for you to walk her there. Women love a man who's chivalrous and masculine, so this should tell her that you're definitely a dominant alpha male. Make sure you allow her to get a whiff of your personal aroma by putting your balled up socks in her mouth. B*tches love that.
Always keep in mind: PUT THE "SENSUAL" IN "NON-CONSENSUAL". Go get 'er tiger!

have you considered sending her parts of your cadavers? I once had my heart won with an ear and a left nut

Well these are all pretty good suggestions, but I'm going to throw in my own:

You need to start taking polaroid pictures of her, anytime, anywhere..but (listen carefully), she cannot know you're doing this b/c it will ruin the surprise. Once you have about 100 or so photos of her, get some candles, thumb tacks and a pig's heart (please don't use your own...not at this stage of wooing).

When she's not home, access her house with the above items and build her a shrine in her bedroom. Use the thumb tacks to fasten the photos of her on the wall where the head of the bed is. Genlty place the fresh pig's heart in the middle of the bed surrounded by romantic items such as candles, rose pettals or semen. Leave quickly.

When she arrives home from a hard day at work, she will find her shrine and immediatley smile - she now knows someone out there cares and finds her beautiful. Wait 5 minutes, then call her - disguise your voice to add to the mystique (women love a mysterious man!). Tell her that you've been watching her and that she's meant to be with you forever. Tell her that you will see her soon, then hang up the phone. Playing a little hard to get will really get her juices flowing and want more from you.

Very simple: break into her house night after night and stand over her whilst she sleeps.

I think you should just sweetly ask her to sit on your lap next time you see her. Tell her you just want to talk about "whatever comes up."

I cant do that. She will crush my TI-84. I know it's the best calculator money can buy and I am sure it is tested but do you really think it can support 500+lbs of weight?