The "Sissifying" of America...

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  • onewithwings
    onewithwings Posts: 56
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    Sorry for my rant, but I hate this "sissifying" of our country. Let your kids learn that there are winners and losers... PLEASE.

    You are right on! I was a 4H leader for many years and director of the dog project in my state. When my club competed, the judges were allowed to give EVERONE who competed rosettes and ribbons. These kids were hard core competitors and competed nationally at AKC events. Some are now big name professional handlers.

    You should have seen the look on their faces when everyone in the class received the same ribbon because the judge was too much of a wimp to award first, second and third placements.

    JM2C

    ~OWW~
  • reedkaus
    reedkaus Posts: 250 Member
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    as a former d-1 college athlete i will say you learn more from the times you lose than the times you win. being able to accept losses builds character. if i had lost wrestling matches but then been told that oh both wrestlers won i would have no drive to become better. losing isn't fun but it's part of real life. that's why athletics have been considered such a positive factor in a child's development- it helps prepare them for future endeavors.

    furthermore, i was never told if i lost that i suck or was "unworthy" in some way. as stated above it was a learning experience. you grow from loses much more than you do winning. i.e. if a child "wins" every time/game/match how are they going to learn to adapt to adversity?
  • Edithrenee
    Edithrenee Posts: 546 Member
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    I agree and I feel that everyone has now gotten to the point we dont expect much out ot the young generation anymore.. I mean as a MOM I know how hard it is to raise the children now mine are 21 and 23 and it seems there age and older id say up to 35 even maybe not sure if it is all but they seem to have a give me attitude like if they have to work hard for it they give up..

    My kids are slowly coming out of it hopefully. But I did NOT raise them this way you can ask them we were the odd parents from what i hear the other parents let there kids smoke dope, drink, and do basicaly what they wanted and the parents participated in it.
    I tried to keep an eye on them and felt whom ever i let them stay with were good parents. Well I guess you really never know..

    Also I have heard other moms say well as long as you cna keep them out of prison your kids are doing good.. Really? Is this what America and our youth has stooped to? As long as we kept them out of prison... I dont know about you but i think we need to expect a lot more out of them. I have noticed a decline in the teens respect for the elderly, an all time laziness. I know they can do better then that..

    I am woking on mine.. I have to pray alot and learn to say no.. I have not been able to give my kids all they want. I was a poor parent, and they saw there friends getting new cars going to collage, I cant afford to do that. However I know i cant give them all they want they have to go get it.. That is the way it is.. and they think because there friends have it easy they should to..

    The suicide rate in America is the leading cause of teens death it is up 200 % since the 1960's i beleive it was... that is staggering to me. My kids have lost alot of friends to suicide here in this area. Sad very sad.
  • Edithrenee
    Edithrenee Posts: 546 Member
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    Self entitlement is the disease of America. Every one is told as a child they can go to college and be the next president. We basically force the idea that hard work is for those that are below them and we are creating a false social system that is collapsing right now. The occupy movement is a glaring example of that, out of work college graduates complaining that they cannot get jobs. Why? The good ones go away when businesses close down. Do some yard work, do some sort of manual labor.

    Kids use to learn how to work on cars and houses, now every one is apartment dwelling socialites who will pay for something else to get done.

    Kids use to play outside, now its too dangerous from all the sensational media stories. The boogie man use to be in your closet now he is outside staring at all your children waiting to jump out and molest them.

    We are becoming a nation of too many chiefs not enough indians we will be ill prepared to handle any sort of economic collapse and radical government change, quite frankly I think that is the plan.

    THIS i agree with as well !!
  • jadedone
    jadedone Posts: 2,449 Member
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    I went to a middle school that was really inconsistent about everyone winning and rewarding winners.

    They decided that everyone who wanted to be a cheerleader should have an opportunity, and they didn't cut anyone from the squad. This was pretty crappy because lots of uncoordinated people became cheerleaders that year. And since the squad had 60 girls, they all had to wear gym clothes. They way I always saw it, one of the key reasons to be a cheerleader was to wear the cute outfits. So if you have to wear a t-shirt and ugly gym shorts, what's the point? This was a one year experiment.

    Otherwise the school setup lots of competitions and only rewarded winners. They didn't announce the results of the basketball game if our team didn't win. Anyone who won anything would be featured on the announcements, as long as you were a winner. This means everyone knew who won stuff on the math team, the science team and they playing field. They encourages you to wear your awards to school so everyone could see. They even made lunch a competition. At the end of every day, they would rank the grades on keeping the cafeteria clean: throwing away your trash and putting your trays away. In fact, if your grade had more than 2 or 3 items left behind, you'd be on penalty for lunch: no eating outside and no talking during lunch. The only people who had an opportunity to talk at lunch were the straight A students (with "gold cards", and they could invite 2 friends to the special table.

    It was a really high pressure environment for kids. I haven't even covered half of the rules and regulations and awards. I didn't realize the difference until we went to high school and our class combined with the other local middle school. It was interesting, although around 60-5% of my high school class went to some post high school schooling, 75% of the people who went to my middle school did. Of the top 25 people in my high school class, 16 or 17 came from my middle school. My middle school was 20% smaller than the other school. It was very strange.
  • Serah87
    Serah87 Posts: 5,481 Member
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    It is known as "The duming down of America"

    Yep, totally agree!!!!!!!
  • blpope
    blpope Posts: 163
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    While I generally agree with winning through hard work and perseverance and learning from losing, I think the OP's situation with the Reading Olympics is different. Everyone was a winner in this situation because the competition got the kids to not only read more, but to read for fun. Considering the average American reads at a fifth grade reading level, I think it is very worthwhile to congratulate the kids on their individual efforts to read as many books as they could. Again, I myself would be frustrated if the winner did not get the "ultimate prize," but I can see what they were doing.
  • shazzannon
    shazzannon Posts: 117 Member
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    Ugh. I played soccer as a kid, and if we lost we ran laps. Lots of them, "to build our endurance," though it always felt like the coach was taking out his frustration on us for losing. My coach was a hard-*kitten*. Granted, if I had stuck with it I probably wouldn't be on MFP trying to get in shape :laugh:

    Our zeitgeist is becoming one that embraces entitlement-the louder you scream the more likely you are to get what you want. I see this every day from EVERY age group, and I want to smack the living hell out of people for it. And why bother trying for success when you can just b*tch and get your way regardless? It's like we're a nation of toddlers.
  • shanahan_09
    shanahan_09 Posts: 238 Member
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    as a former d-1 college athlete i will say you learn more from the times you lose than the times you win. being able to accept losses builds character. if i had lost wrestling matches but then been told that oh both wrestlers won i would have no drive to become better. losing isn't fun but it's part of real life. that's why athletics have been considered such a positive factor in a child's development- it helps prepare them for future endeavors.

    furthermore, i was never told if i lost that i suck or was "unworthy" in some way. as stated above it was a learning experience. you grow from loses much more than you do winning. i.e. if a child "wins" every time/game/match how are they going to learn to adapt to adversity?

    Well said!

    My son played in net this year in hockey and I was so worried he'd get down on himself with shots that were scored on him. He never did. All he'd say at the end of the game (even if his team lost) was "Didja see those saves I made, Mom?"...and after proceed to tell me about the ones that got through, and what he could of done differently etc. Team sports are so great for building up a kid's confidence level. Kids are resilient, but I think in todays' society they are being coddled so they don't get hurty hurty feelings, when in fact they're just getting hurt more from the safety nets.
  • boomboom011
    boomboom011 Posts: 1,459
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    i agree completely with this.

    In my house "if you aint first youre last".

    No but really. I tell my daughter when she gets all pissy cause she didnt win, TRY HARDER!
  • DieVixen
    DieVixen Posts: 790 Member
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    I agree , you see it on this site as well. You can't even disagree with someone without being called negitive or rude.
  • Cameron_1969
    Cameron_1969 Posts: 2,857 Member
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    My 5 yr old is a TERRIBLE loser. . I've been working on him gently for a year at least. . He likes to play little kid games that have points. . . example. .you see a yellow car. . you holler "Yellow Car!". . and you get a point. . Well. . he get's infuriated when anyone else sees a yellow car! Anyway. . so I've been working on him and taking my points and even outright beating him sometimes.. It can ruin your whole day if you win at yellow car! .. .still. . things are improving. .he's finally starting to handle it without completely melting down and even sometimes being a good sport about it.

    One day I holler "Yellow car" and he says.. "We're playing sharing-point". . huh?

    His mom (Karl Marx). . told him that every time someone calls yellow car, they both get a point! yay!. . .

    [shaking head sadly]. . .
  • carolann_22
    carolann_22 Posts: 364 Member
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    I agree with almost everything here - the one place I disagree is with U6 sports. Kids that young are still trying to develop the coordination necessary to play the sports - it's very few who have skills at that age. I have a five year old who is HIGHLY competitive but very tall and kinda awkward - he's going to be athletic, you can tell, but he hasn't grown into it yet. I'm really glad that they don't keep score in U6 soccer and Baseball - his soccer team this year was made up of all kids who hadn't played before, playing most teams with kids where over half had played the year before - they never won, and that would have been very discouraging at that age if it had been announced at the end of every game that his team lost. If the coach had benched poorer players, how would they ever develop the in-game skills they needed? (most of them were very intimidated to go up against an opposing player). Instead, they would talk after the game and at practice about what they did well, and practice and practice the areas they needed to improve - THAT is what should happen at that age.

    Once they get to U8, where they've had some years to get develop skills and an actual understanding of the game - ABSOLUTELY keep score, have winners and losers - I think losing can be very motivating. But give them a chance to gain some coordination and skills first.


    And before you say that I'm just making excuses for my kid because he's a loser, I also have a four year old who is one of the few WITH skills. He's extremely coordinated and was invited to join soccer at age 3, where the normal age is four. I still don't want him gloating to the other team in U6 ball that he won or is better than them at a time when the focus for everyone should be skill development. Absolutely we will celebrate if he scores a goal or makes a save, because that's a huge accomplishment, but there's no need to win or lose in an in-house, skill development situation, where the goal is to make improvement from beginning to end.
  • good2bthaking
    good2bthaking Posts: 325 Member
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    People need to be able to handle defeat with dignity. There are lessons to be learned from losing. I always say that you see the true character of a person during adversity and challenges. This politically correct and outcome based education is destroying this country. Overall, couldn't agree with you more!!
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,985 Member
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    BUT REGARDING COLLEGE: This is the hardest thing my peers (middle class American high school students) will work for. I'm not kidding when I say they develop stomach ulcers, scratch themselves until they bleed, and contemplate suicide over college.

    And why do you think that students "develop stomach ulcers, scratch themselves until they bleed, and contemplate suicide"? Because they're so afraid of failure/rejection that they don't know how to handle it. Had they been allowed to fail or lose, they'd likely be much better equipped to handle the stress and worry that comes along in life.
  • Just_Dot
    Just_Dot Posts: 2,289 Member
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    One of the things that allowing students to fail, try harder, and figure things out on their own helps to facilitate critical thinking skills. The act of being able to self-advocate and problem solve is a crucial 21st century skill--one which, up until recently--Americans excelled. The impossibilities of NCLB and the onslaught of standardized testing in our schools (which will supposedly will make us "just like China") is actually slowly killing our ability to think criticially.

    There is a HUGE difference between letting a student fail and letting them think that they are a failure--I do this in my classroom. I teach an advanced Language Arts class, and for some students, the B or C they get in my class is the first one they've ever received. While I do have some parents that come to me and argue the grade for their student (which I don't let them do) most of the parents are thankful and appreciate the fact that I am a tough teacher.

    I have one student this year that was having anxiety attacks at home because between my class and his advanced math class he was receiving some B's and C's. His mom let me know and I met with him to let him know that, hey, maybe writing wasn't his best subject, but he can get better at it if he works at it.

    Guess what? His writing has greatly improved this year, the anxiety attacks are gone, and he actually enjoys my class now. That wouldn't have happened if I (and his parents) didn't allow him to "fail" in my class.

    I'm probably as liberal as they come, but painting all teachers and the education system with the same "commie-liberal-pansy-*kitten*" paint brush is wrong and not really getting to the problem, not to mention that it's offensive.

    I realize that I'm rambling, so I'm going to stop.

    Dot out.
  • hapoo100
    hapoo100 Posts: 940 Member
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    being wrong teaches us to learn more to be right in the future
    losing teaches us how to try harder so we can win the next time
    making mistakes teaches us life's biggest lessons

    why take these away from kids?
  • peachNpunkin
    peachNpunkin Posts: 1,010 Member
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    I totally agree with the OP. They are making our kids think that you can get something for nothing. They are going to have a rude awakening when they enter the real world. I hate to sound so negative, but I hope I am dead before this age group is old enough to run for president. I don't want to be here to witness that.
  • papa3x
    papa3x Posts: 286
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    LOL, and don't get me started on "Everyday Math"......... IMO, the biggest waste of time in school. Just teach math, not how to scout around the edges til you find an answer. Some nights my kids get credit for being close, even though the answer is wrong.
  • Priincess_Natalie
    Priincess_Natalie Posts: 367 Member
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    So, I attended a function my daughter had called the "Reading Olympics", last night. There were 2,000 5th graders from schools all over my area of the state. Basic premise is teams of 5th graders get asked questions about 50 books that they have read between them, meaning each kid should read about 7 books, but you can read more. You can also read less per kid; it's all up to the kids. My daughter read about 15 of the 50 books.

    So, my daughter's team faced 3 other teams, one team at a time, and her team beat all 3 teams they faced... I am VERY HAPPY about that. A perfect score would be 120 points, but that would mean that your opponents answered every question wrong and your team then "stole" all their points by answering all the missed question by the other teams correctly.

    Realistically, 70 points is FABULOUS..... The highest score achieved tonight was 67 points... my daughter's team scored 61, and had the 3rd most points overall.

    So when it was over, my kids were told that their school won a "Blue Ribbon".... Which sounds cool, until you realize that teams that only score 45 also got a blue ribbon, as did the teams who scored above my daughter's team... From what I was told, EVERY team "won" a blue ribbon. I know I heard a lot of kids talking in the hallways about their team winning a blue ribbon.

    Then over the PA system, the principal says "We have 2000 winners tonight, not a single loser in the bunch.".

    This, IMO, is why the USA is backsliding. We reward losing with blue ribbons. Mediocrity is every bit as good as being awesome.... God forbid a kid doesn't learn how to lose. Kids today are not like kids from my era. We had winners. We had losers. We kept score! Can you imagine that? We kept score in athletics. The "mercy rule" in my baseball league was 12 runs in an inning, or 20 in a game. Besides the leagues that don't keep score, because "there are no losers here", ( That makes me want to shoot myself..... ) we have a league that does keep score, but the mercy rule is 4 runs...... Somebody else told me that when his kid's team started beating another team by too much, they turn the scoreboard around so the losing kids don't feel bad.

    All you parents who won't let your kids learn the value of losing are only hurting your kids. America is becoming a country of sissies. We are hurting our kid's development all in the name of political correctness, and the desire that no kid should ever feel sad..... What a bunch of nonsense.

    If you're a fat kid, and you're the last one picked... well, do something about it. If you are on a team that stinks, well, work to get better and learn from your failures. Nobody wins ALL THE TIME. But every time somebody tells a kid that "there are no losers here", well, you may have just turned a bunch of kids into potential losers IN LIFE.

    Sorry for my rant, but I hate this "sissifying" of our country. Let your kids learn that there are winners and losers... PLEASE.

    I have said this a million times and it's teaching my daughter to half *kitten* everything. I hate it. I'm just not as good with my words as you are. Well said and I'm glad to hear that myself and my husband are not the only parents that see this as stupid and breading losers.

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